I cant become a Catholic because of this, am I right?

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abominableangel

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Hi all

I am wanting to become Catholic after much discernment and deep study I have come to the conclusion that the Roman Catholic Church is the one true Church that was founded by Christ, however I have a problem.

I was brought up by atheist parents though baptised in the Anglican Church and sent to a C of E school, my parents are very anti Catholic and have told me that I will be disowned if I become Catholic, this is saddening as I love my parents, however I’m nearly 32 years old, I am not a child and can make up my own mind.

So I have decided to become Catholic without their blessing and most likely without their knowing for the time being, that wont always be the case but I have to do what I feel is right for me. This however is only part of my problem.

I’ve been married twice, the first time when I was 18 years old to my highschool sweet heart, we got married in an Anglican Church without much thought, neither of us were Church going people though we were both baptised.

our “marriage” lasted just under 18 months when it broke down and I applied for a divorce.
I am now remarried and have been for nearly 8 years, it has only been in those last 8 years that I actually came to realise what marriage is supposed to be and when you say til death do us part, its supposed to be til death do us part … not til one of us grows bored.

So I now have to apply for an annulment, which may or may not get granted. Although I know that divorce in and of its self doesnt preclude access to the sacrament of the Eucharist, being married again with out an annulment is classed as adultery.

so I’m in a real bind, I don’t love my husband as a “sister to a brother” and to be honest i dont want to either I’m in love with my husband and he is with me, we have children together. So my inability to live a celibate life with my husband precludes me from becoming Catholic does it not.

I cant even come into communion like this, and this is very distressing but the rules are the rules. I feel very angry that when I went to get married the first time I wasnt told what marriage was about in great detail, I was asked what hymns i wanted, and could I please not choose all things bright and beautiful as its a hymn from school :ehh:

the Anglican church is more than ready to remarry/bless you in the church these days, I’d never heard of annulment outside of you married your brother by mistake or the marriage wasnt consumated.

I never dreamed I’d be in this position, so close and yet so far!!!

I know the RCIA course is approx a year and that annulments can take a minimum of a year to complete groan

Am I right in my assumptions here, that I cant become catholic without my annulment as I cant have the Eucharist so first communion is out of the window.

the most distressing thing is, if my annulment isnt granted I can never become Catholic or even if I could without being able to have the Eucharist it would be fruitless in the literal sence.

I failed the entry exam before I even applied and all because of shoddy theology, gutted doesnt even come close.
 
Why don’t you take this one step at a time and see a priest about your first marriage and look at the questionaire. This will help you to discern whether or not you have a case for decree of nullity of your first marriage. There are a lot of if’s in your statement and rightly so but it will do no good to project. It is a long process and it is best taken one step at a time. Know that God’s Will will not lead you where God’s Grace will not follow. God bless you.
 
abominableangel said:
Hi all

I am wanting to become Catholic after much discernment and deep study I have come to the conclusion that the Roman Catholic Church is the one true Church that was founded by Christ, however I have a problem.

I was brought up by atheist parents though baptised in the Anglican Church and sent to a C of E school, my parents are very anti Catholic and have told me that I will be disowned if I become Catholic, this is saddening as I love my parents, however I’m nearly 32 years old, I am not a child and can make up my own mind.

So I have decided to become Catholic without their blessing and most likely without their knowing for the time being, that wont always be the case but I have to do what I feel is right for me. This however is only part of my problem.

I’ve been married twice, the first time when I was 18 years old to my highschool sweet heart, we got married in an Anglican Church without much thought, neither of us were Church going people though we were both baptised.

our “marriage” lasted just under 18 months when it broke down and I applied for a divorce.
I am now remarried and have been for nearly 8 years, it has only been in those last 8 years that I actually came to realise what marriage is supposed to be and when you say til death do us part, its supposed to be til death do us part … not til one of us grows bored.

So I now have to apply for an annulment, which may or may not get granted. Although I know that divorce in and of its self doesnt preclude access to the sacrament of the Eucharist, being married again with out an annulment is classed as adultery.

so I’m in a real bind, I don’t love my husband as a “sister to a brother” and to be honest i dont want to either I’m in love with my husband and he is with me, we have children together. So my inability to live a celibate life with my husband precludes me from becoming Catholic does it not.

I cant even come into communion like this, and this is very distressing but the rules are the rules. I feel very angry that when I went to get married the first time I wasnt told what marriage was about in great detail, I was asked what hymns i wanted, and could I please not choose all things bright and beautiful as its a hymn from school :ehh:

the Anglican church is more than ready to remarry/bless you in the church these days, I’d never heard of annulment outside of you married your brother by mistake or the marriage wasnt consumated.

I never dreamed I’d be in this position, so close and yet so far!!!

I know the RCIA course is approx a year and that annulments can take a minimum of a year to complete groan

Am I right in my assumptions here, that I cant become catholic without my annulment as I cant have the Eucharist so first communion is out of the window.

the most distressing thing is, if my annulment isnt granted I can never become Catholic or even if I could without being able to have the Eucharist it would be fruitless in the literal sence.

I failed the entry exam before I even applied and all because of shoddy theology, gutted doesnt even come close.
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Go through the process and pray, Remember that God’s ways are not our ways and you do not know what will happen. Do not give up, There are many things to be considered in there being a valid sacramental marriage.
 
Take all of this to your priest! Explain it, start the annulment process. It does no good to wonder and speculate - you need to have (name removed by moderator)ut from the tribunal. I understand you almost don’t want to go any further in case you really are turned down for the annulment, but you do need to start by talking to a priest. Of course you should stress that you want desperately to join the Church.

Hey, I have read several times on this forum where one of the people in a non-Catholic marriage will want to covert and think it’s hopeless, yet when the time comes, the other spouse converts too! And is willing to do whatever it takes so that they can both become Catholic, including living as brother and sister for a time.

Don’t be discouraged. Let God handle the details, and Welcome Home!
 
You are correct in that your marriage situation is going to need to be addressed if you want to become Catholic. But what “addressed” means in your particular situation is just that: particular.

You need to contact the parish priest and be very candid about your situation. You desire to become Catholic but you have a prior marriage situation and you want to make sure he knows about it.

Your pathway into the Catholic Church might seem longer and more complex than that of other people. But everyone’s path has twists, turns, and perhaps shortcuts that can not be foreseen.
 
If you really want to become a Catholic, you can. Nothing and no one can stop you. Even the famous convert Dr. Scott Hahn was turned down by the first two priests he asked to help him become Catholic!
 
I don’t get why this can’t be fixed. You committed a sin and if you are truly sorry for that sin then you are forgiven. Then why can’t the Church, out of great mercy, take you in with your current situation? How will forcing you to separate from your current spouse help you?
 
abominableangel said:
Hi all

I am wanting to become Catholic after much discernment and deep study I have come to the conclusion that the Roman Catholic Church is the one true Church that was founded by Christ, however I have a problem.

I was brought up by atheist parents though baptised in the Anglican Church and sent to a C of E school, my parents are very anti Catholic and have told me that I will be disowned if I become Catholic, this is saddening as I love my parents, however I’m nearly 32 years old, I am not a child and can make up my own mind.

So I have decided to become Catholic without their blessing and most likely without their knowing for the time being, that wont always be the case but I have to do what I feel is right for me. This however is only part of my problem.

I’ve been married twice, the first time when I was 18 years old to my highschool sweet heart, we got married in an Anglican Church without much thought, neither of us were Church going people though we were both baptised.

our “marriage” lasted just under 18 months when it broke down and I applied for a divorce.
I am now remarried and have been for nearly 8 years, it has only been in those last 8 years that I actually came to realise what marriage is supposed to be and when you say til death do us part, its supposed to be til death do us part … not til one of us grows bored.

So I now have to apply for an annulment, which may or may not get granted. Although I know that divorce in and of its self doesnt preclude access to the sacrament of the Eucharist, being married again with out an annulment is classed as adultery.

so I’m in a real bind, I don’t love my husband as a “sister to a brother” and to be honest i dont want to either I’m in love with my husband and he is with me, we have children together. So my inability to live a celibate life with my husband precludes me from becoming Catholic does it not.

I cant even come into communion like this, and this is very distressing but the rules are the rules. I feel very angry that when I went to get married the first time I wasnt told what marriage was about in great detail, I was asked what hymns i wanted, and could I please not choose all things bright and beautiful as its a hymn from school :ehh:

the Anglican church is more than ready to remarry/bless you in the church these days, I’d never heard of annulment outside of you married your brother by mistake or the marriage wasnt consumated.

I never dreamed I’d be in this position, so close and yet so far!!!

I know the RCIA course is approx a year and that annulments can take a minimum of a year to complete groan

Am I right in my assumptions here, that I cant become catholic without my annulment as I cant have the Eucharist so first communion is out of the window.

the most distressing thing is, if my annulment isnt granted I can never become Catholic or even if I could without being able to have the Eucharist it would be fruitless in the literal sence.

I failed the entry exam before I even applied and all because of shoddy theology, gutted doesnt even come close.
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Hey, I can completely understand your frustration. I was an agnostic when I got married and didn’t care whatsoever that my husband was previously married. Now here we are, we have been attending mass for 8 years now and are raising our kids Catholic, yet we are unable to receive the Sacraments. It’s just something you have to speak to your priest about and find out what you need to do in order to start the annulment process. I would encourage you to live out the Catholic faith as best you can despite being out of the Church. My husband and I threw out all artificial birth control 5 years ago, and we attend Mass with our kids. I confess my sins in the best Protestant way possible. God knows our situations and I believe He will be understanding and forgiving when we meet Him face to face someday.

But yes, it does depress me at times to think that I am being punished for something I did while I was agnostic. I was raised a Protestant and knew nothing about the Catholic Church at the time.
 
Don’t give up! Your first marriage will not keep you from becoming Catholic 🙂
You will need to get it annulled. We are waiting on my husbands annulment to be approved. In the meantime, I can’t go to communion. It makes me sad but, I know it’s worth the wait! Find the church you want to attend, talk to the priest, and get the annulment started. It’s not as bad as you think. While you’re waiting, attend Mass and pray for a spiritual communion.
Ask God and our Blessed Mother to help you through this. They will 🙂
 
The others have done a good job with the practical advice.

I just want to say, God bless you for your courage and faith!!

Welcome home, to the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth!!! :extrahappy:
 
ConstantineTG said:
I don’t get why this can’t be fixed. You committed a sin and if you are truly sorry for that sin then you are forgiven. Then why can’t the Church, out of great mercy, take you in with your current situation? How will forcing you to separate from your current spouse help you?
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Because it isn’t the current spouse. The person who she married FIRST is her husband.
 
I’m praying for you and your family. It will all work out in the end and it will be worth it.
 
agapewolf said:
Because it isn’t the current spouse. The person who she married FIRST is her husband.
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So what good is it for the Church and for this person to be forced onto the first spouse?

And those who are suggesting for an annulment, what are the grounds for annulment?
 
ConstantineTG said:
So what good is it for the Church and for this person to be forced onto the first spouse?

And those who are suggesting for an annulment, what are the grounds for annulment?
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No one is forcing anyone onto anyone. Where you are getting this?

Who knows what the grounds for annulment is? That’s none of our business and we can’t determine that here anyway, that’s the job of the advocate/priest/tribunal.

It’s Jesus’ rule. Marriage lasts until death. Civil divorce does not undo marriage.
 
What will you do if your first marriage is not annulled? Would you be willing to get a separation from him so that you can join the Church?
 
Shelda said:
**Don’t give up! Your first marriage will not keep you from becoming Catholic 🙂
You will need to get it annulled. **We are waiting on my husbands annulment to be approved. In the meantime, I can’t go to communion. It makes me sad but, I know it’s worth the wait! Find the church you want to attend, talk to the priest, and get the annulment started. It’s not as bad as you think. While you’re waiting, attend Mass and pray for a spiritual communion.
Ask God and our Blessed Mother to help you through this. They will 🙂
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I honestly wish people wouldn’t say things like this. This is such a categorical statement and there is no way to know if that would ever happen.

You can’t simply have a marriage ‘annulled’. The Tribunal has to look at the first marriage and see if it was valid on the day it was contracted. When the vows were spoken, was there something happening in the life and mind of either the bride or the groom or both that made that marriage invalid? That’s what has to be determined. Telling her to ‘get her marriage annulled’ is not as simple as ‘ask and it shall be given’.

OP, as others have said, you will have to petition the Marriage Tribunal to look at your original marriage and determine if it was a valid marriage at the very beginning. If it wasn’t you will be issued a decree of nullity that will allow you to marry. But it’s not a given that such a decree will be granted. It depends on what was going on at the time you spoke your vows.
 
I agree with the first poster…you need to take one thing at a time. Annulment first. Often times early marraiges can recieve annulments because of one or both not going into the marraige understanding what marraige is which it sounds like in your situation, but you need to do this first. I will also pray for you. God knows your heart and wants the best for you so hard as it is take one step at a time, trusting in Him to be all you need Him to be.

My love in Christ and prayers for you,
mlz
 
One thing that needs to be mentioned, that has not already been mentioned, is this:

Being Catholic in the spiritual sense has to do with belief alone and you can still be Catholic in a mystical way by belief before even being received into the Church. 1st Kings (1st Samuel) says that God knows the heart, and you don’t have to ask anyone’s permission on what to believe.

Also, Catholics are only obligated under pain of mortal sin to receive Holy Communion once a year, and one can receive Sacramental Grace without receiving Holy Communion (the Sacrament of Penance comes to mind). Anyone anywhere can make Spiritual Communions. It is rare that I receive Holy Communion at Holy Mass…

But anyways, not one person on this Earth is by default not allowed to be Catholic. Ones participation in the Church can vary, but belief can still be there, although it should be nourished with prayer and the Sacraments (even if Holy Communion is not an option for that person)…
 
ConstantineTG said:
So what good is it for the Church and for this person to be forced onto the first spouse?

And those who are suggesting for an annulment, what are the grounds for annulment?
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There may or may not be grounds for annulment, but abominableangel won’t know until she tries. She wants an annulment because she is in love with her current (legal, at least in the eyes of the state) husband. If her spouse is not legitamately her husband in the eyes of God and the Church than she cannot legitamately particpate in the sacraments of the Church, as she would then be living in serious sin.
 
“You and your current spouse need to begin the annulment process, and you should begin it as soon as possible even if your spouse is not considering entry
into the Church. Please contact the parish staff for information on how to
proceed.
Of course, you can attend RCIA instructions while the annulment process is
ongoing. But reception into the Church has to wait until the annulment process
has been completed.”

rc.net/lansing/ctk/rcia/RCIA_FAQs.pdf

I hope and pray that everything will go well for you, and that you will obtain full communion in the Church. You are a person of courage and integrity.
May God bless and assist you.
Warm regards, Trishie
 
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