I cant become a Catholic because of this, am I right?

[abominableangel]

our dio website has this…
ptdiocese.org/page.asp?pageID=281
so yours might also. I am not sure if the questions are universal but maybe they are.

having had a look at this webpage you have sent me, which i thank you for im wondering when it comes to witnesses can the respondant have the same witnesses or do they have to be different.

as i said in my opening post my parents are very anti catholic, and i am afraid to ask them for their help as my witnesses because im sure they would do anything to stop me …

so i would probably have to rely on my ex inlaws which if my ex needs witnesses too hed be going to them also

so far there is only 1 member of my family who might help me and thats my sister but my parents would go absolutely nuts at me and refuse to do it.

what happens if you dont have witnesses you can call on, has this ever happend

plus i no longer have my old marriage certificate though i have a decree absolute (somewhere) where can i get copies of this in the UK??

this just got a whole lot harder

 

[maltmom]

having had a look at this webpage you have sent me, which i thank you for im wondering when it comes to witnesses can the respondant have the same witnesses or do they have to be different.

as i said in my opening post my parents are very anti catholic, and i am afraid to ask them for their help as my witnesses because im sure they would do anything to stop me …

so i would probably have to rely on my ex inlaws which if my ex needs witnesses too hed be going to them also

so far there is only 1 member of my family who might help me and thats my sister but my parents would go absolutely nuts at me and refuse to do it.

what happens if you dont have witnesses you can call on, has this ever happend

plus i no longer have my old marriage certificate though i have a decree absolute (somewhere) where can i get copies of this in the UK??

this just got a whole lot harder

Hopefully getting the copies you need will be as easy as it in the US. Both the marriage license and the divorce degree are public record. All I had to do was go to the clerk of court office and request a certified copy. I read the info on the link that was posted. The only difference in my diocese is that I didn’t have to send the certified copy. They accepted a regular copy of it. I hope it is the same in the UK.

Will your ex-husband help with this? It would be wonderful if he did. He ought to because it would benefit him in the long run if he ever meets a Catholic woman and wants to get married or wants to convert. That’s assuming the Catholic woman follows Church teaching in this regard.

Witnesses can be friends, family (aunts, uncles, cousins), neighbors, co-workers, teachers. I pray that God will put their names on your heart.

Stay strong and take it one step at a time. Praying for you.

 

[The_Idiot]

How to get a copy of your marriage certificate

direct.gov.uk/en/governmentcitizensandrights/registeringlifeevents/birthmarriageanddeathcertificates/dg_175628

You can do this online

You will need to find the Divorce Absolute Certificate - so have a good hunt for it.

Unless you are moving in the next month I would contact the Marriage Tribunal for the Diocese in which you presently live - ask them for their help and ask if you can see them before you move - they should be able to do some of the preliminary work/interviews and then co-ordinate with the Tribunal in your new Diocese .

Hope this helps

 

[mamaslo]

having had a look at this webpage you have sent me, which i thank you for im wondering when it comes to witnesses can the respondant have the same witnesses or do they have to be different.

as i said in my opening post my parents are very anti catholic, and i am afraid to ask them for their help as my witnesses because im sure they would do anything to stop me …

so i would probably have to rely on my ex inlaws which if my ex needs witnesses too hed be going to them also

so far there is only 1 member of my family who might help me and thats my sister but my parents would go absolutely nuts at me and refuse to do it.

what happens if you dont have witnesses you can call on, has this ever happend

plus i no longer have my old marriage certificate though i have a decree absolute (somewhere) where can i get copies of this in the UK??

this just got a whole lot harder

You don’t think your parents would do this for your sake, because they love you? They warned you about the guy, and you don’t think they would want to help you put this behind you? (just a question for you to ask yourself, you don’t have to answer me).

Other than the anti-Catholic thing, they seem to love you and want what’s best for you. Maybe you didn’t share more than that for a reason but they may surprise you.

You had a maid of honor, right? what about her? Other friends who knew you both? You can have them send your parents the papers and just leave it at that for them and pray for them. They have a choice to make. Your best bet is to go to your own priest, in your own parish and talk to him.

Your country may have different things they look for, but my guess is that the idea is the same. Looking back, why wasn’t the marriage a valid one?

The point is, to try and see what God has in store for you. He loves you and wants you to become who you are and this is part of that becoming.

You CAN do this. Have courage! Be Brave!

 

[Irishgal49]

Hey, I can completely understand your frustration. I was an agnostic when I got married and didn’t care whatsoever that my husband was previously married. Now here we are, we have been attending mass for 8 years now and are raising our kids Catholic, yet we are unable to receive the Sacraments. It’s just something you have to speak to your priest about and find out what you need to do in order to start the annulment process. I would encourage you to live out the Catholic faith as best you can despite being out of the Church. My husband and I threw out all artificial birth control 5 years ago, and we attend Mass with our kids. I confess my sins in the best Protestant way possible. God knows our situations and I believe He will be understanding and forgiving when we meet Him face to face someday.

But yes, it does depress me at times to think that I am being punished for something I did while I was agnostic. I was raised a Protestant and knew nothing about the Catholic Church at the time.

Not to detract from the topic, but was your husband’s annulment denied? I’m so sorry to hear about your situation as you sound committed to the faith?

 

[Irishgal49]

Well, God will see her through. But we have no idea if she’ll be granted the annulment.

Well if she’s not granted the annulment then she can make the decisions she feels God wants her to make. God would not want you to dump the father or your children. You can still raise your children Catholic, attend mass, but not receiving the sacraments might make you want to join another faith. A priest needs to work with you. People are jumping WAY ahead when you haven’t even applied, much less been denied, an annulment.

 

[Irishgal49]

Well, it’s seems now it’s divorce and enter the Church as a celibate moving forward, or not enter the Church. Why do we have to force an annulment then as the only recourse of this person? So if she can’t annul the first and is not willing to divorce the second then she will never become Catholic?

This is my question as well. That is a steep price to pay for most of us.

But given that there isn’t anything seriously wrong with the first marriage, it just went bad, how can you annul it? Or are we divorcing under the pretense of annulment?

If you had no intention of becoming Catholic you aren’t held to the assumption argument for annulment. I know this shocks people but if she wasn’t granted an annulment obviously she wouldn’t be able to become Catholic and would go to another faith. While we advocate all are welcome we know that sometimes our faith isn’t for everyone. I would never separate from the father of my children to attend church–when there is one on every block.

 

[HelenRose]

So what good is it for the Church and for this person to be forced onto the first spouse?

And those who are suggesting for an annulment, what are the grounds for annulment?

There are those who have been tortured and who have given their lives for Christ and His Church. If one does not want to accept the teachings of the Church they don’t have to become Catholic. Sometimes the road is very difficult but the road to the cross was not easy for Christ either.

If this person is called to be Catholic a way will be found.

 

[abominableangel]

There are those who have been tortured and who have given their lives for Christ and His Church. If one does not want to accept the teachings of the Church they don’t have to become Catholic. Sometimes the road is very difficult but the road to the cross was not easy for Christ either.

If this person is called to be Catholic a way will be found.

well i hope ive been called to be catholic, everything has lead me to this point and I can think of only one person who would do that and that’s God, but i wont count my chickens just yet,

Me and my ex are both in agreement that we shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place as we weren’t committed to it, what we had for each other we class as affection but not love, we were far too young and didn’t go in thinking “yeah this is for life” we went in with all options open to us should things fall apart, there was no sense of permanence, and sure enough the lack of commitment showed up in abundance from both parties shortly after the wedding trappings had been packed away.

we discussed this a few years back when the dust had settled and we’d been divorced some years, we laughed at the 20 20 hindsight of it all, and how we knew long before we got married that our relationship had run its course, but neither was brave enough to go it alone so like lambs to the slaughter we went right ahead and did it.

it was a foolish and impetus mistake… the irony is everyone else saw it but us
his father begged him not to marry me and my mother begged me not to marry him had we just listened … oh well.

 

[The_Idiot]

Did you read this post I made to you ?

forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=9479541&postcount=43

 

[abominableangel]

yes i did thank you for that

 

[HelenRose]

well i hope ive been called to be catholic, everything has lead me to this point and I can think of only one person who would do that and that’s God, but i wont count my chickens just yet,

Me and my ex are both in agreement that we shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place as we weren’t committed to it, what we had for each other we class as affection but not love, we were far too young and didn’t go in thinking “yeah this is for life” we went in with all options open to us should things fall apart, there was no sense of permanence, and sure enough the lack of commitment showed up in abundance from both parties shortly after the wedding trappings had been packed away.

we discussed this a few years back when the dust had settled and we’d been divorced some years, we laughed at the 20 20 hindsight of it all, and how we knew long before we got married that our relationship had run its course, but neither was brave enough to go it alone so like lambs to the slaughter we went right ahead and did it.

it was a foolish and impetus mistake… the irony is everyone else saw it but us
his father begged him not to marry me and my mother begged me not to marry him had we just listened … oh well.

Find out about an annulment. My son went through the process. He had been previously married and divorced and wanted to marry a Catholic girl.

The process was very healing. He learned a lot about himself. He didn’t marry the Catholic girl but he is still very glad that he sought out a received this annulment.

 

[jmcrae]

Well, God will see her through. But we have no idea if she’ll be granted the annulment.

We don’t. But if not, then God has something even better in store for her, so there is nothing to fear from the process. Trust in the Divine Will.

 

[abominableangel]

this is the question that was posed to me

What will you do if your first marriage is not annulled? Would you be willing to get a separation from him so that you can join the Church?

then jmcrae said that it would be inappropriate for me too and i agree

Nor do I think you should. The welfare of your family comes first. I have no doubt that God will see you through this mess, if you are patient and prompt and obedient throughout the process.

after that Irishgal said this regardings Holly3278’s comment

That is totally not necessary. Why are you saying that? Go to a priest and see about an annulment. He can review your situation and get the ball rolling. That way, you may be able to have it done around the time your RCIA would be done. You can sometimes have your convalidation done when you become Catholic. Talk to a priest and don’t freak out…it’s very possible.

I called my local priest even though I would not be applying through him and even he told me that i shouldnt separate from my husband.

but i have to say this there’s staying together as husband and wife and then theres staying together as brother and sister … i can categorically state that my marriage be would a miserable place to be for my husband and for me if we were no longer allowed to be intimate unless im lucky enough to get an annulment.

I cant see how anyone would be able to live a life of celibacy for a year, 2 years maybe even 3 without it killing off their marriage completely.

then if you fail to obtain an annulment, what then, become CatholicLite© you can look, you can pray, but after that you’re on your own kiddo … so no Eucharist which means no life!! … someone tell me from either personal experience or from 2nd hand accounts what you/they did in this situation. I don’t want to be living in sin, but i cant abandon my husband or the life and family we’ve built together based on a marital union.

 

[Marc_Anthony]

We don’t. But if not, then God has something even better in store for her, so there is nothing to fear from the process. Trust in the Divine Will.

Yep. Do not fear, Christ is on your side Pray, pray, pray. Trust in God. And when I say that, I mean it. Sometimes people try to but don’t sincerely believe it. I know people who sincerely believe it, and I’ve seen amazing things happen to them. Faith is the key here

 

[Marc_Anthony]

but i have to say this there’s staying together as husband and wife and then theres staying together as brother and sister … i can categorically state that my marriage be would a miserable place to be for my husband and for me if we were no longer allowed to be intimate unless im lucky enough to get an annulment.

I cant see how anyone would be able to live a life of celibacy for a year, 2 years maybe even 3 without it killing off their marriage completely.

Interesting quote. Maybe I’ll start a new thread on this.

In any case, your problem is a difficult one but with God on your side, don’t despair.

 

[abominableangel]

Interesting quote. Maybe I’ll start a new thread on this.

I would as I tried searching to see if such a thread existed and I drew a blank… I’m sure there are countless others who are or have been in my position, as well as those who have their opinions on such a dilemma.

 

[abominableangel]

Yep. Do not fear, Christ is on your side Pray, pray, pray. Trust in God. And when I say that, I mean it. Sometimes people try to but don’t sincerely believe it. I know people who sincerely believe it, and I’ve seen amazing things happen to them. Faith is the key here

Thats something else I meant to ask, how should I pray about this, I always feel bad when I ask God for something… I dont want to “use” God as my personal piggy bank or magic 8 ball and I fear that if I pray my annulment be granted that I’m being greedy and unloving towards God.

So I have no idea where to begin with praying about this… any ideas?

 

[jmcrae]

Thats something else I meant to ask, how should I pray about this, I always feel bad when I ask God for something… I dont want to “use” God as my personal piggy bank or magic 8 ball and I fear that if I pray my annulment be granted that I’m being greedy and unloving towards God.

So I have no idea where to begin with praying about this… any ideas?

Just ask God to take your anxieties and exchange them for peace in your heart, and to help you get through the process one step at a time until the whole thing is done. And that He will show you what to do next, once the process is over.

 

[Irishgal49]

this is the question that was posed to me

then jmcrae said that it would be inappropriate for me too and i agree

after that Irishgal said this regardings Holly3278’s comment

I called my local priest even though I would not be applying through him and even he told me that i shouldnt separate from my husband.

but i have to say this there’s staying together as husband and wife and then theres staying together as brother and sister … i can categorically state that my marriage be would a miserable place to be for my husband and for me if we were no longer allowed to be intimate unless im lucky enough to get an annulment.

I cant see how anyone would be able to live a life of celibacy for a year, 2 years maybe even 3 without it killing off their marriage completely.

then if you fail to obtain an annulment, what then, become CatholicLite© you can look, you can pray, but after that you’re on your own kiddo … so no Eucharist which means no life!! … someone tell me from either personal experience or from 2nd hand accounts what you/they did in this situation. I don’t want to be living in sin, but i cant abandon my husband or the life and family we’ve built together based on a marital union.

All of this is pure speculation…you will never know until after your move and you pursue it in the new Diocese. Deacons can also be very helpful in this regard. I think (myself included) too much speculation is going on without hearing the decision of the Tribunal. If you are required what they call a “full annulment” it will take some time. Sitting here and going into extreme statements (and yes I am also guilty here) is really not appropriate. I apologize for my statements, see what the Church says about the previous marriage and THEN ask for comments/suggestions. It’s jumping the gun to do anything else. You are in my prayers.