I can't cry when praying anymore & other things

[helec338]

Hello, my name is Luis & on my birthday about 2 weeks ago I thought that I saw facebook photos of my wife cheating on me. It turned out to be a big misunderstanding. That day, however, I was so distressed I got my rosary out and prayed it for the first time since I was 10 or so. I’m 25 now and over the past 2 weeks I’ve been gradually growing closer to God and Jesus and Mary.

Those first two days where I thought my wife was cheating on me I would cry when I prayed. I would feel so relieved and consoled. But I haven’t cried since and I’m afraid that in my heart I was only reaching out to God because I was in despair for my relationship with my wife. It’s made me think that maybe I don’t love God as much as I think I do and that I was being selfish at the time asking only for my wife back.

As I was reading the prayers on the sticky thread here in this forum I began to get close to crying again but it stopped. Somehow I feel like I have to cry when I pray or I’m not being sincere.

What should I do?

Also as a side note, for some reason the day I first prayed and the day after I was very friendly at work and people really liked me. Now at work though I try to be helpful I am getting a vibe off people that tells me they are hesitant to speak to me and more conflictive. And I myself also feel more hostile at work. I feel a bit over the top when someone treats me wrong now. I am more violent in my responses. In fact, I actually respond! I used to not really say anything back at all when in a conflicting situation.

I feel like I am mad that everyone else is not following Jesus.

Since I started praying the rosary, my tax refund issue was resolved. I had been waiting since I filed in February. I received it 9 days after I started praying. Also, a small ball of non-visible fat in my ear lobe has disappeared. When I touch it, it is no longer there.

I’m currently praying and hoping for money to pay for my wife’s hernia operation and to buy her a new car because hers is not in good condition for travelling long distances which is necessary for her job. I have also asked for money to buy laptops for her cpu-intensive computer programs at her job. I have asked our Blessed Mother Mary to receive these things before October 4th, my wife’s birthday. I would love nothing more than to make my wife’s needs come true.

I have learned through the rosary to ask for things, yet if through God’s will and not my own. I am so scared though that if it is not in God’s will for us to receive money for her operation and car and laptops that my wife will perceive me to not be man enough to take action. In this I’m deeply troubled because I’ve always heard the term “God helps those who help themselves” but I don’t want to give God the impression that I don’t trust in Him and His will and judgement.

Thanks for listening and God Bless You.

 

[JDeL]

I would suggest reading St. John of the Cross and learning of the Dark Nights. God will pull away consolations (crying etc…) to test our love for Him.

Do not give up, and when you feel nothing in prayer and experience aridity, persevere and fight as this is where the battle is won. Or as a priest I know says, in the hard times, Love the God of consolations, not the consolations of God.

May God Bless your spiritual journey!

 

[helec338]

Thanks for the advice. I found the book online and it seems to be just what I need. Thank you so much. God bless you.

 

[Catie59]

There is nothing wrong with you not crying in prayer. Of course you cried at first because you were under the impression that your wife who you dearly love was being unfaithful to you and your heart ached. God knows you weren’t being selfish.

Regarding your behavior at work and your feelings of anger, what you now need to do is ask God for strength and protection against the evil one. Whats happening is that since you have once again starting praying the rosary this has so enraged the enemy of this world that he is causing you react in ways that are not normal to your behavior. This is spiritual warfare. Read Ephesians 6:10-17 and say daily the prayer to St.Michael for protection:


St.Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou O’ Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the Power of God,
cast into hell satan, and all the evil spirits,
who prowl throughout the world, seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen


There is a small booklet by Linda Schubert titled the Miracle Hour. Pages 9 through 11 address Spiritual warfare & includes very good prayer to our Lord for protection. I received it from my Life in the Spirit seminar but it can be purchased. If you can’t locate it PM me.

You and your wife are in my prayers :console:

 

[Seraphim73]

Your story made me think of this.

“Don’t worry if you don’t feel joyful on feastdays or other times when you “ought” to feel joyful. Joy is a gift, like life and sunlight and air and flowers and food. It comes and goes, according to its own rhythms and seasons, and its presence doesn’t mean someone’s holy, any more than its absence means someone’s doomed. For beginners in spiritual life, feelings are not as important as acts and habits. We must build the habits of prayer and life in Christ, and let the feelings follow when (or if) they may. When you pray, don’t get all worked up into a fret by monitoring yourself constantly, trying to measure how many seconds of compunction you achieved or whether you felt 1.5 degrees more repentant than yesterday. Just say the Prayer, and keep your mind on the words of the Prayer. The more we scrutinize ourselves, the less we’re paying attention to God.” - Safely Home to Heaven

 

[Christianus_Dei]

Also, got to remember, the warm fuzzy feelings for God aren’t always going to be there. It’s the fact that you’re praying that’s important, not that it makes you feel all nice. God will always be there, and he watches our acts to determine out love for him, not our feelings.

 

[cjb_914]

The fact you’re concerned about losing those emotions seems proof enough. If you truly weren’t sincere, why would it bother you enough to post here about it? If you truly didn’t love God, why would it concern you that you’ve stopped crying while praying? Wouldn’t someone who doesn’t truly love Him simply stop praying and forget about the whole thing? Loving God isn’t about being passionate, or moved every time you pray. Loving God is seeking Him, persevering in your faith and trusting in His wisdom when you don’t understand why He doesn’t seem to be answering you.

 

[ready]

Don’t go by feelings. Pray like all depends on God and work like all depends on you, and be abandoned to God’s Will, no matter what it is. Don’t worry if your wife thinks that you have not met up to her expectations, for you can only pray and do what is within your capacity to do. God bless you.