I cant enjoy my life

[Dan_Defender]

Pray for the gift of fortitude. Also, your peers are not that important, in perspective they come and go.

 

[Margaret_Ann]

When I was in college, I went to one (1) party. Otherwise, I got involved in the Catholic community center off campus. I was in the choir, went on a weekend retreat almost every semester and met good Catholic friends who really supported me in my faith.

And I’m a bookworm too. So don’t feel bad.

 

[Margaret_Ann]

If there’s a Newman Center or Catholic church/chapel nearby, spend time in Eucharistic Adoration. St. Catherine of Siena spent a lot of time in prayer & penance at home (she was a Third Order Dominican - Mantellate). When Our Lord told her that she had to go out into the world, she was terrified. Our Lord reassured her that He would always be with her. Eventually she would become so famous that even the Pope listened to her!

 

[Pug]

You don’t have to like parties to socialize. You can pick a sport, volunteer, visit the sick, join a political group, play chess, go to sporting events or debates, form a study group, be part of a musical group or sing, whatever.

It is OK not to be a party person. There are lots of us out there.

 

[adgloriam]

Right now, the primary socializing you need is with Christ.

The OP is a 19yo and while partying with fellow Catholic’s is cool, plenty of people who fell out of catechesis (or carried through until confirmation) don’t have that group socializing.

Indeed, the challenge of socializing is paramount at that age. (It is a challenge, for sure.)

 

[adgloriam]

But its easier for someone with strong personality.

Please notice:

Experience plays a HUGE role!! Those who grew up with plenty of close friends, brothers&sisters, simply “got used to it”, or “grew into it”. For them it’s much easier. The parents also have a role in this!! For example: some parents live a “quiet life”, others are “outgoing”. Some take great care to socialize their kids throughout their youth, while others simply let their children “follow their course”.

But, whatever your case might be!! It is just one aspect of life you face - and a very important aspect of life, that is “social life”. You are not facing it alone. Most people -at one or another other point in their life- face social anxiety and “a sense of being socially displaced”.

You would actually be surprised @Babinicz, that friendship takes “practice”. And at your age plenty of kids might have lots of acquaintances but “few close friends” (and whilst they might “seem successful” they might not be happy, or good persons). If you knew their reality, you’d know that many of the people you see them interacting with don’t actually like them, and it’s just “small talk”. However, those apparently “shallow forms” of socializing, are also part of “social life” and you should know how to handle that, focusing only on having a “good presence” as far as you are concerned.

You should take great care with 2 things at this point: You’ll find “false friendships” that are going to be offered to you - and their attractiveness will be that they’ll “seem easy”. But you’ll be fragile, and those friendships will be offered to you with 2 conditions and pressures: which are “tobacco” and “drugs”. (Do not fall into those pitfalls, regardless of how “bad or good” you might be feeling at that point.)

You should also not be anxious. Or you’ll eat yourself from the inside during the first months while you are gaining trust with your friends. Be reminded, that at social gatherings there will be people you know and trust, and others you don’t know and shouldn’t trust. Focus on not letting anyone treat you badly (there is no reason to accept that, you are OK being who you are).

The main concern you should have is being “constant”. That will garner friends over time.

(If you have “social anxiety” that has become “organic” over time, that should be properly addressed. Or else the process of “gaining experience socially” will come with bodily discomfort, and cognitive discomfort. But don’t worry, you will do it.)

There is catholic happiness to be found in friendship, provided that you can feel at peace with yourself. And, even many years from now, making friendship will always come with periods of uncertainty causing anxiety. I only hope your anxiety is not too much.

 

[adgloriam]

Id rather sit in my room than enjoy myself.

You’ll notice when someone “wants to be your friend”. At any given “social gathering” not everyone will want to be your friend (at a first moment). Be graceful towards those who “accept and welcome you”. Keep your composure and calm with all others. Take your time. Strike up a conversation just to see how it goes. If it goes well be happy. Don’t expect “deep personal conversations”, those take time and come later. Seek the company of people who are nice to you. Be blameless and above reprehension. Don’t seek to evidence yourself. Be present, soft spoken, well mannered, and let things take their course.

(There are gentle prices to be payed for “social life”, namely not voicing personal frustration and concern with those you don’t know well enough.)

and everyone will know who doesnt want to go to a party.

I dont want this time to be another trial filled with mockery or even bullying. Sure, it can be survived but my mental condition isnt well.

THIS IS ANXIETY. YOU ARE ANTICIPATING NEGATIVELY. SUFFERING THROUGH ANTICIPATION. THERE WILL BE SOO MANY POSITIVES TO LOOK FORWARD TO. BE CONFIDENT, YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON. TAKE IT EASY.

 

[John10]

Not necessarily, social clubs and other gatherings which do not represent a party can also open up a lot of social opportunities (sport events, religious events, chess clubs, etc). If you know the parties will most likely involve intoxicated people, getting high or other dangerous behaviour it is better to stay away from them.

However if you feel the parties will remain in control you could still go, but be smart about which parties to go and which not to.

Plus enjoying life encompass much more than parties.

 

[Annie]

It sounds like you have recently graduated high school and will be starting college for the first time–is that right?

If so, first, college students are a lot more mature than high school students. Even the first-year students like you will be newcomers and while some will become wild being away from home, most will be like you, new and feeling awkward.

Second, there will probably be enough students who also don’t like parties that you won’t stand out so much.

Third, if you somehow feel you must go to a party, you can have a plan. Look around for someone who seems to be there all alone and strike up a conversation by asking a question like How do you know (the host of the party)? Or, what do you think of the band? If you focus on helping out some lost-looking person, you will do much better at the party, and you might meet someone who doesn’t like parties to hang out with.

I think it is very natural to feel anxious about going away from home to live among strangers and have to study really hard as well as start your adult life.

If you have more serious anxieties, that make it difficult for you to do what you are supposed to be doing, then going to a doctor or therapist will help.