I can't get over my partner's past, but I love her with all my heart

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Truth_Faith13 said:
No what people refer to each other as really doesn’t matter…what you are saying is a chaste Christian couple who live for Christ who refer to themselves as “partners” are worse than the non committed people having sex with countless partners but refer to themselves as “girlfriends/boyfriends”

Are you American or British or where are you from?
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That is not what I said at all, your way off base. This is America and if your going to be on an American Forum, think like an American. God Bless, Memaw
 
gigi_mvn said:
I am not sure exactly the nature of your relationship with this woman, but if you two are having sexual relations and are not married, this is what I would suggest in all seriousness: for the TWO of you to repent together. From this day forth to NOT engage in ANY sort of sexual relations OUTSIDE of marriage.

If you do want to or plan on marrying her, then I would highly recommend before marriage the TWO of you to have a purification period for a good length of time (six months to a year or longer - the longer the better) that entails no kissing, no hugging, no sleep overs, and of course no sexual relations.

During the purification time, (as posted earlier with some modification) the TWO of you should spend your time pursuing a religious life, and getting acquainted with God’s laws. Get very involved with a Catholic parish. I would suggest you having your girlfriend convert to Catholicism.

Maybe after this you’ll feel more comfortable with her? Personally, I think you should be single and find a Catholic woman with experiences and a past that is not so daunting.
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No kissing, no hugging? Really?

Otherwise, I think your post is reasonable, but that particular part goes too far.
 
Memaw said:
That is not what I said at all, your way off base. This is America and if your going to be on an American Forum, think like an American. God Bless, Memaw
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Ah so you’re that type of person…
 
If the two are going to marry and hence have children, I’d think sharing a common order/religion would be more beneficial than not? It was just a suggestion, something to consider.
 
Many people struggle to grasp the concept of different cultures, language, meanings, traditions etc. The fact she said “this is America” is a classic example. “This” implys here, now which for me is the internet on my ipad sat in my bedroom in England quite a few hours and miles away from America :rolleyes:
 
Yes. “Mom’s Protestant, so she doesn’t go to Mass with us,” is easier for kids to understand than, “Mom’s Catholic, but she doesn’t go to Mass with us.”
 
Xantippe said:
Yes. “Mom’s Protestant, so she doesn’t go to Mass with us,” is easier for kids to understand than, “Mom’s Catholic, but she doesn’t go to Mass with us.”
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Great explanation 👍

To the OP - is she interested in Catholicism at all?
 
max_demian said:
I was a virgin when I met her and though I knew she wasn’t I told her at the very beginning that I didn’t want to know anything about her past. She didn’t know that I was a virgin. I lied, as I was a bit ashamed. I did believe waiting for marriage was the right thing to do, but I also believed no one would understand my way of thinking, especially as we live in a place where most people don’t even believe in God.
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Hi again (to Max_demian) -

Would like to mention, for the fact that you are/remained a virgin demonstrates your potential for being a very good Catholic. Mention this to a priest, nun, or a religious person and you’ll be held in high regard and very much respected. It is nothing to be ashamed of (so wrong). It’s actually very much holy.

There is a strong possibility that your turmoil is due to your core beliefs, and ultimately your relationship with God, that are being compromised b/c of your attachments with this woman and the worldly. You might not see it like this, but considering your sense of shame with wanting to remain a virgin until marriage shows confusion.

Get involved with your parish, Catholic organizations, and start anew. If you do let her go, know she’ll be fine and well moved on (in six months or less).
 
Hey (name removed by moderator),

Thank you very much for your answer. I needed to hear that. I had built her up as a plaster saint. I think it is part of my culture and the way that I was raised. When I was confronted with an image that it’s otherwise, it made no sense to me and felt betrayed. But again, she didn’t do anything to me, she didn’t even know that I existed!
It wasn’t easy to admit what I had done. I made her feel horrible. I pointed out things she’d rather forget. I felt like such a scumbag. I don’t want to do that again.
 
max_demian said:
Hey (name removed by moderator),

Thank you very much for your answer. I needed to hear that. I had built her up as a plaster saint. I think it is part of my culture and the way that I was raised. When I was confronted with an image that it’s otherwise, it made no sense to me and felt betrayed. But again, she didn’t do anything to me, she didn’t even know that I existed!
It wasn’t easy to admit what I had done. I made her feel horrible. I pointed out things she’d rather forget. I felt like such a scumbag. I don’t want to do that again.
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How are things between the two of you at the moment?

Where are you from?
 
Truth_Faith13 said:
Great explanation 👍

To the OP - is she interested in Catholicism at all?
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She’s got such a bad image of Catholicism. Catholics are a minority in the place where she comes from and her social circle had such a negative idea of this religion. It doesn’t help that her previous boyfriend of 7 years (a Catholic) cheated on her and treated her very badly. It doesn’t help either that some other guy (a supposed Catholic) she was with was a freak as well. And now she’s now in a relationship with a self righteous Catholic who judged her for her mistakes!
However, as I mentioned earlier she respects my religion. She bullies me to go to Church on Sundays (I appreciate that). She goes with me as well. She wants our kids (if we ever get them) to be Catholic as well, as she knows it is very important to me.
 
max_demian said:
She’s got such a bad image of Catholicism. Catholics are a minority in the place where she comes from and her social circle had such a negative idea of this religion. It doesn’t help that her previous boyfriend of 7 years (a Catholic) cheated on her and treated her very badly. It doesn’t help either that some other guy (a supposed Catholic) she was with was a freak as well. And now she’s now in a relationship with a self righteous Catholic who judged her for her mistakes!
However, as I mentioned earlier she respects my religion. She bullies me to go to Church on Sundays (I appreciate that). She goes with me as well. She wants our kids (if we ever get them) to be Catholic as well, as she knows it is very important to me.
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Awww bless her…but that gives you even more reason to be good to her, treat her right and show her what true Catholicism is. If she is willing to have the kids christened and brought up catholic, she isn’t too anti catholic which is a good thing.

I think you might need to eat a lot if humble pie and spoil her a bit for a while, as well as dealing with your own insecurities about things…but I think you guys are going to be OK. Have you spoken to a priest about the situation?
 
This is a forum, not the Church. The Church teaches that we are to be chaste before marriage, no matter WHAT!!! It’s always been that way!! There are NO excuses, no matter what you call it or them or no matter where you live!! Catholic Teachings are universal. I am an American and I speak from an American perspective for how our society is. I couldn’t possibly know how other societies use such terms nor do I care to learn. So I suggest we drop this nonsense and get back to what the Church teaches. God Bless, Memaw
 
Memaw said:
What did they refer to themselves as before sex got to be the reason for a partner? I had boyfriends not partners!! God Bless, Memaw
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:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: Precisely! Thank you, Memaw, for having the guts to state what should be obvious. 👍

It would help many relationships these days if the parties involved would remember that and not cohabitate or fornicate. If the relationship can be rebuilt eliminating those strikes against it, the couple can discover who they really are, and draw close to God, and know what His plan is for each of them as individuals. Then they can discern if it’s His plan for them to marry. It’s sad how badly this right order of things has been tossed aside in the modern world. 😦
 
Memaw said:
This is a forum, not the Church. The Church teaches that we are to be chaste before marriage, no matter WHAT!!! It’s always been that way!! There are NO excuses, no matter what you call it or them or no matter where you live!! Catholic Teachings are universal. I am an American and I speak from an American perspective for how our society is. I couldn’t possibly know how other societies use such terms nor do I care to learn. So I suggest we drop this nonsense and get back to what the Church teaches. God Bless, Memaw
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For someone who accused me of wanting an argument, you sure are going on about this.

We don’t know where the OP is from, which is why I suggested he might have meant partner in a different way. Hence pointing out to you that other cultures etc use terms differently. Nobody is arguing about chastity.

YOU are American, not everyone on this board is

But what if just maybe, there are couples who **are chaste **and call each other partners? Does the term they use really matter AS LONG AS THEY ARE CHASTE? I don’t think the church has teachings on terms of endearment? If it does, I would love to be shown that?

The Pope isn’t American, I would love to hear you tell him that you don’t care for his culture or language. Vatican City is in Italy and if I remember rightly to work there you have to speak Italian.
 
3DOCTORS said:
:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: Precisely! Thank you, Memaw, for having the guts to state what should be obvious. 👍

It would help many relationships these days if the parties involved would remember that and not cohabitate or fornicate. If the relationship can be rebuilt eliminating those strikes against it, the couple can discover who they really are, and draw close to God, and know what His plan is for each of them as individuals. Then they can discern if it’s His plan for them to marry. It’s sad how badly this right order of things has been tossed aside in the modern world. 😦
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I know the following…

People who are married who refer to themselves as “partners”
People who are “life partners” which refer to themselves as boyfriend/girlfriend
People who are chaste who refer to themselves as “partners”
People who are not chaste who refer to themselves as “boyfriends/girlfriends”
And visa versa for the last two.

Tell me, when we don’t know where the OP is from and the only thing he has stated is that he believes in chastity, why I should assume he has been fornicating and cohabiting just because he used the term “partner”.

This isn’t about chastity, my initial suggestion was just to understand that certain terms mean different things to different people. Nobody is arguing whether or not chastity is right or wrong but if posters won’t accept that others might use the same terms with different meanings, then there is going to be a problem.

I could very well be wrong, the OP could be an American, cohabiting and having sex but the word “partner” doesn’t necessarily mean that and I for one am not going to make assumptions.

Or the next time I come to America and someone says the word “fanny” should I be insulted? Or should I understand that in America it means something different?
 
Truth_Faith13 said:
For someone who accused me of wanting an argument, you sure are going on about this.

We don’t know where the OP is from, which is why I suggested he might have meant partner in a different way. Hence pointing out to you that other cultures etc use terms differently. Nobody is arguing about chastity.

YOU are American, not everyone on this board is

But what if just maybe, there are couples who **are chaste **and call each other partners? Does the term they use really matter AS LONG AS THEY ARE CHASTE? I don’t think the church has teachings on terms of endearment? If it does, I would love to be shown that?

The Pope isn’t American, I would love to hear you tell him that you don’t care for his culture or language. Vatican City is in Italy and if I remember rightly to work there you have to speak Italian.
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What if just maybe we get off this subject. Now you have to drag the Pope into it. Good Gosh is there NO limit!!!. God Bless, Memaw
 
If we are going to be brutally honest, lets realize that when we stand before Almighty God, it won’t help one bit to say. ‘Everyone else was doing it’. Each of us has to answer for our own actions and hopefully realize how serious it is, truly repent and seek forgiveness, before we die.

Again to be brutally honest, it would be impossible to learn how others talk or if words have different meanings to them. Go ahead and do it if you like tho, you have my best wishes. God Bless, memaw
 
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