but I still seriously struggle with honoring my mother and father and temptations to sins of lust and gluttony
From the
Compendium of the Catechism:
One commits a mortal sin when there are
simultaneously present: grave matter, full knowledge,
and deliberate consent.
You mean to say that you
deliberately consent to dishonoring your mother and father at least once a week. In other words, you
decide to dishonor your mother and father (not just that you have a stray, random thought that is dishonorable or that you spout off at them as a matter of habit).
You mean to say that you
deliberately consent to lust. That you
deliberately consent to gluttony
I’m not saying that any of the above are not serious issues, but in order for them to be
mortal sins, you must have
deliberate consent.
This is really important to understand, as the devil will undoubtedly want to talk you out of your relationship with God. He wants to have you walk around discouraged and beaten.
The point being that, unless you have, in fact, committed a mortal sin (i.e., something was actually grave matter, you knew it was grave matter, and you deliberately consented to doing (or not doing) it), your relationship with God is not broken.
These are bad habits that result from you being fallen. We are all subject to the capital vices (pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth). And it is possible, with the help of God, to defeat them.,through the application of their contrary virtues.
To overcome tendencies of lust, you focus on the virtue of chastity (aided by the virtues of modesty and purity). There are things you can do to focus on these virtues. For example:
- Obviously, you want to pray for God to strengthen you in these areas. You should do that every day one way or other other.
- You can consider the television you watch and the music you listen to. Are you watching/listening to media that focus on the flesh rather than on spiritual? If so, you may wish to consider looking at / listening to something else…at least for a while.
- Likewise with what you read…are they focused on earthly or spiritual things. Spiritual readings (such as St Augustine’s Confessions or St John of the Cross’ Ascent of Mt Carmel) are good books to study and meditate upon.
- Where are you placing yourself? For example, I avoid going to the beach or public swimming pools as both put me in the near occasion of sin (When I am asked about it, I say “there’s nothing good for me there”). If there are particular places that you go that are occasions of lust, you may wish to avoid those places (if possible) at least for a time.
- If you must be in a place where you are presented with near occasions of sin (for example, school or work), then recognize the danger and have a strategy to deal with it. For example, with the advent of yoga pants as a socially-acceptable work fashion for women, it is impossible to avoid some situations at work. If I catch myself staring, I, upon realizing my eyes are going someplace they shouldn’t, say a silent prayer for God to bless the woman’s day. I find it very, very difficult to look at a woman as a sex object while praying for her.
Those seem to have worked fairly well for me, but you may find a different program of action will work better for you. The important thing is that you should concentrate on applying the virtues, as the virtues will overcome the vices.
You say that the 4th commandment is an issue for you: again, you can see what you can do to act virtuously and make deliberate efforts to do so. Likewise with gluttony: intentionally discipline yourself to push back from the table when you are barely satisfied.
The biggest thing is to not beat yourself up over things that are vices; rather, to work to overcome them with the virtues.
This is the method that was advocated by St Paul.
From the Epistle to the Ephesians, Chapter 4:
[21] If so be that you have heard him, and have been taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus: [22] To put off, according to former conversation, the old man, who is corrupted according to the desire of error. [23] And be renewed in the spirit of your mind: [24] And put on the new man, who according to God is created in justice and holiness of truth. [25] Wherefore putting away lying, speak; ye the truth every man with his neighbour; for we are members one of another.
[26] Be angry, and sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your anger. [27] Give not place to the devil. [28] He that stole, let him now steal no more; but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have something to give to him that suffereth need. [29] Let no evil speech proceed from your mouth; but that which is good, to the edification of faith, that it may administer grace to the hearers. [30] And grieve not the holy Spirit of God: whereby you are sealed unto the day of redemption.
[31] Let all bitterness, and anger, and indignation, and clamour, and blasphemy, be put away from you, with all malice. [32] And be ye kind one to another; merciful, forgiving one another, even as God hath forgiven you in Christ.
