I can't stand being alone!

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Grimble

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Hi, hope it’s ok to write this out and send…

I’ve been seperated from my wife for 3 months no and the divorce is going though which is the best thing for us and it was an amicable finish.

But.

It’s the first time I’m been on my own and I’m having real difficulties, I can’t help feeling tearful and emotional all the time and there is a big emptyness. I’m finding if very difficult to focus on praying now and nothing seems to really matter anymore. I’m finding it difficult to be bothered with anything and I’m usually quite an UP person and a real organiser.

I’m not a Catholic although I’ve recently been on a seekers Catholic experience retreat and enjoyed it very much and my path does seem to be slowly heading down that road. I used to be a Pagan and have been for over 10 years and it seems since living on my own nobody has visited me or even on Facebook! I have a couple of good friends which I see once or twice a month but I’m feeling really isolated.

I would like to meet local Catholics but to be honest I just have not the energy at the moment, the drive. When I feel I really know what I’m doing perhaps I could get in touch with people more but at the moment I’m just existing and getting by. Even my family live over 100 miles away and I have a brother in another country.

Perhaps I should leave this town? it’s on my mind alot and start a new beginning somewhere else? this though does make me feel slightly excited but I have a good job here in this town, but that’s it!

I’m here on this forum to be honest as I have nowhere else and I do get a sense of warmth here from people that have replied to other posts and I want to hug all of them.
I pray for my friends and family when I can but things seem to be slipping away.

Any ideas?

God Bless,
Graham
 
Sounds like youre suffering from depression, which wouldnt be surprising considering what youre going through. You have my empathy. Just on 4 years ago, i had a total breakdown. If i were in the same situation, id stay put, and not move house. i wouldn`t like the idea of being among strangers; but GO AFTER MEDICAL HELP. You need to get onto the thing ASAP.

My own case got to the point where there was a longing to hear a human voice. Youd ring someone just to hear them; the words didnt matter. Dont be afraid to do the same. Youre among friends on CAF because theres a heap of us in the same boat. Sounds like youve already had some good experiences here.

DO NOT feel guilty about not being able to do much; "been there, done that"l. That`s part of that “D” word.

DO NOT let anybody tell you you should be able to snap out of “it”. Only those of us who have been through it know what it`s like.

Dont worry about not being able to pray properly: in the middle of those "D" pits, the only words i can say are: "Offer it up", over and over again. God literally knows. The angels and the saints have your wellbeing at heart, as well...... Its one big family.

Maybe yours isn`t depression, but it sounds like it…
BUT: at least talk to a good doctor. ASAP!

Your`re in my prayers.
 
If you have a family who love you then there is no need for you to be alone, I don’t know your family but if you have a good one and you get on well with them then I advise you to strongly consider moving close to them.
 
Graham, it’s very natural to feel so alone and tearful after loss of your marriage.
And when you’re on your own there is a real structure issue, with no one around to talk to or have around, and being without the familiar routines. Archbishop Fulton Sheen wrote, " A dog with a flea is happier than a dog without a flea. He has something to scratch". There is some wisdom in that, but I wouldn’t relay it to your ex-wife.

It’s hard to say whether you need to leave town or not, though there is advice around not to make major decisions in the year of a serious loss, and divorce and loss of spouse, even an unsuitable one, is major. If there is anyone around at all whom you know and even speak to in passing, and familiar surroundings, there can be both good and hurt in that, but whatever the case, you need structure and security so that you don’t spiral down, a job, a place you can call home. I’d want to know you had something to go to, not just get away from.

The job is really important as without it, you’d have far too much time on your hands, and the stress of financial difficulty. Please don’t leave town on a whim. Consolidate yourself.

I do know something of the feeling you speak of. I’ve seen loved ones go painfully through, and heard a beloved son say with a voice shaky with tears, “Mum, I’m shattered.” I’ve also seen him recover. I went through it myself after my husband’s breakdown. He thought divorce would clear his deck and make things easier. I know about the long empty evening and nights. How you wake up with the sense that something’s terribly wrong, and then you realize what. And you cry buckets when you least expect it. He wasn’t easy to live with as he approached his stress breakdown, but it still felt really bad anyway. He did come back, after ten months, by which time we’d lost the house…but I know a bit of what you’re going through.

You will recover in time, so please be patient with yourself when you can be.
With love, Trishie
 
Grimble said:
Hi, hope it’s ok to write this out and send…

I’ve been seperated from my wife for 3 months no and the divorce is going though which is the best thing for us and it was an amicable finish.

But.

It’s the first time I’m been on my own and I’m having real difficulties, I can’t help feeling tearful and emotional all the time and there is a big emptyness. I’m finding if very difficult to focus on praying now and nothing seems to really matter anymore. I’m finding it difficult to be bothered with anything and I’m usually quite an UP person and a real organiser.

I’m not a Catholic although I’ve recently been on a seekers Catholic experience retreat and enjoyed it very much and my path does seem to be slowly heading down that road. I used to be a Pagan and have been for over 10 years and it seems since living on my own nobody has visited me or even on Facebook! I have a couple of good friends which I see once or twice a month but I’m feeling really isolated.

I would like to meet local Catholics but to be honest I just have not the energy at the moment, the drive. When I feel I really know what I’m doing perhaps I could get in touch with people more but at the moment I’m just existing and getting by. Even my family live over 100 miles away and I have a brother in another country.

Perhaps I should leave this town? it’s on my mind alot and start a new beginning somewhere else? this though does make me feel slightly excited but I have a good job here in this town, but that’s it!

I’m here on this forum to be honest as I have nowhere else and I do get a sense of warmth here from people that have replied to other posts and I want to hug all of them.
I pray for my friends and family when I can but things seem to be slipping away.

Any ideas?

God Bless,
Graham
Click to expand...
Hi Graham
Im so sorry you are going through such a very difficult time at the moment.WHen we suffer life changing events such as divorce,death or birth etc it forces us to re-evaluate our lives.WHere am I going,what ami doing with my life etc.Also you are used to having a partner to share things with.
Im sure you will make lots of friends here.You asked for suggestions.You are feeling drawn to the Catholic church.Have you visited your nearest parish church? If not why don’t you google you nearest catholic church & find the times os masses or walk along & take a look & attend a mass & chat with the priest after,Explain your situation to him & im sure he will be very warm & welcoming.In the meantime make friends here at CAF.Keep busy in your life.Take up a new hobby,read more,if you can afford it take a little holiday & visit new scenery.
I will keep you in my prayers.God bless you

Divine Mercy
Eternal God,
in whom mercy is endless
and the treasury of compassion
  • inexhaustible,
    look kindly upon us
    and increase Your mercy in us,
    that in difficult moments
    we might not despair
    nor become despondent,
    but with great confidence
    submit ourselves to Your holy will,
    which is Love and Mercy itself.
Amen
 
Grimble said:
Hi, hope it’s ok to write this out and send…

I’ve been seperated from my wife for 3 months no and the divorce is going though which is the best thing for us and it was an amicable finish.

But.

It’s the first time I’m been on my own and I’m having real difficulties, I can’t help feeling tearful and emotional all the time and there is a big emptyness. I’m finding if very difficult to focus on praying now and nothing seems to really matter anymore. I’m finding it difficult to be bothered with anything and I’m usually quite an UP person and a real organiser.

I’m not a Catholic although I’ve recently been on a seekers Catholic experience retreat and enjoyed it very much and my path does seem to be slowly heading down that road. I used to be a Pagan and have been for over 10 years and it seems since living on my own nobody has visited me or even on Facebook! I have a couple of good friends which I see once or twice a month but I’m feeling really isolated.

I would like to meet local Catholics but to be honest I just have not the energy at the moment, the drive. When I feel I really know what I’m doing perhaps I could get in touch with people more but at the moment I’m just existing and getting by. Even my family live over 100 miles away and I have a brother in another country.

Perhaps I should leave this town? it’s on my mind alot and start a new beginning somewhere else? this though does make me feel slightly excited but I have a good job here in this town, but that’s it!

I’m here on this forum to be honest as I have nowhere else and I do get a sense of warmth here from people that have replied to other posts and I want to hug all of them.
I pray for my friends and family when I can but things seem to be slipping away.

Any ideas?

God Bless,
Graham
Click to expand...
You are grieving the loss of your marriage (even if it was not a good one) and it is perfectly natural to feel as you do. Grief does not always have to involve death, it can occur after a significant loss. There are stages to grieving, and depression is one of them. Give yourself some time to move through this, and don’t make any rash or life-altering decisions right now, if you can help it, and if, after a period of time you feel “stuck” in the depression, get some counseling from someone who is experienced in grief counseling. And most of all, continue to try to pray, even very simple prayers. God is well aware of what’s going on in your life.

Father Benedict Groeschel has written a book called Arise From Darkness which may be very helpful to you at this point. He is a Fransciscan Friar and a psychologist, and has had a lot of experience in this area, and approaches hard life issues from a spititual perspective. I highly recommend this book to you. It won’t solve your problem, but it will be very helpful. You can order it from any major book dealer online for about $15.00.

And believe it or not, once you move through this, you will come out of it a stronger person. I have said a prayer for you.
 
Grimble said:
Hi, hope it’s ok to write this out and send…

I’ve been seperated from my wife for 3 months no and the divorce is going though which is the best thing for us and it was an amicable finish.

But.

It’s the first time I’m been on my own and I’m having real difficulties, I can’t help feeling tearful and emotional all the time and there is a big emptyness. I’m finding if very difficult to focus on praying now and nothing seems to really matter anymore. I’m finding it difficult to be bothered with anything and I’m usually quite an UP person and a real organiser.

I’m not a Catholic although I’ve recently been on a seekers Catholic experience retreat and enjoyed it very much and my path does seem to be slowly heading down that road. I used to be a Pagan and have been for over 10 years and it seems since living on my own nobody has visited me or even on Facebook! I have a couple of good friends which I see once or twice a month but I’m feeling really isolated.

I would like to meet local Catholics but to be honest I just have not the energy at the moment, the drive. When I feel I really know what I’m doing perhaps I could get in touch with people more but at the moment I’m just existing and getting by. Even my family live over 100 miles away and I have a brother in another country.

Perhaps I should leave this town? it’s on my mind alot and start a new beginning somewhere else? this though does make me feel slightly excited but I have a good job here in this town, but that’s it!

I’m here on this forum to be honest as I have nowhere else and I do get a sense of warmth here from people that have replied to other posts and I want to hug all of them.
I pray for my friends and family when I can but things seem to be slipping away.

Any ideas?

God Bless,
Graham
Click to expand...
Hi Graham,

May God bless you too. I am not surprised by your loneliness. Marriages, even non-Christian ones, are about hope; hope in the future, hope in your spouse, hope in yourself. But they are also about truth (the absolute kind), and when this truth is not a mutual goal, things fall apart. Perhaps the loss you feel is partly because at one time you felt this tremendous hope in the first place. Hope will return, in a different form.

But for now focus on truth. You seem to have a natural attraction for it. God is truth, you won’t have to find Him, He will find you. Try to pray a bit, even though it feels joyless. Remember, whatever you experience in every second is the best and holiest thing for you; even if it feels like it totally contradicts and attacks your faith, your faith is never more alive than when it is hanging on by its fingernails.

I will remember you in my prayers,

-Tim
 
Even through with a huge heap of anxiety I managed to get to Mass this morning and even went up and recieved a blessing! - Feeling much better now.

I do however feel that if someone looked at me awkwardly I would run a mile as I’m so sensitive at the moment and I do stick out like a saw thumb at Church as I’m quite a tall guy with long hair.

It’s nice to see some odd people of a similar age there as Church in the UK is seemed by a lot of people as a place for the elderly!! Which I have no problem with the more mature it’s just finding others to relate to if you understand.

Thanks sooo much for all your help.

I know it would not be a good idea to run away at the moment as my emotions are all over the place. I had medical help a few years ago after surviving an accident, this led to terrible depression & anxiety but I’m not that bad now, not by a long shot.
Because of this I’d rather talk to people rather than another counsellor or doctor, that time has long gone and I don’t want to go back there.

“Day by day, stone by stone
Build your secret slowly
Day by day, you’ll grow true
You’ll know heaven’s glory.”
  • From Brother sun Sister moon.
My growning interest in the Catholic Church is a huge secret amonst my friends & family.

God Bless & big hugs from the UK,
Graham
 
Grimble said:
Even through with a huge heap of anxiety I managed to get to Mass this morning and even went up and recieved a blessing! - Feeling much better now.

I do however feel that if someone looked at me awkwardly I would run a mile as I’m so sensitive at the moment and I do stick out like a saw thumb at Church as I’m quite a tall guy with long hair.

It’s nice to see some odd people of a similar age there as Church in the UK is seemed by a lot of people as a place for the elderly!! Which I have no problem with the more mature it’s just finding others to relate to if you understand.

Thanks sooo much for all your help.

I know it would not be a good idea to run away at the moment as my emotions are all over the place. I had medical help a few years ago after surviving an accident, this led to terrible depression & anxiety but I’m not that bad now, not by a long shot.
Because of this I’d rather talk to people rather than another counsellor or doctor, that time has long gone and I don’t want to go back there.

“Day by day, stone by stone
Build your secret slowly
Day by day, you’ll grow true
You’ll know heaven’s glory.”
  • From Brother sun Sister moon.
My growning interest in the Catholic Church is a huge secret amonst my friends & family.

God Bless & big hugs from the UK,
Graham
Click to expand...
WOW Graham that is fantastic news that you attended Mass and had a blessing.By the way it isn’t just old folk that attend Mass here in the UK.Im in my 40’s,my sisters in her 30’s,in our particular parish we have many young adults.Young families tend to make up the majority of our parish!
I hope you build up the courage to introduce yourself to the priest and tell him about your growing interest in the catholic church.You will find him to be very approachable and supportive.
In the meantime yoiu are in my prayers God bless

Divine Mercy
Eternal God,
in whom mercy is endless
and the treasury of compassion
  • inexhaustible,
    look kindly upon us
    and increase Your mercy in us,
    that in difficult moments
    we might not despair
    nor become despondent,
    but with great confidence
    submit ourselves to Your holy will,
    which is Love and Mercy itself.
Amen
 
Grimble said:
Even through with a huge heap of anxiety I managed to get to Mass this morning and even went up and recieved a blessing! - Feeling much better now.

It’s nice to see some odd people of a similar age there as Church in the UK is seemed by a lot of people as a place for the elderly!! Which I have no problem with the more mature it’s just finding others to relate to if you understand.
Click to expand...
Graham
Dont choke at this; its meant in all seriousness.

If theres a Traditional Latin Mass in your area, celebrated by priests WHO ARE IN UNION WITH ROME (not SSPX etc), youll probably find more young people there. If you can get to a Solemn High Mass (Traditional), the experience will make your spirit soar; the reverence, dignity and beauty of it. Again, more young than elderly. Its the Mass and worship at their best. My own experience is limited to the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter. Theyre knowledgeable and understanding.
In this country, the average age of TLM goers is 38, and falling.

But, one step at a time, maybe a bit later on.
 
PSALM 139 ( 138)

O Lord, you search me and you know me,
you know my resting and my rising,
you discern my purpose from afar.
You mark when I walk or lie down;
all my ways lie open before you.

O where can I go from your spirit,
or where can I flee from your face?
If I climb the heavens, you are there.
If I lie in the grave, you are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn
and dwell at the sea’s furthest end,
even there your hand would lead me,
your right hand would hold me fast.

For it was you who created my being,
knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I thank you for the wonder of my being,
for the wonders of all your creation.
 
Bless your heart - I know exactly what you are going through. I did it myself. The loneliness will get better over time.
 
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