I care only about myself

[niall]

I’m currently going through a ton of despair at the moment, and I’m pretty positive about the reason why: Everytime I seem to do anything, it’s almost always because I’m subconsciously thinking it will earn me heaven. It seems that my only motivation at this point is fearing punishment. It’s the most disheartening thing I’ve experienced, because I remember times where I felt as though I truly loved God. Now that the fact has hit me, that I have so much pride and self-love that I would only go through these things because I want to preserve myself, I feel nothing towards God. I’m aware that whether my heart knows it or not, I am the awful one in the situation and it isn’t God’s fault. But at this point, I really don’t think I can force myself to care.

I feel like I’ve forgotten the meaning of love. Over the span of a week I feel as though I’ve come to realize that all I care about is myself. I don’t know what to do.

I’m desperate for help at this point. How do you humble yourself? Are there any books to help with humility?

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

In all actuality, it seems that perhaps you need healing on how to love yourself correctly and feel affirmed in what you do rather than to simply focus on others.

If you are not healthy yourself, there is no way that you can really help others, and it sounds like you are REALLY unhealthy. Any good works you did, you’d keep coming back to your unhealthy thoughts about your own heavenly rewards rather than doing good for the sake of someone else.

As I’ve stated with other threads, you need to heal yourself before you can have healthy relationships with others. This can be through psychological and spiritual healing. This book is also a really good start.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Healing-Emotions-Conrad-Baars/dp/0882709666

It is important to understand that finding ways to get out of your selfish mindset is also important as you are healing the inadequicies in your past that have allowed for those tendencies.

 

[KathleenT]

Remember despair and hopelessness are never from God.

But you can always take this to a God in prayer and ask Him for help. There is the Litany of Humility you could pray.

Just try to stay faithful in your prayer and in the sacraments. Love God with your actions. This may just be some spiritual dryness.

 

[anon68864946]

Say the Litany of Humility! I love this prayer. I still have a long way to go in combating my pride, but I know that God always hears us when we pray, and is always willing to shower us with graces if we ask. Prayer is always the answer!

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart! Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus. (repeat after each line)
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred to others,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,
From the fear of being humiliated,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being suspected.

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. (repeat after each line)
That others may be esteemed more than I ,
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should.
Amen.

 

[anon68864946]

Here is another prayer I know will help, say it to help you love Jesus more. I will pray for you, please pray for me. God bless.

Jesus help me, I am so confused. My heart won’t open to You. My eyes can’t see You. My mind blocks You. My mouth cannot utter words to comfort You. My soul is clouded with darkness. Please take pity on me, a poor sinner. I am helpless without Your Presence. Fill me with Your Graces, so that I have the courage to reach out to You, to beg You for Mercy. Help me, Your lost disciple, who loves You, but who no longer feels love stir in my heart, to see and accept the Truth.
O Jesus of mine, Saviour of the world, help me to love You more. Help me to grow in my love for You. Fill my heart with Your Love and Compassion, so that I can attain the Graces to love You in the way that You love me. Fill my ungrateful soul with a deep and abiding love for You and all that You represent. By the Power of Your Graces help me to love my neighbour as You love every child of God and to show compassion to those who are in need of Your Love and who are without faith. Unite me in union with You, so that I can lead the Christian life, which You taught us by Your example during Your time on Earth.
Jesus, I trust in You. Help me to love You more. Fill me with the confidence to surrender in full and final union with You. Help me to grow my trust in You during difficult times. Fill me with Your Peace. I come to You, dear Jesus, as a child, free of all wordly ties; free of all conditions and I hand You over my will to do with it as You see fit for the sake of my own and that of other souls. Amen.

 

[Jared2914]

This is something I am studying a lot right now, but I haven’t wrapped my head around it all yet to really serve you. Here are some thoughts though. Sometimes we “fall in love” with God and sometimes we “fall out of love” with God. It’s the same with human relationships. When we are “in love” we desire to love God. This desire manifests itself in wanting to worship and serve God as well as follow all his commandments. Doing good is easy in these moments. When we are “out of love”, it’s just the opposite. We have no interest in God. We just want to be selfish and do what we want to do.

This can change at anytime. We might be in love with God one day, but out of love the next day. It might be longer, maybe 3 months being in love and 3 months out of love, or any combination. You see love is both a feeling and a choice. When you have the feeling, love will be easy. When you don’t, it will be difficult. You just have to keep doing the right thing even when you don’t like it. Eventually, the feeling will be back. You are in love with God again. To get through these periods, we need persistence, perseverance, or patience whatever you want to call it.

Of course, it would be much better if you never “fell out of love” with God. There are certain things you can do to foster this. I don’t have any books to recommend, but there are some good articles online if you search for “catholic how to love God”. Just off the top of my head, one way to foster the feeling of love (or desire to love God) is counting your blessings and thanking God for them.

I’m sure you have had times when someone did something for you and it really touched your heart. Maybe you were in real trouble and they got you out of it. It could be even simpler like a friend giving you the perfect gift for your birthday. By seeing God’s blessings for you in your life, it may touch your heart and bring you close to God again. There’s more than this, but I can’t remember. Do some searching. I’m sure you will find some good resources.

Still, there will always be some of this back and forth in your relationship with God as long as you live on earth. It’s only in heaven that we will always love God. In that sense this is somewhat normal. For the spiritual side of things, it can be really good to talk to your priest. You can do this in the Sacrament of Confession. You won’t have a lot of time, but your confessor’s advice might really help.

However, there is a possibility that you are going through depression. I have had depression before and it makes you unhappy or disappointed about everything. Nothing, not even your most favorite things, makes you happy. If this is the case you should see a mental health professional. If you are under 18, you should talk to your parents about this. If you are over 18, call around until you find one that sounds like a good fit. There are tons of resources about this online as well. Just search for “help with depression”.

 

[JamesATyler]

Well, it sounds like you are being too hard on yourself. So what if you want to go to heaven? Good choice out of the two. Try this, focus on the second greatest commandment. Explore the idea of loving your neighbor as yourself. Want to be humble? Try serving others. Think about the needs of the people who are in your presence and see what you can do. You can do that and still be attributed bad motivations by yourself and anyone else, but when you help others and they are pleased, are you pleased too? Does helping others make you smile and feel proud of yourself in a good way? If you don’t know then find out.