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Confessions

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I confess that in the past I have engaged in a rating system with my friends where we rate the women we date on a scale of 1-10. My rule used to be that I would not date any girl who’s below a 7. Fortunately, most of my friends have stopped using that sytem and are now trying to convince me to look at personality instead of just physical appearance, which I’m beginning to do. I’m ashamed to say that I have refused to date girls or ended things because of her appearance/weight, etc., even recently.
 
Most men, if they are honest, will admit to doing something like this in their life. It doesn’t make you a wretch or anything like that. It makes you a regular man. I am a guy as well.

Physical apperance is much more important to men then it is to women. Yes, there are exceptions, and no, it’s not always easy for women to hear. However, just because it might be difficult doesn’t mean it is not true.

It was immature, but not wrong. You have nothing to confess, in my opinion.
 
Rascalking said:
Most men, if they are honest, will admit to doing something like this in their life. It doesn’t make you a wretch or anything like that. It makes you a regular man. I am a guy as well. I mustn’t be a regular man then cos I don’t recall ever engaging in any kind of ‘rating system’ of women and girls. Maybe having four sisters and being taught a bit of respect for women when I was growing up helped.

Physical apperance is much more important to men then it is to women. Yes, there are exceptions, and no, it’s not always easy for women to hear. However, just because it might be difficult doesn’t mean it is not true. And just because it’s generally true does not mean you have to act out of it. It is generally true that men have more inclination than women to masturbate but doesn’t make it any less grave matter.

It was immature, but not wrong. You have nothing to confess, in my opinion.Perhaps. Perhaps not. If the women found out they were being ‘rated’ in such a hurtful way, then there is a case to be answered in confession IMO. And apart from the hurtful, consumerist attitude towards women it encourages, it is not worthy of any man who takes Jesus Christ as his role model.
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As a woman I am glad you have recognized that what you and your friends were doing isn’t necessarily a cool thing to do.

It’s stuff like that that makes us woman feel so insecure about our appearances. You can see this insecurity constantly being played out in our culture unfortunately.
 
Amen.

Physical appearances are a byproduct of this world. While you do want some physical attraction, feelings are misleading.

At least go out a couple times and see if you can find chemistry and commonality.

Women are God’s beautiful daughters. There is a saying, “Catholic boys make the best boyfriends. Mama Mary taught them how to treat girls right and Our Father will deal with them if they don’t!” While it’s a cute Facebook bumper sticker, it is true that we have to answer to God about how we treat His children.
 
so, go to the sacrament of confession. say, “i’ve objectified women and ignored their God-given dignity. worse still, i’ve made sport of them with my friends.”

with absolution, you will be reconciled with God and with your fellow man and woman. with the graces of the sacrament, you will be helped to avoid this in the future.

(i have 5 daughters. all of them very beautiful. my daughter who has down syndrome is the single most astonishingly beautiful girl i’ve ever seen. would you have a score card for her?)
 
As a woman, I am glad to hear that you are willing to mend your ways. I don’t like to be objectified. However, and I hope I say this without coming across as a doormat. Appearance is important not so much in how a women looks according to the medias scale. It matters in the sense that it is OK to want someone you are attracted to. Was your scale actually ‘a scale of my buddies opinion if I am seen with her’ or was it a scale ‘She is so cute, everytime I see her I just want to hug her so much’. Do you see the difference. One is cruel objectifying, the other is finding a mate you like.

Also, as a 40 year old women, I still wear make up and clothes because I like it. But I am beyond trying to impress a man with my looks. I have better things to worry about

CM
 
monicatholic said:
so, go to the sacrament of confession. say, “i’ve objectified women and ignored their God-given dignity. worse still, i’ve made sport of them with my friends.”

with absolution, you will be reconciled with God and with your fellow man and woman. with the graces of the sacrament, you will be helped to avoid this in the future.

(i have 5 daughters. all of them very beautiful. my daughter who has down syndrome is the single most astonishingly beautiful girl i’ve ever seen. would you have a score card for her?)
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Yep, something of this sort and all other sins involved and you should be covered.

Don’t listen to Rascalking. You will probably need to confess it, if it is as you said.
 
DihydrogenOxide said:
Yep, something of this sort and all other sins involved and you should be covered.

Don’t listen to Rascalking. You will probably need to confess it, if it is as you said.
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Listen to Rascalking all you want. Just don’t take his advice. That’s why it called an opinion. Make up your mind. If you want to confess it, knock yourself out. I just don’t think he needs too.

Rating women on a scale. Not dating anyone under a certain number. I called it immature, and I think it is. I don’t call it sinful.For what it’s worth, I date all kinds of women. Never, ever, have I been accused of objectifying any of them, disrespecting any of them, or anything else of the sort.

. For what’s its worth, I think masturbation, adultery, porn, and everything else are mortal sins, but raiting women and admiring beauty is not.

Would I rate a person with down’s syndrome? Of course not. Most men don’t.

There is a huge difference between rating women on a scale (once again, immature) and viewing women as objects.

No offense to anyone, by all means. Please, please, please don’t take anything I said personal.

However, I’m glad that most practicing catholics can understand the difference between sinful behavior and being immature.

And I said it was my opinion. I still don’t think he needs to confess that.
 
It’s probably not a bad idea to confess your rating system, but don’t be too hard on yourself. I don’t think you should push yourself to date anyone you are not attracted to. I know I wouldn’t. I guess where the whole rating thing kind of crosses the line beyond that is that it does tend to objectify women. I think you are cheating yourself out of really getting to know someone as an individual if you are thinking of them as numerical sum that really just amounts to hotness. Something like that doesn’t give you much of a foundation for building a relationship, and believe me, women can spot that shallowness of purpose a mile away, and it will prevent you from being with a woman of substance.
 
*What’s sad is we have actual contests STILL to this day that literally rate women mainly on looks…it’s called the Miss America…Miss Universe…bla bla bla contests. :rolleyes: Women parading around in swimsuit ‘‘competitions,’’ …please…when will these silly contests cease? Women haven’t come so far in the world, I think to myself, when I see those demeaning contests on tv. They are judged in other areas, but the swimsuit competiton shows me that the world still holds this value of women as being wrapped up in looks. Men have contests too, but they are usually more athletic based…body builder, etc. That to me, is a little different.

So, it’s no wonder many people rate others in this same way…:o

To the OP…you recognized it as a negative thing to do…that’s great! Now, just keep cognizant of it, give it to God…and hopefully, this will be something you can permanently grow away from. We all have our ‘‘things’’ that we have to mature away from…this could be yours. I am glad you confessed it. :)*
 
the behavior is immature.

and it is sinful. not objectively mortally sinful. but sinful. the OP isn’t simply admiring beauty, he used women’s appearance as the basis of a guy social sport-- a social sport that results in objectification, unjust descrimination and obvious lack of charity.

check this out:
1863 Venial sin weakens charity; it manifests a disordered affection for created goods; it impedes the soul’s progress in the exercise of the virtues and the practice of the moral good; it merits temporal punishment. Deliberate and unrepented venial sin disposes us little by little to commit mortal sin. However venial sin does not break the covenant with God. With God’s grace it is humanly reparable. "Venial sin does not deprive the sinner of sanctifying grace, friendship with God, charity, and consequently eternal happiness."134
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*While he is in the flesh, man cannot help but have at least some light sins. But do not despise these sins which we call “light”: if you take them for light when you weigh them, tremble when you count them. A number of light objects makes a great mass; a number of drops fills a river; a number of grains makes a heap. What then is our hope? Above all, confession.135 *
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if deliberate and unrepentant venail sin disposes us to mortal sin, it’s obvious that they little by little most likely dispose us to commit mortal sins in the same vein as the venial sins committed. dehumanizing women for social sport can dispose a man to the mortal sins mentioned by rascalking: *** masturbation, adultery, porn, ***

the OP has a conscience. it’s impossible for any of us to say he’s scrupulous, and the behavior he suggests IS an obvious lack of charity. shouldn’t we help him by supporting him in following his concience? in heeding its warnings? isn’t that what conscience is for? what good does it do to tell him “that ain’t so bad”?
 
*Also to you confessions/OP;

If you put yourself in another’s shoes, sometimes that helps to give up sins/bad habits. It isn’t always complimetary to an attractive woman for men to only find that appealing about her. To know that is the main thing drawing them to her. It can feel a little degrading to know that men find you attractive, but they aren’t really looking for anything further…like meaningful dialogue or anything. lol Just something to think about when you are tempted to ‘rate’ a woman the next time…that she is a person with feelings, hobbies, interests…she is more than a pretty face and body. Much more…she is a child of God. I dated a guy back in college, who thought I was pretty…then, there was a weekend I grew very ill, he stopped over to my dorm, and I imagine I looked pretty horrid, hello, I was sick. He dumped me after seeing me that day! 🤷 Then, a week later, saw me on campus…I was over my sickness…looked better …he was like…Oh I’m sorry I did that, what was I thinking…want to go out again? Get outta here! (was my answer) So, it can really be hurtful to know that someone is only around you for what you look like…on that day, even. 😛

We should admire beauty…I see nothing wrong with that…but rating someone puts you in place (in your mind) as a judge of another…and that is where it can give you a false sense of confidence…or like you are better than another because you are rating them. Anyways…sorry to ramble, just a few more cents worth. :o*
 
monicatholic said:
the behavior is immature.

and it is sinful. not objectively mortally sinful. but sinful. the OP isn’t simply admiring beauty, he used women’s appearance as the basis of a guy social sport-- a social sport that results in objectification, unjust descrimination and obvious lack of charity.

check this out:

if deliberate and unrepentant venail sin disposes us to mortal sin, it’s obvious that they little by little most likely dispose us to commit mortal sins in the same vein as the venial sins committed. dehumanizing women for social sport can dispose a man to the mortal sins mentioned by rascalking: *** masturbation, adultery, porn, ***

the OP has a conscience. it’s impossible for any of us to say he’s scrupulous, and the behavior he suggests IS an obvious lack of charity. shouldn’t we help him by supporting him in following his concience? in heeding its warnings? isn’t that what conscience is for? what good does it do to tell him “that ain’t so bad”?
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I agree with this…venial sin left unchecked and ignored CAN and often times DOES lead to mortal sins of the flesh. Good points.
 
Rascalking said:
Listen to Rascalking all you want. Just don’t take his advice. That’s why it called an opinion. Make up your mind. If you want to confess it, knock yourself out. I just don’t think he needs too.

Rating women on a scale. Not dating anyone under a certain number. I called it immature, and I think it is. I don’t call it sinful.For what it’s worth, I date all kinds of women. Never, ever, have I been accused of objectifying any of them, disrespecting any of them, or anything else of the sort.
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I meant no offense, but I don’t want him to get the wrong idea about sin.

He said…
I’m ashamed to say that I have refused to date girls or ended things because of her appearance/weight, etc., even recently.
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I’m not his confessor, but it could very well be sinful. It’s just my opinion also.
 
*My motto…when in doubt? Go to confession. It can never hurt us…only help us. *
 
Confessions said:
I’m ashamed to say that I have refused to date girls or ended things because of her appearance/weight, etc., even recently.
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the rating thing is not cool, but no need to date someone you aren’t at least attracted to.
 
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