I didn't come here to be entertained by you or your child!

[ExpectedIrony]

I think kids are cute, I really do, but, I don’t think when a child is present, everyone should cast their attention on them. This morning, I went to mass, and there are the cutest little boys that go to my church. They’re five and one, but honestly, I swear this family craves attention. They sit and play with the kids, but the kids get in trouble when they respond…do you honestly expect the children to be silent when you’re reading to them and letting them play with toys? I understand bringing a book for a child to look at, but toys? They also brought donuts. I usually just ignore them, but lately they’ve been tapping me on the shoulder saying “LOOK AT HIM!” When one was getting bounced on his aunts knee. I just smiled, and looked away, yes, he is cute, but I didn’t come here to be distracted or entertained by you or your child. I’m sorry, but I don’t really find children interesting…I don’t feel I have to give them the center of attention. My cousin brought some girl to my baby shower, and she sat out a blanket in the middle of my living room, and played with her child. “Look at her! Look!” to everyone. “She’s crawling!” or when my nephew learned to walk, my SIL constantly saying “Look!!” when he was walking for three weeks after he learned to walk. That’s great, I know it’s exciting, but after the 2nd or 3rd time, it’s not that exciting. I don’t mean to sound rude, I know it’s actually the parents, and not the child. It’s just a pet peeve of mine, when I’m trying to pay attention to something or do something, and I’m interrupted to watch a child, be a child.

I’m sorry, this was kind of a rant, it’s over now.

 

[Xantippe]

The family at Mass is totally over the top, but everybody else you mention sounds within the bounds of normal behavior. Annoying, but normal and forgivable.

A lot of us seem to take a one-way ticket to Mommyville when we have kids. There’s a sort of kid-focused tunnel vision that allows us to focus 100% on the welfare of our children. Unfortunately, that leaves us with little interest to spare on other issues: Mass, politics, anybody else’s interests or wellbeing, etc. Fortunately, most mothers manage to make occasional trips out of Mommyville at least by the time their kids are school age.

Be patient and find a different spot to sit at Mass.

 

[Corki]

I’m sorry, but I don’t really find children interesting.

My cousin brought some girl to my baby shower,

I just have to ask. Does this lack of interest in children extend to your own?

 

[CrispSnowflake]

I think they are doing this to give their children more praise so when the children grow up they will have higher self-esteem.
You can always tell them," I really like your children. They are adorable and cute. However, this is Mass, and I can only give Jesus 100% attention".
Something like that.

I’m not an adult/parent so I don’t know how it’s like to be an adult/parent.

 

[ellzeena]

Well, my best guess is you don’t yet have children. Once that baby is in your arms, all the silly adulation of a mother/father starts to make sense to you. Scary, isn’t it LOL!!

BUT…in CHURCH one expects one’s child(ren) to behave in a certain manner. Now, some may be too young and the other congregants understand the difficulties of handling toddler-hood and infancy which, IMO, people with such young children need to sit in a place where they can discreetly withdraw should the baby begin to “act up”. Bringing a cracker or a bottle to distract a very young child is just fine but encouraging disrespectful behavior at Mass is not fine. Maybe these people are embarrassed by their children’s behavior and don’t know how to be parents in a manner that instructs? Perhaps you could mention this to your pastor? He may choose to do nothing, that is his prerogative. And YOURS is to move to the other side of the church or to front or back and not let this distraction bring anger into your heart when you really want to be giving Jesus the adoration due Him. My confessor has a great prayer: Don’t let the garbage in my head enter my will. It works.

 

[ExpectedIrony]

I just have to ask. Does this lack of interest in children extend to your own?

No, I love my daughter, and give her a lot of attention, but I don’t expect people to drop everything and coo over her, if that’s what you’re asking.

 

[Z1Z2]

I just have to ask. Does this lack of interest in children extend to your own?

I am not the OP, but can’t help but answer. I think I am appropriately interested in my own kids. I usually don’t think other peoples’ kids are all that interesting though.

 

[ExpectedIrony]

Well, my best guess is you don’t yet have children. Once that baby is in your arms, all the silly adulation of a mother/father starts to make sense to you. Scary, isn’t it LOL!!

BUT…in CHURCH one expects one’s child(ren) to behave in a certain manner. Now, some may be too young and the other congregants understand the difficulties of handling toddler-hood and infancy which, IMO, people with such young children need to sit in a place where they can discreetly withdraw should the baby begin to “act up”. Bringing a cracker or a bottle to distract a very young child is just fine but encouraging disrespectful behavior at Mass is not fine. Maybe these people are embarrassed by their children’s behavior and don’t know how to be parents in a manner that instructs? Perhaps you could mention this to your pastor? He may choose to do nothing, that is his prerogative. And YOURS is to move to the other side of the church or to front or back and not let this distraction bring anger into your heart when you really want to be giving Jesus the adoration due Him. My confessor has a great prayer: Don’t let the garbage in my head enter my will. It works.

I do have a daughter…I do love her, I do get excited over things, but I don’t expect others to.

 

[gardenswithkids]

… I usually just ignore them, but lately they’ve been tapping me on the shoulder saying “LOOK AT HIM!” …

Okay, at Mass that would be very annoying and inappropriate. If anyone in the family ever does that again and you are sitting anywhere near a statue of Mary holding baby Jesus, perhaps you could quietly point to the statue and tell them you are already looking at Him.

 

[KCT]

I think, in general, yes, kids have a fuss made over them more so than in the past.

With cell phone cameras, digital cameras, easy uploading etc, kids today have their photos all over the place for people to admire and fawn over. (I’m a grand mom; I appreciate pics on facebook.)

I do wonder if we could be raising a more narcissistic generation than in times past.

Kids need appropriate attention, of course, but I believe self esteem comes from inside-- from doing what’s right and good. I don’t believe it’s an entity all it’s own that can be given to someone. (as through praise for every little thing)

Just the 2 cents of a mom and grandmom.

 

[Neofight]

I think kids are cute, I really do, but, I don’t think when a child is present, everyone should cast their attention on them. This morning, I went to mass, and there are the cutest little boys that go to my church. They’re five and one, but honestly, I swear this family craves attention. They sit and play with the kids, but the kids get in trouble when they respond…do you honestly expect the children to be silent when you’re reading to them and letting them play with toys? I understand bringing a book for a child to look at, but toys? They also brought donuts. I usually just ignore them, but lately they’ve been tapping me on the shoulder saying “LOOK AT HIM!” When one was getting bounced on his aunts knee. I just smiled, and looked away, yes, he is cute, but I didn’t come here to be distracted or entertained by you or your child. I’m sorry, but I don’t really find children interesting…I don’t feel I have to give them the center of attention. My cousin brought some girl to my baby shower, and she sat out a blanket in the middle of my living room, and played with her child. “Look at her! Look!” to everyone. “She’s crawling!” or when my nephew learned to walk, my SIL constantly saying “Look!!” when he was walking for three weeks after he learned to walk. That’s great, I know it’s exciting, but after the 2nd or 3rd time, it’s not that exciting. I don’t mean to sound rude, I know it’s actually the parents, and not the child. It’s just a pet peeve of mine, when I’m trying to pay attention to something or do something, and I’m interrupted to watch a child, be a child.

I’m sorry, this was kind of a rant, it’s over now.

So, try this…when annoyed by someone(especially at Mass), pray that the Holy Spirit soften your heart, and also pray for those you find annoying…

I tell my 4 YO granddaughter (and have proven to her) that its impossible to eat cupcakes and cry at the same time…

Similarly, you can’t pray and be mad at people at the same time!

 

[Bonnie]

I’ve seen (& heard!) that sort of behavior, too. I also dislike it. Tho sometimes the parents are noisier than the kids with their loud shushing & long explanations about either what’s going on at the altar or why they should be quiet.

I got a good lesson from a saint of a man we did call Saint Bill. But not to his face.

Before Mass I has happily answering my daughter’s questions about statues & other things. I was so proud of her intelligent questions! Bill was sitting in front of us. When he had had all he could take, he turned around, smiled his beatific smile, and put his finger to his lips. I was mortified. And he didn’t look at my daughter - it was I who was doing most of the talking!

From then on, my children were instructed to be quiet at Mass and questions would be answered later. The only whisper allowed was a request to use the restroom. For the most part, they were quiet. The rule held for me and my husband, too. Tho we didn’t have to ask permission to go to the restroom.

I can’t pull off the smile and finger to the lips like Bill did. I’m nowhere near as holy as he was.

 

[EasterJoy]

At church, if someone tries to get your attention, the minute you realize that they don’t need your help with something urgent–for instance, that they’re not trying to get you to help perform CPR because the first guy is getting tired and the paramedics aren’t there yet or their kid has vomited in the pew and they need you to help then to herd kids and clean up the mess before the kids make it worse–you point at the altar and then look away from them and in that direction. Since there are legitimate reasons to bother someone at Mass, though, you’re kind of stuck with making certain that your charity isn’t so urgently needed that you have to help right away, even if it is somebody who has habitually bothered you for the wrong reasons. You just never know, and you can’t let charity come calling for your help during Mass, only to find you too wrapped up in yourself to answer the call.

After Mass, you can ask what they wanted. Then say, “I’m sorry, I’m sure you were very excited, but if you don’t need me urgently, please don’t distract me during Mass. After all, the one about whom we ought to all be saying “LOOK AT HIM!” during Mass is the Lamb of God! His other little lambs have to wait…don’t you, sweetie? You are a sweet boy, aren’t you? Yes, you are…oh, and the ladies who clean church would really rather you don’t bring food into church, but especially not the sticky or greasy stuff. Cheerios, if you have to, but it’s better to not bring food in at all. You wouldn’t believe the messes they’ve found, but kids don’t know better…”

Be nice, though, and as gracious as you can. Put the best interpretation you can on what others do, as well, even if it strains the imagination. The house of God is a house of unfailing mercy and kindness. We are all bound to do our best in that direction.

 

[cheezey]

Similarly, you can’t pray and be mad at people at the same time!

Oh, yes you can.

 

[ExpectedIrony]

I’ve seen (& heard!) that sort of behavior, too. I also dislike it. Tho sometimes the parents are noisier than the kids with their loud shushing & long explanations about either what’s going on at the altar or why they should be quiet.

I got a good lesson from a saint of a man we did call Saint Bill. But not to his face.

Before Mass I has happily answering my daughter’s questions about statues & other things. I was so proud of her intelligent questions! Bill was sitting in front of us. When he had had all he could take, he turned around, smiled his beatific smile, and put his finger to his lips. I was mortified. And he didn’t look at my daughter - it was I who was doing most of the talking!

From then on, my children were instructed to be quiet at Mass and questions would be answered later. The only whisper allowed was a request to use the restroom. For the most part, they were quiet. The rule held for me and my husband, too. Tho we didn’t have to ask permission to go to the restroom.

I can’t pull off the smile and finger to the lips like Bill did. I’m nowhere near as holy as he was.

Haha! Honestly, it actually is most of their family doing the talking. I don’t expect a child, or a baby to be dead silent in Mass. I know children are talkative, and babies don’t know better at all. It’s the fact that the family acts like they do about it. They take up three rows and pass the kids back and forth.

 

[Neofight]

Oh, yes you can.

No, I can’t, but then again I will concede that perhaps for others it can’t…keep trying, though!

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Similarly, you can’t pray and be mad at people at the same time!

You never met my grandmother. Her specialty was to get so mad at someone that she had to pray for them. She said that doing that was the only way to keep from thinking sinful thoughts.

 

[Aggies08]

I’m not a baby person, but I can and do “smile and nod,” ie. briefly acknowledge the accomplishment, then go back to the conversation.

I’ve never actually been to a baby shower without a few young children present.

The church thing is over the top.

 

[Cat]

I think kids are cute, I really do, but, I don’t think when a child is present, everyone should cast their attention on them. This morning, I went to mass, and there are the cutest little boys that go to my church. They’re five and one, but honestly, I swear this family craves attention. They sit and play with the kids, but the kids get in trouble when they respond…do you honestly expect the children to be silent when you’re reading to them and letting them play with toys? I understand bringing a book for a child to look at, but toys? They also brought donuts. I usually just ignore them, but lately they’ve been tapping me on the shoulder saying “LOOK AT HIM!” When one was getting bounced on his aunts knee. I just smiled, and looked away, yes, he is cute, but I didn’t come here to be distracted or entertained by you or your child. I’m sorry, but I don’t really find children interesting…I don’t feel I have to give them the center of attention. My cousin brought some girl to my baby shower, and she sat out a blanket in the middle of my living room, and played with her child. “Look at her! Look!” to everyone. “She’s crawling!” or when my nephew learned to walk, my SIL constantly saying “Look!!” when he was walking for three weeks after he learned to walk. That’s great, I know it’s exciting, but after the 2nd or 3rd time, it’s not that exciting. I don’t mean to sound rude, I know it’s actually the parents, and not the child. It’s just a pet peeve of mine, when I’m trying to pay attention to something or do something, and I’m interrupted to watch a child, be a child.

I’m sorry, this was kind of a rant, it’s over now.

That’s really kind of weird.

But perhaps–just a thought–perhaps it took them a long time to have their children. Perhaps the mom experienced several heartbreaking miscarriages–one of my friends had three miscarriages before she was finally able to have her first child (and she had two more beautiful children).

That would explain why these parents are a little “over-appreciative” of their amazing children! To them, everything the child does is a gift, and they want to show the world how blessed they are!

But at any rate, I would take care not to sit near this family again at Mass. It would distract me terribly.

And if they are just weird modern parents who believe in complimenting every little coo and step that their children make–pity their children. When they get older, they will be incorrigible, and all the other kids will dislike them (putting it mildly). And think about their poor schoolteachers–ai yi yi! I

It’s good to praise our children when they are deserving of praise, but too much praise produces a child who requires and demands constant assurance that he/she is absolutely wonderful. Very sad.

 

[Anglewannabe]

but lately they’ve been tapping me on the shoulder saying “LOOK AT HIM!” .

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I could semi understand if you went to mass with these people. But to just tap a stranger on the shoulder in the middle of mass to point out their son is being bounced on his aunts knee is stuff you find in a comedy movie. I am laughing hysterically as I type this. If I was you I would make sure my hair and make-up are perfectly done because I would be positive sooner or later someone is going to scream ‘Smile your on candit camera’

As for the baby shower, I heard a saying once ‘Adults can never compete with kids’. In other words, if an adult wants the center of attention, their should never be a kid brought. And if it was YOUR baby shower, it was inconsiderate to bring a baby and take away from your day.

However, a lot of people feel it would be rude to not go to your shower. And still a lot of women do not have husband who would take the baby for an afternoon so the only option is to bring the baby And when half of the other people are saying ‘Oh, bring your baby it won’t matter’, people show up with kids and think it is acceptable.

There comes a point where you have to decide ‘Is my no baby rule worth not being allowed to see my friends with kids? Is it worth potentially making them mad at me’. There is no right or wrong answer but it is a trade off you need to decide for yourself.

But if you cousin brought a girl you did not know with this girl had a baby, that is odd and I hope the baby’s mother at least got you an expensive gift

Angie