I didn't know he was married! Have I sinned?

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SomeSunnyDay said:
And what, exactly, does the woman “owe him” by going on a few dates, or inviting him over for a home-cooked meal?

(Hey, I just saved him some money - he paid for the first four dinner dates!)

So I think that’s a fair trade. For him to assume that not only am I going to cook for him AND have sex with him upon the occasion of his first visit to my humble abode, is dreaming …

I’m his date, not his wife! (Turns out, he already has one!)
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I was wondering how long this thread would go on before people started blaming you. it is inevitable in dating/relationship threads. At first lots of support, then thinly veiled criticism, then direct frontal attacks.

So ill go back to what I said early on:

You did nothing wrong
The man is not representative of catholics.
 
imasinner said:
Hello there , obviously he shouldnt be dating if he is married…your point is? The relationship was for TWO MONTHS in which time she did a lot of assuming and dreaming rather than asking the right questions to get to know him. Was he aware that she felt so strongly against pre-marital sex? I doubt it very much or he may not have reacted as badly as he did. No one is giving this guy the benefit of doubt.

I think many males can relate to this situation and have made the same grave mistake…believed that the girl is willing but was deliberately being a tease by letting it get so far. Men are human they can get angry at times for the most selfish reasons as we woman do too. His reaction was inexcusable but understandable if he felt she was being a tease. He wasnt a happy chappy to be told “NO” but he did not try to force it on her. Sunny did not know he was married till 2weeks later. That wasnt why she dumped him but now she is making it an issue. She should get over it and move on. If think it would be better all round that she prays about this and leave it to God.

Im sorry Im too sleepy to think straight right now but Im trying to see it from the guys perspective. Peace and goodnight 🙂
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Well, gee, considering this guy is an** outright liar and hypocrite**, passing himself off as a single devout Catholic, what benefit of a doubt are we supposed to give him??? He put himself if this situation.

Wow, you are sure focusing on the wrong issue here, by implying that Sunny is a tease. If that’s a guys perspective, heaven help us! I don’t think sleepyness has anything to do with thinking straight in this case. That man was looking for some fun on the side of his marriage. He didn’t care who he hurt in the chase, be it Sunny or his wife. What does that say about his character???

Honestly, if he wasn’t such a wack job, I would tell Sunny to let his wife know. I too was married to a liar like this, and wish I hadn’t wasted so many years on him before finding out.
 
I think I’ve pretty much reached the same conclusion: under normal circumstances, I would probably find some way to “drop a hint” to his wife. If I knew her personally and felt safe talking to her face-to-face, I’d just do that. For HER sake.

I think most married women would want to know of her husband’s infidelities - even if he’s done it before and she knew then. If for no other reason, she might be trying to build a case for legal separation or divorce, and she’ll need all the evidence/witnesses she can get to prove adultery.

BUT…in THIS particular case, since I know he’s not safe to have this discussion with, and because I don’t know his wife or what her reaction might be, think it’s best for me to steer clear entirely and stay safe.

Under the circumstances, wouldn’t most here agree?
 
It’s his fault, not yours. He knew he was married. You didn’t know. I’m not at all religious, but it seems to me like you did no wrong at all. He was the one who did wrong.
 
yellowbird said:
He was not a GOOD Catholic. :nope:

Reading some of these responses makes me glad I’m not single if a home cooked meal = sex in some men’s minds.

Gads!
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Is he even Catholic? I know he spoke about attending Mass and Confession. He spoke about daily Mass. He DID know the Rosary. But is he Catholic?

Also are you sure he is married? I know your friend told you, but could he be separated or divorced?

He is a cad and sounds like he could become abusive, so staying away from him would be a good idea, but unless you know for sure, I wouldn’t call him Catholic or married. Just a jerk.
 
Hey Mary –

Well, it’s hard to say for sure - all I know is what he told me and what my friend (who has worked with him for 20 years) told me.

Of course, she has no reason to lie, and she knows him much, much better than I do. I think she just was trying to protect me from this guy, she knows what his game is and she suspected that he hadn’t told me he was married. Well, she was right!

I only know he’s Catholic because he told me so, and because he talked about it at such great length, his faith was often a topic of our conversations. (In some ways, it seemed almost like he was trying a little too hard to convince me on that issue).

So considering that this guy lied to me about other things, I guess he could lie about anything. But on the issue of his Catholic faith, I doubt he wouldn’t talk about it so much if it wasn’t at least partially true. And he kept asking me if I would consider converting someday (as if hinting towards marriage…yeah, I know, oldest line in the book!)…strange indeed, huh?
 
Thought I would post an update on the most recent whacko activity: since telling him I wanted no more contact, blocked his number and didn’t return his call from last week, I have suddenly started to recieve phone calls from a private/restricted number at about the same time every day.

This has happened 8 times in a week - 3 calls were within minutes of one another on the same day. The caller never leaves a voice message, and I strongly suspect this is him calling. He’s probably figured out by now I’ve blocked his number, so he’s either doing a *67 to block his incoming number on my caller ID, or calling from another phone.

I never answer a call unless I recognize the #, so private/restricted/anonymous calls always get sent straight to voicemail.

Considering that very few people have my cell number (that’s something I only give to family & close friends), it’s very rare that I ever get calls from “private” numbers. Like once in a blue moon. Now, all of a sudden, I’m getting these mysterious “private” calls every day, sometimes one right after the other, and no msg.?

8 calls in a week? Doesn’t that seem a bit extreme?

If he wants to talk, why doesn’t he just leave a message asking me to call back? (Not that I will return his call - I won’t - but at least that’s what normal people do when they’re wanting to reach you.)

What’s up with that? What does he hope to accomplish by doing this? Is he just hoping I’ll pick up and talk to him, or is he going all stalker-ish on me? Maybe his wife found my # in his phone and is the person doing the calling? Or is he actually trying to frighten me?

If he’s trying to scare me, it’s starting to work! I’m officially a little freaked out now!
 
How are blocked calls getting through? It shouldn’t even ring on the phone; it should just be diverted to an automated message that tells the person, “The number you have called is not available at this time.”
 
I’m not sure how that would work. I’m guessing that he must be calling from another phone, because even if he did a *67 before calling me, I think my cell provider would recognize his incoming cell number and block the call from getting thru?
 
SomeSunnyDay said:
I’m not sure how that would work. I’m guessing that he must be calling from another phone, because even if he did a *67 before calling me, I think my cell provider would recognize his incoming cell number and block the call from getting thru?
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Yes, it should. 🤷

Maybe call your cell provider again and make sure that they are actually blocking his number, and not just making his number private.
 
SomeSunnyDay said:
Thought I would post an update on the most recent whacko activity: since telling him I wanted no more contact, blocked his number and didn’t return his call from last week, I have suddenly started to recieve phone calls from a private/restricted number at about the same time every day.

This has happened 8 times in a week - 3 calls were within minutes of one another on the same day. The caller never leaves a voice message, and I strongly suspect this is him calling. He’s probably figured out by now I’ve blocked his number, so he’s either doing a *67 to block his incoming number on my caller ID, or calling from another phone.

I never answer a call unless I recognize the #, so private/restricted/anonymous calls always get sent straight to voicemail.

Considering that very few people have my cell number (that’s something I only give to family & close friends), it’s very rare that I ever get calls from “private” numbers. Like once in a blue moon. Now, all of a sudden, I’m getting these mysterious “private” calls every day, sometimes one right after the other, and no msg.?

8 calls in a week? Doesn’t that seem a bit extreme?

If he wants to talk, why doesn’t he just leave a message asking me to call back? (Not that I will return his call - I won’t - but at least that’s what normal people do when they’re wanting to reach you.)

What’s up with that? What does he hope to accomplish by doing this? Is he just hoping I’ll pick up and talk to him, or is he going all stalker-ish on me? Maybe his wife found my # in his phone and is the person doing the calling? Or is he actually trying to frighten me?

If he’s trying to scare me, it’s starting to work! I’m officially a little freaked out now!
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Pick it up-if its him ttell him you are going to get a restraining order and then hang up.
 
LOL. Good answer! Just exactly what I was thinking!

When the mystery caller phoned again today at the exact same time he/she has phoned for the last week, I was sooooo tempted to pick up the phone this time and had those words ready to fire out of my mouth.

Only one thing stopped me…the thought that it might be his wife!
 
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