I didn't KNOW!

[steelboss]

I need some advice.

My wife and I have been married for almost 17 years and have three children, as well as two foster children.
I had a vasectomy after the birth of our third child BEFORE I discovered and converted to Catholicism.
Nothing in my former protestant faith ever indicated that birth control was at such odds with God’s plan. How foolish!

Now I am at serious, serious odds with myself.
I sincerely support Catholic teachings concerning family life, morality, pro-life, birth control, and everything else.
But I feel like a hyprocrite because of my actions I took in the past before I knew any better.

What does the church say about such instances?

Should my wife and I abstain?
Should I have it reversed?
If I confess this error, can it be absolved?

 

[gardenswithkids]

…But I feel like a hyprocrite because of my actions I took in the past before I knew any better.

What does the church say about such instances?

Should my wife and I abstain?
Should I have it reversed?
If I confess this error, can it be absolved?

You are NOT a hypocrite unless you are faking the part about believing the Church teachings. Hypocrisy is “feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not”. The word derives from Greek actors who played a part on stage.

Relax. You state here that you support the Church teachings and that the vasectomy happened before you knew sterilization was wrong. If you have confessed this, absolution in the confessional is sufficient. The Church teachings on sexuality are part of the whole teachings–remember, we believe in a merciful and loving God. Sterilization is a serious sin, but God seriously wants us to repent of all our sins and accept His mercy.

You and your wife now live with reproductive parts mutilated by a surgeon. Some sterilized couples choose to have the procedure reversed. There’s an organization called “One More Soul” that helps reverse sterilization, if you are interested. omsoul.com/sterilization-reversal.php Some sterilized couples choose to abstain during the woman’s fertile times (like NFP users do). You can discuss those options with your wife and your confessor, but the Church doesn’t typically require them.

If you regret your vasectomy, it may help others who are considering sterilization to hear from you. Some Catholics who struggle with the Church teachings might think you got an “easy out”, but that’s their issue, not yours.

God bless you and welcome to the Catholic Church.

 

[1ke]

What does the church say about such instances?

Mortal sins are those things of grave matter committed with full knowledge and free will.

While a vasectomy is objectively gravely wrong, you did not commit a mortal sin because you did not have full knowledge of this fact.

Should my wife and I abstain?

No. That is not required by the Church.

Should I have it reversed?

Reversal is NOT required by the Church. If you feel called to have it reversed through prayer, that is an individual decision for you and your wife.

If I confess this error, can it be absolved?

Yes, of course. Talk to your priest.

 

[aloejamb]

We were “catholic” in the cafeteria sense when DH had it done. Then we had a reversion back to our faith. It was confessed, absolved and no, we did not have to abstain. We did go the reversal route but not for fertility reasons(we have since adopted) or to not feel like a hypocrite (you were given wonderful advice from previous posters BTW) but rather because there was something missing between us.
A reversal is not required–it’s just something we chose–you will have to decide for yourself. Getting a reversal takes alot of discernment and it is not an easy decision financially or physically. It was a much more complicated surgery than the vasectomy. I think there was a point about two days after the surgery when my DH and I looked at each other like, “what have we done now??” A few months later, he can say it’s worth it but there were times…
I understand how you feel now that your eyes have been opened but know that God’s mercy is beyond our comprehension. Do not doubt His love for you.

 

[steelboss]

My sincerest thanks to ‘gardenwithkids’, ‘1ke’, and ‘aloejamb’ for your responses.

God bless you all.