I disagree with some Catholic teachings... How do I deal with this?

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iuchewie

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Not sure where I should ask this or if it’s been asked before. If it has I do apologize. If someone could point me in the right direction I’d greatly appreciate it.

So here’s my question.

How do I reconcile the fact that I disagree with some of the teachings/traditions of the church with the fact that I want to lead a good life, be a good Catholic and raise my kids in the proper fashion?

There are numerous examples that I could point to so I’ll just pick one (in no order of importance).

No meat on Fridays during Lent.

I think this is silly. Perhaps its because I don’t know the full history of it, but I doubt that you could show me a reason that would change my mind on this one. If it’s just a matter of me “showing my faith and showing my respect” then I’d counter with the fact that I do many other things year round that accomplish the same thing.

Living in sin.

I personally never lived with my wife (also a Catholic) prior to getting married (ten years this summer by the way!) but my brother lives with his girlfriend and I’m finding that I have no issue with it. They are living with one another for financial reasons and plan to marry shortly. I suppose in this instance I’d prefer that they live together for while and realize that they aren’t compatible rather than get married and end up as another divorced couple.

As I said there are many issues but this is just two examples. How can I be a good Catholic father and bring up my boys (2 years and 7 weeks) to respect and follow the church’s feelings if I myself to agree with all of them?

Thanks in advance for your constructive feedback.

chewie
 
You need to educate yourself about why the Church teaches and believes as she does. Then you will understand why these things are done.

You can not love what you don’t know. Get to know your Faith and you will be able to love it fully.

~Liza
 
iuchewie said:
Not sure where I should ask this or if it’s been asked before. If it has I do apologize. If someone could point me in the right direction I’d greatly appreciate it.

So here’s my question.

How do I reconcile the fact that I disagree with some of the teachings/traditions of the church with the fact that I want to lead a good life, be a good Catholic and raise my kids in the proper fashion?

There are numerous examples that I could point to so I’ll just pick one (in no order of importance).

No meat on Fridays during Lent.

I think this is silly. Perhaps its because I don’t know the full history of it, but I doubt that you could show me a reason that would change my mind on this one. If it’s just a matter of me “showing my faith and showing my respect” then I’d counter with the fact that I do many other things year round that accomplish the same thing.

Living in sin.

I personally never lived with my wife (also a Catholic) prior to getting married (ten years this summer by the way!) but my brother lives with his girlfriend and I’m finding that I have no issue with it. They are living with one another for financial reasons and plan to marry shortly. I suppose in this instance I’d prefer that they live together for while and realize that they aren’t compatible rather than get married and end up as another divorced couple.

As I said there are many issues but this is just two examples. How can I be a good Catholic father and bring up my boys (2 years and 7 weeks) to respect and follow the church’s feelings if I myself to agree with all of them?

Thanks in advance for your constructive feedback.

chewie
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No meat on Friday during Lent is a penance. A commemoration of the Crucifixion of our Lord. It is to remind us of what He did for our salvation. I, personally, don’t east meat on any Friday. I find it is a good reminder of my faith.

If you don’t believe pre-marital sex is a sin, I suggest you read one of Christopher West’s books on the Theology of the Body. Sex is a beautiful, sacred part of the marital union. Outside of marriage it signals a committment that is not there. It also causes chemical reactions in the brain that bond people in a way that is only meant for marriage.

God Bless
 
It is one thing, if one fully understands the history and teaching and is obstinate in their disagreement.

It is quite another to just not understand and disagree with what the perception is.

Ask your questions here, you will get plenty of teaching and history complete with dialogue and commentaries:).

Here is a thread on fasting - No Meat, No Eat: Catholic Fast Days?

and from the CCC

[2043](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/2043.htm’)😉 The fourth precept (“You shall observe the days of fasting and abstinence established by the Church”) ensures the times of ascesis and penance which prepare us for the liturgical feasts and help us acquire mastery over our instincts and freedom of heart.85
 
That’s it? Really? Sheesh, I thought it was something important.

Not sure I can speak to the historicity of the no-meat-on-Fridays-in-Lent thing, but Lent is supposed to be a special time of fasting, because Jesus fasted. The idea is to get yourself ready for Easter by specially remembering the suffering of Jesus. That’s one of the reasons why we don’t eat meat on Fridays: as a way of interrupting your normal day so that you remember who you owe your salvation to and what he had to go through.

In any case, it’s not a particularly big deal anyway. It’s intended to help you, not to be simply a restriction.

As for your brother, AFAIK it isn’t sinful in itself to live with your girlfriend, particularly if she is your fiancee and particularly if there are extenuating circumstances (you mentioned finances), though it’s probably not a good idea. It’s probably putting them in near occasion to sin, which they should rather be avoiding, but I don’t know them so I can’t say. It’s also, in general, not a great idea to live your SO before marriage because it increases your likelihood for divorce, but that may just be a correlative thing.

If they’re having sex, on the other hand, that would be sinful.
 
iuchewie said:
As I said there are many issues but this is just two examples. How can I be a good Catholic father and bring up my boys (2 years and 7 weeks) to respect and follow the church’s feelings if I myself to agree with all of them?

Thanks in advance for your constructive feedback.

chewie
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I heard the following in a tape once - The jist of it was -

When a father takes his son to church in shorts and sandals, or blows it off for sports, it tells his son that he doesn’t think its all that important. Your son will observe this and follow your lead as their father is their hero. This is most destructive to your sons. Reverence, keeping Sunday special, obedience etc… teach your sons much.

If you are obedient, even without a full understanding it says it all to your son. If you openly dissent it teaches him quite another thing.
 
You cannot “disagree” with Catholic teachngs until you understand them.

Therefore you do not “disagree”. You are simply experiencing an unexamined negative reaction.

Do some homework! You will be in for some wonderful insights. Hey! about the meat thing? Maybe it’s small, but it is an itsy bitsy sacrifice on 7 days out of the year that allows us to set our own preferences aside in order to recall Our Lord’s great sacrifice.

I know ordinary lay people who abstain from meat on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays and who fast as well on Wednesdays and Fridays AND who fast EVERY day of lent and from December 12 until Christmas. I guess that’s not what you asked. But these people are motivated by a desire to unite themselves with our Lord’s hunger and thirst, with all those who hunger and thirst (not only for righteousness) but also are physically hungry throughout the whole world.

The Church’s small discipline of abstinence on Fridays in Lent is just a little nudge to help us along the path of charity.
 
IUChewie

I think you represent alot of Catholics in this part of the world. The posters are right in pointing out that it may be just an ignorance issue. But i think it is also that you may be lacking humility. To submit to the precepts and moral laws of the Church seems absurd to most Americans. We pride ourselves on independence, free-thinking, and inti-authoritarianism. (those are all very good things in the *natural *political order, but the Church is NOT A POLITICAL BODY). She is the Body of Christ, and the Magisterium of the Church is Apostolic-they derive their teaching authority thgrough the sacrament of Holy Orders, which is Supernatural. Therefore the Roman Catholic Church is a supernatural, divine, God-made collection of souls as the Body of Christ.

Once you’re clear on this all the other stuff falls into place. But acceptance of this is easier for the head than for the heart.
 
I find penance a chance to love God more. It’s not that he has a great need for more of my love it’s just that the greater my love for him, the greater my happiness and sense of purpose including my ability to greatly love the people whom he puts in my life.
Fasting reminds me in a physical way of the great love he gave us in his physical suffering and passion. Doing so on Friday unites me in spirit with others who do so to remember him on the day of the week of his crucifixion.

Having lived in sin before two marriages that both ended in divorce, I can say from experience that doing so does not of neccesity provide the practical knowledge and experience to cement a lifelong commitment. If extramarital sex led to faithful love and happiness I would be a very happy man outside the church. I’ve tried and it doesn’t. I am now a penitent sinner trying by grace to repair the damage of selfishness and sin in my life and the world i find myself in. As matter of observation it seems like most of what is out there (beyond the church) is much appetite and little satisfaction.
 
buffalo said:
I heard the following in a tape once - The jist of it was -

When a father takes his son to church in shorts and sandals, or blows it off for sports, it tells his son that he doesn’t think its all that important. Your son will observe this and follow your lead as their father is their hero. This is most destructive to your sons. Reverence, keeping Sunday special, obedience etc… teach your sons much.

If you are obedient, even without a full understanding it says it all to your son. If you openly dissent it teaches him quite another thing.
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This is exactly why I asked the question… I want to make sure that I’m sending the right message to my boys and I recognize that they are looking to me first and foremost for a role model.
 
mercygate said:
You cannot “disagree” with Catholic teachngs until you understand them.

Therefore you do not “disagree”. You are simply experiencing an unexamined negative reaction.
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I was unclear on this point and it’s my fault that I used bad examples. There are some things that I plain disagree with. It’s not ignorance but just disagreement. What I’m asking is how I reconcile those thoughts with the fact that I DO need to be a good father figure to my boys.

My question is less about the specific disagreements and more about how to deal with the fact that I’m teaching something that I personally don’t agree with.

Sorry for the misunderstanding.
 
Franciscan said:
But i think it is also that you may be lacking humility. To submit to the precepts and moral laws of the Church seems absurd to most Americans. We pride ourselves on independence, free-thinking, and inti-authoritarianism. (those are all very good things in the *natural *political order, but the Church is NOT A POLITICAL BODY). She is the Body of Christ, and the Magisterium of the Church is Apostolic-they derive their teaching authority thgrough the sacrament of Holy Orders, which is Supernatural. Therefore the Roman Catholic Church is a supernatural, divine, God-made collection of souls as the Body of Christ.
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I think this is where I have issue. Submitting to the precepts and moral laws unilaterally and being independent and free thinking don’t go together. If we are taught that the church is always right and we should believe everything that is taught to us because it’s supernatural and divine, then where is the “free-thinking” in that line of logic?

The bottom line here is I do NOT want my boys to be Catholic simply because their parents are. I want them to come to their faith naturally (the way I have) but I’m assuming that if they are “free thinkers” the way I want them to be they will be asking these same types of questions one day.

Make sense?

chewie
 
iuchewie said:
I was unclear on this point and it’s my fault that I used bad examples. There are some things that I plain disagree with. It’s not ignorance but just disagreement. What I’m asking is how I reconcile those thoughts with the fact that I DO need to be a good father figure to my boys.

My question is less about the specific disagreements and more about how to deal with the fact that I’m teaching something that I personally don’t agree with.

Sorry for the misunderstanding.
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OK. Can you clearly articulate authentic Catholic teaching on these points?
 
bilop said:
If you don’t believe **pre-marital sex **is a sin, I suggest you read one of Christopher West’s books on the Theology of the Body. Sex is a beautiful, sacred part of the marital union. Outside of marriage it signals a committment that is not there. It also causes chemical reactions in the brain that bond people in a way that is only meant for marriage.
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Well, that’s a new one to me. I’d be real interested to know where you got this information.
 
iuchewie said:
This is exactly why I asked the question… I want to make sure that I’m sending the right message to my boys and I recognize that they are looking to me first and foremost for a role model.
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You are to be commended for this. I have three kids myself and have recently become aware of the necessity for the father to step up and be the spiritual leader of the household. It’s awesome that you understand this responsibility.

Others are addressing your specific questions well, but I wanted to affirm you here.
 
iuchewie said:
I think this is where I have issue. Submitting to the precepts and moral laws unilaterally and being independent and free thinking don’t go together. If we are taught that the church is always right and we should believe everything that is taught to us because it’s supernatural and divine, then where is the “free-thinking” in that line of logic?

The bottom line here is I do NOT want my boys to be Catholic simply because their parents are. I want them to come to their faith naturally (the way I have) but I’m assuming that if they are “free thinkers” the way I want them to be they will be asking these same types of questions one day.

Make sense?

chewie
Click to expand...
“Submitting to the precepts and moral laws unilaterally and being independent and free thinking don’t go together.”

This is true on one hand but not on the other.

To give one’s assent based on the reasonableness of the teaching, and of the reasonableness of the authority of the teacher does not do damage to free thought. It is the end of free thought. A critical examination of the Faith is good and expected if one is asked to submit to it whole heartedly.

Being open minded is good but once you discover the Truth you supposed to close your mind around it.

Teach them to be critical thinkers but lead them into discovering the reasonableness of the Catholic Faith–Because if you don’t who will?
 
Strategery said:
You are to be commended for this. I have three kids myself and have recently become aware of the necessity for the father to step up and be the spiritual leader of the household. It’s awesome that you understand this responsibility.

Others are addressing your specific questions well, but I wanted to affirm you here.
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What he said. 👍
 
There is an alleged quote of St. Augustine that I find very helpful: “love God and do the best you can.”
 
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