I do not know how to stop myself. {about homosexuality}

[Draggar]

I very recently had a wonderful discussion with another friend of mine and I think I have come to my own conclusion.

1. I am not homosexual. I may be extremely physical with this person, but that does not mean I am doing something so wrong.
2. I am not emotionally dependent on this person. She is simply my favorite person right now. I am close to her - in mind, body, and heart. I care for her deeply, but I realize if she left or decided to tell me to back off, it would be for her own good and I would not try to push her into something she does not want.
3. I am scared because of a past relationship that started out fine and ended up sexual. This is not at all like that! I was a fool to worry so much and overthink things.
4. I am not sinning, by being close to this person. I don’t wish to harm her. I don’t wish to pursue a sexual relationship with her. Being physically affectionate does not immediately mean homosexuality. While I may have SSA-ish thoughts about her, they do not dominate me and our relationship. It’s just how it is.
5. I love her deeply. She has my heart and I feel safe around her. We trust each other. It is simply a deep love that is neither platonic nor homosexual. We are intensely close friends - not gay friends.
6. I need not worry.

 

[Draggar]

I do need to say thank you all again. =) It was very nice to get such good advice.

I am a little curious to see what anyone would think of my conclusion, though. XD

 

[erigby27]

I do need to say thank you all again. =) It was very nice to get such good advice.

I am a little curious to see what anyone would think of my conclusion, though. XD

I am very happy with it! Glad you have good friends you can talk this stuff through with. I still recommend making it a habit to go to confession rather frequently (every two weeks or at least once a month), as this will help you in your spiritual life.

Pax

 

[Crumpy]

A meditation based on Psalm 24:1 “The earth is the LORD’S and all it holds,
the world and those who live there.”

We belong to God, not to ourselves. We’re not often taught this spiritual truth or what follows from it. We should not disrespect our own bodies or anybody else’s, because not only do those bodies belong to God, but they are made in His image and likeness.

This is certainly not the message of our culture, which would think that this truth is blatantly ridiculous, and, as you might agree, teaches us over and over, lessons contrary to God’s word.

So, in addition to prayer, I suggest you read and listen to God’s word.

From Psalm 1

Happy those who do not follow
the counsel of the wicked,
Nor go the way of sinners,
nor sit in company with scoffers.

1:2 * Rather, the law of the LORD is their joy;
God’s law they study day and night.

1:3 They are like a tree
planted near streams of water,
that yields its fruit in season;
Its leaves never wither;
whatever they do prospers.

and from Psalm 119

119:1 * Happy those whose way is blameless,
who walk by the teaching of the LORD.

119:2 Happy those who observe God’s decrees,
who seek the LORD with all their heart.

119:9 How can the young walk without fault?
Only by keeping your words.

119:10 With all my heart I seek you;
do not let me stray from your commands.

119:11 In my heart I treasure your promise,
that I may not sin against you.

119:18 Open my eyes to see clearly
the wonders of your teachings.

119:37 Avert my eyes from what is worthless;
by your way give me life.

119:57 My portion is the LORD;
I promise to keep your words.

119:81 My soul longs for your salvation;
I put my hope in your word.

119:105 Your word is a lamp for my feet,
a light for my path.

119:123 My eyes long to see your salvation
and the justice of your promise.

 

[Inwe86]

My understanding is that sometimes female friendships can get too close–it’s in the nature of the way women form friendships. And sometimes that longing for closeness in friendship can cause you (especially if you are still in your teens) to get confused in your feelings for another woman. First off, it does NOT mean that you are gay. Longing for physical closeness (walking arm in arm, whatever) is NOT always related to sex. The problem is that homosexuality is so oversold in our culture, that all physical contact between unrelated people of the same sex raises the question “is this homosexuality?”

The thing is, the more you dwell on it, the worse it gets. The more you think about your friend and wonder whether your feelings are homosexual, the more you are thinking of sex in relation to your friend. The problem here is not homosexuality, but too much introspection. Do something else. Take up a new sport. If you’re old enough, look around for a guy to date. Too much time spent thinking about sex in relation to your friend can cause you to have sexual feelings about her, even if you are not at all gay. If you can’t control your worry, set up a few times a day where you have, say, 5 minutes to worry about it. It is a lot easier to put off your worry for a couple of hours than to just stop altogether, and if you limit it to certain times, you won’t be spending all day dwelling on it.

Feeling jealous about a friend is NOT an indication of homosexuality. It is an indication of jealousy, which (if you dwell on it) is not only a sin, but a great misfortune as well. Confess the jealousy in your next confession. Unfortunately, friendship is talked about so infrequently in our society, that the bad things that can happen in friendship (like wanting to be all-in-all to each other, or just on one side) don’t get a lot of press. So it is natural to think that any jealousy you feel is the only kind of jealousy that you ever see on TV or in the movies–romantic jealousy. But you can feel jealous of a friend’s time and attention, without your relationship being in an way romantic.

So in short, I suggest you try to worry about it less, pray about it when it bothers you (a rosary is a good idea here), and confess the jealousy at your next confession, which should be reasonably soon, say within a month or so. Do not wait until next Lent.

Just my :twocents:

God bless you,

–Jen

Amen!!!

Don’t worry, you’re young…these things happen, trust me. Just look at my old posts. I questioned my orientation. I now have a boyfriend that I’m quite attracted to and happy with Just relax and realize that you’re not becoming homosexual in any way

I’ll say some prayers for you!

 

[revert_jen]

I do need to say thank you all again. =) It was very nice to get such good advice.

I am a little curious to see what anyone would think of my conclusion, though. XD

It’s hard to say anything about it. There’s no further information there about how it was reached. On the one hand, one of your friends has seen you and your friend together, and we haven’t. OTOH, if the friend is your age, then perhaps (s)he hasn’t got quite enough life experience or perhaps enough distance from the situation to see it clearly. Although if you have another friend with whom you feel safe talking about so personal an issue, that is a good sign.

However, everyone here agreed with #1 already, so I suppose we’re still in agreement with it. And as for #6, nobody ever needs to worry, since it doesn’t do any good. (Sometimes we need to consider and change our actions, but we never need to worry.) The rest may very well be true, but we don’t have any way of knowing, because it’s very hard to tell the difference online between a real problem that needs action and a person who is being over-scrupulous. At least, I’m pretty sure I can’t do it, maybe others can.

Anyway, I’m sure we all hope that the conclusions are all true, and that any inappropriate thoughts pass by without causing action and/or damaging your friendship.

Best wishes!

–Jen