I don’t know if I even believe in God or not

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Hi everyone. As ridiculous as it sounds… I don’t know if I believe in God or not, I was looking at a Christian website and it said something like “if you only believe in God only because you fear hell then you really aren’t Christian.” Then I went on qoura and looked up my question and it said like “If you believe in God just not to go to hell then you aren’t really believing more like trying to believe.” Or something like that. That sounds exactly like me, one day I thought about becoming an Atheist because I thought how it would be “so much easier” I’m not trying to insult any Atheists on here but what I meant was that I thought it would be so much easier because I’m a bit scrupulous at times. But, I didn’t really act on my thought and desire to become one because I was afraid of what God would do to me and I was afraid about going to hell. But again, I would still pray to God and ask for his forgiveness not really because I thought “oh no! I’m going to hell!” Is this sin? Sometimes I question if I love Him. Did I really have no belief this whole time? I’m extremely confused because I talked to some people and most of them say “no that isn’t faith” and some say “that’s faith.”

(Edit: I changed the board from moral theology to Catholic living spirituality because I thought it was more fitting)

-Natalie
 
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Belief is belief, regardless of the impetus. Fear keeps us alive spiritually as it does physically.
 
‘He who loves God with all his heart does not fear death or punishment or judgment or hell,
because perfect love assures access to God. It is no wonder that he who still delights in sin fears death and judgment. It is good, however, that even if love does not as yet restrain you from evil, at least the fear of
hell does. The man who casts aside the fear of God cannot continue long in goodness but will
quickly fall into the snares of the devil.’ - The Imitation of Christ
 
Little kids start out doing what they should do, but might not want to do, because they fear a spanking.

Later on, they do what they should do, but might not want to do, because they understand the obligation.

Even later, people do what they should do, but might not want to do, out of love for the people it benefits.

The motivation changes as you mature, but the important thing is, you’re able to see beyond yourself and do something that might not feel fun, but is the right thing to do, and you know you’re better off for having done it.

So the same thing is true for God. We might go through the motions, not because we understand stuff about souls or theology or whatever, but because we have a fear of being punished for doing wrong. Later on, we understand a bit more, and we do the right thing because we’re taking care of ourselves spiritually, and not wanting to separate ourselves from God. Eventually, if we’re lucky, we’re able to do things because of love of God and a deep desire to know, love, and serve him better.

But even if we’re flailing around in the dark, God still loves us— sort of like how we watch a four-year old try to make his bed or set the table or dress himself. He’s not going to be perfect, but he’s moving on the right path, and we reach out to help him… and God reaches out to help us and tidy up what we couldn’t quite manage ourselves, until we grow a bit more.
 
can you state your original question that gave you those results.
 
You might try asking God to reveal just a little of how He is working in your life, try asking sincerely and calmly and maybe several times. Once you see how He guides you you may begin to see how it is possible to build a relationship with Him. Similarly Our Lord Jesus and Our Lady and the Holy Spirit.

If you build a loving relationship with God you need not fear hell, but it takes time and an awareness of Him. Just ask for greater faith and it will be given, maybe fast, maybe more slowly, trust in God.
 
The whole thing is between you and God. Not other people and not even religions, if religion is not helping you right now.
The “easier” part of your consideration is very tempting. If you are like everyone else, you are struggling with moral issues. We all live in a world where everyone seems to be either breaking all the rules or are not even aware of them.
Well, a lot of this is reality created by the media and the world of entertainment. They are selling you a vision that is simply not real.
For one thing, they show you the “appeal” of life without rules, but never show you the results of that life. And these are often very unexpected.

Now comes the part where I am tempted to give advise. The first bit of advise is - don’t listen to advise. Yours is a personal journey and only you can find the path. It is not easy.

Now I will really give “advise” -
  1. Don’'t opt out of the God thing because it is “easier”. This is fool’s gold.
  2. One thing you could try is just sitting down, in a quiet place, and talk to God. Literally. The way you would talk to anyone else. Go ahead and complain, and ask for advise. And then, listen for a minute or two.
And, God really loves you, Natalie.
 
Crisis of belief happen when people believe God has not acted as they wished, and often times because the silence in prayer is difficult. God loves you in your struggle. Look up the poem Butt Prints in the Sand.
 
Spend quiet time in the adoration chapel as often as possible. Surrender your will and allow yourself to be loved by GOD. Peace be with you
 
So, you’re questioning whether or not you believe in God because something you saw on the internet? Please, think that through.
 
One of my favorite quotes is from mother Theresa,

The fruit of Silence is prayer. The fruit of Prayer is faith. The fruit of Faith is love. The fruit of Love is service. The fruit of Service is peace.
  • Mother Teresa
In the end I don’t see having a fear of hell as an invalid reason for faith. From the rule if st Benedict, “to dread hell”. Sounds pretty valid to me…
However I agree with the post above. Be silent and talk to God, and then try to listen. We have so many distractions. Jesus is often reported as “meeting us where we are” and in my experience that is very much the case. Engage and I often get my questions answered in pretty amazing ways.
 
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