I don't enjoy being a mom

[Xantippe]

There I said it…I don’t enjoy motherhood. I love my kids and would do anything for them, but I hate being a mom.

I enjoyed it the first 2 years when I just had my daughter, but ever since my son was born, I have just not enjoyed motherhood. It’s more than double the work. Why didn’t anyone warn me that the second child means more than double the work???

• I’m tired of being woken up at night b/c my son has a cold, etc.
• I’m tired of my kids fighting.
• I’m tired of my kids testing me to see what their boundaries are…it’s exhausting
• I hate doing homework with my daughter…hate hate hate it…my husband has no patience, so I end up doing it and I also lack patience.
• I hate being broke
• I feel like my life is on “hold” while we wait for my son to mature and stop melting down
• we don’t fly anywhere for vacation b/c we don’t want to waste our money only to have a ****** time bc our son is melting down everyday
• I don’t have money to pamper myself anymore…all goes to daycare.
• I wish I could afford a good haircut and highlights
• I hate having to deal with my son’s behaviour at school…he play fights to roughly with his friends and I’m constantly reminding him to be gentle every morning when I drop him off. At least I have a good relationship with his teacher
• I miss making love to my husband without kids knocking on the door.
• I miss spending time alone with my husband and the rare times we go on a date, all I can think about is my kids … ughhh!
• I hate using my weekends up with kids’ activities…soccer, swimming and now my daughter’s Catachism classes
• I hate having to say things like, “stop picking your noes”, “is that poo on your fingers?”, “I don’t want you to show me your penis.”
• I hate the feelings of guilt after discipling my kids or losing my cool and yelling at them
• I hate having to catch up on laundry and cleaning the house every weekend.
• I don’t feel attractive anymore
• I miss my old body…especially my stomach and my long silky pre-pregnancy hair

There I did it…Now you can all smoke me

Anyone here tried to counter with the “things I love about motherhood” I will be forced to come through the computer lines and slap you silly :slapfight:

1. I’d keep an eye on the younger child as he develops and listen hard to what his teachers say–it may be something he grows out of, or he may have ADHD or similar. If his behavior persists, do an evaluation. (My oldest got an Asperger’s diagnosis at almost 7.)
2. You can cut down weekend stuff. In our family, for many years, we did a minimum school year schedule of extracurriculars (CCD plus therapy stuff) and saved the fireworks and ticker tape parades for the summer–we do a million camps and classes in the summer. (We’ve kind of fallen off the wagon this year, but my kids are 12, 9 and almost 2, so it’s taken us a while to get sucked into the extracurricular vortex.)
3. Your youngest is almost out of daycare–yay!!!
4. Eventually your kids will do homework with little prompting–just an occasional “Are you working?” My 12-year-old, who six years ago required constant unblinking supervision, now goes off to her room, does everything routine herself, and has almost solid 90s in her classes.
5. Your kids are getting to an age where you can put them to work. In a couple of years, you can hand over putting their laundry away entirely to them. Want to watch 20 minutes of cartoons? Well, you’d better each hang up 20 items. They can also start making lunches soon (if you do a home lunch).
6. You or your husband can travel with just one kid at a time. That’s how we did it for several years. Going off with your daughter for a couple days might make you like your son better. It’s also possible for either of you to do a 2 or 3 day trip ALONE to an old friend.
7. I’d add Vicki Iovine’s Girlfriend’s Guide to Getting Your Groove Back to your reading list. It’s about being the mother of school age kids. (The author had 4 at the time.)
8. Can you sell anything to get yourself a nice hairdo?

 

[Xantippe]

1. Are you doing a budget? That may help you prioritize. Example: “I want nice hair more than I want the kids to be on the soccer team” or “I want a new outfit more than the kids need an extra Christmas present.” Make sure you are consciously choosing one thing over another, rather than just letting kid stuff suck up your money.

 

[ClearWater]

Our library still has her books, such as “Motherhood–the Second Oldest Profession”

Great title!

I don’t have a husband, no children. The closest I’ve ever come to some of what you are talking about is in teaching, and I often wanted to quit!

I’ve done babysitting, which I know doesn’t come close, but I remember once babysitting, calling my mother up, might have been crying, saying I couldn’t get the baby to sleep.

I come from a family of 11, though, and I had a lot of family, of all ages, often piles of kids around all at once.

It is hard. Although, I can’t speak from personal experience as a mother, I can just tell you I believe you when you say it’s hard.

Once, I had a coworker who was pregnant, was wondering how hard labor was. I said I came from a family of 11, and she said she didn’t think it could be that hard if my mother went through it 11 times.

Anyway, after the delivery, she said she had no earthly idea how my mother could have done that 11 times! She was saying she was going to die, things like that.

In our times, I think it’s also hard, because of financial pressures. In times past, one income was enough. The mother could stay home with the kids. Now, you almost need two working just to get by, and even so, it can be quite rough.

I remember once watching my niece and nephew, who were young, for just 3 days while my sister and husband went on vacation. Admittedly, my niece had spina bifida, did need a lot of extra care…catheterization, enemas, and more.

My sister had a schedule printed out for me, and I’d be up before the crack of dawn, every minute accounted for. My sister tried calling me long distance to check up on me. I was SOOOOO tired! It rang a few times, and I was trying to get a little shut eye, answered the phone, and the answering machine picked up, recorded it.

I was half out of it. I was groggy, …what? who?.. (I think I was SO out of it, it was one of those times you wake up and ask yourself, “Where am I? Is it day or night? What day is it? What year is it?!”)

My sister laughed, asked if I had been sleeping. I later listened to myself, and it was kind of funny. When my sister got back, I told her I didn’t know how she did it, that it was exhausting.

I began to refer to her schedule as “the strain”! Anyway, she said she knew I never knew what it was like to be a mother, but she said that tiredness I felt was something she ALWAYS felt, all the time.

I was thinking, “Really?! My gosh!”

I remember watching my parents. My father worked 2 jobs, and my mother took care of us, a full-time job. Both tried to get naps in here and there in a spare moment.

I remember watching one episode of “Desperate Housewives” in it where they were saying people would ask mothers, “Do you like being a mother?” It said there was only one acceptable answer, and Lynnette was lying, saying, “It’s the best job in the world!” as her kids were in the background, getting into trouble.

Perhaps some of the episodes of “Desperate Housewives” best help me understand how it is for some mothers. The series starts with one of the mothers committing suicide, and she narrates the series after that from her perspective in the afterlife.

It shows all kinds of aspects of parenting, childrearing, the struggles, testing, and more.

I am sorry I can’t do something to somehow make this easier on you. I’m sorry you don’t have more support.

We’re pulling for you, if it’s any consolation.

 

[Serap]

Great title!

I don’t have a husband, no children. The closest I’ve ever come to some of what you are talking about is in teaching, and I often wanted to quit!

I’ve done babysitting, which I know doesn’t come close, but I remember once babysitting, calling my mother up, might have been crying, saying I couldn’t get the baby to sleep.

I come from a family of 11, though, and I had a lot of family, of all ages, often piles of kids around all at once.

It is hard. Although, I can’t speak from personal experience as a mother, I can just tell you I believe you when you say it’s hard.

Once, I had a coworker who was pregnant, was wondering how hard labor was. I said I came from a family of 11, and she said she didn’t think it could be that hard if my mother went through it 11 times.

Anyway, after the delivery, she said she had no earthly idea how my mother could have done that 11 times! She was saying she was going to die, things like that.

In our times, I think it’s also hard, because of financial pressures. In times past, one income was enough. The mother could stay home with the kids. Now, you almost need two working just to get by, and even so, it can be quite rough.

I remember once watching my niece and nephew, who were young, for just 3 days while my sister and husband went on vacation. Admittedly, my niece had spina bifida, did need a lot of extra care…catheterization, enemas, and more.

My sister had a schedule printed out for me, and I’d be up before the crack of dawn, every minute accounted for. My sister tried calling me long distance to check up on me. I was SOOOOO tired! It rang a few times, and I was trying to get a little shut eye, answered the phone, and the answering machine picked up, recorded it.

I was half out of it. I was groggy, …what? who?.. (I think I was SO out of it, it was one of those times you wake up and ask yourself, “Where am I? Is it day or night? What day is it? What year is it?!”)

My sister laughed, asked if I had been sleeping. I later listened to myself, and it was kind of funny. When my sister got back, I told her I didn’t know how she did it, that it was exhausting.

I began to refer to her schedule as “the strain”! Anyway, she said she knew I never knew what it was like to be a mother, but she said that tiredness I felt was something she ALWAYS felt, all the time.

I was thinking, “Really?! My gosh!”

I remember watching my parents. My father worked 2 jobs, and my mother took care of us, a full-time job. Both tried to get naps in here and there in a spare moment.

I remember watching one episode of “Desperate Housewives” in it where they were saying people would ask mothers, “Do you like being a mother?” It said there was only one acceptable answer, and Lynnette was lying, saying, “It’s the best job in the world!” as her kids were in the background, getting into trouble.

Perhaps some of the episodes of “Desperate Housewives” best help me understand how it is for some mothers. The series starts with one of the mothers committing suicide, and she narrates the series after that from her perspective in the afterlife.

It shows all kinds of aspects of parenting, childrearing, the struggles, testing, and more.

I am sorry I can’t do something to somehow make this easier on you. I’m sorry you don’t have more support.

We’re pulling for you, if it’s any consolation.

awww thanks!

I’m pulling for every mommy out there too.

What will make it easier…is just time…day by day…year by year…

I do cherish our good days together. I will always remember those good times and I’m glad I have experienced them.

 

[CruxMihiAncora]

You might have clinical depression, you know. It’s possible. Feeling tired and negative…

Maybe you should talk to your doctor about how you’re feeling. You sound like a good person who is just kind of worn out and a bit negative…an anti-depressant might help.

Haha! Had to laugh at this. It’s perfectly normal to get fed up with the hard parts of motherhood, especially if you are neglecting yourself (it kinds like you might be). I think it’s a safe bet Jamal is neither a mother nor ever been clinically depressed.

Hang in there! Don’t forget to take care of yourself! :hug1:

 

[Serap]

1. I’d keep an eye on the younger child as he develops and listen hard to what his teachers say–it may be something he grows out of, or he may have ADHD or similar. If his behavior persists, do an evaluation. (My oldest got an Asperger’s diagnosis at almost 7.)
2. You can cut down weekend stuff. In our family, for many years, we did a minimum school year schedule of extracurriculars (CCD plus therapy stuff) and saved the fireworks and ticker tape parades for the summer–we do a million camps and classes in the summer. (We’ve kind of fallen off the wagon this year, but my kids are 12, 9 and almost 2, so it’s taken us a while to get sucked into the extracurricular vortex.)
3. Your youngest is almost out of daycare–yay!!!
4. Eventually your kids will do homework with little prompting–just an occasional “Are you working?” My 12-year-old, who six years ago required constant unblinking supervision, now goes off to her room, does everything routine herself, and has almost solid 90s in her classes.
5. Your kids are getting to an age where you can put them to work. In a couple of years, you can hand over putting their laundry away entirely to them. Want to watch 20 minutes of cartoons? Well, you’d better each hang up 20 items. They can also start making lunches soon (if you do a home lunch).
6. You or your husband can travel with just one kid at a time. That’s how we did it for several years. Going off with your daughter for a couple days might make you like your son better. It’s also possible for either of you to do a 2 or 3 day trip ALONE to an old friend.
7. I’d add Vicki Iovine’s Girlfriend’s Guide to Getting Your Groove Back to your reading list. It’s about being the mother of school age kids. (The author had 4 at the time.)
8. Can you sell anything to get yourself a nice hairdo?

Yes, ADHD once crossed my mind, but he is able to concentrate very well and he’s able to focus.

Asperger’s…I did the assessment test and my son did not have it. He didn’t even come close.

Sensory issue…I looked into this too and I think he’s ok here too.

Spirited Child…BINGO…he has all the traits of a spirited child.

His teacher had him last year also and said his behaviour has improved leaps and bounds since last year. She says he’s doing really well and is a good kid. God Bless her!!!

 

[Cricket2]

Maybe you hate what being a mom really is versus what you thought it was. Time to pull up the boot straps dear. Being a mom is hard work, not always fun, can be frustrating, annoying, mean your poor or sacrificing what you want all the time so the kids have what they need.

It is called life. And no one is excluded from it’s trials and tribulations. Those wanting to be parents need to get reality right in their heads. It is about sacrifice, inconvenience, unplanned events, dealing with sleepless nights, too many bills, educating the kids about the Faith, manners and in math, reading and every other thing you can think of. Just exactly what did you think it was going to be like?

Just wait until you have to deal with the first boyfriend/girlfriend; the chance that one of the kids will try to shop-lift, cheat on a test, drive the car without permission or a license, get seriously ill or hurt, fail a grade all together, and any other thing you can imagine. Get the rules and boundaries set up now, the discipline issues under control and get ready for more long nights, longer days, increased worry, money problems galore, and all their struggles that you will have to walk trough with em.

It only gets harder, not easier. Perhaps you should stop at two.

 

[Xantippe]

Yes, ADHD once crossed my mind, but he is able to concentrate very well and he’s able to focus.

**I’d be careful about that one–counter-intuitively, some ADHD kids have hyper-focus on stuff they are interested in (video games, etc.).

additudemag.com/adhd-web/article/5007.html**

Asperger’s…I did the assessment test and my son did not have it. He didn’t even come close.

Sensory issue…I looked into this too and I think he’s ok here too.

Spirited Child…BINGO…he has all the traits of a spirited child.

His teacher had him last year also and said his behaviour has improved leaps and bounds since last year. She says he’s doing really well and is a good kid. God Bless her!!!

Well that’s good!

 

[Xantippe]

Maybe you hate what being a mom really is versus what you thought it was. Time to pull up the boot straps dear. Being a mom is hard work, not always fun, can be frustrating, annoying, mean your poor or sacrificing what you want all the time so the kids have what they need.

It is called life. And no one is excluded from it’s trials and tribulations. Those wanting to be parents need to get reality right in their heads. It is about sacrifice, inconvenience, unplanned events, dealing with sleepless nights, too many bills, educating the kids about the Faith, manners and in math, reading and every other thing you can think of. Just exactly what did you think it was going to be like?

Just wait until you have to deal with the first boyfriend/girlfriend; the chance that one of the kids will try to shop-lift, cheat on a test, drive the car without permission or a license, get seriously ill or hurt, fail a grade all together, and any other thing you can imagine. Get the rules and boundaries set up now, the discipline issues under control and get ready for more long nights, longer days, increased worry, money problems galore, and all their struggles that you will have to walk trough with em.

It only gets harder, not easier. Perhaps you should stop at two.

That was not very encouraging.

 

[SeekerWillie]

Check out an Erma Bombeck book from the library. She told it like it is. More on that…

I miss Erma.

I’m 52, never married, no children. In my 20s and 30s, the #1 thing I wanted out of life was a husband and children. I spent all my time working, though, and didn’t meet many men. I dated a few, but none that “stuck.”

Looking back, I don’t know that I could have done it successfully, and I’m in awe of those of you who do. Seeing what family members and friends have gone through…really, I’m in awe. So if you need to vent, go on ahead.

Now I’m going to go say a little prayer for all the parents out there.

 

[MacQ]

Maybe you hate what being a mom really is versus what you thought it was. Time to pull up the boot straps dear. Being a mom is hard work, not always fun, can be frustrating, annoying, mean your poor or sacrificing what you want all the time so the kids have what they need.

It is called life. And no one is excluded from it’s trials and tribulations. Those wanting to be parents need to get reality right in their heads. It is about sacrifice, inconvenience, unplanned events, dealing with sleepless nights, too many bills, educating the kids about the Faith, manners and in math, reading and every other thing you can think of. Just exactly what did you think it was going to be like?

Just wait until you have to deal with the first boyfriend/girlfriend; the chance that one of the kids will try to shop-lift, cheat on a test, drive the car without permission or a license, get seriously ill or hurt, fail a grade all together, and any other thing you can imagine. Get the rules and boundaries set up now, the discipline issues under control and get ready for more long nights, longer days, increased worry, money problems galore, and all their struggles that you will have to walk trough with em.

It only gets harder, not easier. Perhaps you should stop at two.

Holy Cow!
I’m glad the OP has shown us she has the right perspective and a sense of humor…otherwise this post would be a real downer.

Please don’t volunteer to take crisis intervention calls…

 

[Overture]

That was not very encouraging.

Yeah, I’m really at a loss.

The OP was simply expressing what virtually every mother and parent feels at one time or another. Pent-up frustration, lack of emotional outlets, feeling helpless.

People in need most often need an encouraging shoulder helping them towards where they need to be, not a stern finger in their face hoping to make them ashamed.

 

[pensmama87]

That was not very encouraging.

Ditto.

Cricket2, not all of what you said is true, or even necessarily likely to be true. A lot depends on child, parents, and a bunch of varying circumstances, which Serap may or may not have to face.

She’s having a hard day. Parents have hard days, and in some stages of parenthood there are more than others.

 

[PaulinVA]

Just wait until you have to deal with the first boyfriend/girlfriend; the chance that one of the kids will try to shop-lift, cheat on a test, drive the car without permission or a license, get seriously ill or hurt, fail a grade all together, and any other thing you can imagine. Get the rules and boundaries set up now, the discipline issues under control and get ready for more long nights, longer days, increased worry, money problems galore, and all their struggles that you will have to walk trough with em.

It only gets harder, not easier. Perhaps you should stop at two.

See, everyone’s experience is different. My wife and I did not like the little kid years. We just weren’t suited for it. However, the eight and older years are great!

We have been very lucky, but the kids are late teens/twenties, no real trouble, and just awesome to be around. We have enjoyed the last ten years with them more than the first.

Your mileage may differ. Always wear your seatbelt. Professional parent on a closed course.

 

[UbiCaritas]

OP, I just wanted to say that I’m right there with you, and that I’ve loved this thread.

Also, I just ordered two compilations of Erma Bombeck’s books off Amazon. Used and with shipping/handling, I got 7 of her books for just under $8. I encourage all other moms to do the same. I’d forgotten how much I loved Erma as a college student, and now I need her more than ever. Thanks for suggesting them, EasterJoy!

 

[LongingSoul]

See, everyone’s experience is different. My wife and I did not like the little kid years. We just weren’t suited for it. However, the eight and older years are great!

We have been very lucky, but the kids are late teens/twenties, no real trouble, and just awesome to be around. We have enjoyed the last ten years with them more than the first.

Your mileage may differ. Always wear your seatbelt. Professional parent on a closed course.

This is definitely my experience as well. Although my middle one still gives me cause to pause… I love this stage of parenthood particularly. It is like hoeing a field at the end of the day. All the back breaking work nearly kills you at the beginning… then you get to enjoy the fruits of your labours watching them bloom into beautiful flowers.

 

[Serap]

Holy Cow!
I’m glad the OP has shown us she has the right perspective and a sense of humor…otherwise this post would be a real downer.

Please don’t volunteer to take crisis intervention calls…

LOL

 

[Xantippe]

His teacher just recommended him for an early intervention social skills development course…I was like…can I sign up too???

That could be really good for him.

I like the idea of a course for mothers on how to make friends and play nicely with each other. “Now, Heather, you’ve already compared your 1-year-old’s verbal development to your friend’s kid three times in this conversation and I think you’re starting to hurt your friend’s feelings. How about you find some general subject of interest? If you can’t find one in the next three minutes, I’m going to assign you two to either talking about in-laws or local schools.”

 

[UbiCaritas]

That could be really good for him.

I like the idea of a course for mothers on how to make friends and play nicely with each other. “Now, Heather, you’ve already compared your 1-year-old’s verbal development to your friend’s kid three times in this conversation and I think you’re starting to hurt your friend’s feelings. How about you find some general subject of interest? If you can’t find one in the next three minutes, I’m going to assign you two to either talking about in-laws or local schools.”

 

[mommamaree]

Cricket2:

Perhaps you should stop at two.

I cannot believe I just read this post and particularly this statement on a Catholic forum.