I dont "get it"

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I know this is kinda long, but I am struggling with this.
Several years ago I allowed, and desired, my husband to have a vasectomy. At the time, I knew that Catholics weren’t supposed to utilize any form of contraception, but I had considered that merely a “church rule”, not God’s rule. (I know, that sounds silly to me too now). I now regret that I had willingly gone against a Church teaching. At that time, it just didnt seem like a big deal, at all. I knew that having a large family was not for me. And, in all honesty, I still have a hard time accepting that the decision to not have several children was wrong. Having a huge family was never for me. I think some people are called to that, and some just are not. Just as not every person has it in them to be a nurse, or a priest, or a soldier. And knowing that I do not have a calling to have several children, seems just as reasonable to me as saying that I dont have a calling to join the marines. I just dont.
However, as I study the Church more and more, I believe in the other teachings of the Church, they seem to be so reasonable and clear to me, so I know that their teaching on this is most likely right on as well. I dont know if I am just too scared to see this in the light of truth, and feel the shame for my choice, or if I am just that dense?!?! I want to confess this just in case it really is as awful as the Church teaches, but is that a good enough reason to go to confession. Should I wait until I have a fuller understanding of why this is wrong. Would it be insulting, or futile to confess this if I am not sorry enough, or if I am not sorry for the right reasons? Did I commit a mortal sin by allowing the vasectomy? Am I commiting a mortal sin when I have relations with my husband after the vasectomy. Should I have not been receiving Holy Communion all this time. I am sorry to bombard you with all these questions, I am kinda scared to get the answers, but I truly want to “get it” Thank You for your time
 
I believe that you should take this to confession. Your heart is tugging for you to do so…that you may be freed from the guilt that you harbor. I believe most of us made choices in our younger years that might not have been prudent to the Church’s teachings…insomuch as to shackle us with the guilt that belongs to us. Take it to your priest, get rid of it…receive the sacrament of reconciliation that your heart may go onto the more reasonable task…that of loving Christ, and letting Him love you!! I’ll be praying for you~
Shalom~
Renee
jpooh said:
I know this is kinda long, but I am struggling with this.
Several years ago I allowed, and desired, my husband to have a vasectomy. At the time, I knew that Catholics weren’t supposed to utilize any form of contraception, but I had considered that merely a “church rule”, not God’s rule. (I know, that sounds silly to me too now). I now regret that I had willingly gone against a Church teaching. At that time, it just didnt seem like a big deal, at all. I knew that having a large family was not for me. And, in all honesty, I still have a hard time accepting that the decision to not have several children was wrong. Having a huge family was never for me. I think some people are called to that, and some just are not. Just as not every person has it in them to be a nurse, or a priest, or a soldier. And knowing that I do not have a calling to have several children, seems just as reasonable to me as saying that I dont have a calling to join the marines. I just dont.
However, as I study the Church more and more, I believe in the other teachings of the Church, they seem to be so reasonable and clear to me, so I know that their teaching on this is most likely right on as well. I dont know if I am just too scared to see this in the light of truth, and feel the shame for my choice, or if I am just that dense?!?! I want to confess this just in case it really is as awful as the Church teaches, but is that a good enough reason to go to confession. Should I wait until I have a fuller understanding of why this is wrong. Would it be insulting, or futile to confess this if I am not sorry enough, or if I am not sorry for the right reasons? Did I commit a mortal sin by allowing the vasectomy? Am I commiting a mortal sin when I have relations with my husband after the vasectomy. Should I have not been receiving Holy Communion all this time. I am sorry to bombard you with all these questions, I am kinda scared to get the answers, but I truly want to “get it” Thank You for your time
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Hello!

I just want to say - it really sounds like you’ve been pondering about this for quite some time, so as for the worry of not being “sorry enough,” I don’t think you have to worry. Truly, can anyone be sorry enough? We are human and we will never realize the full effect of sin until after we die. Besides, the Sacrament of Confession isn’t about being “sorry enough.” Just GO! 🙂 The healing power in the sacrament is astounding! I don’t know whether that sin is a mortal sin. I can direct you to the Catholic Catechism and you can do a moral reflection if you’d like. I quote the Catechism #1857-1859:

"For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: ‘Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent.’

Grave matter is specified by the Ten Commandments, corresponding to the answer of Jesus to the rich young man: ‘Do not kill, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness against, Do not defraud, Honor your father and your mother.’ The gravity of sin is more or less great: murder is graver than theft. One must also take into account who is wronged: violence against parents is in itself graver than violence against a stranger.

Mortal sin requires full knowledge and complete consent. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful character of the act, of its opposition to God’s law. It also implies a consent sufficiently deliberate to be a personal choice. Feigned ignorance and hardness of heart do not diminish, but rather increase, the voluntary character of a sin."

I would strongly encourage you to go to Confession regardless of whether or not it is a mortal sin. Since you have some internal conflict, it is best to relieve that tension, and what better place to relieve it than in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, to God Himself acting in the person of the priest. The priest himself will not only forgive your sins, but may offer insight to help you heal internally. Ask him your questions and doubts, and be prepared for the answers. Like you said, you may not “like” some of the answers given, but it is good to know that often times what we “like” goes contrary to what we really long for: God Himself in eternal life. If it is displeasing to our good God, it is sin. We may not agree with it or like it, but it doesn’t change the fact: it is still sin, and in some profound, perhaps hidden way, it is very bad for our soul. Even when we fall into sin, however, Christ has promised forgiveness. Just remember, ALL sins confessed are forgiven, mortal and venial alike.

I’ll keep you in my prayers as you come to know the Lord’s healing touch of forgiveness. God bless you!
 
Yes, go to confession as soon as possible. You will not only need to confess agreeing to the vasectomy but also receving communion this whole time as you should not have been doing this. It is a good thing that you are beginning to realize that the Church really does have it right even when we do not understand. Please bring this sin and any questions that you might have to your priest in confession.
 
jpooh:

It would be good to go talk to a priest about your situation, but I can’t see how you committed any mortal sins.

You had no vasectomy, obviously.

You might have had relations with a sterilized husband, but there are guidelines taught by the Church for these circumstances which greatly reduce your culpability.

You may be guilty of watching another person corrupt himself, but your husband is his own moral agent. I can’t see this as a mortal sin for you.
 
Don’t be scared of what the priest will say. He won’t tell you to reverse the vasectomy and have as many children as possible. He may ask you to consider a reversal. Your ability to do so may depend on your financial ability. Just because you confess this does not mean you will have to try to have more children. The Church doesn’t force you to have a large family.

God bless.
 
AkronPonderer said:
jpooh:

It would be good to go talk to a priest about your situation, but I can’t see how you committed any mortal sins.

You had no vasectomy, obviously.

You might have had relations with a sterilized husband, but there are guidelines taught by the Church for these circumstances which greatly reduce your culpability.

You may be guilty of watching another person corrupt himself, but your husband is his own moral agent. I can’t see this as a mortal sin for you.
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jpooh, this is misleading. First, it is not for any of us to judge whether or not she committed a mortal sin. Certainly there was the objectively grave matter, but as for full knowledge and full consent, only she and her confessor can make that judgement.

Second, it is not a sin for a husband and wife to have sexual relations after a sterilization. The sin is the sterilization itself. Once that is forgiven, it is forgiven. Period.

Third, it is most definitely a sin to cooperate in the evil another person commits. Whether or not the sin is mortal depends on the 3 criteria for all mortal sins: serious matter, full knowledge, and full consent.
 
jpooh said:
I want to confess this just in case it really is as awful as the Church teaches, but is that a good enough reason to go to confession. Should I wait until I have a fuller understanding of why this is wrong. Would it be insulting, or futile to confess this if I am not sorry enough, or if I am not sorry for the right reasons? Did I commit a mortal sin by allowing the vasectomy? Am I commiting a mortal sin when I have relations with my husband after the vasectomy. Should I have not been receiving Holy Communion all this time. I am sorry to bombard you with all these questions, I am kinda scared to get the answers, but I truly want to “get it” Thank You for your time
Click to expand...
God is Rich in Mercy. So rich that he forgives us even when we have mixed motives for our sorrow. Even the fear of hell is sufficient motivation, because it implies that we really do love Him and don’t want to be separated from Him. And isn’t that love?

We can’t say whether or not you committed a mortal sin by allowing and desiring him to have a vasectomy. Certainly the first of the 3 conditions necessary for a mortal sin is there - serious matter. But as for full knowledge and full consent, only you and your confessor can make that judgement.

Should you have been receiving Holy Communion? If you come to the conclusion that you did commit a mortal sin by encouraging the vasectomy, then no. However, for it to be wrong to receive Holy Communion, you would have to know that you were in a state of mortal sin and that to receive it in that state would itself be a mortal sin. Again, this is a matter for you and your confessor to judge, but from what you tell us, it sounds like there was insufficient knowledge, at least.

It is not a sin to have sexual relations with your husband after the vasectomy. What is objectively sinful is to have or encourage the vasectomy. But again, it is up to you and your confessor to make the judgement about whether or not you had full knowledge at the time.

Don’t doubt God’s mercy. He wants to save you more than you want to be saved. Remember the parable of the Prodigal Son. The father didn’t just wait for the son to come back. He was anxiously looking for him from the hilltop. When he saw his son, he went running to him and threw his arms around him. He didn’t even give the son an opportunity to give his speech about how sorry he was. He knew it just from the fact that his son returned to him. And of course, the son’s motivation for returning was far from pure. He was hungry. He really didn’t “get it”, either, about how much he had offended his father. And what does the father do? He kills the fatted calf in celebration and returns the son to the state he was in before he sinned!

Learn from this.
 
“Second, it is not a sin for a husband and wife to have sexual relations after a sterilization. The sin is the sterilization itself. Once that is forgiven, it is forgiven. Period.”

Mr Collins:

Are you saying it is a sin for a single man to undergo a sterilization procedure? Is it a sin for an infertile person to undergo a sterilization procedure?

This just cannot be. The sin HAS to be in having relations having undergone a sterilization procedure.

I agree though, only for the person that has voluntarily undergone such a procedure.
 
The procedure of sterilization of itself is not a sin. It is the Intent in which the procedure is done. For example, if someone has a hysterectomy for a medical reason, it is not a sin. However if someone has the procedure done to prevent a future birth, then it is a sin.
 
Nechasin:

Suppose a married person has a sterilization procedure to avoid a future pregnancy, but for one reason or another, never has marital relations before they die.

Are they guilty of a sin? When did they sin?
 
If and when you go to confession, be sure to see a priest who is faithful to Church teachings. I had a priest tell me once, “Who told you (such and such) is a sin? How many kids you have is up to you and your doctor.” —KCT
 
AkronPonderer:
Please re-read my previous post, the question is already answered there.

We are human and as such we make mistakes. A past mistake does not make future actions wrong as long as the future action is not wrong in of itself.
 
AkronPonderer, the sin is the act of self-mutiliation that occurs when one is intentionally sterilized (as opposed to the case Nechasin proposes of unintentional sterilization). This act of self-mutilation has as its root a lack of trust in God. It implies that God doesn’t reallly love us and know what is best for us, and that we must, therefore, protect ourselves from his whims.

However, once that sin is repented and forgiven, as Nechasin says, a “… past mistake does not make future actions wrong as long as the future action is not wrong in [and] of itself.”

If it were otherwise, then a sterilized man or woman would never be able to have relations with his/her spouse again, which has never been the teaching of the church, would deny God’s ability to forgive us, and would be unjust to one’s spouse, especially if the spouse was opposed to (or ignorant of) the sterilization.
 
AnonymousOne:

I’m just exploring.

So, are you saying a single celibate man or woman is guilty of a sin if they undergo a sterilization procedure?

What other self-mutliations are sinful? Piercings? Circumcisions?
 
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