I don't have much sexual desires should I become a priest?

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realtiger

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I don’t know if this is healthy for a man in his twenties to be like this but I don’t have much sexual desires. I don’t even want a relationship with a woman. I see it as unnecessary I would much rather travel and hang out with friends than be in a relationship. I don’t want a commitment. I want to love people and value being in a community. I met a girl who is really Catholic and an Ivy League student and even she is more like a friend or a sister to me. I can’t be attracted to her even if I wanted to. I have liked girls recently but those attractions don’t go too far and I just see them as friends. I liked this girl but we became friends and now I just like seeing us as friends. I just want to be friends with women. A lot of men hate being in the friend zone but I am happy when I see a girl who is smart kind and attractive wants to be my friend and if we have a good friendship that is more than enough, I don’t have to date her to be happy. I just can’t be too attracted to a pretty girl when I see her. I don’t know if me not wanting to be in a relationship with a girl has to with the fact of how much I have been hurt by women and rejected by them and maybe I am discouraged. But if I am discouraged it is a happy discouragement because I think to myself it’s great just to be good friends with women plus I have my hobbies too. I think I gave up on relationships and marriage but I am ok with it. I want to travel around the world and I am not looking forward to the responsibilities of having any kids anyway. I feel like I am so happy trying to live a chaste life that the happiness in striving to live a chaste life is better than having a girlfriend. I don’t know if this prideful. I just don’t know why people see me as “odd” for being happy living like this, being ok with being single and being happy with just being friends with women.
 
Lack of sexual desires is not in itself a reason to become a priest. You certainly are not obligated to seek marriage - though remaining single does not mean you’re called to be a priest by default. You will need to discern your vocation independently with a spiritual director / father.
 
realtiger said:
Re: I don’t have much sexual desires should I become a priest?
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This is not a reason to become a diocesan or religious priest or religious brother.

If you believe you have a religious vocation, or even if you aren’t sure, speak to the vocations director in your diocese about discernment.
 
Definitely see a priest!

I have no desire for marriage or even dating. I do not want a romantic relationship. My life is God’s alone, Christ’s alone. I have friends, but that is all I want.

The call to a celibate lay life is very special and rather rare. Treasure it if it is truly yours, but do make sure it is truly your vocation. Only when you live your vocation as called by God can you be truly happy.

God bless.
 
Perhaps you are asexual, which is, in my opinion, a form of St. Paul’s gift, sort of like the choice to be celibate. It’s a beautiful thing.

But the vocation is a* calling.* If you feel called by God to serve in the vocation, then do His will.

Don’t become a priest because you don’t have much sexual desire.
 
Your vocation is not about what you don’t want, but the way in which you are called to love God and neighbor. It is a positive thing, something to which you commit yourself totally, not the absence of a desire.

Sexual feelings and the intensity of those feelings can change, just as the attractions married people feel for each other can change. You need to find a vocation to which you will commit yourself and remain faithful even if your sexual feelings become different than they are now, because that can happen.

I think it would be a good idea to get some guidance about how to orient your life more towards finding your vocation. It will not land in your lap. You do need to learn to listen for it in order to find it, and many if not most of us profit from help in that quest.

When you get onto that road, you won’t be asking us if you ought to be a priest. You’ll be asking the Lord.
 
By the way, if you have questions about how to discern whether you have a vocation to the priesthood, religious life, or simply a celibate life, I’d ask in the Vocations forum.
 
As logicians say, “Not A does not imply B.”

The lack of sexual desire does not, in itself, imply a call to the Priesthood. And an aversion to “commitment” would be an argument against someone having such a call.

By all means, see your spiritual advisor!

ICXC NIKA
 
Please contact the vocations director of your diocese. You can probably find his email on your Diocesan website. Your vocations director can guide you from there. God bless. Also, I recommend the book To Save a Thousand Souls by Fr. Brannen.
 
realtiger said:
I don’t know if this is healthy for a man in his twenties to be like this but I don’t have much sexual desires. I don’t even want a relationship with a woman. I see it as unnecessary I would much rather travel and hang out with friends than be in a relationship. I don’t want a commitment. I want to love people and value being in a community. I met a girl who is really Catholic and an Ivy League student and even she is more like a friend or a sister to me. I can’t be attracted to her even if I wanted to. I have liked girls recently but those attractions don’t go too far and I just see them as friends. I liked this girl but we became friends and now I just like seeing us as friends. I just want to be friends with women. A lot of men hate being in the friend zone but I am happy when I see a girl who is smart kind and attractive wants to be my friend and if we have a good friendship that is more than enough, I don’t have to date her to be happy. I just can’t be too attracted to a pretty girl when I see her. I don’t know if me not wanting to be in a relationship with a girl has to with the fact of how much I have been hurt by women and rejected by them and maybe I am discouraged. But if I am discouraged it is a happy discouragement because I think to myself it’s great just to be good friends with women plus I have my hobbies too. I think I gave up on relationships and marriage but I am ok with it. I want to travel around the world and I am not looking forward to the responsibilities of having any kids anyway. I feel like I am so happy trying to live a chaste life that the happiness in striving to live a chaste life is better than having a girlfriend. I don’t know if this prideful. I just don’t know why people see me as “odd” for being happy living like this, being ok with being single and being happy with just being friends with women.
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There is not a word in your post about feeling an interest or calling to the priesthood. So, no I have no reason to encourage you toward the priesthood.
 
The thought ought to cross every man’s mind at some point, and for him to be silent, and listen to what the Father has to say.

All vocations in life, in any capacity, are founded upon a presence of a desire, rather than a lack of it. So your lack of sexual desire in of itself neither points you away from nor towards the priesthood.Wanting to be a priest is a sign that you may be called to be a priest, which will then be further discerned with the assistance of others.
 
realtiger said:
I don’t know if this is healthy for a man in his twenties to be like this but I don’t have much sexual desires. I don’t even want a relationship with a woman. I see it as unnecessary I would much rather travel and hang out with friends than be in a relationship. I don’t want a commitment. I want to love people and value being in a community. I met a girl who is really Catholic and an Ivy League student and even she is more like a friend or a sister to me. I can’t be attracted to her even if I wanted to. I have liked girls recently but those attractions don’t go too far and I just see them as friends. I liked this girl but we became friends and now I just like seeing us as friends. I just want to be friends with women. A lot of men hate being in the friend zone but I am happy when I see a girl who is smart kind and attractive wants to be my friend and if we have a good friendship that is more than enough, I don’t have to date her to be happy. I just can’t be too attracted to a pretty girl when I see her. I don’t know if me not wanting to be in a relationship with a girl has to with the fact of how much I have been hurt by women and rejected by them and maybe I am discouraged. But if I am discouraged it is a happy discouragement because I think to myself it’s great just to be good friends with women plus I have my hobbies too. I think I gave up on relationships and marriage but I am ok with it. I want to travel around the world and I am not looking forward to the responsibilities of having any kids anyway. I feel like I am so happy trying to live a chaste life that the happiness in striving to live a chaste life is better than having a girlfriend. I don’t know if this prideful. I just don’t know why people see me as “odd” for being happy living like this, being ok with being single and being happy with just being friends with women.
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You went from desiring to rid yourself of lust and arousal by disliking women (I know you recanted and said you do not dislike women) to now not having much sexual desire? Why was it such a big deal to distance yourself from women to avoid arousal and lust if you do not have much sexual desire? If I had little sexual desire I could look at women in tight clothes all day long without a problem and not have to keep custody of my eyes and be careful with what I think. Something really does not add up. People have to go through a lot to become a priest. I would TALK to a priest about what you are feeling. Random people on the internet cannot advice you on this matter. It is too complex.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
You went from desiring to rid yourself of lust and arousal by disliking women (I know you recanted and said you do not dislike women) to now not having much sexual desire? Why was it such a big deal to distance yourself from women to avoid arousal and lust if you do not have much sexual desire? If I had little sexual desire I could look at women in tight clothes all day long without a problem and not have to keep custody of my eyes and be careful with what I think. Something really does not add up. People have to go through a lot to become a priest. I would TALK to a priest about what you are feeling. Random people on the internet cannot advice you on this matter. It is too complex.
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There have been cases where men with conflicted self-concept concerning their sexuality and their relationships with women have found the reality of the priesthood extremely difficult. Having said that, it is not uncommon for young adults to feel these kinds of conflicts. Certainly a man who hasn’t yet found a woman who arouses sexual desire in him should not conclude that he’ll never find anyone who has that effect on him. It is possible, but it is also possible he simply has not met enough people yet.
 
Thanks to all who responded. I spoke to my spiritual director and he said he has a natural feeling that I am not called to the priesthood. Plus I am diagnosed with bipolar and have Asperger’s which can make being a priest hard, which is kind of why I don’t think I should be married or a priest. I have decided to serve in the church so at least this is a start. It just seems weird that while other men have that desire to have a girlfriend and have sex I am just happy being friends with women and see them as sisters.
 
Thank God your spiritual director gave you sound advice…just because you have a lack of sexual desire doesn’t mean you have to become a priest…that is a calling by God after much spiritual counseling and prayer and discernment on your part…what would be the scenario if you became a priest for that reason and in ten years time your testosterone levels peaked:eek:…enjoy the friendships you have…you have more time to serve God in other ways:)
 
realtiger said:
Thanks to all who responded. I spoke to my spiritual director and he said he has a natural feeling that I am not called to the priesthood. Plus I am diagnosed with bipolar and have Asperger’s which can make being a priest hard, which is kind of why I don’t think I should be married or a priest. I have decided to serve in the church so at least this is a start. It just seems weird that while other men have that desire to have a girlfriend and have sex I am just happy being friends with women and see them as sisters.
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I think you got great advice! 👍

Don’t feel bad. I have a Master’s in Theology, and the course work for the upper level classes can be very demanding. I’m not saying you couldn’t do it, I’m sure you could, but the stress on someone with Asperger’s might be enormous. I don’t have Asperger’s, depression, or anxiety, etc. and the workload stressed me at times.

I have a family member who is high functioning on the autism spectrum. He is 20 now I think, and he has no desires for a romantic or sexual relationship or marriage. But, things can and do change. You, and my relative, might meet the perfect girl for you some day. Or you might find an occupation that you really love.

Be happy being friends with girls. We all need more friends, and friendships can last longer than romantic relationships and be far less turbulent. Enjoy serving at church. Your life sounds pretty good to me, but I know we all have problems. I don’t mean to minimize yours.

God bless.
 
realtiger said:
. I want to travel around the world and I am not looking forward to the responsibilities of having any kids anyway. .
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Very few priest get to travel the world. You do hear of priest in certain orders that are asked to go to a church in a different country. But that is rare and they often don’t have a choice in the countries they get to see.

And priest might not have biological kids, but their responsibilities are just as great if not more. Parishioners don’t grow up and leave the church (in theory ;))
 
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