I dont have other motives ..other than a conversation

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Shae

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I go to a gym and do a bike class each monday and have got to talking to a male. Is it wrong to have a talk relationship with a male. That is all it is, a person I talk to, but he is a male. I am a family woman with older children and a husband.
My husband is a little sus, but I think him paranoid. I asked him if he talked to women at work, does this mean he wants something inappropriate.

I am looking for direction and advice if this is ok and how to go from there, what subjects to avoid or what is not ok, topics and so forth.
I know what is off limits to an extent but if there is a fuzzy line, I’d like to know and thankyou in advance.
 
That’s a good question. We have a deacon in our parish who would say it’s not the thing to do because despite good intention things might happen.

But then again…a conversation is one thing, going to lunch or out to dinner etc is another.

I guess it’s the old one thing leads to another that could be a problelm. I find talking with men easier than women. However, I am ever so careful about what I will talk about and where.

It’s common sense.

stormy
 
Shae said:
I go to a gym and do a bike class each monday and have got to talking to a male. Is it wrong to have a talk relationship with a male. That is all it is, a person I talk to, but he is a male. I am a family woman with older children and a husband.
My husband is a little sus, but I think him paranoid. I asked him if he talked to women at work, does this mean he wants something inappropriate.

I am looking for direction and advice if this is ok and how to go from there, what subjects to avoid or what is not ok, topics and so forth.
I know what is off limits to an extent but if there is a fuzzy line, I’d like to know and thankyou in advance.
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I’d probably stop if my husband were uncomfortable.

The thing is, people at work maintain a more distant relationship–your husband probably wouldn’t talk to one of the women at work about a fight you two had, because the basis of the relationship is work rather than… hanging out. You and the man at the gym do not have a natural boundary around your situation. I’m not saying that you have *any *idea of impropriety, but first of all, the man might! or he might misinterpret your attention, or you might inadvertently fall into an awkward situation…

I say all this as a wife. I’d be less happy about his talking regularly with a woman at the gym than about his talking with women at his job, not that I think he’d have any improper ideas in mind but… *she *might, or she might misinterpret his attention, or he might inadvertently fall into an awkward situation…
 
I think the fact that you’re here asking the question already kind of gives you an answer. That you need to be told what boundaries there are - that would kinda frighten me as a husband :o If it were me, I would subtly just keep away from the guy, purely because spouse feels uncomfortable. Even if it’s nothing, even if your husband says “No its okay…” when you know he feels the opposite, its best to just keep away if not for the simple reason that it makes him uncomfortable and if you think about it it also makes you uncomfortable every time you speak to the guy, looking over your shoulder and always hoping this guy doesn’t say anything inappropriate etc.

Anyway, I am a male, and as I always tell my women friends… BE CAREFUL! Men are actually unbelievably foxy creatures. We appear with good intentions, we appear to be just a friend, but there might be things going through our head that you really don’t wanna know. Hey, that doesnt go for all guys, but most guys are like that, I used to be like that until I took my Faith more seriously.

Maybe it’s just up to your individual discretion.
 
To the OP–what do you wear for your spin class?

I’m a woman, BTW, happily married for 31 years.
 
Shae said:
I go to a gym and do a bike class each monday and have got to talking to a male. Is it wrong to have a talk relationship with a male. That is all it is, a person I talk to, but he is a male. I am a family woman with older children and a husband.
My husband is a little sus, but I think him paranoid. I asked him if he talked to women at work, does this mean he wants something inappropriate.

I am looking for direction and advice if this is ok and how to go from there, what subjects to avoid or what is not ok, topics and so forth.
I know what is off limits to an extent but if there is a fuzzy line, I’d like to know and thankyou in advance.
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if it is something you feel the need to keep secret from your husband, that is a red flag. If the issue is causing friction between you and your husband, that is another. If by your comment to him, you indicate you sus him, there is a third. I think there is a lot more going on than a casual hello to a fellow patron of the gym and if you don’t deal with it you are headed for trouble. It sounds like this harmless acquaintance is becoming the opening salvo in a battle about entirely different unresolved issues in your marriage.
 
I don’t think there is anything wrong with being friendly and talking with members of the opposite sex. When it comes to what is “appropriate” – I would say a good rule of thumb is thinking about “Would I say this/do this if my husband was standing next to me?”
 
Cat said:
To the OP–what do you wear for your spin class?

I’m a woman, BTW, happily married for 31 years.
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Sleeveless t- shirt. I sweat bucketloads, because I want to increase my endurance and fitness. I do not wear shorts or leggings, sports pants with no back skin showing and my pants are not tight.
 
Boy, it must be hard going through life thinking of everyone you meet as a potential sex partner.

Sounds like that’s the view of the OP’s husband.

Sometimes, people are just people. You talk to them.
 
There isn’t nothing wrong with it per se but I would be careful. My best friend other than my husband is a man. I knew him for years before I met my husband though so that might have a different impact. My husband likes him and is now friends with him too. Since your husband isn’t comfortable with this you might have to stop for a time or you could invite him over, have him meet your husband, etc. Who knows, many they can become friends too?
 
StJudePray4Me said:
I don’t think there is anything wrong with being friendly and talking with members of the opposite sex. When it comes to what is “appropriate” – I would say a good rule of thumb is thinking about “Would I say this/do this if my husband was standing next to me?”
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That a pretty good rule to follow.

To the OP, sounds like there might be some trust issues in your marriage that you need to address.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with casual conversations in places you frequent with members of the opposite sex. But you also have to have trust from your spouse. If you don’t have that, there is something else going on and you need to work on that ASAP.
 
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