I don't know how I am going to survive these next few years!

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SBryndy729

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Hello, Happy Holy Week to everyone.

I have posted in here before regarding my difficulties with my vocation. I am a wife and mother of two boys (one just turned two today, and the other is 7 months). My two year old is giving me a run for his money!

I know, I know, it’s called terrible two’s for a reason…but everyday I get closer and closer to wanting to just leave. I really, really don’t like being a mom.

Between the tantrums and him looking for attention by attacking his brother and what not, I have no patience left. This morning he woke up really early, and while I was trying to change his diaper he was screaming like he was being murdered, and it took everything inside of me not to (I’m embarrassed to say this) but hurt him. Like squeeze him or hit him or something.

I stay at home with the kids but I do get breaks. I see a therapist (I have a history of anxiety/depression), and I try to keep an active prayer life. I really just don’t know what to do anymore. I know kids are a “blessing” but for me it’s more of a cross. I obviously wouldn’t ever want anything bad to happen to my children, and I want the best for them, but more often than not I wish they had a different mom. Like sometimes I think if my husband took the kids and remarried, everyone would be better off.

It’s weird but there is like an emotional disconnect between my children and I. When my two year old throws a tantrum, I feel like I’m looking in the face of a demon instead of my child. Like I can not connect him as my son in those moments. I feel a bit more connected with my second, but I fear that I’ll feel this way with him once he reaches the toddler age.

Help!
 
SBryndy729 said:

“It’s weird but there is like an emotional disconnect between my children and I. When my two year old throws a tantrum, I feel like I’m looking in the face of a demon instead of my child.”

That is actually pretty normal. Tantrums are like some sort of fit of possession.

I would not worry a bit about not connecting emotionally with a tantruming 2-year-old. That’s the point of tantrums–there’s a loss of normal function.
 
You do sound as though you have clinical depression. You should be seeing a therapist and be screened for anti-depressant medication.

Try to stay strong and remember that, to some degree, every mother has gone through what you are. We will be praying for you.
 
  1. walk or other outing every morning, unless somebody’s sick
  2. preschool or mother’s day out
I think you’ll find life easier (in some ways) once the baby is on his feet and can be more of a playmate to the 2-year-old.
 
Do you spank?

Oftentimes, disciplined spanking is a mercy to a child like that – it gives the child firm boundaries, and helps him feel safe. It is not comforting to see that your mother does not have any way to control you – although certainly we all have lots of moments as parents where we really are powerless. :o

Never spank in anger, though.
 
I’m sending up lots of prayers for you! Pray for the intercession of St. Monica, she knows the troubles of a difficult son. It goes without saying that you should be saying those prayers on the way to the doctor’s office. You’re under a year postpartum and have had a history of anxiety and depression, I think you need some extra support. Call your therapist ASAP relate what happened regarding being tempted to pinch or squeeze and ask the therapist to get you in with his/ her doc. Today. Or call your OB/GYN.

Whatever you do, don’t spank. Xantippe has some great suggestions about getting everyone out and about. Some daylight and exercise will help. So will predictable routine.

Have you seen the time out timer bottles? media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/fc/d4/7c/fcd47c2e95711627ae8802ef67a42488.jpg. Your little one might be a little young, but it’s worth a try.

Bottom line, though. It’s time for some medical support. Between your hormones and your history of anxiety and depression, how could you NOT be feeling this way? The doc can get you some relief and balance.
 
SBryndy729 said:
Hello, Happy Holy Week to everyone.

I have posted in here before regarding my difficulties with my vocation. I am a wife and mother of two boys (one just turned two today, and the other is 7 months). My two year old is giving me a run for his money!

I know, I know, it’s called terrible two’s for a reason…but everyday I get closer and closer to wanting to just leave. I really, really don’t like being a mom.

Between the tantrums and him looking for attention by attacking his brother and what not, I have no patience left. This morning he woke up really early, and while I was trying to change his diaper he was screaming like he was being murdered, and it took everything inside of me not to (I’m embarrassed to say this) but hurt him. Like squeeze him or hit him or something.

I stay at home with the kids but I do get breaks. I see a therapist (I have a history of anxiety/depression), and I try to keep an active prayer life. I really just don’t know what to do anymore. I know kids are a “blessing” but for me it’s more of a cross. I obviously wouldn’t ever want anything bad to happen to my children, and I want the best for them, but more often than not I wish they had a different mom. Like sometimes I think if my husband took the kids and remarried, everyone would be better off.

It’s weird but there is like an emotional disconnect between my children and I. When my two year old throws a tantrum, I feel like I’m looking in the face of a demon instead of my child. Like I can not connect him as my son in those moments. I feel a bit more connected with my second, but I fear that I’ll feel this way with him once he reaches the toddler age.

Help!
Click to expand...
For those of us who could not have children this sounds horrible. I am glad you are honest about your feelings however, and that you do get counseling. May I suggest that part of your difficulty may be too great of a desire to have control of how life plays out? Children live in the moment, and not with some preconceived idea of the future.

Perhaps you can relax more with them, if you set your mind to “going with the flow.” If the older child has a tantrum, don’t let him hurt his brother or his self, but have a “time-out place” that you bring him too, require that he sits at this spot and leave him alone. You might tell him you will be happy to see him when he is done acting silly. (Just a thought.)
  1. Go ahead a sit on the floor with the kids and play with them, color with them, go give them a bubble bath together and who cares if it takes 30 minutes of splashing around?
  2. Cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, can all wait until they take their nap. And you can make a game out of them helping you. We have a little one we care for and she loves it when we let her “clean a cabinet” or “dust the doors.”
I guess I am just trying to suggest that you find ways to make child rearing fun for you and the kids. Yes it is time consuming, full of the unexpected, trying at times, but it is a great experience in the end. Hang in there, focus on the moment and don’t try to out guess the future. No one can find peace in life worrying about the future.
 
I felt the same way for a while. The terrible twos were hellish and I often wished I never had kids 😦

Good news is that it got better. Once you can reason with them and them being able to express themselves better things start to change.

Do you have any help? Any time for yourself, away from home?
 
Thank you everyone for your encouraging words and prayers. To answer a few of you, not only am I in therapy but I am also taking 50mg of Zoloft. A few months ago the psychiatrist prescribed me to go up to 75…I did for a little while but something happened with my prescription and I went back down to 50. So I have actually been way worse, where I was feeling deeply depressed and toying with suicidal thoughts. Now, I’m not that bad but I still struggle.

Also, I do get some help. My parents and my father-in-law both live close to us and they help when they can. Not everyday, though, so on those days when I’ve been with the kids all day I REALLY have a hard time.
 
SBryndy729 said:
I obviously wouldn’t ever want anything bad to happen to my children, and I want the best for them, but more often than not I wish they had a different mom. Like sometimes I think if my husband took the kids and remarried, everyone would be better off.

It’s weird but there is like an emotional disconnect between my children and I. When my two year old throws a tantrum, I feel like I’m looking in the face of a demon instead of my child. Like I can not connect him as my son in those moments. I feel a bit more connected with my second, but I fear that I’ll feel this way with him once he reaches the toddler age.

Help!
Click to expand...
That whole emotional disconnect is not unusual. I remember that, but think it’s probably a preservation thing to get you through those difficult times. When the kids start to mature and begin to develop some reasoning and empathy skills, they begin to seem more ‘human’ and that’s more rewarding for a tired mother.
 
Would you put the toddler into nursery? (do you call it pre-kindergarten?) It could be just 2-3 mornings a week for example.

This saved my sanity, and I’m not exaggerating. My son was 2 yo. when he started nursery. He went 3 mornings a week from 9-12am. It allowed him to spend time with other boys full of energy, to play with different toys, to simply be in a different environment. My daughter was 7 months old at that time, and having 3 mornings a week that I could just focus on her was great. And dealing with just one child on those mornings was a break for me too.

I hope your meds help and that you feel better soon.

It will be OK. This is just a seriously tough time. But it will pass. I’m sure you are a good mom, otherwise you wouldn’t write about this and ask for advice.

Hugs and prayers going your way :hug1:
 
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