I don't know how to believe

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doubtingsoul

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Greetings.

This may be a strange question, although I’d like to think I’m not the only one facing this problem.

I was raised protestant, but broke away from the church entirely about eight years ago. Since then I have been sitting (uncomfortably at times) somewhere in the agnostic/atheist section. Over the past couple of years, I’ve felt some kind of a pull back to the church, specifically to the Catholic church, although as I say, I was not raised in that tradition. This “pull”, or whatever you want to call it, is intermittent. Some days it is strong, some weak, and still some days I look upon any sort of religion with intense personal distaste.

Now here’s the problem. It sounds silly even to say it. I just don’t know how to believe anything. I don’t have specific doubts or questions, I just don’t know how to believe. I’ve read around a fair amount in Catholic theology, which I find fascinating, and oftentimes beautiful and insightful. But I neither believe or disbelieve it. I don’t know what I’m missing.
 
Actually, doubtingsoul, I don’t think that is a strange question at all. I struggle at times with parts of my faith, specifically stopping and listening to God. I think that may be the same thing you are expressing.

Let me recommend that you find a Catholic Church that does Eucharistic Adoration. Since you are not Catholic, you won’t understand the Eucharistic part, but I find that when I am struggling, just going to adoration and sitting helps. I just sit and listen for God. This may not be something that helps, but give it a try. You will be in an environment that is conducive to being with God.

Peace

Tim
 
Since you don’t seem to have any intellectual problem with the idea of faith, perhaps you should try praying. You could just say something simple like, “God, if you are truly there, help me find you.” Whether or not you believe, since you are seeking truth, open yourself to the possibility of grace.

By the way, you aren’t the first person to have this problem. The Gospel of Mark records this:

:bible1: Mark 9:20-29

They brought the boy to him. And when he saw him, the spirit immediately threw the boy into convulsions. As he fell to the ground, he began to roll around and foam at the mouth.

Then he questioned his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” He replied, “Since childhood. It has often thrown him into fire and into water to kill him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus said to him, " ‘If you can!’ Everything is possible to one who has faith." Then the boy’s father cried out, “I do believe, help my unbelief!”

Jesus, on seeing a crowd rapidly gathering, rebuked the unclean spirit and said to it, “Mute and deaf spirit, I command you: come out of him and never enter him again!” Shouting and throwing the boy into convulsions, it came out. He became like a corpse, which caused many to say, “He is dead!” But Jesus took him by the hand, raised him, and he stood up. When he entered the house, his disciples asked him in private, “Why could we not drive it out?” He said to them, “This kind can only come out through prayer.”
 
You will never be the Christian you want to be, until you know what you really believe in your being. It is not enough to believe in God. Any religious man believes that. It is not enough to try to be good. We all wish were good. What you NEED to find, is answers to what the heck Jesus taught and what did the apostles really pass on to us to be believed? What did the early church in the first 300 years for us to accept? And then you must say do I choose to believe it? If not, then quit going to church. You are just wasting your time.
Do you believe by sitting on a church pew you will suddenly receive a revelation? No more than putting a Volkswagen in a garage overnight and then expecting in the morning and finding a Rolls Royce in the morning. God is near to those who truly SEEK him. Seek the Lord and his truths and get grounded in him and you will have peace.
 
Gladtobe,

I’m sorry, but I must say that there are times when one feels quite disconnected from one’s faith, St. John of the Cross even wrote a book about it, “Dark Night of the Soul”. At times like this, which many of the most spiritually gifted Saints encountered, they persevered in simply sitting in the pew, praying through a feeling of emptiness and disconnectedness.

Sometimes, going through the motions is all one can do, and for any of us to judge is wrong.

DoubtingSoul,

Yours is a beautiful story and I am constantly amazed when I hear people say they were drawn to the Catholic faith without the advantage of having been born into it. I am a cradle Catholic who wandered away, and it was through raising my daughter that I returned to the faith of my childhood. I came back with a chip on my shoulder but a willingness to be proved right or wrong. God works with even small openings on our part, so if you attempt to keep the door open to God, I’m certain he’ll find a way in.

May I concur with the post of Dr. Colossus. I includes what I immediately wanted to suggest. The most effective prayer for you right now, and my advice to you would be to pray:

God I believe, help my unbelief

When my daughter began to form her own ideas about God, seperate from that being presentd to her by her mother, I asked that she merely pray to God and ask him to give her Faith. Then it would be between them where things went. I wasn’t giving her permission to stop believing, but I was asking her to participate in her faith fully and openly. She now believes and some of the things she’s committing to are absolutely wonderful!

God Bless you DoubtingSoul and thank you for giving us the opportunity to discuss this with you. Oh and one more thing, knowing / believing that God exists isn’t enough. You need to Love him in return for all He has done for you and those you love (you exist, for example). Then give all glory and honor to Him. For even the demons knew God was real, and could quote scripture. But the real deal is when you LOVE God with all your Heart and all your Soul.

Peace Be with You,

CARose
 
I would really start at the beginning - Catholic tradition, and differences in Catholicism vs. other religions, will be things you don’t really understand enough to appreciate without a foundation. Same with things like the Cathlic Catechism, which is the “tradition” and interpretation of the Bible by inspired leaders through the ages.

So - I would say step 1 has to be, read the Bible - carefully, cover to cover. I know that’s now what people do when they jump into adult Catholicism classes etc., but how can you build on a weak foundatin if you don’t have at least a passing understanding of the Old and new Testament? Once you do, a lot starts to make sense because everything else ultimately refers to it.

The Bible also says reading the Inspired Word builds your faith - and that’s what you want, right? 🙂
 
Doubtingsoul…this is your lucky day!

I am a convert to the Catholic Church. As a youngster I was a "part-time Protestant. But they never taught me much except Bible Stories. As a young man I was sent overseas in the Military. I saw combat and I saw that it was the Catholic boys who went to church on Sundays ,if they could.

I went to a Priest over there and said I wanted to be Catholic. He handed me a tan colored soft-covered book and I never saw him again. The book was “The Baltimore Catechism”. It is a question -Answer type of book that tells you about the Catholic Faith. I kept it, read it and when I got back to the U.S. I sought out a priest who taught me more, I was Baptised at age 23. I have never doubted or looked back. I KNOW it was the Baltimore Catechism was what did it.

Here is the address for the newer “Baltimore Catechism”. Please use it. Please turn to it and I will know you will learn the Catholic Faith. One last thing. To know something “in the head” and to believe “in the heart” are two different things. But you have to have the facts first. Please use what did the job on me.
cin.org/users/james/ebooks/master/baltimore/bindex.htm
 
Spiritual Dryness is normal. Praying is Always the best. But sometimes when we are confused, just the simple act of TALKING TO A FAITHFUL PRIEST will help.

Find a priest in your area. Let him know your struggles and ask his advice. Helped me, even when I was still in my Atheist world.
 
Actually, I’d like to weigh in with one more suggestion, in addition to my previous one that you pray:

Lord I believe, help my unbelief

And that is, talk to you local parish and consider preparing for RCIA. It typically starts in the Fall, but your parish may have a different schedule. Perhaps they would be willing to have you sit in on Mass with the Catechumans for the remainder of this years preparation for Easter, when Catecumans are typically brought into the church.

You will be asked to abstain from receiving the Eucharist until you have been received into the Church. This is for your good, which you will learn about more as time progresses. But it might be interesting to see these other individuals as they are going through the process. And then in the Fall, you can begin to take classes and ask all the difficult questions as you continue to discern if this is where you are truly being called.

God Bless,

CARose
 
First of all, I want to thank all of you so much for your kindness, support, and advice. I have a few specific responses as follows:

gladtrobe: I’d like to point out here that I don’t think sitting in church will make me a Christian–I don’t sit in church at all, for that matter, and I certainly wouldn’t call myself a Christian at present. So I’m not exactly sure how that applies to me. As to “believing in God is not enough” (gladtrobe, CARose), of course it’s not, but you have to start there, right? CARose, I’m tempted at the moment to say that I do love God even without believing, if that makes any sense.

awalt: I have read the Bible cover to cover, more than once. I will certainly do so again, but I was not a “backseat Protestant”, I was an active church-goer throughout my childhood and teen years.

I am grateful for all the book/prayer reccomendations, and will certainly check them out.

Several of you mentioned my local parish church. I’m not exactly sure how this works, does that mean I’m supposed to attend the church that’s geographically closest to me? This does present another slight problem, which is that I have to work every Sunday morning. I know mass is held at other times, but the one time I attended mass on a Saturday (I’ve actually only been to mass twice total, so it’s not like I have a lot to compare to), the entire service was focused on very specific parish needs/concerns, and I felt like a ridiculous outsider. Is that normal?
Thanks again for all your advice.
 
CARose said:
Gladtobe,

I’m sorry, but I must say that there are times when one feels quite disconnected from one’s faith, St. John of the Cross even wrote a book about it, “Dark Night of the Soul”. At times like this, which many of the most spiritually gifted Saints encountered, they persevered in simply sitting in the pew, praying through a feeling of emptiness and disconnectedness.
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Just a clarification. It is my understanding that Dark Night of the Soul is not a piece which describes the “disconnect from one’s faith.”

It is more clearly described by a fellow poster here on Catholic.com:
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FCEGM:
“Dark Night of the Soul” is God’s way of bringing one into a deeper relationship with Him through faith. The Dark Night is the stage of prayer that comes after a long period of fidelity to God through prayer and the life of virtue. It is NOT - I repeat - NOT brought about through our “leaving” God, but it is God purifying us through what SEEMS an abandonment by Him; all the while He is actually bringing our faith, hope and charity into a greater imitation of the faith, hope and charity of Christ - especially as we see Him on the Cross. This is the time when He is teaching us to love Him not for what He does for us (all the feelings of reverence, joy, sweetness, etc.), but for Who He Is.

The “Dark Night” is not to be confused with the trials which we all have in life and the emotional depression that can spring from them. Fr. Thomas Dubay in his superb work on the spiritual life, Fire Within, expresses it this way:

“[There is] the misinterpretation of ordinary human suffering as cases of the dark nights. It probably is not an exaggeration to say that this error is widespread among sincere people. . .When St. John of the Cross speaks of the dark nights, he is dealing with mystical contemplation, not with trials deriving from human ignorance, illness and sin,” pg. 295.
Click to expand...
 
Hi Doubting,

I’m sorry this took so long, my screen tells me there have been no new posts to this thread, but I finally checked just in case and find your post with additional questions.

You comment that you Love God, even without being certain you believe. There’s something different in loving a concept and loving a reality. To believe means, IMHO, that you accept that He is real, that He created the Universe and that He created you and your life. To be Christian is to accept that He knows and Loves you and desires that you know and Love Him in return.

Just so you know, many of us here have left the Church at one time or another and have returned when we realized that nothing remotely compares to having a loving relationship with Christ. I hope you continue to explore your feelings about God, and please, do so with the simple prayer suggested. If need be, abbreviate it like this:

“God help my unbelief”

You talk about the Saturday Mass being community focused. I don’t know the specifics of what you saw, but that would not be consistant with my local experience. Each Parish as a certain degree of leaway with a portion of the mood created at Mass (music is a major way of accomplishing this, as well as the announcements, and perhaps the procession of the gifts by children), but the Saturday Vigil Mass should be the same as the Sunday Mass in terms of the celebration of the Sacrifice of Christ 2000 years ago, taken outside the constraints of time, and shared with us today, so that we might appreciate His infinite love of Mankind.

I will continue to keep you in my prayers, along with all your brethren who also struggle with disbelief, even as they know they Love a God they don’t fully know.

God Bless,

CARose
 
I think you have gotten good advice and I don’t have much to add, except my personal experience. In my case though, I didn’t believe in God. However, part of what helped me become a believer was reading the Catechism, the Bible, and I prayed part of a “Rosary”. I actually didn’t know then how to pray the Rosary, but from the info. I did have, I prayed it and then went to bed and prayed to God.

I told God that I wanted to believe in Him. To make a long story short, that night is when I started believing in God. It took me longer to enter the Catholic Church since I did not have a Christian background. I didn’t know what I thought about Jesus or his teachings etc. I was finally baptized Catholic and I can’t imagine any other church being as complete as the Catholic Church. She has the answers to all your questions and you will find the sacraments to be so helpful to your spiritual life.

I suggest some time away from all distractions. Quiet prayer time and rest. Read the Bible and rest. Clear your mind and find the obstacles and then work to remove them through education.

Do you believe Jesus established a Church? Read the Gospels. What did Jesus say to the apostles? Don’t rush yourself, but do try to get away from distraction and remember that people are sinners and will “leave us with a bad taste in our mouth” sometimes. Just don’t equate the wrongdoings of the people with the teachings of The Church. Learn the teachings of the Church and have forgiveness and pray for those who fall (we all do at some point or another).

We will be praying for you. Keep seeking. I trust that God will take care of your weak faith if you continue to ask for this.
 
doubtingsoul,

I’m not sure I understand what you mean when you say you don’t know how to believe.

If you mean that you have a hard time believing that he exists at all, then you may want to read something like “A Shorter Summa”, which deals with the intellectual arguments for his existance and describes his nature. Follow that up with something like “Evidence that Demands a Verdict, Volume 1” by Josh McDowell, which is a study of the evidence for the historical claims of Christianity.

If you mean that you don’t know how to enter into a relationship with him and when you try it feels empty, then the suggestions to spend time in Eucharistic adoration are good ones. You can’t get to know someone if you never hang out with him.

I recommend doing both. Don’t leave before the miracle happens.
 
What I’ve found is that if you leave room for the Holy Spirit to act, with your heart truly open, He will work to assist you in believing in God and His Church.

God Bless you in your search,

CARose
 
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