I don't know how to handle these classes

[mackk]

i’m wound up tighter than a steal coil. it’s weird but away from the classes … well
faith has never been something i’ve had much of. i’ve always said that i wasn’t so much a believer as i was an insister . i generally get through life deciding that i agree with something and then going with it. not that i am stagnant just stubborn.
anyhow when i’m away from the classes i… well … i get closer to faith than i’ve ever been. but something about having to sit and listen to them. it just kind of steals it all away … i leave the classes dead set on not going back but after a day or so left with my own research and thoughts i’m back into the swing . then it’s mass … which sadly i’ve missed the last two sundays … i love mass … when i’m left to sit alone … i think i’m missing it because now i am supposed to sit with the others and just letting things get in the way you know. anyhow I’m all revved up after mass and then before i know it its Wednesday and I’m heading for classes even though i know i will be miserable when i leave. i still don’t have a sponsor … I’ve tried to tell them i need …help … some one to communicate with and they smile and pretend to understand and then blow it off.
i’ve thought of trying to do some volunteer work thinking i could help others and meet others .
i’m just afraid that all i would would be more self involved jerks who will be trying to invent new ways to politely ignore me.
i’m down to two actual friends and one can’t be much a friend right now because she is my professor … we were friends before hand you know. i used to have a huge bunch of gay friends but most of them think i’ve turned on them. all my pagan friends were supportive in the beginning but i suppose they have given up on the idea that this is just a faze i’m going through and wondered off. most of my family … the same ppl who have hated me my entire life for not converting are now mocking me … and my daughter is trying to cope with me joining the “enemy” but she feels like i have abandoned her because i no longer teach her …

so to summarize to the ppl around me i’m either a jerk, a joke, or a nuisance.
fun fun fun
maybe i’m just tired … it’s finals and i hate where i live … it’s all … just a bit much for me …

 

[HAnne]

Mackk,

I wish you were closer to some CAF members so we could try and help you. Please know that you are not lost or forgotten by us.

You haven’t abandoned anyone…especially not your daughter. You haven’t left anyone behind.

Sometimes in the hardest moments of our life, when we think we’re walking a journey in solitude, is truly the times when we are closest to Christ because we have nothing and no one else left to lean on.

Sojourn on my friend, and know that I am praying for you.

 

[At_Trent]

Well mackk, I can’t say I’ve ever experienced what you are going through, but know that there are others in the same sort of situation.

Perhaps keep in mind that tolerating all of this is an easy sacrifice compared to what Christ went through for our sake. Easy for me to say of course, but it’s worth considering.

God Bless

 

[mackk]

thank you

 

[savanahlee]

Sweetie, you feel the grace of God at Mass, you know what, I do too. It’s sad that the parish makes you feel like that I actually feel very similarly to what you do. I would pick a new place to sit everytime and get to know people while giving the sign of peace I don’t feel like I fit in at mine either, but you know what…I fit in with Father Bob, I fit in with God, the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit. I am one to talk though I haven’t been to mass in a very long time. Though I was raised Catholic, before my confirmation as an adult when I took the adult confirmation class I knew the RCIA lady, that was it. Small groups can be like that. I know most of us have had a very welcoming experience, but truth be told, any social institution has the ability to make you feel that way. Sweetie, focus on the mass, not on the people. Smile a lot and show your joy, don’t focus on those who seem so very unwelcoming, it’s a much bigger congregation, you too will find your spot. Remember the Blessed mother, and how she must have felt trying to explain to people that she was the Immaculate Conception, what faith that must have took!!! We all have low times in our faith, heaven know’s I’ve had many, find it in your meditative prayer, the body of Christ, and that joy you feel at Mass. You will find your place with them in time, but you are in your Fathers home, you are always welcome there!! This is your Father too, you should feel comfortable coming to see him dear. I wish you went to my parish, I’d come sit with you because I don’t sit with anyone in particular either My heart goes out to you, no one is more welcome than another, no one is more precious to God than another, you are as loved as anyone there. God Bless you hun.

 

[mackk]

Wow there is obligatory holy day today?

I had no idea luckily there is an additional mass at 5 tonight. i dread class tonight!
i’ve official survived finals though so that’s a bonus. the link in my signature is a final project for a photoshop class and i think it may get a perfect A.

 

[mackk]

tonight was awesome … i was a good bit lost in mass cuz it wasn’t the all the way the same but i knew a good bit …
my questions didn’t get brushed off and i learned some stuff about the calender and holy days an stuff and i’m really happy cuz no one was snarky or ignored me …
it sounds i imagine like i think i should be the center of attention but its not like that i just think if i say hello you should say hello back …
any how … it was a very good night

 

[gapu]

Hi,

Welcome… i just found this forum and I read the whole therad. I am sorry ppl in ur RCIA class aren’t being friendly. I am glad things looked better for you last night. If you ever need someone to talk to you can always pm

hope you have a great day. God bless you