I don't know how to tell my husband the truth

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Bev17243

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I’m not Catholic yet, but want to become one. My husband is a Protestant and very anti-Catholic, the usual “whore of Babylone” and “they worship statues and have rituals” variety. I started attending his church few years ago but eventually became dissatisfied with their teachings and started going Eastern Orthodox church. My husband was willing to accept this if I also came to his church occasionally.
He is mostly ok with it but I don’t think he knows a lot about EO. After studying both Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox teachings I felt that Roman Catholic church is the place for me. My problem is-I don’t know how to tell my husband the truth. I have been attending Mass but its been mostly before work or when he is not at home because I don’t want to lie to him. Yet I’m terrified of telling him the because I don’t know how he will react. His whole family is very anti-Catholic so I’m afraid that they may cut me off.
I have been trying to talk to him about Catholicism and what its teachings are(in sort of "do you know that RC teach this or that"way) but he doesn’t want to listen.
I really don’t know what to do. :(One thing I do know that I can’t be a Protestant
I think I need a lot of prayer
P.S. All my friends are Protestant so my conversion will definately be a life changing decision. I hope that my friends will remain my friends but I just don’t know. 😦
 
It would probably be a good idea to talk to a priest. Also there are apologetic resources that address all the things you know he has a problem with.

What you do need is a dialog with him. This could be a tough road for you, pray without ceasing. Scott Hahn has some good books, Patrick Madrid. There is an apologetics for beginners book on the main site here…it was given to me and it also addresses the ideas about statues, etc.

If he goes and listens to you, in his mind, then all that he has been taught to believe is bad or wrong and it makes it difficult for him to let all that fear go.

I have been on a similar journey. Do you have children? The problem you have may be larger than religious conflicts.

Talk to a priest at your local parish. He probably has ideas about how to help you.
 
I agree that you should have a discussion with a priest about this. He will be able to give you some better insight about how to approach this with your husband.

Your husband and his whole family are very anti-Catholic, so understand that they probably have a lot of fear concerning the church. In their eyes, Catholicism is like a cult that is lying to people and leading them astray. If this is how your husband has been raised all his life, it will take him a lot of time before he is able to accept your conversion to Catholicism. He fears for your soul, so try to understand that he thinks he’s doing what is best for you when he puts down the Catholic faith. There are a lot of issues that your husband and you are going to have to work out. You must try to be as understanding of where he is coming from, but you must also keep your resolve to do what is right. This is where guidance from a priest will be very helpful to you. He will be able to help you sort all of this out and find the best way to start an open discussion with your husband.

Keep praying. I will say a prayer for you as well.
 
Were you baptized Protestant or Orthodox?

If your husband has a live and let live attitude and hasn’t shown interest in your faith life as an Orthodox Christian, would it be appropriate to change churches and go to Mass without making a big deal out of it? There’s a difference between being honest and looking for a fight. You do have to be honest, but you don’t have to be ready for battle or to convince him of your rightness.

I don’t understand why you need new friends. They’re already friends with an Orthodox Christian who “worships graven images” and baptizes babies and believes in the True Presence and follows “the traditions of man.” You probably don’t talk religion with them much right now. That means you’re friends for other reasons that you’ll continue to have in common. Why would that change?
 
mamaslo said:
It would probably be a good idea to talk to a priest. Also there are apologetic resources that address all the things you know he has a problem with.

What you do need is a dialog with him. This could be a tough road for you, pray without ceasing. Scott Hahn has some good books, Patrick Madrid. There is an apologetics for beginners book on the main site here…it was given to me and it also addresses the ideas about statues, etc.

If he goes and listens to you, in his mind, then all that he has been taught to believe is bad or wrong and it makes it difficult for him to let all that fear go.

I have been on a similar journey. Do you have children? The problem you have may be larger than religious conflicts.

Talk to a priest at your local parish. He probably has ideas about how to help you.
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thanks for advice. No, we don’t have any kids which in a way is a blessing because that’s one issue I don’t have to deal with for now. I read Scott Hahn’s book 'Rome, Sweet Home" and it was very inspiring. Scott’s wife Kimberly, was a tough nut to crack but seemed like eventually she came around and converted herself. Unfortunately, my DH is not interested in theological discussions at the moment and his mindset is “if its not my church’s teachings, its wrong”. I’m trying to be understanding to his beliefs and feelings but its been really hard so far especially because I don’t feel like I can share anything with him. Yesterday I went to evening Mass and it was so wondeful and uplifting but I couldn’t discuss it with my husband:(
 
CDB1718 said:
Were you baptized Protestant or Orthodox?

If your husband has a live and let live attitude and hasn’t shown interest in your faith life as an Orthodox Christian, would it be appropriate to change churches and go to Mass without making a big deal out of it? There’s a difference between being honest and looking for a fight. You do have to be honest, but you don’t have to be ready for battle or to convince him of your rightness.

I don’t understand why you need new friends. They’re already friends with an Orthodox Christian who “worships graven images” and baptizes babies and believes in the True Presence and follows “the traditions of man.” You probably don’t talk religion with them much right now. That means you’re friends for other reasons that you’ll continue to have in common. Why would that change?
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as far as baptism, I was never baptised. In the past, I was encouraged to be baptised at his church but I felt because I didn’t believe any of their teachings, it wouldn’t be right. does that makes sense? I then started attending OC 2 years ago but never got to baptism as OC priest in my parish doesn’t believe in baptising you unless you’ve been attending there for a long time. I now have been attending Mass(and do not attend OC at all) for the last 4 months and feel more at home that I ever been before.
sorry for the confusing you. My DH does seem to have “live and let live” attitude toward the OC but the issue is this. I want to attend RCIA and also other activities that my local parish offers and I have to tell him where am I going(else I will have to lie and I don’t want to do that). Do you see my dilemma?
As for my friends, they know that I am going to OC church but RC is the whole other kettle of fish. As long as its not “Catholic” they seem to be open minded but I’m not sure what reaction they will have after they would find out that I want to be Catholic.
sorry about long and confusing post. I wasn’t trying to be wishy washy about my faith but I wanted to make sure that I wanted to be RC and not EO
 
Bev17243 said:
I’m not Catholic yet, but want to become one. My husband is a Protestant and very anti-Catholic, the usual “whore of Babylone” and “they worship statues and have rituals” variety. I started attending his church few years ago but eventually became dissatisfied with their teachings and started going Eastern Orthodox church. My husband was willing to accept this if I also came to his church occasionally.
He is mostly ok with it but I don’t think he knows a lot about EO. After studying both Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox teachings I felt that Roman Catholic church is the place for me. My problem is-I don’t know how to tell my husband the truth. I have been attending Mass but its been mostly before work or when he is not at home because I don’t want to lie to him. Yet I’m terrified of telling him the because I don’t know how he will react. His whole family is very anti-Catholic so I’m afraid that they may cut me off.
I have been trying to talk to him about Catholicism and what its teachings are(in sort of "do you know that RC teach this or that"way) but he doesn’t want to listen.
I really don’t know what to do. :(One thing I do know that I can’t be a Protestant
I think I need a lot of prayer
P.S. All my friends are Protestant so my conversion will definately be a life changing decision. I hope that my friends will remain my friends but I just don’t know. 😦
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You do not need to tell the whole truth at a time, otherwise your husband will have a heart attack…
I see a breakpoint: you did not accept that he accepted you going to the EO? so, you say that you occasionally go to the RCC. Then, go slowly increasing the times you say you go the the RCC. Relate the teaching of the RCC with the teaching of the Protestant, even if you have to invent a little (it is for a good cause !). Tell him the truth: that Catholics consider the protestant their brothers in Christ.
Do not try to convert your husband or talk to him about the Catholic teachings.
In the first phase, it is enough to increasing the number of times you go to the RCC till you reach the real number of times. If you do this, it is a huge victory.
To all the crowd of Protestant friends do the same. You went to the RCC just out of curiosity. Then you met somebody interesting there and you went to go with that person or other reason you find (the truer the better), and catch their wild reactions with a gentle smile. Smile, smile, smile, do not show you are afraid.
We here use to say in similar cases: “Catholics do not eat babies at breakfast as they are known to do!”. It is a strong sentence and i do not know where it came, I think it was in the Early Christians that the Romans would say that the Christan were cannibals…maybe for eating and drinking the Body and Blood of Christ.

In short, slowly and smiling, that is my tactic in similar cases, and I have had quite a few these days…
 
Pfaffenhoffen said:
**You do not need to tell the whole truth at a time, otherwise your husband will have a heart attack…**I see a breakpoint: you did not accept that he accepted you going to the EO? so, you say that you occasionally go to the RCC. Then, go slowly increasing the times you say you go the the RCC. Relate the teaching of the RCC with the teaching of the Protestant, even if you have to invent a little (it is for a good cause !). Tell him the truth: that Catholics consider the protestant their brothers in Christ.
Do not try to convert your husband or talk to him about the Catholic teachings.
In the first phase, it is enough to increasing the number of times you go to the RCC till you reach the real number of times. If you do this, it is a huge victory.
To all the crowd of Protestant friends do the same. You went to the RCC just out of curiosity. Then you met somebody interesting there and you went to go with that person or other reason you find (the truer the better), and catch their wild reactions with a gentle smile. Smile, smile, smile, do not show you are afraid.
We here use to say in similar cases: “Catholics do not eat babies at breakfast as they are known to do!”. It is a strong sentence and i do not know where it came, I think it was in the Early Christians that the Romans would say that the Christan were cannibals…maybe for eating and drinking the Body and Blood of Christ.

In short, slowly and smiling, that is my tactic in similar cases, and I have had quite a few these days…
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yes, I know:eek: Litte at the time, its definately a good idea.
 
Bev17243 said:
Thanks for book recommendations. I think the best way to describe his church would be “born again” Evangelical
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Then that “Common Ground” DVD and study guide will be a perfect place to begin.
 
Bev17243 said:
I’m not Catholic yet, but want to become one. My husband is a Protestant and very anti-Catholic, the usual “whore of Babylone” and “they worship statues and have rituals” variety. I started attending his church few years ago but eventually became dissatisfied with their teachings and started going Eastern Orthodox church. My husband was willing to accept this if I also came to his church occasionally.
He is mostly ok with it but I don’t think he knows a lot about EO. After studying both Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox teachings I felt that Roman Catholic church is the place for me. My problem is-I don’t know how to tell my husband the truth. I have been attending Mass but its been mostly before work or when he is not at home because I don’t want to lie to him. Yet I’m terrified of telling him the because I don’t know how he will react. His whole family is very anti-Catholic so I’m afraid that they may cut me off.
I have been trying to talk to him about Catholicism and what its teachings are(in sort of "do you know that RC teach this or that"way) but he doesn’t want to listen.
I really don’t know what to do. :(One thing I do know that I can’t be a Protestant
I think I need a lot of prayer
P.S. All my friends are Protestant so my conversion will definately be a life changing decision. I hope that my friends will remain my friends but I just don’t know. 😦
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Hey sister… I too am a convert from Protestantism. However my family took it relatively well:) They saw I had become an on-fire Jesus-loving not-talking-about-anything-else kind of Christian… and I honestly think they were afraid I would never have any other interests again… but apart from that they were happy I hadn’t gone and left Christ. My mother is still protestant but she admires the Pope and the Church alot and goes to church with me.

Anyway… I think you should get hold of some books, read them and leave them lying around at home:
David Currie: Born Fundamentalist, born again Catholic
Mark Shea: By what authority
Karl Keating: Catholicism and Fundamentalism (I think its called like that)

These books are brilliant, and will give you ammunition for the up-coming conflict.
Other thing, the best way is to just be loving Jesus more than ever, talking about him and praying to him - also with your husband-more than ever, be reading more Bible than ever, being a better wife than ever… These things are very important.

I have heard these words more than once from non-Catholics: “I had no idea that Catholics were like that”, after they had met my friends and I and met a bunch of charismatic on fire with Jesus- and the Gospel Christians.
 
Bev17243 said:
yes, I know:eek: Litte at the time, its definately a good idea.
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May I emphasize 2 points?
  1. Never get offended not matter how deep is the offense. A late priest friend of mine used to say: “I get offended by those I want!” Yes, you get offended if you feel like it not if they want to.
  2. Smile, smile, bid smiles and lots of love. The harder the offense, the bigger the smile. Defeat them with your love. Show them that a Catholic sad is a sad Catholic. Smile one the outside though your heart may be fearing or crying.
My opinion, though.
 
Bev17243 said:
thanks for advice. No, we don’t have any kids which in a way is a blessing because that’s one issue I don’t have to deal with for now. I read Scott Hahn’s book 'Rome, Sweet Home" and it was very inspiring. Scott’s wife Kimberly, was a tough nut to crack but seemed like eventually she came around and converted herself. Unfortunately, my DH is not interested in theological discussions at the moment and his mindset is “if its not my church’s teachings, its wrong”. I’m trying to be understanding to his beliefs and feelings but its been really hard so far especially because I don’t feel like I can share anything with him. Yesterday I went to evening Mass and it was so wondeful and uplifting but I couldn’t discuss it with my husband:(
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Yes, i know, and when he is ready, then you have time to beef up on your theology. To be ready in season and out to give account for the hope that resides within you.

I guess one of the things that you might have going for you is that they might think it good for a woman to be more quiet. It gives you a chance to learn what you need to. Do not think you have to refute everything all the time.

It is a tough journey you have started. Yes I know we cannot have these discussions either. My OH is starting to come around slowly. He may never become Catholic, but if he wants it to work then he needs to learn to be nice to you about it.

You are not alone in your journey. I have been on it, and anticatholic beliefs are there because of the protest. They wouldn’t be protestants if they were Catholics. There are reasons why, that are engrained in their very belief system. With kindness, a person can be helped to understand. You be more patient than I was ok?

Still, talk to a priest. I am certain he has dealt with this before. You will be required to be patient, strong and really depend on the Holy Spirit. This is a journey filled with lots of misunderstanding.
 
Bev17243 said:
thanks for advice. No, we don’t have any kids which in a way is a blessing because that’s one issue I don’t have to deal with for now. I read Scott Hahn’s book 'Rome, Sweet Home" and it was very inspiring. Scott’s wife Kimberly, was a tough nut to crack but seemed like eventually she came around and converted herself. Unfortunately, my DH is not interested in theological discussions at the moment and his mindset is “if its not my church’s teachings, its wrong”. I’m trying to be understanding to his beliefs and feelings but its been really hard so far especially because I don’t feel like I can share anything with him. Yesterday I went to evening Mass and it was so wondeful and uplifting but I couldn’t discuss it with my husband:(
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Hi there, and Welcome Home, as we like to say to converts and reverts to the Church!

👍

I highlighted your last sentence because it spoke to me so much…My husband and I were both very lapsed Catholics when we met and later married. I reverted before our first son was born but he never has…He has come to church with us and allowed his sons to be raised as Catholics, which is a blessing, but as far as the actual teachings of the Church, well…He keeps quiet and doesn’t totally undermine me but the truth will come out between the 2 of us in private when dicey subjects are hit upon, such as abortion. And he will say little things against confession, implying that if we don’t do really bad things, we aren’t really sinning. It has been difficult to maintain my footing, because I myself only had catechesis for about 4 years up until the age of 10. I am no apologist! ButI love him more than anything, and I pray for his return to the Church with all my heart. I have missed having him as a true Catholic husband and a father to our sons…they have no Catholic fatherly advice or training to stand them in good stead as they become men. But they are Catholics, and they believe that their father is one, too. I will not tell them the particulars at this point. Maybe never.

Anyway, I’m rambling on about me. What I wanted to say to you is that I found this forum when I was filled with despair, and the wonderful support here has helped to fill the hole inside me that longs for a deep Catholic life with my husband. Keep on your journey toward the Church, and pray with all your heart for your husband. Do not argue with him, or he may grow even more angry and resentful. Try to stay positive about his faith - at least he believes in Christ, which my husband cannot state. Stress what is common to both faiths, not what is different.

You will find new friends when you settle on a church to attend. If your Protestant friends are true friends, then you will see that. If they are not, they will drop you, or try to intervene to keep you away from the “cult.” Either way, you will have crossed a large line into a new land.
 
I didn’t read the posts here, just yours, I do feel you need to tell your husband about your church attendance,not telling him is the same as lying. Secrets should not be kept between husband and wife. Ask yourself how he will feel if he finds out your going to Mass without you telling him. I do hope all goes well for you, but you need to talk to your husband. You are not giving him credit, his reaction maybe different than you suspect.
I wish you well, God Bless.
 
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