M
mayxanh
Guest
My story is long, but please be patient …
Throughout my childhood, I had never been aware of where half of my genes came from. Thus, I grew up with Mom and Grandma, without the presence of a single man in the household. My maternal Grandpa had got stuck in Hanoi, the capital of Northern Vietnam since 1954 as the result of the country’s temporary separation by the Geneva Accord whereas Mom stayed with Grandma in Saigon, the largest Southern metropolitan city. By one way or another, Grandma managed to find out that he was later remarried with another lady and had other children. Much disappointed, she determined to devote the rest of her life to the sole purpose of serving her direct descendants. Mom and Grandma have never mentioned a word about my biological Dad. When I was old enough to question about his identity, Mom and Grandma would either ignore or depict Dad as an irresponsible and heartless man who was willing to trade his own family for another wealthy woman. No matter what they said, I still remembered calling someone “Daddy" and retained deep in my heart all cherishable memories of a loving Dad with great affection during my very early childhood. The only clue I had as to my origin was that my parents both won scholarship opportunities to study abroad. They met each other, gave birth to me in Montreal, Canada, and returned back to home country upon graduation.
As time went by, the urge to search for paternal love gradually faded given Grandpa’s betrayal to Grandma and Mom’s hatred propaganda about Dad. As I was at teenage, Grandma passed away and Mom started dating a younger man with whom I solemnly swore not to live under the same roof whatsoever. Fostering profound antipathy against his arrogance, boastfulness, deceitfulness, and work-shyness, I have never given up any good chance to disrupt and vandalize their relationship but all carefully planned attempts eventually turned out to be in vain one after another. For my soon-to-be stepdad came from a devout Catholic family, Mom agreed to convert to Catholicism so that they could wed in the Church. Frustrated enough, I decided to commit suicide by taking whatever pills I could found in the family medicine cabinet and quietly crept into bed, expecting to wake up in another world. Fortunately, they were all diet supplements, thus could do no harm to my body. Awoke the following day, I was too surprised to find myself still alive and intact. Since then, I entered the darkest phase of my life and imprisoned myself in anger, hostility, and revengefulness. This tormented state of mind reached its climax at the time the perverted stepdad repeatedly exhibited sexual misconduct.
At age 18, through my Christian friends, I became so fascinated with the doctrine of a Heavenly Father that I finally accepted to be baptized despite my earlier overt aversion towards Christianity. I went to churches every day as a way to flee from reality. However, I quickly turned rebellious against Jesus’ teachings. I could not understand why the supposedly loving Heavenly Father would abandon me into such evil hands and subsequently commanded me to forgive unconditionally!
(to be continued)
Throughout my childhood, I had never been aware of where half of my genes came from. Thus, I grew up with Mom and Grandma, without the presence of a single man in the household. My maternal Grandpa had got stuck in Hanoi, the capital of Northern Vietnam since 1954 as the result of the country’s temporary separation by the Geneva Accord whereas Mom stayed with Grandma in Saigon, the largest Southern metropolitan city. By one way or another, Grandma managed to find out that he was later remarried with another lady and had other children. Much disappointed, she determined to devote the rest of her life to the sole purpose of serving her direct descendants. Mom and Grandma have never mentioned a word about my biological Dad. When I was old enough to question about his identity, Mom and Grandma would either ignore or depict Dad as an irresponsible and heartless man who was willing to trade his own family for another wealthy woman. No matter what they said, I still remembered calling someone “Daddy" and retained deep in my heart all cherishable memories of a loving Dad with great affection during my very early childhood. The only clue I had as to my origin was that my parents both won scholarship opportunities to study abroad. They met each other, gave birth to me in Montreal, Canada, and returned back to home country upon graduation.
As time went by, the urge to search for paternal love gradually faded given Grandpa’s betrayal to Grandma and Mom’s hatred propaganda about Dad. As I was at teenage, Grandma passed away and Mom started dating a younger man with whom I solemnly swore not to live under the same roof whatsoever. Fostering profound antipathy against his arrogance, boastfulness, deceitfulness, and work-shyness, I have never given up any good chance to disrupt and vandalize their relationship but all carefully planned attempts eventually turned out to be in vain one after another. For my soon-to-be stepdad came from a devout Catholic family, Mom agreed to convert to Catholicism so that they could wed in the Church. Frustrated enough, I decided to commit suicide by taking whatever pills I could found in the family medicine cabinet and quietly crept into bed, expecting to wake up in another world. Fortunately, they were all diet supplements, thus could do no harm to my body. Awoke the following day, I was too surprised to find myself still alive and intact. Since then, I entered the darkest phase of my life and imprisoned myself in anger, hostility, and revengefulness. This tormented state of mind reached its climax at the time the perverted stepdad repeatedly exhibited sexual misconduct.
At age 18, through my Christian friends, I became so fascinated with the doctrine of a Heavenly Father that I finally accepted to be baptized despite my earlier overt aversion towards Christianity. I went to churches every day as a way to flee from reality. However, I quickly turned rebellious against Jesus’ teachings. I could not understand why the supposedly loving Heavenly Father would abandon me into such evil hands and subsequently commanded me to forgive unconditionally!
(to be continued)
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