I don't know what to do about my anger at my local church

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Hi: I am writing because I can’t seem to forgive my local church and I am also angry at myself for not handling it well.
The leadership has done some things I think are unsupportive and I feel disappointed in them. I have done some things that show anger in an indirect way and that bothers me. Some times I think I have to go to another parish but I have many friends in this one. I have wanted to support it through volunteer work but then I get worried about whether I will be rejected and withdraw and so I don’t seem to follow through. I wish there was some way I could improve my image with them. In other respects I really enjoy mass and my faith.
Thanks for reading!
 
You haven’t given much in the way of explanation. What kind of volunteer work would you like to be doing?
 
As someone else said, you haven’t given any specifics. But throughout my childhood in the church, I observed that there’s a cyclical nature to life in the church. The are times when everything is going fantastic, the priest is wonderful, everything couldn’t be better. At those times we kind of bask in the light that is there. Other times are much more dry and difficult. And those times, I came to understand, it’s my turn to step up and be a light for others. Perhaps at the worst of times, God is calling us to step up and give. Unconditional love training, maybe…
 
cb934586 said:
Hi: I am writing because I can’t seem to forgive my local church and I am also angry at myself for not handling it well.
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Each Diocese should have counselling available to those who are angry over certain aspects of Church history. Would that help your cause for anger at all?
Many people are angry right now. Friends and sharing are imperative to healing. Your faith and joy of the Mass are a joy to read.
 
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I don’t know how to help you. But I too am extremely angry at my local church. The scandals, the issues we’ve had with staff, the corona virus response, the liturgy. Used to make me sad. But now I feel less sad and more angry.
 
I’m not sure of the situation or details, but conflict within parishes happens. There are peaks and valleys. Perhaps you could pull back and focus on mass, prayers and and message - less on the social aspects right now until your anger passes, the situation smooths out, time heals any wounds that need healing… etc. Again - not sure of the situation but focus on the Mass and God right now and less on the issue that is bothering you until you can feel better about it?
 
cb934586 said:
Hi: I am writing because I can’t seem to forgive my local church and I am also angry at myself for not handling it well.
The leadership has done some things I think are unsupportive and I feel disappointed in them. I have done some things that show anger in an indirect way and that bothers me. Some times I think I have to go to another parish but I have many friends in this one. I have wanted to support it through volunteer work but then I get worried about whether I will be rejected and withdraw and so I don’t seem to follow through. I wish there was some way I could improve my image with them. In other respects I really enjoy mass and my faith.
Thanks for reading!
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It’s pretty standard to get angry at some point in your life with something that you are invested in as a person. Getting angry with something we care about deeply is easy but being angry with something we don’t care about is very difficult because it’s not worth the bother. Volunteering is a great way to help with anger because it puts you in a position to start being the change you want to see, even if in a small way. Start with something small and easy and then as that thing becomes part of your comfort zone you can then build up to volunteering with something bigger.

Don’t forget to tell God about your anger when you’re praying and ask him on a daily basis for the virtues to avoid and overcome anger. He won’t deny you anything, no matter how big or small it is. Don’t believe that God doesn’t want to listen to you or that your complaints are trivial: God is infinitely humble and that means he concerns himself in a personal way with every creature and with every problem, even if that problem is the dishes in the sink.

Peace.
 
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i know of a local parish that had a problem of a few parishioners being very unkind to the elderly Pastor and he had a secretary that came from out of state and she was the only one who talked to him and some parishioner women chided her for interfering with them showing him they didnt agree with things he did . He killed himself. The secretary was so horrified by the darkness that was in the hearts of some of the parishioners she left the church and found a home in another nearby parish.
 
OP, it’s hard to respond to your post because you don’t give any details about what they did to make you so angry.
Obviously my response would be different if they were bullying and insulting you or others, than it would if they simply made some impersonal change that you didn’t like, such as using a new hymnal for Mass.

But in any event, people are going to make us angry from time to time, and that includes the kind of people who hang around parishes. I’ve had my share of upsetting encounters with “parish people” and it has from time to time caused me to limit my contact with parishioners or group activities, but I still pray and go to Mass. In the end, Jesus, the Mass, the sacraments, and Adoration/ other prayers are why I go to church, not to get overinvolved to the point of anger with people who are there. I don’t work at a parish for my day job, so I don’t have to deal with all the stresses that inevitably come up associated with work, where there’s always that one colleague who is just hard to get along with or makes trouble for you.

If the situation is really toxic, then I’d suggesting finding a new parish. But if it’s just garden-variety annoyance, or feeling shoved in the corner by the “clique” that seems to run just about every parish, then I would say hang in there and try to be patient and kind although it can be difficult.
 
IMO, at least take a break for a few weeks and attend that other parish. A little time away can put things in a new light. Put a pause on the feeling that you need to make a big decision, and revisit the matter in a month or so.
 
Nothing wrong with taking time out of parish activities. Time heals wounds. Also, more silence and solitude may allow you to pray/meditate and with the Lord’s help, control any anger issues.
 
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