I don't know what to do anymore

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MooCowSteph

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I am so frustrated. I don’t even know where to start. I just don’t know how to trust in God anymore. When I do it doesn’t seem to work out. We decided to have a baby two years ago even though DH was starting out on a new career path and money wasn’t guaranteed. But God had always provided - He would provide here too because we were doing His will, growing our family. Well, that career path didn’t go so well. It was OK, but not quite enough for us to live on. So he started a new career path while also working parttime at the old one. This one isn’t working out too well either in my opinion, although DH says he’s “100% positive it will work out fine”. He is so sure had had me so convinced that we thought it would be a wonderful time to try for another baby. God would provide, right? Wrong! We are both losing out faith and our trust in God. We are doing what we believe to be right - living by all the teachings of the Church, growing our family, not using daycare, passing on our faith and bringing more lives into the world. WHY DID GOD GIVE ME THIS NEW LIFE BUT NOT HELP MY HUSBAND PROVIDE FOR THAT NEW LIFE? We don’t live extravagantly. We have a two bedroom townhouse, and are not moving any time in the near future, even with a second baby on the way.

I guess I have to go get a job. But with a pregnancy I don’t know how I’m going to do it. Do I have to disclose that? No one is going to hire someone who’s having a baby in 9 months. And I simply CANNOT put a newborn in daycare. I cannot. I can’t go back to my old job for various reasons. There aren’t that many jobs available for me - I was a poli sci major and worked in politics. The opposite party is in power now and they won’t hire someone who worked for their predecessor. Heck, I can’t even get the clarical jobs b/c I can’t type 40 wpm.

I’m sorry this is so long. I know I’m rambling. I know part of it is early pregnancy hormones, and I am probably overreacting. I just feel really lost right now. I am so tired from this pregnancy. I haven’t been sleeping well, then today when DH lost a deal I just broke down. 😦

I don’t even know if this is the place to put this, but I thought it would be nice to talk to all my friends in familylife/parenting.
 
Prayers for you and your family. I think there are few select jobs that actually are good for SAHMs. It might take a bit of research but that might be your best option in the long run.
 
Hi Steph. I’m so sorry for your frustration and pain, and I can relate. I have chronic illness problems and am unable to work. My husband has had a series of jobs over the past few years that just never seem to work out, and he is such an honest and hard worker. He’s in another job now that is very stressful and isn’t enough to make ends meet.

It is hard to know why this is happening, but I just continue to offer our frustrations and sufferings to God. There have been moments when I doubted my faith and times when I just really yelled at God. But I do believe in Jesus and in His Presence in the Holy Eucharist, So at times I feel like Peter, who said to Jesus in John Chapter 6:68 when Jesus asked if the disciples were going to leave Him, too “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of everlasting life.”

I often repeat “Jesus, I trust in You” in those times when I am struggling the most.

I also say the St. Michael prayer several times each day. I know when we are trying to do God’s will, our spiritual enemy tries to pull us the other way, including whispering those doubts in our ears.

I am praying for you!
 
Don’t loose faith. We cant see the bigger picture only God knows the plans he has for our life. We all have crosses to bare. Instead of loosing faith cling to it and dive in deeper. We can never know the battle going on above us, the devil and his demons attack us when we are weak and you can never know the fight that God is having against them. Becoming ever faithful will show them that you can’t be taken down that easily.

Sorry if that seems weird but i am reading Pierced by the Sword right now and it shows you the battles over peoples souls and its really interesting.

Is there anyway you would concider moving to a place where the cost of living is a lot lower?? I know thats what we need to do if we ever want a bigger home.
 
Thank you all so much for prayers and helpful words. It really does help.

We have discussed moving. It’s not really an option at the moment because of DH’s current up-and-down income. I don’t know that we’d qualify for a mortgage with the way things are right now in the mortgage industry. But in a few years, when we do move, we’ll probably go to southern PA so we’re still close to DH’s family. My mom isn’t around here any longer.

I know in my heart I cannot give up. I still believe in everything I ever did! I am just so frustrated. Why won’t God help us? DH is losing faith even more than me, and said he isn’t going to Mass on Sunday. 😦 We’re having a hard time because I am frustrated with him even though it’s really not his fault. He’s frustrated, but not one to be open about his feelings or really even KNOW what he’s feeling. And he’s not really talking to me much about it other than “it’ll be fine”.
 
Steph hey I know exactly how you feel I was there about 6 years ago when I was pregnant with my last one. Don’t give up just keep praying and he will provide the answers and prehaps I can help by telling you what I did in that situation. I also would not leave my children in daycare and I had to do something to help make ends meet. So I opened a daycare in my home. It was wonderful. It is not hard at all to do. I provided daycare to my older daughter and looked after a few other children during the day and after I gave birth to my daughter I still had my own job waiting. There were not any worries when I resumed daycaring after the birth of my second actually it was easier because I had a routine established with the other children and my new daughter just fell into that routine with easy. It was the best thing I ever did especially for my family. I was home with my girls instilling our faith and vaues and being able to make ends meet. I’ll pray for you and your family. It will be all right just don’t give up.
 
My cousin and her husband had their 4th baby “by surprise” when the first two were in college and the third was 6 years old. He then lost his job. It was awful. A year went by, and he was depressed. I said - there is no way God gave you that baby with no way to take care of him. Sure enough he eventually got a job. It took a lot more effort than he thought he should have to put forth but eventually he did get a job.

Keep at it! Prayers coming your way.
 
MooCowSteph said:
I guess I have to go get a job. But with a pregnancy I don’t know how I’m going to do it. Do I have to disclose that? No one is going to hire someone who’s having a baby in 9 months.

**You absolutely do not have to disclose that. I got hired for my last job when I was (secretly) 12 weeks pregnant. They didn’t find out until 6 months when I started to show. After that point, I had proven myself as an employee and so it went over well. 👍

In fact, it is illegal for a prospective employer to ask you if you are pregnant, and you do not have to answer if they do ask you. I was worried about this too and it really was something that I shouldn’t have worried about. **

And I simply CANNOT put a newborn in daycare. I cannot.

I couldn’t either which is why I quit my job after trying to go back after DS was born…no easy answers there, but I know you are an excellent parent and will find a way to do what you have to do, and you will find a way to not put your newborn in daycare.

I can’t go back to my old job for various reasons. There aren’t that many jobs available for me - I was a poli sci major and worked in politics. The opposite party is in power now and they won’t hire someone who worked for their predecessor. Heck, I can’t even get the clarical jobs b/c I can’t type 40 wpm.

You sound like you at least had professional positions that would give you some practical job skills for a good job. Could you find secretarial/administrative/management work? Anything to make a higher wage?

I’m sorry this is so long. I know I’m rambling. I know part of it is early pregnancy hormones, and I am probably overreacting. I just feel really lost right now. I am so tired from this pregnancy. I haven’t been sleeping well, then today when DH lost a deal I just broke down. 😦

I don’t even know if this is the place to put this, but I thought it would be nice to talk to all my friends in familylife/parenting.

I think part of a normal part of early pregnancy is to feel overwhelmed by the thought of a new baby, even if the baby was completely expected and planned. You have nine long months to prepare and for things to turn around. You have nine months to prepare mentally and emotionally also. Think of your faith as a bunch of mountains, and right now you are just in a valley (maybe a very deep valley). But you will go back up and be on top of the mountain again!
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Steph – I can empathize! We are going through something very similar with baby #3 on the way and a small 2 bedroom townhouse. There are days that I just feel so weak spiritually.

Although I’m certainly not perfect at this, I try to remember that this life is not without purpose. This life is hard with much suffering because we are not in our “real home” with Jesus.

So often there are unexplainable things that happen, such as following the teaching of the Church and doing everything you are “supposed to do”, and – really – everything that you thought you discerned to be the will of God, and then all of a sudden, a storm comes in. It doesn’t make sense.

This has happened to my husband and I twice with two major things since we married 5 years ago. It always blind sides us, like, “What just happened here?” But there is a story that I’ve heard told about the tapestry of God. Have you ever seen the underside of a tapestry? It’s all rattered and tattered and messy. And forget about seeing the big picture because there couldn’t possibly be one in THAT mess of string! That is our vision of life.

But God’s vision of life is the right side of the tapestry. He can see the big picture. He can see what each little string adds to the picture. And He can see when a string is missing or out of place that the picture is somehow less beautiful. And so when we don’t understand why things happen, why suffering continues when we are trying so hard to live holy lives, know that God does not allow anything to happen without a reason. He has a purpose for this string that you and your family are threading now. It somehow fits into the big picture.

Support your husband as best you can. I know I want my husband to handle some things differently right now, but I’m at peace supporting him with what he feels he can handle. I try to encourage him and remind him of his innate goodness, because he bears the provider role so heavily on his shoulders that he feels responsible for things that are truly out of his control right now.

God Bless You. You’re in my prayers. I understand.
 
You have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Keep praying.

Do you have a degree of some sort? I home teach for AA County. Not sure if Balto Co has the same rules, but a home teacher just needs a bachelor’s of some kind. It’s flexible and the pay is good. You could teach when dh is home w/ Julie. When the new baby arrives you could take a break. —KCT
 
I’m not sure if this will probably be all that comforting, but I just read
“Everything passes away, and only God remains.”
Meaning, time will pass, and this will be resolved, in one way or another, and you just do not know what the resolution will be (at least, for right now).
And later down the road, you will look back at this time and think, NOOOOOW I get it, noowwww I get what God was doing.
But for now, no matter what, He is aware of what is going on in your life, and is aware that you are struggling with faith in Him. He doesn’t want you to fall away, but wants you grasp even more for Him, rely on Him even when nothing, absolutely nothing, seems like it will work out. Well, not to speak for God or anything, but that is what I believe.
 
Steph,

I know how you feel! I am 7 weeks pregnant with out first. My husband is in his second year of college, and I am working full time to support us. This pregnancy puts a big kink in our plans! :o But I know that God’s plan is what is important. He will show us what needs to be done, since He gave us this new life. I, too, cannot stand the thought of putting my baby in daycare.

I’m just praying that God will show us the way SOON. These pregnancy hormones are difficult enough without all the worry about what the future will bring. Let’s pray for each other. 🙂
 
KCT said:
You have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Keep praying.

Do you have a degree of some sort? I home teach for AA County. Not sure if Balto Co has the same rules, but a home teacher just needs a bachelor’s of some kind. It’s flexible and the pay is good. You could teach when dh is home w/ Julie. When the new baby arrives you could take a break. —KCT
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Wow, I’ll have to look into that. I have a BA and I worked in special ed all through college and as a substitute, so I have some experience. Thank you! I was thinking about subbing again, too.
 
kaj3 said:
Steph – I can empathize! We are going through something very similar with baby #3 on the way and a small 2 bedroom townhouse. There are days that I just feel so weak spiritually.

Although I’m certainly not perfect at this, I try to remember that this life is not without purpose. This life is hard with much suffering because we are not in our “real home” with Jesus.

So often there are unexplainable things that happen, such as following the teaching of the Church and doing everything you are “supposed to do”, and – really – everything that you thought you discerned to be the will of God, and then all of a sudden, a storm comes in. It doesn’t make sense.

This has happened to my husband and I twice with two major things since we married 5 years ago. It always blind sides us, like, “What just happened here?” But there is a story that I’ve heard told about the tapestry of God. Have you ever seen the underside of a tapestry? It’s all rattered and tattered and messy. And forget about seeing the big picture because there couldn’t possibly be one in THAT mess of string! That is our vision of life.

But God’s vision of life is the right side of the tapestry. He can see the big picture. He can see what each little string adds to the picture. And He can see when a string is missing or out of place that the picture is somehow less beautiful. And so when we don’t understand why things happen, why suffering continues when we are trying so hard to live holy lives, know that God does not allow anything to happen without a reason. He has a purpose for this string that you and your family are threading now. It somehow fits into the big picture.

Support your husband as best you can. I know I want my husband to handle some things differently right now, but I’m at peace supporting him with what he feels he can handle. I try to encourage him and remind him of his innate goodness, because he bears the provider role so heavily on his shoulders that he feels responsible for things that are truly out of his control right now.

God Bless You. You’re in my prayers. I understand.
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Thank you for that post. That’s quite a wonderful analogy. 🙂
 
Dacinom said:
Is there anything extra you can cut out? Cable TV? That could save $50 a month maybe…how about your husband’s tax exemptions? Do you get money back at the end of the year? You can change his exemptions to 9 or 10 and almost no taxes will be taken out…we did this and it increased our income by $200 a month (disclaimer: I am NOT a tax person and I know it all has to even out at the end of the year!) How about your extra vehicle? If things are that crazy then perhaps you can sell your car and buy a small “beater”? How about your insurance? If you increase the deductables on your insurance (car and home) your rates will decrease. This will hurt if you have a claim but you could save substantially there too.

How about financial assistance? Is there a WIC program in your area? They can help with groceries and milk products for your young daughter and you since you are pregnant…you need to meet income guidelines though.

You may not have the energy now but how about a yard sale? Sometimes just a few hundred dollars can get you over a bad spell and lots of people make that kind of money.

To help your husband: try your best to be upbeat and confident in him. Tell him over and over again that you trust him and have full confidence in him even if you are scared. I think a man feels less of a MAN when his wife looses faith in him…for the good of your family your husband needs to go out into the world and feel strong and confident! If he goes out into the world feeling like a broken down failure whose family is destitute it could effect his success negatively. Do all that you can to try and build him up, hopefully that will help him in his career.

Lastly and most important…PLEASE do not miss Mass…I know you feel like God is not there for you…take your prayers and feelings of abandonment and offer them up in prayer for your husband and children…

Remember Jesus too cried out that he felt abandoned on the cross so you are not alone. I am not sure if any of this helped or not. I will be praying for you too so at least I know for sure one thing that will help!

Much love to you and your family, hang in there as best as you can. God bless,
Monica
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I wish there was more to cut. We’ve been over the budget backwards and forwards, raised the deductibles, cut spending. The only extra we’ve kept is directiv for $50. It’s our one splurge and entertainment. If I didn’t have one thing boy would I feel deprived!

Thank you all for the comments on really trusting my husband. I need to do that more, and tell him that I trust him.
 
God is just setting up for a more spectacular rescue 😉 He’s also testing you. Are His little Steph and Mr. Steph going to abandon Him when things don’t go their way, or will they trust in Him and love Him anyway? What you need to do at this point is hold His hand and let Him lead you and DH like the Father that He is. I will pray for things to work out for you so that you can continue to be a SAHM. :gopray:
 
MooCowSteph said:
I am so frustrated. I don’t even know where to start. I just don’t know how to trust in God anymore. When I do it doesn’t seem to work out. We decided to have a baby two years ago even though DH was starting out on a new career path and money wasn’t guaranteed. But God had always provided - He would provide here too because we were doing His will, growing our family. Well, that career path didn’t go so well. It was OK, but not quite enough for us to live on. So he started a new career path while also working parttime at the old one. This one isn’t working out too well either in my opinion, although DH says he’s “100% positive it will work out fine”. He is so sure had had me so convinced that we thought it would be a wonderful time to try for another baby. God would provide, right? Wrong! We are both losing out faith and our trust in God. We are doing what we believe to be right - living by all the teachings of the Church, growing our family, not using daycare, passing on our faith and bringing more lives into the world. WHY DID GOD GIVE ME THIS NEW LIFE BUT NOT HELP MY HUSBAND PROVIDE FOR THAT NEW LIFE? We don’t live extravagantly. We have a two bedroom townhouse, and are not moving any time in the near future, even with a second baby on the way.

I guess I have to go get a job. But with a pregnancy I don’t know how I’m going to do it. Do I have to disclose that? No one is going to hire someone who’s having a baby in 9 months. And I simply CANNOT put a newborn in daycare. I cannot. I can’t go back to my old job for various reasons. There aren’t that many jobs available for me - I was a poli sci major and worked in politics. The opposite party is in power now and they won’t hire someone who worked for their predecessor. Heck, I can’t even get the clarical jobs b/c I can’t type 40 wpm.

I’m sorry this is so long. I know I’m rambling. I know part of it is early pregnancy hormones, and I am probably overreacting. I just feel really lost right now. I am so tired from this pregnancy. I haven’t been sleeping well, then today when DH lost a deal I just broke down. 😦

I don’t even know if this is the place to put this, but I thought it would be nice to talk to all my friends in familylife/parenting.
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Wow, I wish I had a husband who cared…heck, I just wish I had a husband:( !!! And I would LOVE to be pregnant again:( !!! I understand your struggles, life is hard sometimes and that’s, well, life, I know things will get better…you HAVE what’s most important, your husband and children…a family:) .

You’d be surprised to know some of us are envious (in a good way;) ) of what you have. Prayers going up for your financial situation:gopray2: .
 
Lexee15 said:
Wow, I wish I had a husband who cared…heck, I just wish I had a husband:( !!! And I would LOVE to be pregnant again:( !!! I understand your struggles, life is hard sometimes and that’s, well, life, I know things will get better…you HAVE what’s most important, your husband and children…a family:) .

You’d be surprised to know some of us are envious (in a good way;) ) of what you have. Prayers going up for your financial situation:gopray2: .
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Yeah…Steph, every time I see the photo of your daughter I keep thinking that had I not miscarried, I would have a child who’s the same age as Julie, probably to the day. I know that doesn’t help you, but you are really, really lucky. I’ll pray that things will get easier financially. It’s hard to see the good stuff when it’s buried beneath the crummy stuff, believe me I know. :hug3:
 
MooCowSteph said:
I guess I have to go get a job. But with a pregnancy I don’t know how I’m going to do it. Do I have to disclose that?
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Nope. I changed jobs 3 times while pregnant with my first (all in the first trimester) and didn’t tell a soul until I was past 13 weeks because I was just starting to show. Employer #2 wanted to keep me anyway, knowing I was going to stay home with the baby afterward. I declined, because Employer #3 was going to pay me more, and we needed as much of a cushion as we could get before I became a SAHM.
MooCowSteph said:
No one is going to hire someone who’s having a baby in 9 months.
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Oh, Steph, sure they will. :console:

If you’re just going to have the job while pregnant, and then stay home again, they don’t need to know that, either. I told Employer #3 I would stay home with the baby when I gave my 2 weeks notice, and worked like a horse those last 2 weeks (I wasn’t even employed with them for 6 months). They begged me to stay, and said that if I ever have to go back into the paid workforce for any reason, call them first, even if it wasn’t for a few years.

You never know how an employer will feel about you, even if you’re only there for 6-9 months. Having babies doesn’t necessarily burn bridges like it used to. 😃

You’ll be okay.

Oh! Last thought: Check out an employment assistance office. They take your resume, have you fill out a general application, test your skills (like typing/computer knowledge), and then pair you up with employers. It’s all totally free for you (or should be 😉 ), and you have someone else do all the hunting for you! The most fun, relaxing, overall best paid job I ever had was found using this kind of service. Sometimes they just have temporary positions available, but the agent gets paid when they keep you employed, so they have lots of incentive to keep the jobs coming!
 
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