I don't know what to do.

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Search4Wonder

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I have a problem. I have been trying to make it go away for a long time but I don’t know how and I can’t deal with this anymore. I hate myself and my life and my job and I am nervous to be around everyone I meet. My job is supposed to take care of people but we’re always understaffed so I can’t do it properly and I’m not that good at it anyway because I don’t like being around most people. They are rude and I know they don’t want to be in the situation they’re in but and that I shouldn’t take it personally but I can’t help it. I feel like nothing is ever going to change and nothing will ever get better. Then I think that’s wrong and I’m supposed to trust God, but I always screw everything up and I can’t do what I’m supposed to do because I don’t really care about other people and I’m a failure anyway. I feel like I have no hope at all of making it to heaven even if I live for a really long time and that this is something I shouldn’t be thinking either. How do I make it stop? I don’t want to be like this. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this because I’ve been hiding it for so long. I don’t really want anyone to know. I just want people to be nice and I want to be nice and care about people and this really sucks. Please help.
 
The “Little Way” of St. Therese sounds like it was written with you in mind.
Please go here: littleflower.org/learn/reflect/frjrthereseherlittleway.asp
It is the website of the Little Flower. I quote from this Catholic website:

St. Therese translated “the little way” in terms of a commitment to the tasks and to the people we meet in our everyday lives. She took her assignments in the convent of Lisieux as ways of manifesting her love for God and for others. She worked as a sacristan by taking care of the altar and the chapel; she served in the refectory and in the laundry room; she wrote plays for the entertainment of the community. Above all, she tried to show a love for all the nuns in the community. She played no favorites; she gave of herself even to the difficult members. Her life sounds so routine and ordinary, but it was steeped in a loving commitment that knew no breakdown. It is called a “little way” precisely by being simple, direct, yet calling for amazing fortitude and commitment.

I hope this helps a little. I will pray for you.
 
You sound like a good man, just a little bitter. Still your mind and listen. When we our silent God speaks.
 
Trusting God does not mean you have to wait around for him to do something for you in your life. If you are unhappy in your job (I don’t like people oriented service work either, for the same reasons!) seriously look into changing careers. You can take classes in something that really interests you, or retrain at a trade school, or join the military or start your own business or whatever. Go out and try something new, and trust that God will lead you on the right path. Once you get another job, your attitude will improve on it’s own, mine did!
 
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