i guess its cuz some part of me might still have some kind of hope but anyway i just want to die. im not going to kill myself (at least not for now, i still believe in hell and dont really want to go there) but i dont want to live. sad thing is im only 20. sadder thing is i have been feeling the same way for almost 9 months now and dont have any reason to live at all and havent for all that time. friend you might say, dont got any. love, dont believe i can be loved by a woman in that specail way. family, the pain has drove a barrer in between me and my family so we arent as close. god, well lets just say i dont pray anymore or go to mass or anything. dont argue with my reason as stupid and absured as they are you wont change my thinking. im not sure why im writing this on a catholic website of all places but its my last ditch effort to maybe save myself.
I know how you feel my friend. I never wanted to commit suicide, but there were times when I felt like the darkness was so dark that I wanted to die to escape it. I suffered with depression when I faced my friend’s death and I was suffering from panic attacks because going out of the house meant facing death and trying to live my life. I went for years with medication and therapy, but kept relapsing because I would never reveal what was truly bothering me–DEATH. It was only when I realized what needed to be faced that I got better and could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am now medication and therapy free for a year and I’m doing very good! I say this to you because there is hope.
I don’t know the circumstances surrounding your darkness, but I pray that you will be released from it. Remember, God never gives us more than we can handle. Sure, it may feel like more than we can handle, but we need to understand that everything has a reason and purpose. I discovered that I was a much more mature person after my recovery than before because I understood myself much more (and God more).
If this is depression or another psychiatric illness, you have no control over it. You can’t fix what you can’t control without some help. Talk to a priest. Don’t withdraw from the world no matter how much you want to–this only makes it worse, not better. Find a psychiatrist or therapist to talk to about your feelings. There is a website with listings for therapists who are Catholic and I recommend that you look at that first:
catholictherapists.com/find-a-therapist.html
If you are feeling close to suicide, please call this number before considering ending your own life:
1-800-SUICIDE
suicidehotlines.com/
Please, don’t give up. I don’t want to try to change your mind (I don’t have the power to do that), but your life is precious. It is a gift from God. Please seek help. I’ll be praying.
O Adorable Trinity,
cast upon us Thy merciful glance.
Look at these souls whom Thou hast created,
and who suffer far from Thee an unutterable grief.
Look at Thy poor contrite servants,
humbly supplicating
Thee in their behalf.
For the sake of the glorious Virgin Mary,
Mother of Jesus Christ,
and our Mother also,
deign to shorten the sufferings of these desolate souls;
and to us all who labor in the miseries of the life,
grant the grace of eternal salvation.
I am only a sinner,
but in obedience to Thy command, dear Jesus,
I dare to intercede with Thee for my captive brethren.
Deign by Thy Holy Sacrifice
to appease the justice of Thy Father and open Heaven to
those poor souls who languish far from Thee.
Amen.
Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.
