I don't like NFP

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tiny_smommy

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After my first son we went to NFP classes, the whole bit, and I learned the method, and it seems to work, but I don’t like it. I think it’s bad for marriage. I liked it better when I wasn’t obsessed with vaginal discharge. I liked it better when we just had sex like a man and a wife and always knew that there was a chance that we might get pregnant. I would rather have 12 kids and then vow to remain celebate until menopause than continue trying to cheat God and nature month after month, becaus that’s what it feels like. When we got married we weren’t going to use any birth control. We were just going to be a good Catholic family with lots of kids. And now there is all this pressure to use NFP and I can’t stand it. I can’t stand my husband asking me, “will you get pregnant today?” And I’m thinking, “I hope so.” In the classes they always stress a husband respecting his wife’s fertility. What about a wife celebrating her own fertility? I would rather never have sex again than continue to play this stupid game.
 
NFP isn’t required for Catholics, it is only for those who either want to become pregnant or those who wish to space children for grave reasons. If you don’t like NFP, don’t use it, just don’t replace it with something objectively evil (contraception).
 
I agree with the last post. If you want to have 12 kids, then go for it!!! I agree with first post, especially when I am fertile, I too, curse NFP, but we work around that. 😃

However, NFP is for spacing children, period. Whether you have a grave reason or not. No where in the Catechism or the Bible does it say that we must have babies until natural infertility. Some of us are not cut out for 12 kids, (and celibacy in a marriage is a sin and actual grounds for annulment;)). Those of us not using it in a sinful manner are always open to the idea of pregnancy even if we believe that 2, 4, 5, 6 or however many children we already may have is perfect for us as a family. (Long winded, sorry). It is just being open always.

The number of children we have or don’t have does not make us “GOOD CATHOLICS”. It is how we live our lives according to the teachings of God and the Church that make us good Catholics.

NFP is a sacrifice, but a beautiful one. I think that it is more effort some months then others, esp. in phase 3:D , but I soon forget:o . Ultimately, I love that it does bring us closer as a couple because my husband is forced to know me and my body("Honey,it is Day 19;) ")making our “togetherness” even more special, esp. when it has been building up for several days. Ain’t nothin better then some good anticipation!

So, with that said I think that post number one should talk with her husband and if he is agreeable you should drop NFP and enjoy relations whenever and the blessings that God gives you in His time. Not that you really asked, but I thought I would share my 2 cents. ENJOY!!!

By the way, we have 4, would love to have 2 more, but not now. NFP has been a blessing for spacing for the past four years. Not our time, not Gods either apparently since we have given him plenty of oppritunities on occassion. Hee, Hee.
 
And of course the next question is…does YOUR HUSBAND feel as you do?
 
You don’t HAVE to use NFP. If you’d rather have 12 kids…and you and your DH are in agreement on that…then have your kids. You just can’t use artifical birth control is all.

That said, I think you should learn a little more about the values of NFP. My DH and I have been using it for almost a year now and I think it’s pretty cool. (and I’m not “obsessed with vaginal discharge” either 😛 ) I’m sure that since you’ve taken classes you know very well the how, but the theology behind the why is so interesting and important. God Bless and prayers! 🙂
 
I felt just like you … why bother with ANY birth control… I’ll take what God gives me That’s back when I had one, two, three, four kids… but now that I’m working on #5… I’m thinking NFP might be worth checking out? To each his own… I for one am glad that NFP is an option available to us… because although I’m hoping my days of being pregnant are soon about to be over for good, celebacy does not sound like fun.
 
We’re not too thrilled with NFP either and only use it temporarily when we feel we must - short term health reason for example. If we had to do it long term - I’d go with Creighton method instead, but I still wouldn’t like it.

I agree the real question is: What does you dh think and why?
If it’s just the questioning from him about it. Point to the chart and tell him to quit asking. That or buy a bed pillow that says “Tonight” and “Not Tonight” on opposite sides.
Frankly, we feel the same as you do. NFP is not the wonderous thing it’s made out to be for every couple.
 
tiny'(name removed by moderator)my:
When we got married we weren’t going to use any birth control. We were just going to be a good Catholic family with lots of kids. And now there is all this pressure to use NFP and I can’t stand it.
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Who is pressuring you to use NFP? Why did you give in to the pressure if you don’t want to use NFP? It’s your decision. Are you blaming someone else for your choosing to use it? —KCT
 
You know, I had issues with NFP too. I don’t WANT to wake up at X o’clock in the morning and feel my cervix, ya know? Putting my fingers there isn’t the first thing I think of in the morning. I’m doing well to remember to roll over and grab the thermometer before I get up. I guess I only did it half-way, since most of the time I relied on mucus and temp. I found aspects of it to be more like work. Seems easier to wake up and feed a baby than to wake up and do that. hehehe
 
tiny'(name removed by moderator)my:
After my first son we went to NFP classes, the whole bit, and I learned the method, and it seems to work, but I don’t like it. I think it’s bad for marriage. I liked it better when I wasn’t obsessed with vaginal discharge. I liked it better when we just had sex like a man and a wife and always knew that there was a chance that we might get pregnant. I would rather have 12 kids and then vow to remain celebate until menopause than continue trying to cheat God and nature month after month, becaus that’s what it feels like. When we got married we weren’t going to use any birth control. We were just going to be a good Catholic family with lots of kids. And now there is all this pressure to use NFP and I can’t stand it. I can’t stand my husband asking me, “will you get pregnant today?” And I’m thinking, “I hope so.” In the classes they always stress a husband respecting his wife’s fertility. What about a wife celebrating her own fertility? I would rather never have sex again than continue to play this stupid game.
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Sounds to me like you and your husband need to do some serious talking with each other.

You seem open to life according to God’s will and pressured into NFP from your husband.

It doesn’t sound like you don’t like NFP as much as you dislike not being free to have as many children as your body could carry and God wills. That’s really a very important issue to have between a married couple.
 
Several interesting questions in this thread, and an observation:

What does your husband think of NFP? Does he feel that it is acceptable? Does he feel that it has increased his respect for you, and his love for you? Does he see it as a nuisance?

Why are you practicing it? Because you want to (I think we have the answer to that)? Because your husband wants to? Because the two of you reached a mutually acceptable decision?

You say that you feel that you are cheating God - why do you feel that way? Is that personal only to you, or do you feel others who do not have large families are perhaps cheating God? Were you raised to believe that the Church, or God, requires you to have a large family, or as many children as you can possibly produce? Or is there some other reason?

Do you see sexual intercourse as only for creating children? Your statement about having 12 children and then vowing to remain celibate seems to imply that you do not see a unitive element in sexual relations. How does your husband feel about this?

It strikes me that at the bottom of this may be a lack of communication between you and your husband. Perhaps going through a discussion of it in a fashion similar to what they teach im marriage Encounter could help tpo resolve some of it…
 
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otm:
Several interesting questions in this thread, and an observation:

What does your husband think of NFP? Does he feel that it is acceptable? Does he feel that it has increased his respect for you, and his love for you? Does he see it as a nuisance?

Why are you practicing it? Because you want to (I think we have the answer to that)? Because your husband wants to? Because the two of you reached a mutually acceptable decision?

You say that you feel that you are cheating God - why do you feel that way? Is that personal only to you, or do you feel others who do not have large families are perhaps cheating God? Were you raised to believe that the Church, or God, requires you to have a large family, or as many children as you can possibly produce? Or is there some other reason?

Do you see sexual intercourse as only for creating children? Your statement about having 12 children and then vowing to remain celibate seems to imply that you do not see a unitive element in sexual relations. How does your husband feel about this?

It strikes me that at the bottom of this may be a lack of communication between you and your husband. Perhaps going through a discussion of it in a fashion similar to what they teach im marriage Encounter could help tpo resolve some of it…
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Excellent post. My wife and I used NFP and it only brought us closer together. It removed the guilt of using contraception as we had done previously but did not replace it with the stress of possibly having children before we were able to raise them properly. We certainly did not feel that we were “cheating God” as it is still up to him whether or not we conceive. We used it to “space” or postpone our first child until we were in a position to properly care for one and then we used it to sucessfully conceive on the first try. It is a wonderful method indeed.
 
I was once reprimanded by a (conservative, orthodox) Catholic priest in confession (in a different context). He said: “Quit trying to be more Catholic than the Church.”
 
Al Masetti:
I was once reprimanded by a (conservative, orthodox) Catholic priest in confession (in a different context). He said: “Quit trying to be more Catholic than the Church.”
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Well, if you went too far, a least you went too far in the right direction.
 
I usually think it is the greatest thing in the world but right now it is a real thorn in my side because I just had a miscarriage and it is impossible to get a base line temp. My temps and cycles are so regular that I can go by temps alone. I don’t really have to do anything but open my mouth in the morning. My hubby wakes up every morning at 6 AM and takes the temps and records them. I just prepare a new chart each month. I am not open to getting PG right now because the Dr. says I have to avoid it at all costs until the pregnancy hormones are down to zero. So, I have to abstain for who knows how long or find an alternative. This has left me very frustrated because my husband and I are usually very active. The depression after the miscarriage has left us needing to reunite physically. NFP is horrible in this case. After giving birth, I can rely on nursing to space my children without resorting to NFP. Now, I can’t use NFP because the temps are all over the place and I don’t have a baby to nurse frequently enough to delay my fertility. I have to agree that NFP stinks 😦
 
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MamaSusie:
You know, I had issues with NFP too. I don’t WANT to wake up at X o’clock in the morning and feel my cervix, ya know? Putting my fingers there isn’t the first thing I think of in the morning. I’m doing well to remember to roll over and grab the thermometer before I get up. I guess I only did it half-way, since most of the time I relied on mucus and temp. I found aspects of it to be more like work. Seems easier to wake up and feed a baby than to wake up and do that. hehehe
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I wonder if maybe you are using the STM? It doesn’t involve checking anything “down there” first thing in the morning. I was taught to check anytime during the day that was convenient, cervix and mucus. Is that wrong? (I don’t do the cervix thing, so I’m not really sure.) I thought you were supposed to be “up and around” for a while before you did any checking of…stuff.
(sorry, this is a little off topic. :o )
 
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ConcernCatholic:
I usually think it is the greatest thing in the world but right now it is a real thorn in my side because I just had a miscarriage and it is impossible to get a base line temp. My temps and cycles are so regular that I can go by temps alone. I don’t really have to do anything but open my mouth in the morning. My hubby wakes up every morning at 6 AM and takes the temps and records them. I just prepare a new chart each month. I am not open to getting PG right now because the Dr. says I have to avoid it at all costs until the pregnancy hormones are down to zero. So, I have to abstain for who knows how long or find an alternative. This has left me very frustrated because my husband and I are usually very active. The depression after the miscarriage has left us needing to reunite physically. NFP is horrible in this case. After giving birth, I can rely on nursing to space my children without resorting to NFP. Now, I can’t use NFP because the temps are all over the place and I don’t have a baby to nurse frequently enough to delay my fertility. I have to agree that NFP stinks 😦
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Wow. I can only imagine what you’re going through.
You’re in my prayers tonight. God Bless…
 
It is so hard when you and your husband don’t agree on the right time to have a child.

I blame Adam and Eve. :mad:

I had a friend who through a difficult time, abstained for a year. Her husband is the one of kindest most sacrificial man I know.

I don’t mind NFP, however I don’t like all the pressure of being the one who has to be right about fertility. I read all the signs and give the go ahead. My husband would rather be using contraceptives (he is not Catholic).

I’d rather take babies as they come, but… 😦

Stupid Adam and Eve :mad:
 
It’s exactly this aspect of Catholicism/Catholic culture that makes the single vocation all the more appealing. The only Catholic girl (or ANY girl) I’ve ever met who would even consider NFP told me I was going to Hell. (At the time, she was right).

All this mucus-checking, temperature reading, cycle-charting–HOW is this more natural than ABC??? I’m not endorsing ABC–I’m 100% on board with the Church’s teaching, but I have less than 1% of hope of ever finding a woman who would feel the same way I do.

Is sex irretrievably complicated? I think so after reading all this. To the posters who just “act as husband and wife and let nature take its course,” here’s to you. Cheers.
 
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ConcernCatholic:
I usually think it is the greatest thing in the world but right now it is a real thorn in my side because I just had a miscarriage and it is impossible to get a base line temp. My temps and cycles are so regular that I can go by temps alone. I don’t really have to do anything but open my mouth in the morning. My hubby wakes up every morning at 6 AM and takes the temps and records them. I just prepare a new chart each month. I am not open to getting PG right now because the Dr. says I have to avoid it at all costs until the pregnancy hormones are down to zero. So, I have to abstain for who knows how long or find an alternative. This has left me very frustrated because my husband and I are usually very active. The depression after the miscarriage has left us needing to reunite physically. NFP is horrible in this case. After giving birth, I can rely on nursing to space my children without resorting to NFP. Now, I can’t use NFP because the temps are all over the place and I don’t have a baby to nurse frequently enough to delay my fertility. I have to agree that NFP stinks 😦
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It sounds like the Creighton Model would be ideal for this situation. Have you ever looked into it? www.creightonmodel.com.
There’s no temp-taking.
 
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