I don't like people

[KendraDZ1902]

“most”? That’s not good.

:twocents:
How would you feel if you met yourself?

:twocents:

I don’t like me while being me. Sometimes it’s so bad that I contemplate suicide. I used to like me and I used to enjoy people.
I was an extremely social person in high school. My junior year my mother told me I had to pick the most important extracurricular activities because I was too involved. And I truly was. I wasn’t getting home most school nights until 9pm.
I was extremely social in college. People would actually come to me with social activities because they just assumed I was social chair of my sorority. Lol. I was too busy for that, though. Haha.
I don’t know what happened to me.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

Hmmm, I probably could have posted that op myself. I can’t stand a lot of people, either, and I’m also on meds and in therapy. “Mean Mary_Ellen” comes out when people are too slow, too fast, act superior, act stupid, are too happy or chipper, make little mistakes or just irritate me for any number of other reasons. It’s why I don’t socialize with a whole lot of people - most of them drive me nuts. I have a very, very small number of friends because, for one reason, I don’t like how I feel when I’m with most people.

Sure, I’m working on this with my counselor but I also bring this to confession as I know some of it stems from my pride, perfectionism, and lack of humility and charity. I hold myself to very high standards and I expect other people to meet those standards, as well. When I fail - I’m hard on myself. When others fail - I, too, want to bonk 'em on the head or just further isolate myself from them so I don’t have to deal with them.

My advice to the OP is to ease up on others and on yourself. Pray for those who cross your path. If you don’t remember to pray when they’re in front of you, pray for them in the morning (“bless all those I will meet today”) or at night when you review your day ('those who I have met today") and ask God to help you see others as He sees them. Pray for humility, that you will come to truly know that you are not “better than everyone else” but that you are actually called to be a servant to all you meet. I frequently pray the Litany of Humility and I share it with you here, below.

Remember that while your illness may be a factor in how you are reacting to people there may be an element of sinfulness involved, too. It can be hard to figure out where the line is that divides the two. I bring specific situations and attitudes to Confession. When I’m confused about a particular episode I may mention “I’m not sure how much of such-and-such was due to my mental illness or to my own sinfulness.” I figure if the priest wants more details than that - he can ask. I have found that the graces found in frequent Confession have been very helpful in overcoming this basic bad attitude that I carry around with me.

Be at peace.

Litany of Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed …
… deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved…
From the desire of being extolled …
From the desire of being honored …
From the desire of being praised …
From the desire of being preferred to others…
From the desire of being consulted …
From the desire of being approved …
From the fear of being humiliated …
From the fear of being despised…
From the fear of being rebuked …
From the fear of being calumniated …
From the fear of being forgotten …
From the fear of being ridiculed …
From the fear of being wronged …
From the fear of being suspected …

That others may be loved more than I,
… Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I …
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease …
That others may be chosen and I set aside …
That others may be praised and I unnoticed …
That others may be preferred to me in everything…
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

Wow. You get me! I do have a very big perfection issue. And I have been told that I am way too hard on myself. Maybe that is why I am so tough on others. I never put those together.
Thank you for the prayer. I will definitely be praying it.
I never thought about bringing this into confession. I will certainly start doing that. Your kind words have truly helped me. <3

 

[KendraDZ1902]

Kendra, I can relate. I do not have mental illness but I do have anxiety from time and time and I get really, really impatient with people, even people that I care about.

You mentioned meds so I am assuming you receive counseling on a fairly regular basis, too. Could this be something that could be addressed there? I think the advice here is great, too, but a counselor could give you tips for slowing down, addressing your emotions early before they get out of control, and for ways of communicating with people that respects them but still gets across your needs. (I mention that last one because I know I struggle with the tendency to expect people to mindread what I want, because I expect it to be obvious, and it’s not.)

It’s also not wrong to not want to be with people all of the time. I notice I get more impatient the longer I am in big social situations. Going to the store is more annoying now because of all the holiday shoppers. There are more people and they’re making specific purchases on a deadline, so they’re stressed too. Drivers are more aggressive. In many areas of the country, the weather is less than ideal, which makes people grumpy. By all means, figure out how to make do with the situations you have to, but a big part of dealing is probably going to be just minimizing exposure to those situations in the first place. And after Christmas, it will probably settle down a lot, which will help you handle it better, too.

Yes, we are trying to teach me to cope in counseling. Some days I do great and some days I want to hide in the closet. One of the symptoms of my mental illness is anxiety and I also suffer from panic attacks and agoraphobia. It is extremely hard sometimes, but I will manage. And hopefully come out being better and more mentally stronger.

 

[SuperLuigi]

I’ve contemplated where to put this and I figured that this is the best spot.

I really don’t care for most people. I can become aggravated easily and I have aggressive behavior. These symptoms are due to my mental illness, I also know that I shouldn’t take out these feelings on others. I just can’t help but I just don’t like people. They annoy me. Like, I what to scream just to let out frustration. I deal with my people disliking feelings. I can hang out with people, but sometimes I just can’t handle the sight of obnoxious people. Obnoxiousness varies, sometimes people can be less obnoxious than other times.

Anyway, I know I shouldn’t have these feelings. We are all children of God. I just don’t understand why some/most people, depending on the day, drive me nuts. I really don’t know what I need to do about this.

I understand where you are coming from. It’s important that you have not succumbed to pride so much as to recognize there is a problem.

I would say that counseling with this kind of behavior should help.

But I would be concerned about anyone who is too worried about feeling a certain way. I think its how we deal with those feelings that counts.

Oh, and I’ve seen some of your other posts and you’re in my book!

 

[GaudentAngeli]

I don’t suffer from mental illness, but I’m definitely not a people person. I’m aloof, I’m very quiet when I don’t manage to avoid people, and I find it tiresome and usually annoying to have to talk to others. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember but I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. Not everyone can be a people person. I take it as a gift from God because it is such an excellent disposition to have in order to learn virtue. I’ve had to learn to be more patient and humble in order to not despise everyone around me. Learning to love others as other has really helped. We are all different, and everyone has free will and is their own person and I have to love them for the sake of Christ, and to love the reflection of God that is in all of us.

 

[Ridgerunner]

I don’t suffer from mental illness, but I’m definitely not a people person. I’m aloof, I’m very quiet when I don’t manage to avoid people, and I find it tiresome and usually annoying to have to talk to others. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember but I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. Not everyone can be a people person. I take it as a gift from God because it is such an excellent disposition to have in order to learn virtue. I’ve had to learn to be more patient and humble in order to not despise everyone around me. Learning to love others as other has really helped. We are all different, and everyone has free will and is their own person and I have to love them for the sake of Christ, and to love the reflection of God that is in all of us.

I have never been DIAGNOSED as mentally ill. (But who could know?)

One of the most enlightening things I ever heard in my life was long ago when I confessed in confession that I really didn’t like a particular sort of people, try as I might.

The priest said “Well, you aren’t required to like anybody. You’re required to love them.”

Huh? (blink, blink) He then explained that “liking” is what we FEEL about another. We’re not responsible for that. “Loving” is what we DO to the other person. Loving is doing what’s best for that person…not for me because I am pleased with their society, but for them because they’re children of God.

So, while it might be impossible for some to get past the “liking” part, it really isn’t required of us that we “like” anybody at all. Our obligation is to “love” them.

 

[GaudentAngeli]

I have never been DIAGNOSED as mentally ill. (But who could know?)

One of the most enlightening things I ever heard in my life was long ago when I confessed in confession that I really didn’t like a particular sort of people, try as I might.

The priest said “Well, you aren’t required to like anybody. You’re required to love them.”

Huh? (blink, blink) He then explained that “liking” is what we FEEL about another. We’re not responsible for that. “Loving” is what we DO to the other person. Loving is doing what’s best for that person…not for me because I am pleased with their society, but for them because they’re children of God.

So, while it might be impossible for some to get past the “liking” part, it really isn’t required of us that we “like” anybody at all. Our obligation is to “love” them.

Exactly!

 

[KendraDZ1902]

I understand where you are coming from. It’s important that you have not succumbed to pride so much as to recognize there is a problem.

I would say that counseling with this kind of behavior should help.

But I would be concerned about anyone who is too worried about feeling a certain way. I think its how we deal with those feelings that counts.

Oh, and I’ve seen some of your other posts and you’re in my book!

Awww I’m glad you think I’m cool! You’re sweet! <3

 

[KendraDZ1902]

I have never been DIAGNOSED as mentally ill. (But who could know?)

One of the most enlightening things I ever heard in my life was long ago when I confessed in confession that I really didn’t like a particular sort of people, try as I might.

The priest said “Well, you aren’t required to like anybody. You’re required to love them.”

Huh? (blink, blink) He then explained that “liking” is what we FEEL about another. We’re not responsible for that. “Loving” is what we DO to the other person. Loving is doing what’s best for that person…not for me because I am pleased with their society, but for them because they’re children of God.

So, while it might be impossible for some to get past the “liking” part, it really isn’t required of us that we “like” anybody at all. Our obligation is to “love” them.

Wow. This is great news! Oh thank you for this!

 

[iamcatholic100]

I have never been DIAGNOSED as mentally ill. (But who could know?)

One of the most enlightening things I ever heard in my life was long ago when I confessed in confession that I really didn’t like a particular sort of people, try as I might.

The priest said “Well, you aren’t required to like anybody. You’re required to love them.”

Huh? (blink, blink) He then explained that “liking” is what we FEEL about another. We’re not responsible for that. “Loving” is what we DO to the other person. Loving is doing what’s best for that person…not for me because I am pleased with their society, but for them because they’re children of God.

So, while it might be impossible for some to get past the “liking” part, it really isn’t required of us that we “like” anybody at all. Our obligation is to “love” them.

Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen said something very similar to this in a YouTube video concerning the three kinds of love.

 

[janiruchan]

it must be hard for you…everytime I feel like giving up on unlovable people I remember what St John of the Cross would say

“Where there is no love, put love – and you will find love.”
― John of the Cross

I dont think we have to wait until people becomes lovable.

 

[TheHolyTrinity]

I personally don’t mind being around people, I find there is an uniqueness in each individual I meet. Obnoxious people can be jarring to many. I certainly don’t dislike them, but will not stay long in their company if their behavior doesn’t settle.

I have found that those who are obnoxious towards others are usually hiding their true feelings, to be obnoxious to others means that they are holding you at arms length so you don’t get to know their true self. Some people don’t even realize the effect they have on others.

I will try and ignore the obnoxious behavior and try and find an even ground. Not easy at times though.