(part 1)
My friend, The first thing you have to dismiss is this idea that friendship or religion is based on “feelings”.
to base any decision or any belief on our feelings is irrational and unreasonable, because you have a mind and a free will, you have the choice to decide based on what you know rather than what you feel,
do you think Jesus felt any love from those who crucified Him? He loved them anyways. and do you think all those He calls “friend” consider Him a friend to? you can personally agree that that’s not so.
the question is, what makes someone your friend? the word friend has quite a few origins, but most of them are “I Love”, as in, one who you love,
and so what is love? it’s not a feeling, although feelings come from it,
true love is selfless, there are two kinds of love, the love of self-interest, and the love of friendship, the love of self-interest loves someone because they are useful or pleasant, and the love of friendship loves someone for their own sake, their own good, and to please them.
true love is willed, it goes against your own selfish inclinations, and does what we know to be for the best,
it desires the good of others, and by good i do not mean their happiness or good pleasure, but what is really and truly good for them, even if it is not what they want, because if they want something that is bad for them, and even though you know it will please them temporarily, what kind of true friend would let their friend get hurt? whether they want it or not, that’s not wanting to be a friend, that’s just wanting to be popular.
well i’m sure i could go on and on defining love, but i think that’s enough…
the fact of the matter is, Jesus loves you, He does everything for you, He has even died for you and every second of every day He walks with you guiding you and helping you, and not demanding anything in return, but simply hoping maybe for a glance His way.
it may seem like all the things we do are for God, and although we personally do them for Him, God is perfect and does not “need” anything from us, the simple truth of it is, God knows what is best for us and what will make us perfect, and has instituted all these things, such as prayer, confession, communion, worship, and everything else, for our sake, for our own spiritual growth, to help us grow in love, to help us grow in every virtue.
you don’t have to feel warm fuzzies for Jesus to consider Him your friend, you just have to do for Him what you know is good, what you know God wants from you,
but if you have trouble even wanting to do that, then perhaps the problem is not that you don’t love Him, but simply that you do not know Him,
how do you make friends? you generally start out by getting to know them right? well that’s what you must do, and don’t tell yourself that you have already tried that or that you know Him enough, because you will really never learn all there is to know about God in all of eternity,
the first step in loving someone is knowing them, why? because how can you know what you want if you do not know what it is?
reading the bible is one thing, and although it’s fine for some, it may not be for others,
i personally do not “love” reading the bible, perhaps that’s because of the way everything is phrased, i don’t really know, but there are more sources for learning to know God other than the bible,
for one there is the Life of Jesus Christ And Biblical Revelations according to Ann Catherine Emmerich -
tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/610/keywords
that tells you about Jesus on a much more personal level which really helps you to see Who He is and how much He loves you,
and although i do not love reading the bible itself, i do love contemplating on it’s mysteries and on all of the things we are taught by it, such as the virtues.
being a good Catholic does not consist of loving everything or enjoying everything that has been given to us, sometimes if we do not enjoy what many others do, it simply means that that will not help us the same way, and that we will have better results by other means,
you just have to do what works for you, let’s not forget, we did not have the finished bible in the beginning of our religion, and even still for a long time after that it could not be reproduced as easily as it can be now, so not many had it, and yet still we have hundreds of saints from that time,