"I don't need to go to confession."

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I was asking my father the other day if he wanted to go to confession with me today, and his response was “I don’t need to go. I haven’t don’t anything wrong.” He has told me that he hasn’t gone in 30 years+, so I figured I’d ask him. Well, his response really bothered me. I mean, there seems to be a mentality among some of my Catholic family members that you only need to go to confession if you murdered someone. Is it just me, or is saying “I didn’t do anything wrong” a poor excuse? What would you say to someone with a response like that?
 
That is a tough one to give an answer back to. No one is perfect either, and I am sure he may have a few little sins to confess but I cannot judge him as I do not know him at all. Maybe mentioning he should go even if he has 1 little sin to confess and that the priest won’t judge him for being away so long.
 
That’s kinda like many of the Catholic members of my family, too. I can’t speak for how seriously your father takes his faith, but it might be worth pointing out this part of the Catechism:

*1457 According to the Church’s command, “after having attained the age of discretion, each of the faithful is bound by an obligation faithfully to confess serious sins at least once a year.” Anyone who is aware of having committed a mortal sin must not receive Holy Communion, even if he experiences deep contrition, without having first received sacramental absolution, unless he has a grave reason for receiving Communion and there is no possibility of going to confession. Children must go to the sacrament of Penance before receiving Holy Communion for the first time.

1458 Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father’s mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful.*

So, as Catholics we are supposed to go to Confession at least once a year. Also, even if he believes that he only has to go to confession for something like murder, it is highly recommended for lesser sins, as well.

I didn’t used to want to attend confession either, but when I learned to see it not as a burden but as a gift, it became a matter of my sins and when I wanted to go, not when I was supposed to go. It is a mercy, not a punishment. I hope that you can get him to understand that through your own good example! Good luck.
 
CatholicZ09 said:
What would you say to someone with a response like that?
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“Fair enough Dad, I’ll see you when I get back.”
CatholicZ09 said:
I was asking my father the other day if he wanted to go to confession with me today, and his response was “I don’t need to go. I haven’t don’t anything wrong.” He has told me that he hasn’t gone in 30 years+, so I figured I’d ask him. Well, his response really bothered me. I mean, there seems to be a mentality among some of my Catholic family members that you only need to go to confession if you murdered someone. Is it just me, or is saying “I didn’t do anything wrong” a poor excuse?
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Excuse or no, he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to go to Confession, and like it or not, you have to accept that.

Would it behoove your father to go to Confession? Yeah. Can you mention his Catholic obligation to go to Confession at least annually? Yes. Can you coerce him into the confessional? No.

My best advice, which you are free to accept or discard, is to to continue to offer to take your father to Confession when you attend. If he refuses, don’t push it. But keep offering. Who knows? Maybe your gentle offers and good example of Catholic life will be an inspiration to get him back to Confession.

And when you’re doing your penance, throw in an extra prayer for your father.🙂

Luna
 
I have seven kids and, all grown and out on their own. Only two are practicing Catholics. They were all taught about sin and how to examine their conscience. The only trouble was that our priest, at the time, down played the importance of confession. and often just gave a general absolution rather than be bothered to hear confessions.

Consequently, they grew to not believe in the importance of church. “Why” they would ask. It doesn’t matter.

Pray to St. Monica. If she can help her son, St Augustine, then she can be my helper too (and yours)
 
Catholic4Christ said:
That’s kinda like many of the Catholic members of my family, too. I can’t speak for how seriously your father takes his faith, but it might be worth pointing out this part of the Catechism:

1457 According to the Church’s command, "after having attained the age of discretion, each of the faithful is bound by an obligation faithfully to confess serious sins at least once a year." Anyone who is aware of having committed a mortal sin must not receive Holy Communion, even if he experiences deep contrition, without having first received sacramental absolution, unless he has a grave reason for receiving Communion and there is no possibility of going to confession. Children must go to the sacrament of Penance before receiving Holy Communion for the first time.

1458 Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father’s mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful.

So, as Catholics we are supposed to go to Confession at least once a year. Also, even if he believes that he only has to go to confession for something like murder, it is highly recommended for lesser sins, as well.

I didn’t used to want to attend confession either, but when I learned to see it not as a burden but as a gift, it became a matter of my sins and when I wanted to go, not when I was supposed to go. It is a mercy, not a punishment. I hope that you can get him to understand that through your own good example! Good luck.
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The two bolded parts contradict each other. CCC 1457 references Canon 989:
Can. 989 After having reached the age of discretion, each member of the faithful is ob-liged to confess faithfully his or her grave sins at least once a year.
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You are required, as Catholics, to confess grave sins at least once a year. There is no requirement to confess once a year if you have no grave sins.
 
If he says he doesn’t anything wrong show him this Bible verse…

[BIBLEDRB]Romans 3:23[/BIBLEDRB]
 
That is a bit of a poor excuse. Sacred scripture tells us" If we say we have no sins, the truth is not in us/ we are not true to ourselves". It is Church law that we go to confession at least once a year. Hope this helps.
 
Well, that’s my husband’s POV too. He doesn’t even do a once a year confession. It’s not up to me to determine whether he’s committed any mortal sins. I go to confession at least once a month, and I’ve usually gravely sinned in between confessions, unfortunately.

😊

I believe we should make use of every occasion of grace through the sacraments that we can possibly take advantage of. I do adoration before and sometimes after confessing, too, since the monstrance is in that chapel. It is a wonderful blessing to me.
 
Nelka said:
How do you know if you have gravely sinned?

Does it have the same three requirements as a mortal sin?
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Grave sin is mortal sin. More specifically, the word “grave” is used by the Church to describe the severity of matter required for a sin to be mortal sin. Some people just call mortal sin grave sin instead.
 
CatholicZ09 said:
What would you say to someone with a response like that?
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Educate - always educate.

I had this discussion with my 90 year old grandmother recently. She is a revert to the Faith, and didn’t understand why she, a 90 year old woman, would need to go to confession, when she hardly does anything all day but clean house and cook dinner.

So - I asked her if she knew that there were different kinds of sin. We talked about mortal (and what “mortal” means) and about venial sins, and what the difference is, and how we all commit venial sins, probably every day, to some extent. And that it is always good to confess these sins, even if we do receive absolution for them at Mass.

Sadly - she goes to a parish where the priest never talks about sin, doesn’t even offer confession unless you make an appointment (so much for being anonymous), so she never has the opportunity to just go. 😦

But she understood. She lives all the way across the country from me, and I don’t have any influence on her spiritual life aside from regular phone calls (my aunt and uncle are the ones who take her to Mass, and are a bit on the liberal side theologically). So my priest said to just pray for her, and hope that at some point she will have an opportunity for a real confession. In the mean time - she understood why it was important, and why a 90 year old woman would still want to go. So I guess that’s something.

~Liza
 
YoungTradCath said:
It sounds like pride and/or embarrassment.
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Not always - a lot of the time it is just not knowing, because the person has never been told. See my previous post. If a person lives their entire life with priests who just don’t talk about sin or confession, how is the person to know that it’s important? Many are given the impression that it’s just not important anymore, so if you are taught to trust your priest, why would you ever question that?

~Liza
 
CatholicZ09 said:
I was asking my father the other day if he wanted to go to confession with me today, and his response was “I don’t need to go. I haven’t don’t anything wrong.” He has told me that he hasn’t gone in 30 years+, so I figured I’d ask him. Well, his response really bothered me. I mean, there seems to be a mentality among some of my Catholic family members that you only need to go to confession if you murdered someone. Is it just me, or is saying “I didn’t do anything wrong” a poor excuse? What would you say to someone with a response like that?
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I would pray.

Beyond that, it depends on the person. For people who seem to desire to grow in their relationship with God, I tell them how much confession helps with that. If they don’t have that desire, I just pray.

Most Catholics I know don’t go to confession. (sigh)
 
Nelka said:
How do you know if you have gravely sinned?

Does it have the same three requirements as a mortal sin?
Click to expand...
Grave Sin is Mortal Sin. There are 4 types of sin.


  1. *]Original Sin- The sin of Adam and Eve. This is the sin that washed away at baptism.
    *]Venial Sin - sins that don’t reach the requirements of mortal sin (see #3)
    *]Mortal Sin (also called “Grave Sin”) - A sin that is a grave matter, is done with full concent, and the person must know it’s wrong/a sin
    *]The Unforgivable/Eternal Sin - blasphemy against the holy spirit. The Catholic Church identifies this sin as anyone who deliberately refuses to accept the mercy of God by repenting, rejects the forgiveness of his sins and the salvation offered by the Holy Spirit. Suicide is put by some in this category.
 
CatholicZ09 said:
I was asking my father the other day if he wanted to go to confession with me today, and his response was “I don’t need to go. I haven’t don’t anything wrong.” He has told me that he hasn’t gone in 30 years+, so I figured I’d ask him. Well, his response really bothered me. I mean, there seems to be a mentality among some of my Catholic family members that you only need to go to confession if you murdered someone. Is it just me, or is saying “I didn’t do anything wrong” a poor excuse? What would you say to someone with a response like that?
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Since he is your father, I wouldn’t *say *anything to him at all. The requirement to go at least once a year is for mortal sins, so technically, he is correct. However, we receive so many graces from regular confession! Continue to invite him to go with you, but don’t nag and don’t scold. Pray for him.
 

TO THE CARDINAL MAJOR PENITENTIARY
Pope John Paul II​

Purpose and benefits of sacramental Penance
…

But the sacrament of Penance contains in itself, precisely because it imparts or increases supernatural grace, the power of spurring the faithful to practise fervent charity, to perform the resulting good works and to accept devoutly the sorrows of life, which also merit the remission of temporal punishment.

You have been washed clean and sanctified

In this respect the truth of faith and the practice of indulgences are closely connected with the sacrament of Penance. An indulgence is actually the remission before God of the temporal punishment for sins the guilt of which has already been forgiven. Under specific conditions, a properly disposed member of the faithful obtains it with the help of the Church, which, as the minister of Redemption, authoritatively dispenses and applies the treasury of satisfactions of Christ and the saints (CIC, can. 992). Thanks be to God that, wherever the Christian life is lived fervently, the faithful love indulgences and devoutly use them. And since gaining a plenary indulgence first requires the soul’s total detachment from affection for sin, they and the sacrament of Penance marvelously complement each other in that essential goal of destroying sin, which as I said before, is identified concretely with the infusion or increase of sanctifying grace.

forums.catholic-questions.org/newreply.php?do=newreply&noquote=1&p=8823293

peace
 
CatholicZ09 said:
I was asking my father the other day if he wanted to go to confession with me today, and his response was “I don’t need to go. I haven’t don’t anything wrong.” He has told me that he hasn’t gone in 30 years+, so I figured I’d ask him. Well, his response really bothered me. I mean, there seems to be a mentality among some of my Catholic family members that you only need to go to confession if you murdered someone. Is it just me, or is saying “I didn’t do anything wrong” a poor excuse? What would you say to someone with a response like that?
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It’s almost funny, but actually, I’ve heard the same thing from other people, along the same line. “I don’t need to go to confession; I haven’t done anything wrong.”

I’m always tempted to say, “Are you sure? What if we asked your wife, or your kids, or your co-workers, or your neighbors–is it true that guy has not done anything wrong in what, 30 years??” Maybe he should be in the Guiness Book of Records.
 
followingtheway said:
Grave Sin is Mortal Sin. There are 4 types of sin.


  1. *]Original Sin- The sin of Adam and Eve. This is the sin that washed away at baptism.
    *]Venial Sin - sins that don’t reach the requirements of mortal sin (see #3)
    *]Mortal Sin (also called “Grave Sin”) - A sin that is a grave matter, is done with full concent, and the person must know it’s wrong/a sin
    *]The Unforgivable/Eternal Sin - blasphemy against the holy spirit. The Catholic Church identifies this sin as anyone who deliberately refuses to accept the mercy of God by repenting, rejects the forgiveness of his sins and the salvation offered by the Holy Spirit. Suicide is put by some in this category.
Click to expand...

  1. Also sin other than Original Sin is called Actual Sin. It is called that because it is personal sin they we commit by intentionally turning away from God in charity.
 
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