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Annie39
Guest
Not only is it illegal but it would be unconscionable. Discuss it with your husband. He must know that you are overwhelmed. Ask him for solutions.
Annie
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Annie
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TSB4
Guest
He isn’t saying anything. He’s surprised and is ready to welcome another child. But he isn’t talking about it.
T
TSB4
Guest
It is viewed as irresponsible when I’m overwhelmed as it is. I should have paid closer attention to my cycle. Being busy with the holidays isn’t an excuse. Now im pregnant because of my irresponsibility. I have no one to talk to about this. Everyone around me believes I should be on birth control, they’ll agree with abortion and no one, not a single soul agrees with adoption.
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Irishmom2
Guest
Then you and he need to talk about it.
Be honest about your apprehension but try not to get too excited. Let him have a chance to hear you, and allow him to offer what he thinks about what you are saying. See what he has to say without bringing adoption up since you know he is against it anyway.
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TSB4
Guest
We actually had this discussion when I considered terminating. He said things won’t be like this forever and that I would regret it when things get better. He is a man all about dollar signs. If no money is coming in, he will stay to himself. If money is rolling in, he’s more happy and willing to do things with us. He says finances are going to get better, but I’m not only concerned about money. I have other concerns about having about her child right now.
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TSB4
Guest
And if I bring up adoption it will cause an argument. I know he won’t agree to it and I think it’s partially because he is worried about what everyone will think.
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Irishmom2
Guest
You were not alone in this you know.
You are not alone. You have a husband. You need to talk to him.
T
TSB4
Guest
Before this, my husband was withdrawing during sex. We had long talks about how I hated it and wanted him to stop. He eventually did as now this happened. I have a good feeling he is feeling like “I told you so”You were not alone in this you know.
You are not alone. You have a husband. You need to talk to him.
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Irishmom2
Guest
TSB4, it sounds like this is not just about having this baby. It sounds like there are things going on, or things bothering you in your marriage. And maybe those things are weighing on your heart and making you feel the way you do.
Have you and your husband ever gone for any kind of counseling? It can be be very helpful for many people. It can be helpful even for just one spouse if the other one won’t go.
Have you and your husband ever gone for any kind of counseling? It can be be very helpful for many people. It can be helpful even for just one spouse if the other one won’t go.
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St_Francis
Guest
I agree that there are those who view pregnancy under less-than-ideal circumstances as “irresponsible,” but they are wrong. Babies are a gift from God; just because He sends them at a time when mere humans think is not ideal is no reason to take on the world’s contraceptive way of thinking.
I think that discussing this with a good priest would be very helpful to you. Do you know one? I think if you can relax about the baby and focus on your todays rather than your tomorrows that it will help you to cope. One day’s worth of trouble is far more easily handled than several days’ or a lifetime’s worth, no?
You have not done anything wrong in God’s eyes, and that is the most important thing. Others around you can think whatever they want; you have God and His thoughts to concentrate on rather than mere humans’.
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TSB4
Guest
There are things going on. But it all goes back to our finances causing a strain. It causes is to not pay each other any attention. There is allot of stress. We have gone to two counseling sessions in the past and he refuses to go back. He never wanted to go in the first place.
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Irishmom2
Guest
A beautiful post, St. Francis.
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TSB4
Guest
I understand, but, I don’t have order in my home. My kids don’t follow directions and they constantly misbehave. I find myself always yelling and with everything else going on, I understand why people would view this as irresponsible.
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Irishmom2
Guest
Yes, finances will do that to anyone. Since you know what it causes you to do (not pay attention to each other) then you know where to make a start.
If he will not go, you go. It will help you sort out your feelings. Believe me, it will help you.
K
Kliska
Guest
It sounds like maybe you are feeling that way about yourself. I can tell you are overwhelmed and feel as though your husband is not helping, not shouldering his share of the burden, especially when it comes to the kids. You may need to call in any “favors” from friends and family to help with your situation, any help with cooking, laundry, baby sitting, etc… even for a few hours can help.
It would also help if you could find a Christian Counselor, preferably female perhaps, to talk to, someone face-to-face that you can form a relationship with. It doesn’t usually even have to be every week. It may help you to open a dialogue with your husband, helping to analyze both your communication styles, etc… Anxiety can be just as debilitating as depression, and talking with someone can help those feelings.
I’m sorry that you are feeling this way, it’s understandable. I agree with you; abortion is not the answer at all. I’ll be praying for you and your family.
I
Irishmom2
Guest
How old are your children?
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TSB4
Guest
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Irishmom2
Guest
TSB, maybe you are just being too hard on yourself. Your kids are young, and close in age. They feed off each other probably and get spunky. This will pass.
How often do you and your husband get to spend time without the kids, just bonding as husband and wife? Do you have date nights? Do you have any time to yourself?
There are many good books out there about raising your kids so that you will be in control of them and not the other way around. Go to the library and get some. Do some readi g and try some different styles of discipline out. You will find one that works for you.
How often do you and your husband get to spend time without the kids, just bonding as husband and wife? Do you have date nights? Do you have any time to yourself?
There are many good books out there about raising your kids so that you will be in control of them and not the other way around. Go to the library and get some. Do some readi g and try some different styles of discipline out. You will find one that works for you.
X
Xantippe
Guest
TSB4 said:
“He says finances are going to get better, but I’m not only concerned about money. I have other concerns about having about her child right now.”
The thing is, if you have enough money, you’ll be able to buy help if you don’t have either friends or family who are willing to help out. You can hire a cleaning lady to come in once or twice a month and you can hire a high school student or college student to help you manage your kids and you wouldn’t have to cook every night. Also, you’ll be able to take better care of your mental health. Money is actually extremely useful for that sort of thing, and if your husband is right about his business taking off, then you could be in a much better position by the time your baby arrives. (We were able to afford a lot of college sitters when we had a 2-year-old and a baby and it was a sanity-saver.)
It sounds like your husband is working really hard to support your family. Unfortunately, a lot of men in his position will just curl up in a ball when unemployed. He, on the other hand, is rolling up his sleeves and doing his best to earn a living. Try to show him some appreciation for that. I know from your previous postings that he is far from perfect, but this one thing he gets right, and it’s a really important thing to get right when you have a growing family.
I announced my pregnancy with my third baby when my older kids were 9 and 7. I had some bleeding that turned out to be a subchorionic hematoma, so I had two weeks of bedrest starting around 15 weeks and then spent the rest of the second trimester on physical restrictions. We had to make the announcement to the kids that we were expecting a baby at 15 weeks to explain why I couldn’t wait on them as usual, which up to then I had been doing. At that point, we explained to them that we were expecting a baby, but that the baby might not live (we were initially told we had only a 70% chance of safe delivery), and that we needed them to pitch in and do stuff like making their own lunches and put away their own laundry. That was a pretty dire situation and my kids were both pretty big at the time, which helps a lot, but I would encourage you (once you’re safely to 12 weeks, which will be soon), to talk to the kids, explain how you feel, and to ask for their help. It’s OK to turn to Mr. TV for help at times–it will keep your house cleaner. This isn’t going to be forever.
One thing I did with my big kids that was really educational and reassuring for them (because they were naturally very concerned about the baby) was to look at those monthly updates that you can find online about fetal development. Your bigger kids will get a lot out of it.
And definitely work on your mental health. That’s probably the most important thing you can do right now.
“He says finances are going to get better, but I’m not only concerned about money. I have other concerns about having about her child right now.”
The thing is, if you have enough money, you’ll be able to buy help if you don’t have either friends or family who are willing to help out. You can hire a cleaning lady to come in once or twice a month and you can hire a high school student or college student to help you manage your kids and you wouldn’t have to cook every night. Also, you’ll be able to take better care of your mental health. Money is actually extremely useful for that sort of thing, and if your husband is right about his business taking off, then you could be in a much better position by the time your baby arrives. (We were able to afford a lot of college sitters when we had a 2-year-old and a baby and it was a sanity-saver.)
It sounds like your husband is working really hard to support your family. Unfortunately, a lot of men in his position will just curl up in a ball when unemployed. He, on the other hand, is rolling up his sleeves and doing his best to earn a living. Try to show him some appreciation for that. I know from your previous postings that he is far from perfect, but this one thing he gets right, and it’s a really important thing to get right when you have a growing family.
I announced my pregnancy with my third baby when my older kids were 9 and 7. I had some bleeding that turned out to be a subchorionic hematoma, so I had two weeks of bedrest starting around 15 weeks and then spent the rest of the second trimester on physical restrictions. We had to make the announcement to the kids that we were expecting a baby at 15 weeks to explain why I couldn’t wait on them as usual, which up to then I had been doing. At that point, we explained to them that we were expecting a baby, but that the baby might not live (we were initially told we had only a 70% chance of safe delivery), and that we needed them to pitch in and do stuff like making their own lunches and put away their own laundry. That was a pretty dire situation and my kids were both pretty big at the time, which helps a lot, but I would encourage you (once you’re safely to 12 weeks, which will be soon), to talk to the kids, explain how you feel, and to ask for their help. It’s OK to turn to Mr. TV for help at times–it will keep your house cleaner. This isn’t going to be forever.
One thing I did with my big kids that was really educational and reassuring for them (because they were naturally very concerned about the baby) was to look at those monthly updates that you can find online about fetal development. Your bigger kids will get a lot out of it.
And definitely work on your mental health. That’s probably the most important thing you can do right now.
X
Xantippe
Guest
Also, when things improve financially, work on developing emergency savings. Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University is very good for teaching personal finance skills and he’s also very good at marriage stuff. He encourages cooperation and communication and all sorts of good things that you need.
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