I don't think I can do this

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I’m sure that there are many times that you “play out” the future in your mind, to the point of absolute despair?
Your thoughts are a plea to Christ for help and he loves you.
Find your nearest Catholic church and go to him. He waits in the tabernacle, placed at the front of every Catholic church. He waits every hour of every day for his children to come to him. Go there and wait…be patient…the peace will come. He already knows of your concerns…and he waits for you with out stretched arms.

A Cross without Christ will always be too heavy to carry.

“Come to Me, to the Tabernacle.
Pray there for peace.
You must also pray for peace in your hearts, in your souls; for that true peace that leaves you calm and serene in every situation.
This peace you will find in Me.
Tell Me everything; bring Me all your cares, your fears, your worries, and concerns.
Bring Me everything.
Sit down with Me.
I will calm you and give you peace.
If you give Me everything, then I can set you free.
Why are you afraid?
Am I not stronger and more mighty than all those things you fear?
Place your needs in My Heart; I will comfort all who come to Me and trust in Me.
Then, from the peace in your hearts, peace will grow and spread through the world.
From the love of our united hearts it will find healing and become whole again.”

“Those words that I uttered: “Come to Me” were and are directed to all souls without exception; to all those who suffer and carry burdens or traumas very difficult for them to shoulder. They are the words that promise them the most genuine consolation for their sufferings, and the most efficacious relief for their trials.”

“Bring human beings to My Altars. They do not know the things that are lost by not coming before My Presence to learn how to ask for them. They have financial concerns and they turn to Banks or lenders; they have health problems and they go to one doctor or another in search of the remedy for healing; they have problems with their children and they seek institutions and professional people to help them to contend with them. Almost all of them have spiritual problems, yet look at this Chapel, built so that My children may come and tell Me their sorrows, their joys…and no one hardly ever comes.”

There is a true and present Christ that exists, and is truly present through the Eucharistic miracle.
You are in need of such a miracle. Go to him. 😦
 
TSB4 said:
Sorry it took me so long to reply.

I don’t have a church to turn to. I am not catholic, but, I have always been interested in joining. A very dear friend of mine is Catholic and she has been supportive in ways I can’t even describe. My husband is a cradle catholic, however, he isn’t involved in church either.

I don’t really have an update other than tomorrow I will be calling a divorce attorney. I believe that my marriage is over. He completely lacks compassion, respect, amongst other things. We are both very frustrated right now. Him because he is trying to get financially stable. Me because I feel super lonely and stressed out. I find myself yelling allot more lately which I HATE about myself. I grew up around lots of yelling and cursing.

He is going on a week log vacation to Miami on Tuesday. He is involved in a network marketing business which he says he has to show “lifestyle” to get others to join underneath him. Although I don’t agree with him taking a week long vacation, especially now, he is still going. We are arguing allot more. I just want to be done with him.

I am still pregnant. I’ll be 13 weeks soon, so I am feeling better as far as being sick al the time. However, I’m still very unhappy about this pregnancy. I feel zero attachment to it. To add, I don’t think I will be able to raise 5 children on my own.

It’s all just very unfortunate and I have allot of regret looking back. I’m going to leave with NOTHING because over the years, ive given him and the kids everything!

Just wanted to update you all.
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I’m so sorry you are going through all of this, but this last post of yours just doesn’t make any sense to me. You say that it is terrible when your husband is gone and that you can’t bear being alone without another adult. Well, if you divorce him you WILL be alone all of the time, and you will probably even have less money. How does this make sense?
 
Listener said:

“I’m so sorry you are going through all of this, but this last post of yours just doesn’t make any sense to me. You say that it is terrible when your husband is gone and that you can’t bear being alone without another adult. Well, if you divorce him you WILL be alone all of the time, and you will probably even have less money. How does this make sense?”

That is a really good point.

On the other hand, if her husband is deep into network marketing, he could easily be acquiring considerably more debt than income through his “work”, so that TSB4 would come out ahead financially by insulating herself legally from that particular fiasco, even if there isn’t any money.

Her husband could literally make more money mowing lawns, cleaning gutters and walking dogs than working this network marketing thing. Real business people make money by keeping their overhead low, not by taking trips to Miami.
 
Listener has a good point, I agree. How will you do it by yourself? I left my husband and was pregnant with my sixth, but only out of desperation because I was afraid I would deliver my baby early because of contractions caused by my husbands violence. God slowly led me in this direction with much help and grace. It is easy to say “I’m leaving, divorcing”. But to actually proceed… woah it is an incredibly difficult and terrible new life. And to do it without the help of the sacraments and church family? I don’t know how I would have done it without these strengths… You need the church and you need it NOW, sister. There are so many resources, what are you waiting for??? You are NOT alone.

Now go, and run like the wind.
(Please don’t take this literally. It’s a joke. Meant to make you laugh. ;D hugs)
 
Well even though it would be hard, it doesn’t mean I need to stay married out of fear of being alone. I’m not happy in my marriage, my role as a mother right now and as a person. I’m very aggravated, on a daily basis. I regret so much and wish I would have done things differently.

Thanks for the advice.
 
TSB4 said:
Well even though it would be hard, it doesn’t mean I need to stay married out of fear of being alone. I’m not happy in my marriage, my role as a mother right now and as a person. I’m very aggravated, on a daily basis. I regret so much and wish I would have done things differently.

Thanks for the advice.
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I think that maybe I have fallen more than you. I regret these things still. But then I think, NO! God has turned them into Beaty. He has! My life is so rich, and His love is very clear in these falls. 🙂 Perhaps the difference is that I see God. But He seems absent in your life. I want to invite you AGAIN lol to come inside and view His love, His windows from the inside of our church.
 
I do need to grow closer to God, I have no idea where to start. Every time I try to pray more, and read the bible more and just talk and listen to God more, he leads me in the direction of just being a mother and a wife. He leads me in the way of accepting more children as they come. Each and every time. Even when I was trying togo back to school and work, he made it clear that wasn’t where he wanted me to be. Not saying that i totally dislike being a mother, I just dislike the lack of support that I have. I have my mother, but she is only able to do so much as she is not that well. My husband, as you all know, has been distant lately and not really the father or husband I hope he would be. He does try, I cannot take that from him. But he is so hung up on trying to make ends meet right now that he is willing to do things that I don’t think are right. He is used to providing very well for us and when he got laid off, he has been consumed by finding ways to make money work for him rather than the other way around…

I want to be a better mother, I would love to have a better, healthy marriage. I am struggling with my faith and I am at a point where I don’t even know where to start.
 
It’s difficult not having met your husband. I believe though, that he is trying; and with the sense of urgency of another child, is probably not making sound decisions, resulting in the situation you both find yourselves in. The worst thing you can do is add to the pressure with criticism. You will be perceived as an ungrateful housewife who just keeps nagging him about a lot of things that our outside of his control. Most men would sell a kidney to save their family. Most. 🙂
He is most likely as depressed as you…he simply expresses it differently.
To other men he believes he is a failure. To his wife, he has lost his job and is unable to provide…he is a failure…and she knows it. So how does he cope?
He must create his own reality…an illusion of success. He will push away the things that are the reality…perceived or otherwise in order to build his self esteem and be envied by the men around him. In their eyes he is a winner. He has it all. Home represents a reality that is probably scaring the life out of him.

So as I am only talking with you…YOU must get behind the wheel and drive. If YOU take control of the situation, YOU can get things back on track…I would tell him that also, if it were him I were talking to. But it isn’t. This has fallen to YOU…the one person with the strength enough to reach out. Ask God for all the strength that he drew on to carry his cross. YOU will need to pick yours up and take a step…then another…another and another. Your husband needs YOU. Your children need YOU.
YOU are a women of immeasurable strength. I can assure you that a guy wouldn’t last five minutes in labor. I’m pretty sure that’s why men weren’t given the responsibility of child birth. And nurturing…please. 😃

Your home must be a soft place for your husband to fall. You both have the same problem…but dealing with it in separate ways. Imagine what would be possible if you worked together on it, and allowed Christ to do some of the lifting. You must replace fear and despair with faith and trust.

If what you’re doing keeps yielding a negative response…you must change what you are doing to get something different. And if it were him on here…I would tell him the same thing.

With God’s help you must pause…step back…and look at this anew.

youtube.com/watch?v=6OEqYwz2qhw
 
after much thought, I have decided to leave my husband and place this baby for adoption. I actually considered having a termination… but i can’t bring myself to doing it. I just want to be done feeling so miserable. I have tried to work on things, I realize it cannot be worked on. I don’t know for sure how soon we will be separating, but, I will make sure I have an exit plan in place before doing so. Our savings is crumbling so I need to act fast.
 
maritalhealing.com/

Here is a web site for troubled marriages. Have you also considered retrouvaille.org/

That is a Catholic group for troubled marriages.

Also, have you tried the mother’s group in your parish. They do have day out in our parish for mothers to have time away. There is help out there but you need to get in contact with them.
 
TSB4 said:
after much thought, I have decided to leave my husband and place this baby for adoption. I actually considered having a termination… but i can’t bring myself to doing it. I just want to be done feeling so miserable. I have tried to work on things, I realize it cannot be worked on. I don’t know for sure how soon we will be separating, but, I will make sure I have an exit plan in place before doing so. Our savings is crumbling so I need to act fast.
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I am sorry to hear this.

I wish you would consider counseling to help not only with your marriage, but with your general sense of well being. As for the baby, perhaps you should just wait until it is born to decide. And I hope that you have talked to your husband too, it is his child too. This baby is not just yours to give away. Offer him the option of keeping his child. And please consider what effect this will have on your other children.

Your husband us trying to provide for his family. I am not sure how he can not be concerned about that and have it consume his life if he is the only one working in all fairness to him.
 
Don’t do anything without clearing each step with a therapist. Also, talk to your doctor about possible depression. Your situation is genuinely very difficult, but I feel like there’s something else going on psychologically in addition to your real life problems.

If you have any money at all, a mother’s day out program could be a life-saver. They are often very, very inexpensive. (When I had my middle child in one, I think it cost about $100 a month, and I think he was going for something like 9:30-2:30 two days a week.)

Also, seriously consider foster care, for the baby and/or the big kids. That could be exactly the breather that you need to get your head together and face life again.
 
TSB4 said:
I do need to grow closer to God, I have no idea where to start. …My husband, as you all know, has been distant lately and not really the father or husband I hope would be. He does try, I cannot take that from him. But he is so hung up on trying to make ends meet right now that he is willing to do things that I don’t think are right. He is used to providing very well for us and when he got laid off, he has been consumed by finding ways to make money work for him rather than the other way around…

I want to be a better mother, I would love to have a better, healthy marriage. I am struggling with my faith and I am at a point where I don’t even know where to start.
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Your husband’s concern for providing is very typical for men --it is their way of trying to be good husbands and fathers. And we women often fail to understand what drives them. When we ask for “suport” they often look for ways to provide financial support.

I strongly encourage you to read a book called, “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhaun. It is based on surveys from Christian men and it was written to help Christian wives understand their husbands better. There is also a book for men by the same author that might be helpful for your husband.

:crossrc: Praying for you, your baby and your marriage.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I am sorry to hear this.

I wish you would consider counseling to help not only with your marriage, but with your general sense of well being. As for the baby, perhaps you should just wait until it is born to decide. And I hope that you have talked to your husband too, it is his child too. This baby is not just yours to give away. Offer him the option of keeping his child. And please consider what effect this will have on your other children.

Your husband us trying to provide for his family. I am not sure how he can not be concerned about that and have it consume his life if he is the only one working in all fairness to him.
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I have seen about 3 or 4 counselors and none have been the right match. I will find another, hopefully I will be able to find one who is a good fit and I don’t feel like I’m wasting 50 minutes per week doing and accomplishing absolutely nothing.

Marriage counseling is out of the question because my husband refuses to go. He doesn’t believe in going to counseling. His idea is, that if we can’t work through our problems on our own, we shouldn’t be together. So his mouth says…

I completely understand wanting to be able to provide for your family and doing whatever it takes to do so. However, taking a trip that costs over 2 thousand dollars when we have minimal income and savings AND another baby on the way, is completely selfish to me. There are other ways he could have chosen to go. And I knew something would go wrong on his trip. he was over charged for one hotel, he originally booked a hostel and had no idea it was a shared sleeping space, didn’t want to stay there so now he forfeited that money. Now for the remainder of his trip, he had to pay an additional 900 plus in hotel expenses. Excuse me for not understanding that. Im at home, pregnant, dealing with our out of control kids, cleaning, and doing all the house duties, meanwhile he is enjoying 80 degree weather on jet skis like he’s a single guy with NO responsibilities at home. And its all for show!

Bottom line, I would love for my marriage to work, I really really would. I have put up with SO much during our 10 years together. Things that you wouldn’t even imagine… And I am at my wits ends now. I don’t feel it can be saved because he isn’t a willing participant to try. Sure he invited me to tag along, but the trip was last minute, poorly organized planned (hence the extra money and lost money) and I have a major fear of flying. Not to mention we have four little ones whom I can’t just pack up and leave for an entire week. I could understand 3 days… but that wasn’t enough for him.

I have been reading websites, on divorce and whats acceptable reasoning. I’m aware God hates divorce unless one has sexual immorality, and something else that doesn’t pertain to us. But i am miserable. How is it possible to continue to stay married to a man who doesn’t listen to anything I say or take anything I say into consideration? He is doing the very thing he doesn’t want to happen to us, draining our finances even more! Am i being a feminist? believing that I should have a say so? Am i doing something wrong? Do I not know my place? Am i over stepping my boundaries here? Am I not submitting enough?? I mean, is it me?
 
As for the baby, I realize it is his baby too. But I already have four kids with this man and he doesn’t do anything with the ones we have. I can’t imagine him being able to care for a baby full time on his own, and i definitely don’t see him being more supportive than he is now when another one comes along. So what am I to do? Allow this man to continue to have all the happiness and spur of the moment type of living. Doing what he wants, while i remain susie homemaker? Its really unfair.
 
I apologize if you have already answered this question, but do you have any family or friends nearby who could offer you shelter if you leave, or even just give you some help? Like an afternoon off to go out and wander about town, visiting a cafe or bookshop or park? You need regular breaks like that to keep your wits about you and to think things through.
I used a mother’s day out program last year, and it helped me get through a really difficult time.
I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I will pray for you!
 
mommamaree said:
I apologize if you have already answered this question, but do you have any family or friends nearby who could offer you shelter if you leave, or even just give you some help? Like an afternoon off to go out and wander about town, visiting a cafe or bookshop or park? You need regular breaks like that to keep your wits about you and to think things through.
I used a mother’s day out program last year, and it helped me get through a really difficult time.
I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I will pray for you!
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The only person near to me is my mother and she isn’t in great health and has a very small apartment. I have no one but myself to rely on.
 
Or since i can’t provide for my kids, I could leave them all with him. But then I would be the crappiest mother of the year and he would reign again as the best dad in the world.
 
TSB4 said:
The only person near to me is my mother and she isn’t in great health and has a very small apartment. I have no one but myself to rely on.
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Please call around to the local churches and find a mother’s day out program. Also, check out MOPS International (mothers of preschoolers) online and see if you can find a group near you. These programs are not just in the US. I wasn’t sure if you live here in the US, but both of these types of groups are available outside the US.
I found them to be a lifesaver for me during a really tough time (I was also pregnant). With MOPS, you quickly make friends you can count on. All the moms help each other, with meals, babysitting, visits, play dates, monthly meetings and so on. Right now, you need to build up a support system. You should never have to do it all alone, with no breaks and no help.
Counseling may also help, but I urge you to seek out these two programs first. If you can find the support YOU need, as a woman, mother, and friend, you will be able to see more clearly in making decisions for the future.

Here is the link for MOPS International “Find a Group” page
mops.org/groupsearch/
 
TSB4 said:

“I have been reading websites, on divorce and whats acceptable reasoning. I’m aware God hates divorce unless one has sexual immorality, and something else that doesn’t pertain to us. But i am miserable. How is it possible to continue to stay married to a man who doesn’t listen to anything I say or take anything I say into consideration? He is doing the very thing he doesn’t want to happen to us, draining our finances even more! Am i being a feminist? believing that I should have a say so? Am i doing something wrong? Do I not know my place? Am i over stepping my boundaries here? Am I not submitting enough?? I mean, is it me?”

No, no and no.

Does your husband know that you want a divorce? Is he unwilling to go to counseling or see a pastor even knowing that? (That’s what I think you’re saying, but I just want to be sure.) His network marketing thing stinks of desperation–can you google his network marketing thing in front of him and show him stories from people who have done what he is doing and suffered the consequences? He’s probably at his wit’s end to be resorting to that kind of garbage.

I would really encourage you to listen to Dave Ramsey, the personal finance radio guy when you’re hanging out with your kids–in fact, I would even encourage you to call in and tell the financial side of your story and ask for advice. DR is really good on the subject of marriage and personal finance. He’s an Evangelical guy, but he has a lot of very interesting, practical ideas about marriage and money. To begin with, he is an anti-debt guy and very against the idea that you can fake your way into success. He also is very vocal about the need for entrepreneurial men to involve their wives in major decisions and to listen to their wives’ concerns about risk-taking–even when their wives are “just a housewife.” DR says, “Every time I don’t listen to Sharon [that’s his wife], it costs me $10,000.” He’s very much about marriage as partnership and shared decision-making and joint budgeting.

Best wishes!
 
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