I don't think I can do this

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He’s lashing back.
Fine, leave him to licking his wounds.
Any person in a marriage that believes it’s all the other person’s fault has some serious soul searching to do. Pointing the finger is not in any marriage vows that I ever heard of.
My late husband was like this. I paid all the bills, I was the one he sent for assistance, I was the one who had to ask people when we had to borrow money. But yet, I was an incompetent nobody. yeah. ok.

The first week will be difficult for the kids. Lots of questions. Try to stay calm.
Still praying, as is everyone else here.

Hail Mary…full of grace…
 
TSB4 said:
Nope, he won’t. Beause he has too much pride. Because I was the one who said leave, he won’t come back. Unless he turns it around on me to make me out to be the bad guy and himself the victim and have me apologize. He always does this. I doubt I will even answer my phone for him.
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Apologize for what? What would you apologize for? For not being able to stand living as you have been living?
 
Irishmom2 said:
How is it your fault? Is this what he has told you? Has he blamed you for all that is wrong in your lives? Well he us wrong. Please know that.
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Every single thing that goes wrong is my fault. I’m the reason why he lost his job. I’m the reason why the bills are behind. I’m the reason why he has bad credit. Straight from the horses mouth. (He has said this maybe 4 months ago.)

I think it’s my fault for staying and continue I procreate with someone who was selfish. Hoping he would grow as I have grown. Very stupid of me. Now I have nothing but 4 children and a baby on the way. No education or work experience. I’m the epitome of what I never wanted to be. I blame myself for this.
 
TSB4 said:
I have this burning anger inside me. I honestly can’t even believe this is what my life has come to. I am starting to hate myself because it’s my fault.
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That is the last thing you should think! He is your husband, he is *supposed *to love you. This is not your fault, and you have done what you could do. You are going to get your children baptized, and get your life straight with the Lord, that is the best thing you could do, and your husband is *choosing *not to participate in that… What he does is not a fault of yours.
 
TSB4 said:
Every single thing that goes wrong is my fault. I’m the reason why he lost his job. I’m the reason why the bills are behind. I’m the reason why he has bad credit. Straight from the horses mouth. (He has said this maybe 4 months ago.)
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You know in your heart that none of this is true. You have to know that.
 
Here is my two cents:

I vote TSB go on a vacation. Leave the Mr. with the children for, oh… say… a week?
Tell him you need to work on yourself. Maybe go to Florida or maybe just the Library and a woman’s shelter. I’m dead serious. You don’t have money, I know, I know. But maybe this will give him a taste of his own medicine and a taste of what being a mother is all about.

Then, get in the car and let him figure it out. He is out of work, right? It takes a lot of strength to do this. But I think you are at a serious point, here.

The other thing that will really help? Begin saying the rosary. The repetition is very calming, the meditations that go along with the prayers center the brain and open up the heart. And, you need a strong mom’s help. If you have problems with Mary, just know that the prayer is taken directly from scripture. Also, you do need help with a counselor. Why aren’t you going to a counselor right now? You have to let your husband go (emotionally). Just let him go. Stop worrying about him, stop needing from him. Its time to get your strength from God now! It’s time to start working on yourself. Leaving him will not solve your problems. But if you can somehow emotionally detach from him and grow strong in yourself, then I believe things will get better.

I would also suggest attending a woman’s retreat and joining a woman’s support group. If your hub is out of a job, you need to leave him with the kids a bit more and start giving yourself breathing room. Seriously, this is the key! You have to make time for yourself, and you don’t need to ask your hub permission to do this. They’re his kids, too.
 
TSB4 said:
I think it’s my fault for staying and continue I procreate with someone who was selfish. Hoping he would grow as I have grown. Very stupid of me. Now I have nothing but 4 children and a baby on the way. No education or work experience. I’m the epitome of what I never wanted to be. I blame myself for this.
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Okay, you stayed, but it cannot be looked at as your “fault.” You love your husband. You may have hoped for him to change, and you may have blindly allowed yourself to hope he would change.

But he didn’t. Your life is not over. You are wiser now than you were 10 years ago. You are wiser than you were even one week ago. Your eyes have been opened to what he is most interested in, himself.
 
TSB4 said:
Every single thing that goes wrong is my fault. I’m the reason why he lost his job. I’m the reason why the bills are behind. I’m the reason why he has bad credit. Straight from the horses mouth. (He has said this maybe 4 months ago.)

I think it’s my fault for staying and continue I procreate with someone who was selfish. Hoping he would grow as I have grown. Very stupid of me. Now I have nothing but 4 children and a baby on the way. No education or work experience. I’m the epitome of what I never wanted to be. I blame myself for this.
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He may say it is your fault, but in reality, he is not being a man by taking responsibility, blaming the wife is weakness on his part. Chin up. This is a stepping stone for you. And don’t think you have wasted time, not stupid at all, God has reasons for everything, is it not your fault your husband is the way he is, but you have 4 beautiful children, along with a child on the way… God is trying to draw you closer to Him, and you will be attending church, you could even start going to daily Mass, you can meet a lot of other mothers out there by doing this.
 
I have been trying to follow this post, but a lot of things don’t make sense to me.

You said your husband has “man tantrums.” I always thought that most men had “man tantrums” at least once in awhile. If this happens to me, I just say to myself, “Well, I married him for better or for worse, and he seems to be worse right now.” Do you ever have a “woman tantrum?” I’ll bet that most of us do, at least once in awhile.

You said that instead of reading to the children, he had the older child reading to the younger child. What is wrong with that? I think this helps to improve the reading skills of the child who does the reading. I read to my grandchildren, but sometimes I tell the grandchildren to read to me.

You said that he is on the phone all of the time. I agree that this would be annoying. Who is he talking to? If they are business conversations, they may be necessary. If he is talking to a girl friend, than that would be a deal breaker.

You said you have absolutely no support of any kind, but he asked you out. If you have absolutely no support, then who would be watching the children when you go out?

You said he wanted to take you to a casino. I’m a little jealous. My husband does not like casinos and always refuses to go. I happen to think that casinos are fun.

I believe that the children need their father. So far you haven’t said anything that makes me believe that he is a complete jerk and shouldn’t be around the children. If a father is sitting in a child’s room talking on his phone, I think that’s much better than a father that never even sees his children.

Are the children upset when Daddy goes on his business trips? Are they happy when he comes back?

I just really don’t know what to make of all this.
 
Listener said:
I have been trying to follow this post, but a lot of things don’t make sense to me.

You said your husband has “man tantrums.” I always thought that most men had “man tantrums” at least once in awhile. If this happens to me, I just say to myself, “Well, I married him for better or for worse, and he seems to be worse right now.” Do you ever have a “woman tantrum?” I’ll bet that most of us do, at least once in awhile.

You said that instead of reading to the children, he had the older child reading to the younger child. What is wrong with that? I think this helps to improve the reading skills of the child who does the reading. I read to my grandchildren, but sometimes I tell the grandchildren to read to me.

You said that he is on the phone all of the time. I agree that this would be annoying. Who is he talking to? If they are business conversations, they may be necessary. If he is talking to a girl friend, than that would be a deal breaker.

You said you have absolutely no support of any kind, but he asked you out. If you have absolutely no support, then who would be watching the children when you go out?
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He has man tantrums when he needs to be a father. He deals with the kids and it usually ends in yelling. So, to me, the kids know their father to just be angry with them, I hate that. Of course I have my moments of “tantrums” however, the difference between me and him is, I’m reaching out for help and have in the past before we moved. I’m looking for and going to parenting classes, and I’m buying more books, reading to them more, cutting tv and game time trying to make more family time. Even tho I’m battling anxiety and pregnancy exhaustion, I am trying! He isn’t. He completely shuts himself off from us. The point about him having my daughter read was a cop out. He wanted her to do that because he rathered be on his phone. That is what’s aggravating.

My mom would watch the kids. She helps when she can. As she isn’t always well battling lupus and arthritis etc…
 
Listener said:
I have been trying to follow this post, but a lot of things don’t make sense to me.

You said your husband has “man tantrums.” I always thought that most men had “man tantrums” at least once in awhile. If this happens to me, I just say to myself, “Well, I married him for better or for worse, and he seems to be worse right now.” Do you ever have a “woman tantrum?” I’ll bet that most of us do, at least once in awhile.

You said that instead of reading to the children, he had the older child reading to the younger child. What is wrong with that? I think this helps to improve the reading skills of the child who does the reading. I read to my grandchildren, but sometimes I tell the grandchildren to read to me.

You said that he is on the phone all of the time. I agree that this would be annoying. Who is he talking to? If they are business conversations, they may be necessary. If he is talking to a girl friend, than that would be a deal breaker.

You said you have absolutely no support of any kind, but he asked you out. If you have absolutely no support, then who would be watching the children when you go out?
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So what if she does have tantrums once in a while? That does not change the fact that he is not doing what he should be as a husband and father.

Perhaps he was asked to read to his children in an effort to force some quality time on him with his children since he doesn’t do that. But no, he thinks that sitting there are giving that job away to a child is the same thing.

Who would watch her children while they go out once is not the same as having support on a regular, consistent basis.

Please, let’s not demonize the OP anymore. She needs support and help, not criticism.
 
And yes, his calls are usually “business” related, but they’re his friends. Which means, it’s fun for him. Most of his “business” is on Facebook and instagram… Fun. Is not real hard work.
 
Irishmom2 said:
So what if she does have tantrums once in a while? That does not change the fact that he is not doing what he should be as a husband and father.

Perhaps he was asked to read to his children in an effort to force some quality time on him with his children since he doesn’t do that. But no, he thinks that sitting there are giving that job away to a child is the same thing.

Who would watch her children while they go out once is not the same as having support on a regular, consistent basis.

Please, let’s not demonize the OP anymore. She needs support and help, not criticism.
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Yes! Quality time is all I ask for. It’s like impossible to get from him.
 
TSB4 said:
Yes! Quality time is all I ask for. It’s like impossible to get from him.
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Don’t try anymore. His relationship with his children is now in his hands, and was never your responsibility. You have a lot on your plate now, but you will get through it with God’s help.

Go through the list someone gave you again on this site and see if there are different resources on there now that your situation has changed.
 
Oh my goodness, I see myself and my marriage playing out all over again. And I would love to give my advice but I fear you just won’t listen. And it’s not that you don’t want to, it’s just going to be so hard to understand. The saying hindsight is 20/20, well, it is. My husband, business owner and workaholic. Had no idea how to raise children but he would work and have fun working and socializing. Anyway…

Continued prayers. That’s all I can do for you right now.
 
Irishmom2 said:
So what if she does have tantrums once in a while? That does not change the fact that he is not doing what he should be as a husband and father.

Perhaps he was asked to read to his children in an effort to force some quality time on him with his children since he doesn’t do that. But no, he thinks that sitting there are giving that job away to a child is the same thing.

Who would watch her children while they go out once is not the same as having support on a regular, consistent basis.

Please, let’s not demonize the OP anymore. She needs support and help, not criticism.
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I disagree, and I’m not trying to demonize the OP. I’m simply trying to look at the situation in an objective manner.

Having a mother who can babysit once in awhile is a HUGE blessing. I know, because when my kids were little my mother lived much too far away to be able to watch my children. It was a huge challenge to find babysitters!
 
So I drop him off at the train station, and he doesn’t take his suitcase with him. Low and behold his suitcase is empty! He never packed or intended to leave. Which just pisses me off beause it’s like, he feels he can act and do what he want and always stick around without consequences.
 
Maybe he has hope. And really doesn’t want to leave you and his children.
 
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