I don't think I can do this

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Listener said:
Regarding the husband’s carpenter job that he lost - something seems kind of fishy to me. She says he had reached top pay in the union. He says he lost his job because he had to stay home and take care of this wife.

The way this usually works is that the jobs you get in a carpenters’ union normally have beginnings and endings. Some are long and some are short. The jobs can be with different companies. If your job is over, you normally go down to the union hall and wait for your name to get to the top of the list.

She says he just refuses to wait around for them to call him. These days with cell phones, people simply don’t have to sit by their home phone any more hoping that someone will call them.

If I was him, I would march straight down to the union hall and demand to know where my name was on the list. Then I would sit in the union hall and talk on the phone to my marketing buddies to show the people running the union hall how popular I am!

The thought has occurred to me that perhaps he doesn’t have a job because he reached top pay. Maybe someone is deleting his name from the list because the companies want younger men who cost less.

I hope he is continuing to pay his union dues.
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👍
 
Xantippe! Wow, that’s incredible. I really admire moms like you.

I think it seems like OP is on her way to a happier future. So glad her hub is agreeing to counseling (prayer works!!!) and she is reaching out to community. I am hopeful that you (OP) won’t have to divorce, since I think most of us can agree it’s no picnic either. Thanks for having patience reading through my long depressing story, haha! No matter which way you go, don’t stop searching for the Light at the end of the tunnel because there IS Light. I think every mom has had her moments, which is probably why this thread has been so busy. Everyone’s heart goes out to you and we all have developed our own wisdoms and coping routines in order to steer away from the breaking point. Someone on here said that you have to start small, it’s all those little wins during the day. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground OP, you have every right to it. And everyone around you will benefit, too! -hugs
 
pianistclare said:
This is the most depressing thing I have read on CAF.

I don’t think anyone is seriously advocating divorce. Most are advocating a wake up call.

Her story is my story as well. I have my own horrors, but I won’t burden her with them.
Let’s try to keep it positive , eh?
just sayin…😊
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It’s Lent, what can I say… Lol
 
faithsmind said:

“Xantippe! Wow, that’s incredible. I really admire moms like you.”

Thanks! I really admire me 4 or 5 years ago, too. Current me is doing a lot of sitting on my laurels.😉 And of course I only had two kids at the time, which helps considerably.
 
Listener said:
Regarding the husband’s carpenter job that he lost - something seems kind of fishy to me. She says he had reached top pay in the union. He says he lost his job because he had to stay home and take care of this wife.

The way this usually works is that the jobs you get in a carpenters’ union normally have beginnings and endings. Some are long and some are short. The jobs can be with different companies. If your job is over, you normally go down to the union hall and wait for your name to get to the top of the list.

She says he just refuses to wait around for them to call him. These days with cell phones, people simply don’t have to sit by their home phone any more hoping that someone will call them.

If I was him, I would march straight down to the union hall and demand to know where my name was on the list. Then I would sit in the union hall and talk on the phone to my marketing buddies to show the people running the union hall how popular I am!

The thought has occurred to me that perhaps he doesn’t have a job because he reached top pay. Maybe someone is deleting his name from the list because the companies want younger men who cost less.

I hope he is continuing to pay his union dues.
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actually, thats exactly what they do! They continue to hire what they call “apprentices” while laying off all those who have been in for years and reached top pay. Unless you got in with a company early, or knew someone (the union is so corrupted) then, you would just be bouncing back and forth. He did put his name on the out of work lists and he was always number 4,000 and something. WHY are they still hiring more carpenters when 4000 guys are out of work? He got frustrated with them and just moved on.
 
Today has been hectic. Had my appointment today, and also went to the parenting class intro at one of the crisis centers.

It was a one on one fill out paperwork sort of thing. The actual classes begin next tuesday. The lady seemed very nice, we spoke for an hour and got into God. She shared that she is protestant and I shared that I was thinking of joining catholic faith. She told me that since I don’t want anymore children, the hospital that I am delivering at is a catholic hospital and they won’t tie the tubes there, so that I should ask my ob if he could do it at another hospital while my medicaid was still active before it terminated.

I was a little uncomfortable, not going to lie. But thats what the majority of people say that I come across when they hear i am expecting baby number five and it wasn’t planned. I explained to her that it was more circumstantial, not the kids. It was how i deal with stress etc,… she still suggested a tubal (if thats what I wanted to do.)

She ended the appointment with a prayer and gave me a list of churches (non denominational and protestant) to look into going to. 🤷
 
Xantippe said:
faithsmind said:

“It’s easy to think the grass is greener on the other side. I’m trying to paint her a realistic picture of the other side, give her a wake-up call, and demonstrate to her that she can’t run from her problems. Xanthippe, her kids do not behave the way yours do. Plus, she will have a newborn. We have to be realistic, here. Yes, there are things she can do to get them to help, but the point is that divorce won’t make it better.”

My oldest is on the autism spectrum. She was very, very, very difficult as a 6-year-old and 7-year-old (I explain difficult in what ways elsewhere in this thread). However, that was also the turning point where we, as her parents (and especially I), read a pile of books, sent her to lots of therapy (psychologist, horse, physical), worked really hard with maintaining communications with school, did a points system with her at home for behavior, did a lot of positive reinforcement, and eventually managed to turn her around. It was really HARD for about two years and she is certainly not perfect today at 11 (I’m still wondering whether we shouldn’t put her on some ADHD medication to help her focus on school work), but she’s come really far.
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You’re amazing! I hope things continue to get better for her
 
TSB4 said:

“actually, thats exactly what they do! They continue to hire what they call “apprentices” while laying off all those who have been in for years and reached top pay. Unless you got in with a company early, or knew someone (the union is so corrupted) then, you would just be bouncing back and forth. He did put his name on the out of work lists and he was always number 4,000 and something. WHY are they still hiring more carpenters when 4000 guys are out of work? He got frustrated with them and just moved on.”

I don’t know how union etiquette works, but would it be possible for him to strike out on his own as a contractor? He’s senior enough that he really ought to be more than qualified. (I just made a deal yesterday with a contractor to come in, change out some bathroom fixtures, paint the room and put in new vinyl flooring. He said it’s a four day job. We had a bit of a flood about a week ago. We’re supplying the toilet and vinyl flooring and the contractor is bringing just odds and ends and paint, so he’s not going to be out much more than labor.) You could advertise over Craigslist.

Depending on how things work and how nasty the consequences are, it might be worthwhile to break protocol. It does sound like the deck is stacked against people who are senior and expensive like your husband, in case he is having qualms of conscience over this.

It may also work differently in other parts of the country.

Best wishes!
 
TSB4 said:

“You’re amazing! I hope things continue to get better for her”

Thanks! Me too!

She’s gone from verbal but very definite high-functioning autism (bad eye contact, toe stepping, social problems, obsession with swinging, sensitivity to noise, long monologues on favorite subjects, difficulty with transitions, gross motor and fine motor problems) to still having autistic features, but much more subtle ones. Some of that is maturity, some of that is being a girl, and some of that is everybody’s hard work.
 
Xantippe said:
TSB4 said:

“You’re amazing! I hope things continue to get better for her”

Thanks! Me too!

She’s gone from verbal but very definite high-functioning autism (bad eye contact, toe stepping, social problems, obsession with swinging, sensitivity to noise, long monologues on favorite subjects, difficulty with transitions, gross motor and fine motor problems) to still having autistic features, but much more subtle ones. Some of that is maturity, some of that is being a girl, and some of that is everybody’s hard work.
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That is so awesome. Kudos to you, I know it takes allot of strength!
 
TSB4 quote "I was a little uncomfortable, not going to lie. But thats what the majority of people say that I come across when they hear i am expecting baby number five and it wasn’t planned. I explained to her that it was more circumstantial, not the kids. It was how i deal with stress etc,… she still suggested a tubal (if thats what I wanted to do.)

She ended the appointment with a prayer and gave me a list of churches (non denominational and protestant) to look into going to"

I’m not surprised, it seems most non-Catholics are not very open to life, which is sad, it is a grave sin to cut yourself off like that from having kids, it is sad to hear of a Christian place recommending that. I am sure the class will be helpful, and I am certainty glad you are in it!! 😉 … but if you are considering joining the CC, just be on guard with stuff they might recommend to you.
 
TSB4 said:
Today has been hectic. Had my appointment today, and also went to the parenting class intro at one of the crisis centers.

It was a one on one fill out paperwork sort of thing. The actual classes begin next tuesday. The lady seemed very nice, we spoke for an hour and got into God. She shared that she is protestant and I shared that I was thinking of joining catholic faith. She told me that since I don’t want anymore children, the hospital that I am delivering at is a catholic hospital and they won’t tie the tubes there, so that I should ask my ob if he could do it at another hospital while my medicaid was still active before it terminated.

I was a little uncomfortable, not going to lie. But thats what the majority of people say that I come across when they hear i am expecting baby number five and it wasn’t planned. I explained to her that it was more circumstantial, not the kids. It was how i deal with stress etc,… she still suggested a tubal (if thats what I wanted to do.)

She ended the appointment with a prayer and gave me a list of churches (non denominational and protestant) to look into going to. 🤷
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You can tell the fair Nurse Ratchit to mind her own beeswax.:rolleyes:
Yeah, Catholic Church isn’t big on sterilization, in any sense of the word. We also have crucifixes and a human sacrifice on an alter, and then everyone eats the sacrificed body. Our pews are colorfully lined with faces from all over the world, of every socionomic status, and our walls and even windows are full of the images of devotion and love, enlightening our minds to the value and beauty of God’s word within us. Within these walls, you will hopefully find acceptance and even respect of your decision to get your hands dirty and grow your garden of children; blooms that will last forever.
 
I’m so glad that it went well for you.

If the place that you went was not a religiously affiliated agency, that woman has no business handing out religious material.

She meant well, but if it was a government agency, she was out of line. Or else, I would like to send her some Catholic materials to hand out to protestants. 👍

Anyhoo…enough of that.
God bless. I’m lighting you a new 7 day candle in the La Salette chapel today dear one.
Your previous candle has served it’s duty. The little flame went out.
But a new, hopeful flame arises to light the darkness and carry your prayer to heaven!
God is good.
Peace,
pianist
 
TSB4 said:
She told me that since I don’t want anymore children, the hospital that I am delivering at is a catholic hospital and they won’t tie the tubes there, so that I should ask my ob if he could do it at another hospital while my medicaid was still active before it terminated.

I was a little uncomfortable, not going to lie. But thats what the majority of people say that I come across when they hear i am expecting baby number five and it wasn’t planned. I explained to her that it was more circumstantial, not the kids. It was how i deal with stress etc,… she still suggested a tubal (if thats what I wanted to do.)
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Catholics have been coming up against this subversive pressure since the dawn of birth control. I remember just before my wedding 26 years ago I had to visit the doctor as I was suddenly having flooding periods. (I’ve since realised that that happens to me when I have extreme anxiety). She couldn’t find anything physically wrong but on learning that I wasn’t using birth control (she assumed I must be having sex since I was engaged) she changed into a different person putting extreme pressure on me to go on the pill. I took the prescription she wrote out because I felt influenced by her urgency but decided to wait for a while to see if my periods would settle since there were no physical problems. They did settle and I tore up the prescription.

I knew her intensity was more than diagnostic. It was ideological. She was surprised that a young person, Catholic or not, would ideologically oppose birth control.
 
TSB4 said:
Today has been hectic. Had my appointment today, and also went to the parenting class intro at one of the crisis centers.
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:clapping: Yay! So glad you are getting some support now!
She told me that since I don’t want anymore children, the hospital that I am delivering at is a catholic hospital and they won’t tie the tubes there, so that I should ask my ob if he could do it at another hospital while my medicaid was still active before it terminated. …But thats what the majority of people say that I come across when they hear i am expecting baby number five and it wasn’t planned.
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Oh brother. The best response to stuff like this is just to smile politely, and say, “Thanks, but I don’t believe in that.”

In the meantime, since you could probably use some comic relief, here is how one mother of nine responds to people who ask impertinent questions about her family size:
ncregister.com/blog/simcha-fisher/snappy-answers-for-stupid-questions-about-your-big-family

I am still praying for you and your little ones.
 
pianistclare said:
I’m so glad that it went well for you.

If the place that you went was not a religiously affiliated agency, that woman has no business handing out religious material.

She meant well, but if it was a government agency, she was out of line. Or else, I would like to send her some Catholic materials to hand out to protestants. 👍

Anyhoo…enough of that.
God bless. I’m lighting you a new 7 day candle in the La Salette chapel today dear one.
Your previous candle has served it’s duty. The little flame went out.
But a new, hopeful flame arises to light the darkness and carry your prayer to heaven!
God is good.
Peace,
pianist
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it was a religious place. She said it was a faith based organization. She actually told me she was a labor and delivery nurse at the catholic hospital I am going to deliver at. Thats when she said I could try to get the doctor to use his privileges at a non catholic hospital and tie my tubes before my medicaid ran out after I had the baby. I just smiled and kept being polite. I really don’t think she meant any harm, however, it did make me feel uncomfortable. Although I keep saying with my mouth that I am done having kids etc… when I think of taking birth control or doing something so permanent to prevent it, i cringe. I feel that it is the wrong thing to do.
 
On another note, thank you for all your prayers, they have been greatly appreciated!

Im wondering if you can add a prayer in for me. I have been dealing with what seems to be recurrent urinary tract infections. For the past two years or so, I haven’t treated it because I got tired of taking medication and having it come back. I saw a urologist some years ago and he advised me that I wasn’t having Urinary tract infections. he told me that I should just drink allot of water. The ONLY symptom I have is cloudy smelly urine (ONLY when I don’t drink allot of water. If I am well hydrated, it doesn’t smell and its clear.) Now being pregnant again, my OB wants me to take the meds. I am soooo frustrated and have no idea what to do. I don’t want to take this antibiotic because I know that I have lived with this issue for the past 5 years off and on and 2 of which was not medicated. If it were a true urinary tract infection, wouldn’t it have spread by now?

I don’t want to feel irresponsible by not taking the medication, but I made another urology appointment for Tuesday, and I don’t want to be medicated so the problem can be masked when i go. I want the symptoms to see what this urologists suggests. If I wait until Tuesday am I a horrible person? Should I just take the meds and wait for it to come back? UGH. Please, prayers! Thank you all!
 
TSB4 said:
I just smiled and kept being polite. I really don’t think she meant any harm, however, it did make me feel uncomfortable. Although I keep saying with my mouth that I am done having kids etc… when I think of taking birth control or doing something so permanent to prevent it, i cringe. I feel that it is the wrong thing to do.
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People usually do mean well, but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to cringe. 🙂 There are so many things that can go wrong with the human body, it seems illogical to interfere with something that is actually working.
If I wait until Tuesday am I a horrible person?
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Not at all. 🙂

Still praying…
 
TSB4 said:
On another note, thank you for all your prayers, they have been greatly appreciated!

Im wondering if you can add a prayer in for me. I have been dealing with what seems to be recurrent urinary tract infections. For the past two years or so, I haven’t treated it because I got tired of taking medication and having it come back. I saw a urologist some years ago and he advised me that I wasn’t having Urinary tract infections. he told me that I should just drink allot of water. The ONLY symptom I have is cloudy smelly urine (ONLY when I don’t drink allot of water. If I am well hydrated, it doesn’t smell and its clear.) Now being pregnant again, my OB wants me to take the meds. I am soooo frustrated and have no idea what to do. I don’t want to take this antibiotic because I know that I have lived with this issue for the past 5 years off and on and 2 of which was not medicated. If it were a true urinary tract infection, wouldn’t it have spread by now?

I don’t want to feel irresponsible by not taking the medication, but I made another urology appointment for Tuesday, and I don’t want to be medicated so the problem can be masked when i go. I want the symptoms to see what this urologists suggests. If I wait until Tuesday am I a horrible person? Should I just take the meds and wait for it to come back? UGH. Please, prayers! Thank you all!
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I hope some Doctors here will respond…because I sure don’t know…
 
I hope you find lots of prayers and support here for your wonderful decision to have this little baby. Regardless of if your new baby is adopted or stays in your family welcomed home by their biological siblings I fully support you during this difficult time as you try to discern what is best for your new baby and their family.
 
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