I don't want a large family

[jmjMom9]

What is it with Americans and homeschooling? Are your schools really so bad? Is it an educational shortcoming in US schools? The social environment, the spiritual component? Is homeschooling a particular Catholic thing in the US (as the OP implies) or is it broadly embraced? It seems to be much less common in other parts of the world…

I would encourage you to start a new thread on this topic.

 

[Rau]

I too am amazed at some comments which some on this thread say they have received in connection with their family size. In my experience, common sense usually causes (and simple manners demands) people to say nothing on such a personal matter.

But also interesting is the sensitivity others feel about how their family size might be viewed by others (particularly other Catholics). Notice how many on this thread, when remarking about their own small family, quickly add a comment (sometimes parenthetically) to explain about miscarriages or medical conditions or whatever.

Personally, I have no interest in how many children any individual couple has, so long as they can properly care for the children. I also care about the overall birth rate - hopefully it is such as to produce sustainable populations. Everyone having only 1 or 2 kids is not good in the long term! Everyone having 6 kids is not good in the long term! The former is a risk, the latter somewhat academic.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

There is no “perfect number” for everyone and no matter what you end up with, some jerk is going to have a snarky comment. Ergo, don’t beat yourself up over it.

There is a collection of essays from a bunch of really great Catholic women in a book called, “Style, Sex and Substance”. The first essay in that book would probably be very useful to you. It’s about a mom that went in search of what the “perfect Catholic woman” was. It will make you smile.

 

[on_the_hill]

If I were you, I’d “get over” it right now. Everyone feels judged on something.
…
Recently I found myself being defensive with a very athletic family explaining why we don’t do athletics.

Case in point: I feel defensive sometimes because we are an athletic family.

 

[severus68]

I am from a family of 11, and we caught a LOT of flack, constantly. My parents got accused, regularly, of being SELFISH!!! Can you imagine that? My father worked 2 jobs! My mother had to take naps…both of them did!

I went to the public school, and we were then in a time where they began to say things like, “Blessed are the sterile”!!! I began to actually believe that!

I see where a lot of people today, either through abortion, or contraception have NO children at all. They might own a cat or dog. That’s it. I’ve gone to family reunions where there are…I kid you not…not ONE child present!

My parents have both lived to a ripe old age. We have a bunch of professionals among us. We have one doctor. We have one nurse. One who used to be a nurse, midwife, etc. We have an electrical engineer, another electrical engineer. I’ve done interpreting. We have mothers. So, we’re not a bunch of uneducated folks, here.

Since I am at the youngest end, there was a large age difference between me and my parents. They were sort of like grandparents! They had some much older values. They wouldn’t let me, or my siblings, use a calculator in math class. They wanted me to develop my brain!

They taught us VALUES!!!

Now, people can make fun of them all they want. I didn’t used to see the value of a large family. I began to see it in their old age. One of my sisters constructed a HOUSE next to hers for our elderly parents or for anyone else in the family that might need it. It’s wheelchair accessible! My father recently passed away, but my sister took care of both my parents and still is.

My sister, the nurse, found out problems my father was having that none of us would have even known!

My parents had money left over and gave us each in excess of $10,000! I think it’s because of the way they lived. I think God richly blessed them BECAUSE they had a large family. The family was ready to help them, because they had helped us!

People who have no children will not have any of this support.

Watching my parents has been like watching the multiplication of the loaves and the fish!!!
It’s a miracle. I don’t know how God provided. All I can tell you was that he did!!! Makes no sense, logically. However, I assure you it happened!

Why not trust God? When God chose to bless Abraham, he gave him a bunch of descendents. THAT’S how he blessed him. Now, our generation says this is all wrong.
Mother Teresa asked how you could have too many kids. She said it’d be like having too many flowers!

Here’s an idea. Why not be open to life? Have as many kids as God wants you to have. If you are unable to provide, give them to someone who wants some. My brother, the doctor, thought he couldn’t have children…went out adopted 2 with problems, because he didn’t want to wait on the 5-YEAR waiting list!

People are DESPERATE for children! We NEED children. You will see, in your old age, the value of youth! The young help the old! This would be a most unselfish act, to allow a child life, and give someone a child who can’t have one!

People are so desperate that they are going to other countries to find children to adopt!
So, we need to rethink things. Do we want a population of pure elderly folks? Be open to life! ALL children are a gift from God!

The OP is open to life as the Church teaches.
Children are not commodities to be produced to be given away or to be carers in our old age.
Its great that your brother adopted two children with special needs.

The Church says that it is for a couple to discern and decide on the number of children and only them.

 

[severus68]

If I were you, I’d “get over” it right now. Everyone feels judged on something. My homeschool friends with smaller families are defensive in homeschool circles. My friends with larger families feel defensive in their parishes and families. My friends with money feel defensive with less wealthy families. My friends who eat convenience foods feel defensive with the earth moms. The earth moms feel defensive with nonearth moms. My SAHM friends are constantly defending their choice. My Working mom friends are defending their choice.Vaccination, homeschooling, parental discipline. Traditional Catholics. It never stops.

Recently I found myself being defensive with a very athletic family explaining why we don’t do athletics. I feel the same way with very musical families. We don’t go to Daily Mass (too stressful for me with my kids). I feel like a bad Catholic around the daily Mass families.

I think it’s probably human nature to think that the choice you discern for your family are the best ones (why else would you choose it?), so it’s human nature to compare and be judgey Better just to let it roll off your back.

Family size between you and your dh and God. pray. pray. pray. I wouldn’t once explain or defend it to anyone.

I’m sure had Adam and Eve been obedient, we wouldn’t feel these social pressures. We’d just be happy if God was happy with us.

Let it go. I say that in a loving way since I too go through these feelings, too.

Well said.

 

[severus68]

I am and active, practicing Catholic, love TOB and am against birth control. I know very much what a contraceptive attitude is an am against it. My husband and I have 2 kids and practice NFP between births. While we are open to any new life that God may bless us with, I really can’t see us (pragmatically) having more than 3 kids.

Without going into specifics, I believe we have serious enough reasons for limiting our family size. I guess I just feel a little judged by large-family minded Catholics (maybe I’m judging myself?). Like, unless you have 6+ kids like them, you’re being selfish or you aren’t “Catholic enough”. Has anyone ever felt this way?

I also feel judged for being a part-time working mom. I WOULD LOVE to be a stay-at-home mom, but my husband doesn’t make very good money. I guess it’s my fault for not marrying someone richer? (I’m being facetious). I guess I’m just struggling with feeling like I don’t fit the good Catholic homeschooling mom mold :-/. Your thoughts/feedback are appreciated.

Your marriage and the number of children is between you, your husband and God. Please don’t let others guilt you.

 

[severus68]

:clapping::clapping::clapping:

I would be suicidal if I ever gave a baby up for adoption. That was a terrible thing to say to the OP.

OP, there is nothing wrong with not having a large family. You are always free to use NFP to limit your family size. Also, you don’t have to plan out your entire life right now. You may change your mind some day and want more children. NFP is never a one-time decision.

Yes.

 

[SpidersfromMars]

No, that was not my intention. I figured she already knew about NFP but was still worried despite that. Sorry for any misunderstandings.

I apologise for having misinterpreted what you were saying. It was just your statement “If you are unable to provide, give them to someone who wants some” which bothered me in particular - sounded like what one would say to someone with too many cupcakes or puppies, not children.

Bless you for your love of children and your positive view of them though, especially in a world which is so often hostile to them. I think it’s just important to remember that adoption - while a wonderful, unselfish thing - is still a very difficult process even in the best circumstances. I don’t think it would ever be someone’s first choice to give up their child.

On another note, I can’t believe some of the things that other posters have been told about the size of their family! Perhaps when I have children of my own I will discover for myself how nosy and opinionated others can be.

 

[Magickman]

Some of us are suited to marriage and children, and others not.

I am happy and thankful that this group did nit include me.

Avoiding a wife and kids was my lifestyle choice, and not one that I regretted.

Different strokes.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

Thanks, I needed a laugh. If you are Catholic, God is the father. Jesus is our brother. We are all family each time we goto the Eucharist.

As for your marriage, God will dwell in your heart and choices.

Economic status? There is grace in poverty. The Rockerfellers originated in poverty. So did Oprah, & Obama. Compair to Paris Hilton, Joe Firestone … Certainly, we should not lower the dignaty of any social class but, there are good and bad to each social class. Find your for value & focus on being pleasing to God above all and you will have His joy.