I Don't Want Any Friends

[Orionthehunter]

My apologies …but this op sounds sad to me…almost condescending.

I enjoy people…women and men…they all have different personalities and some I have more in common with than others
remember there are differences between friends, best friends and pleasant acquaintances…socialize with whom you want but remember kindness goes a long way…

Aimee, I see nothing sad in Scout except she was wondering if there wasn’t anything wrong w/ her (Scout, at least that is what I see in your post.)

I am reminded of a story about two neighbors. One only had ice cream for dessert while the other always wanted pies, cakes, cookies and alot of variety. Both wondered if they were “normal” or the other was “odd.” But the moral of the story was they were just different.

In my mind, there is nothing wrong with either. Just different. However, both of you could analyze the downside (don’t know if you do and don’t mean to assert you should) if you believe you might not have the right balance. I only say this because Scout was wondering if she had the right balance by virtue of the question and Aimee may not have it since she couldn’t empathize with Scout but could only sympathize.

For Aimee, she might have so many friends that she never gets too close to any. For Scout, she might have so few friends that she never gets the fraternal companionship she might need nor gives the companionship that another might need. Peace is in the balance. Reading CS Lewis’ book “Four Loves” is quite good for all of us having the right balance.

 

[contemplative]

and not wanting friends. I was thinking there was something wrong with me.

Again…I’ll say…I don’t think you mean to say “you do not want friends” I don’t think any one can go along in life and say that and be healthy. If what you mean to say is you are content where you are right now…with DH and no immediate friends…then that is OK.
God gives us friends along the way…even Jesus had friends intermittedly in his life. Friends are a great gift from God…as were the friends to Jesus. The important thing to remember is to focus on the road ahead and be open to the people God has intersect as friends in our lives…as we go along.

It may be that friends in your life are far and few between…but they may come and you should be ready to recognize them as special blessings from God.

Can you name some of the friends of Jesus? Find these Gospel readings and dwell on them.

 

[contemplative]

Can you name some of the friends of Jesus? Find these Gospel readings and dwell on them.

OK…I’ll help you out…Mary, Martha and Lazarus were friends of Jesus.

Notice in this Gospel reading…

As they continued their journey he entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him. (John 10:38)

…Jesus was actively on His journey and along the way Martha welcomed Him. And Jeus responded!!! ( that is the best part )That is how real friendship from God is. We don’t go along our journey looking for a friend…friends find us…or rather God has people/friends find and welcome us along the way. It is God who determines this…not us. It is important that we respond appropriately when we are called to true friendship.
Consider how many friends Jesus had along his journey. For most of us…true friendships are intertwined sparingly throughout our life.

 

[Della]

I liked Orionthehunter’s example of the gal who only liked ice cream and the other who liked a lot of variety for dessert–that both are perfectly normal.

I’d like to use another example–that of cat people and dog people. Cat people, generally, are like their cats. They can be alone for long periods of time and be content. Dog people, generally, are like their dogs, which are pack animals and need to be with others in order to feel they are occupying their proper role in life. Neither is wrong, only different.

I am definitely a cat person and, frankly, am tired of apologizing for it to dog people. We all ought to accept each other as we are instead of pointing out the so-called “failures” of those who are not like us. Yes?

 

[Sheeniac]

Such a pity… my friends are all wonderful women - not the type you describe at all. While I don’t see them all that frequently, the time I spend with them enriches me.

 

[wcknight]

Sorry, I can’t relate to folks who do not have many friends or who don’t want any. To me friends and relatives are the folks who make life interesting and worthwhile. Sharing our good times (and bad) with folks that we care about is what life is really all about.

My wife and I are perfectly content to spend quiet evenings alone at home. But having friends or relatives over or visiting with friends or relatives make life that much more enjoyable. I never think of friends or relatives as a burden or “suffocating”, they are each a joy and treasure that I value very highly.

I can’t imagine Heaven without any one of them, and I pray for them all the time. Personally I think folks who have no friends or very few friends are missing out on a lot of what life is all about.

On the other hand, some very pious saints chose to become hermits and basically leave friends and family behind. Such a vocation is very noble. Cutting off folks because they all somehow fail to measure up to our high standards just seems to me a bit petty and judgemental. Yes, there may be some folks I would avoid, but the vast majority of my friends and relatives all have worthwhile characteristics that I enjoy sharing.

Everyone has flaws, so to expect everyone to be picture perfect is unreasonable. We all will have to live with one another in Heaven so we all might as well start to get used to it here on earth. Just IMHO.

 

[Pug]

Cutting off folks because they all somehow fail to measure up to our high standards just seems to me a bit petty and judgemental. Yes, there may be some folks I would avoid, but the vast majority of my friends and relatives all have worthwhile characteristics that I enjoy sharing.

It is not the people at all. There is nothing wrong with them! I find social anything to be draining, and I need lots of time to recharge. Time spent alone. I don’t recharge, otherwise.

My job and my relatives and my Church activities use up most of my social “charge”. I love my friends and relatives dearly. I wish to hear about their lives and see their faces and joys. I need a fair amount of time alone, however. More than most people do. It helps me keep an even keel.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I think friendships really tend to bloom differently for different personalities. Some prefer a quieter life, and others prefer a more social life. It’s important, in either case, to be loving to all those God puts in our path, though.
Socialites, for example, can easily become caddy and fall into gosip.
Hermatites (like my little naming scheme? ) may offend others more easily because of their need to be alone.
So we all need to stay as loving to our neighbor as possible, no matter what our personality is…

I think it also has a lot to do with your stage in life and your journey of faith. Life is extremely dynamic… and most of us aren’t exactly the same as we were just 5 years ago. There’s a time to be more contemplative and inward, and a time to be more outgoing and social.

The goal is to live holy lives no matter who God puts into our paths…

For example… I remember having a very similar outlook on life when I was in highschool…

The fact is, I don’t have any friends, outside of my husband, and I don’t have any desire to have any. To be perfectly honest, I find most women to be caddy, self-obsorbed, overly-opinionated, and superficial. Now, please understand me, I know not all women are like this. It just seems that most of the women I come in contact with are this way. Or, if they’re not, they’re so insecure that you can’t say two words to them about themselves without them getting defensive.

And then within a couple years I was off at college joining a SORORITY and truly ENJOYING the company of women as true friends.

My only recommendation is to be open to allowing God to bring change into your life through friends. You’re not doing anything wrong, per-se, right now… just be open.

God bless…

 

[wcknight]

Again I can’t relate to that, I just don’t have that same need to “recharge”. I don’t find meeting with friends or relatives draining or taxing. I guess, I’m one of those folks who can spend time with others 24/7.

I too lead a very active life with work, church activities, KofC events, school events…etc etc but I find sharing time with friends and loved ones refreshing and envigorating, not draining or burdensome.

 

[USCGwife]

Hm…where I begin to take issue is when people make assumptions like “you’re isolated” or imply that I’m somehow selfish & uncharitable with my energies/time because I’m not out on the social circuit…this especially irks me today, as I’m sitting here with sore, bloody fingers from sewing costumes for children whose families couldn’t afford them (and top-rate costumes at that…). I’m often told by “social” women that they couldn’t understand a) what I do all day (SAHM) and b) they couldn’t handle being alone/without adult interaction for such long periods of time.

Some might call that being…“needy”, you know. Then again, I’m sure my angel considers me needy at times, always asking for intercession & such…especially with these @%$# costumes!

But please don’t imply that my own governing principles & priorities (God, husband, family…THEN community) and my preference to work unseen, behind-the-scenes are somehow indicative of any psychopathology! It takes all sorts, this wonderful world of God’s - my position in “Hero Support” is no less important than the front-line Heroes (whether they’re out there @ work or @ elementary school…). I enjoy my low-maintenance life…and I’ve found it has given me opportunities many of my always-out, socially busy acquaintances miss because they’re always “otherwise occupied”.

I’ll definitely grant you that some people aren’t cut out for the contemplative, domestic-queen homelife. And even though I think they’re missing out , that doesn’t make what they do any less important to any of us…eh?

 

[Anne1964]

Great topic. I think one of the major differences between people is introversion and extraversion. Introverts need time alone to re-charge their batteries as another poster mentioned. Extraverts get their energy from being around people.

Both my husband and I are introverts and neither of us has many friends and we are perfectly happy. I have three close friends and my husband has one close friend. We do have plenty of acquaintances. We rarely have people over for dinner because after spending all day at work surrounded by people, we are ready to be alone.

I am more of an introvert than my husband is. He actually enjoys going to parties and other social events on occasion, whereas I hate going to things like that.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with not wanting a lot of friends.

As for preferring men over women, I have friends of both genders, but I have to say I prefer the more direct conversation of the men.

 

[Scout]

Just to respond to some things mentioned…

I do not feel isoltated at all. I just enjoy being with my husband and my children more than with anyone else. In fact, when I’m other places, I often find myself missing my husband and children. I’m a devoted wife and mother, and my husband and children take priority. If something were to happen to my husband, I would deal with it. But I’m not going to go out and insinuate myself to women in the community simply because I’m afraid of being alone if something were to happen to my husband.

I do not remember which poster said it, but I do believe that people have different personalities. After reading the post, I believe I am whole-heartedly an introvert. I get energy and strength by spending time alone or with my family. Being in social situations drains me.

However, I would like to make clear the fact that just because I’m an introvert does not mean that I am not kind and gracious to all those I come in contact with. I try to always be charitable to everyone. I don’t gush over every person I meet, though. I’m just not a social butterfly, I guess. I don’t mind being up in front of a crowd, just don’t put me in one.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[Teakafrog]

I don’t think it’s weird at all. I’m the same way. I grew up as an only child, way out on a farm. I had to learn to amuse myself. I suppose that’s why I’m such an avid reader.
Anyway, I’ve always been the kind to have a couple really really close friends, and rarely hang out with a lot of people. After we moved away, I have only met one person I can really ‘relate’ too, and she has the same priorities I do–God, family, then everything else. So we still don’t ‘hang out’ a lot, because most of our time is spent at home with our kids.
Actually, I miss my solitude. I LOVE having time just for myself, no one at all around, so I can pray, or read, or just be quietly. My husband doesn’t get it, he used to get very hurt when I told him I needed my quiet time. Now he knows it’s not that I don’t want to be with him, I just need some solitude now and then (which is getting harder and harder to find the more kids we have!). I think it’s a little weird for people who have to be around someone all the time. But I know they’re just different than I am.

 

[mary_bobo]

Don’t know if anyone has mentioned this, but I would point out that there is a huge difference between friends and acquaintances. Friends are usually few and far between and to be treasured, IMO. Throughout life we make many acquaintances in our work, in our kids schools, in any volunteer work we do. This adds a little spice to life, but they are fleeting. They come and go as our interests change.

 

[Scout]

Don’t know if anyone has mentioned this, but I would point out that there is a huge difference between friends and acquaintances. Friends are usually few and far between and to be treasured, IMO. Throughout life we make many acquaintances in our work, in our kids schools, in any volunteer work we do. This adds a little spice to life, but they are fleeting. They come and go as our interests change.

I think this is a very good point.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[Polish]

You know Scout, there’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Some need more exterior stimulation and seek it out by accumulating a lot people around them.

I’m an introvert.
I grew up in a big city.
I do a volunteer work.
I have a dog .
I am kind and generous.
I have two friends.
And “Yes” I am happy and at peace being alone.

I’m glad there are folks out there that are extroverts and enjoy a more social lifestyle. Good for them . What is surprising however is that some on this thread have expressed sad feeling towards others who do not share their outlook on life . Wouldn’t it be crazy if we were all the same way :whacky:!!!

 

[Sheeniac]

Polish, I was one who expressed some sadness, but I am an introvert too. I think you get a different type of nourishment (emotional and spiritual) from a friend than other types of relationships.

That said, it is interesting to see the varied posts on this subject. My concern was primarily that she expressed an almost dislike of other women. I feel sad for her ONLY because she has had the bad luck to meet women who are not the type she would like to associate with.

 

[hasikelee]

OP:

I am curious, did you have a really great relationship with your dad or other males/brothers/uncles?

I remember my childhood as being one big adventure with dad. We went fishing, camping, trekking, bike riding, woodworking, everything! He taught me many skills and we had lots of fun together.

I find myself able to get along better with guys than girls. I don’t like the chit chat. I don’t like the catty politics. I just want to say what it is and get to the point. To a tom girl like me, I love the rough and tumble over the jewelry and cliques!

So I wonder if you have the same experience to attest to?

 

[Scout]

OP:

I am curious, did you have a really great relationship with your dad or other males/brothers/uncles?

I remember my childhood as being one big adventure with dad. We went fishing, camping, trekking, bike riding, woodworking, everything! He taught me many skills and we had lots of fun together.

I find myself able to get along better with guys than girls. I don’t like the chit chat. I don’t like the catty politics. I just want to say what it is and get to the point. To a tom girl like me, I love the rough and tumble over the jewelry and cliques!

So I wonder if you have the same experience to attest to?

I have five brothers, but we haven’t been close since I was around 12. The six of us haven’t been in the same room together since then, either. My parents divorced, and I lived with my grandparents for most of my childhood. My dad was almost completely out of the picture.

However, I was always very close with my maternal grandfather. He and my grandmother raised me and he walked me down the aisle at my wedding.

So, I didn’t really have great experiences with my dad and brothers. I’m not at all a tom-boy. For some reason, I just find men to be more honest and direct then most women that I come in contact with. I just prefer to be around men.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[jman507]

Well I’m a guy who I’d say probably prefers women to men, though I get along with each. I’m an introvert who tries to be an extrovert. I like women because they seem to be better at talking about more emotional issues, while men tend to avoid those. Probably the same reason some of you prefer men to women, are probably the same reasons why I prefer women. They may not be as honest or direct, but they give more stuff away by not being direct. That probably makes women more open to being catty and self-absorbed. I’m not really like that, but I pretty easily blow that off, might mention something when it gets a bit much. I could see how some would get tired of that quick. Men and women have their general tendencies, and have something both to offer.

I also find it fascinating how one defines a friend. There really is no right or wrong answer. There will be all types of relationships, and they all have an effect on you. Its also interesting how you would probably define friend differently as a child, as an adolescent, and as an adult. As an adult your probably going to be the most selective, but also the most intimate.

If you are content where you are at, then your probably fine. Everyone’s needs are different.