I don't want kids.. I don't like them but I'm open to them

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Alwaysdream1231

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So I basically don’t like children. I don’t want them. I don’t like anything about them. . I have no desire to ever have them. I don’t even like being around them. I spent a lot of time with children all my life. Good ones And ones with bad behavior. I never liked them in anyway. And yes babies included… I really don’t like being around them. And no I don’t think I would be a bad mom. I don’t feel like that. I honestly just don’t find them cute and I don’t like their voices or even want them around me.
I am happy for every single person that has a baby. I encourage people to have kids within marriage. But I just don’t have any desire for myself and I’m fine with it.
But it doesn’t mean I will stop myself from having them because I know I have to be open to them in order to be married. I do want a marriage. I have no intention on using birth control or anything that will prevent me from having kids. I already have been studying NFP for a few years and learning my body and how to tell when I’m fertile. so I know about that. Will it be bad if I go into marriage with no desire, yet still being open to kids only based on the rules of the church. Or does it sound like an issue. My boyfriend have discussed it many times he doesn’t like the idea that I dislike children so much. Because he wants them. He thinks I may change my mind when I do get pregnant when married one day. I don’t rule it out. But he’s also afraid that I may not even love my own child. I don’t think that will happen. But idk…
 
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I’d encourage you to get some counseling to talk about your feelings about children. And talk to your priest about your idea of going into a marriage this way.

As for the practical side of things, it does sound like an “issue” for the very reason your boyfriend expresses. I would expect that most men will want children and they will be excited about it and want, need, and expect their spouse to also be excited about it, want children, and fully embrace motherhood.

I don’t think it’s wise to go into a marriage with the current feelings you have, because children are not something you can return to the store if you decide you don’t want one. Children are the primary end of marriage, not an add on to marriage. Begetting and raising up children in the faith is central purpose of marriage.

So if you “want” marriage and don’t “want” children-- something is off there.
 
I agree. It’s always been this way for me. I think having a family would be great but the idea of children bother me at the same time.I don’t want to stop myself from having them but I get worried that I would be entering marriage for all the wrong reasons. I guess I always saw kids as something I am supposed to have when married. That it is a strict rule.
 
You’re fine, and non-professional psychologists, or even professional ones, can claim you have a need counseling based on a single social network post.

If more people were as honest as you, there would probably be fewer unhappy children in the world.

The Church only requires you be open to children, not you pledge that you “like” children.

You’re opinions may change after time.
 
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As far as you changing your mind when you get married, yes, it does happen.

I wouldn’t say I didn’t want children, but it wasn’t as if I knew I wanted them either. Didn’t know how people “knew” they were ready for kids, didn’t know how people “knew” how many they wanted.

Our first child was neither planned nor unplanned. We were open to life and God sent us our first. Our first child was born on our first wedding anniversary. At some point before that, my heart was opened and accepting, and yes, looking forward to the birth of our first child.

I cannot imagine our lives without our children. (Who are no longer children. :confused: )
 
Alwaysdream1231 said:
I agree. It’s always been this way for me. I think having a family would be great but the idea of children bother me at the same time.I don’t want to stop myself from having them but I get worried that I would be entering marriage for all the wrong reasons. I guess I always saw kids as something I am supposed to have when married. That it is a strict rule.
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Since the marriage covenant is based upon the good of the spouses and of mankind, it is ordered to reproduction. However there is also adoption. I know a couple that could not have their own so adopted a girl from Russia.
 
Alwaysdream1231 said:
Will it be bad if I go into marriage with no desire, yet still being open to kids only based on the rules of the church. Or does it sound like an issue.
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It is an issue. During your marriage preparation you will be asked if you want to have child, not what your already or planned method of birth control is.
You have to accept to have children to have a valid marriage. What you describe is not Church teaching but legalism.
Alwaysdream1231 said:
. My boyfriend have discussed it many times he doesn’t like the idea that I dislike children so much. Because he wants them. He thinks I may change my mind when I do get pregnant when married one day. I don’t rule it out. But he’s also afraid that I may not even love my own child.
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It is an aother issue. You should not marry this man who want children as you don’t want any.
 
Anicette said:
It is an issue. During your marriage preparation you will be asked if you want to have child, not what your already or planned method of birth control is.
You have to accept to have children to have a valid marriage. What you describe is not Church teaching but legalism.
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Not exactly. it’s more technical than that. You can’t have a permanent intention against children, but you don’t have to specifically “want” children. The couple is asked if they will “accept children”.

How you feel about children doesn’t determine the will. Exclusion of an essential element of marriage is an act of the will.
 
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Maybe it will not be permament, everybody can change, but the intention is likely to be permament. We cannot objectively said that her intention would change after being married.

In this case the OP will not “accept to have children’”. She will only accept that her method as a failure rate. It is not really being open to children.
 
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Hmm I see what you mean. I’m not 100% against having them. I just lack any desire. I’m willing to have them but I wonder if it’s only because I’m taught it’s what I’m supposed to do.
 
Maybe more people have children because it’s seems that it is the road the most people have to take, or because their spouse or partner wants to have them. After some have a revelation and some just do what they have to do to raise them but without any particular enthousiasm…

We cannot say if you should try to have children or not. We don’t know you. Maybe you will see it clearer in some years.

Myself, I don’t particlarly love the chilren in general and avoid to take care of them before I had them. But I always kwown I wanted some one day.
 
I disagree on the necessity of counseling, this opinion is not based on mental imbalance, rather the nature of children.
 
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1ke said:
I would expect that most men will want children and they will be excited about it and want, n
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I fully agree with the OP. This, as a man, is my attitude towards children.

EDT: Sorry, post corrected.
 
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You sound a whole lot like this young lady…
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Want to get married, but don't want children Family Life
I am a 24 year old woman, and I definitely want to get married, but do not want kids. I hate the idea of pregnancy, childbirth, everything about it makes me shudder. I do not want to put my body through that. I know so many women who enjoy being pregnant and go on and on about how beautiful pregnancy is, but I just don’t see it or want it. I also hate the idea of raising children. The thought of it is not appealing at all to me, I’ve never had “maternal instincts,” and I just don’t find the…
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Alwaysdream1231 said:
I’m willing to have them but I wonder if it’s only because I’m taught it’s what I’m supposed to do.
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Actually, you’ve been inundated (99.5% +/-), your entire life with the direct opposite.

What the machine has been teaching you…

You’re worth no more than:
your last paycheck.
what you eat.
where and how much you exercise.
your apparel.
your shoes.
how sexy you make yourself look.
how much fake and real flattery/admiration/validation you get from men.
your education and job.
what you own and where you live.
your shallow friends.
your endless travel plans. (the more absurd the better)
your therapy and drugs.
your meditation.
your pets.
etc., etc., etc.

Don’t wait til you’re fifty to find out you’re being lied to and used.
Jesus and his Church are the truth and the only way to genuine, lifelong happiness.
 
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Oh gosh no. She’s very different from me! I’ll be 30 years old next year and I know Pregnancy is normal. And there is no reason to hate the idea of childbirth! Woman’s bodies are designed by God so there is nothing to “put your body through” To be honest it sounds pretty selfish in her reasons. I study a lot of Theology Of The Body and being fruitful and total within involve the openness of having children. Which is why even tho I do not want or like them. I am not going to stop myself nor am going to try really really hard to have them lol
 
There is nothing wrong with you. You are a woman who knows what she likes, and knows what she doesn’t like. I would suggest finding a man who feels the same way about kids. Nowadays, plenty of people marry and don’t have children, as a choice. It means there are a lot less unwanted children in the world, which is a good thing.

If you are Catholic, though, it is concerning that you would take the risk of having relations, knowing you would most likely at some point become pregnant. Seems sort of selfish to me, but I am not judging. I am not Catholic, so I don’t have any issues with birth control. Parents should really want and desire a child if they have them, in this day and age. That means through all phases of life: babies, todllers, children, teenagers, etc.
 
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