I don't want to appear 'holier than thou'

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Hello everyone,

While I understand the reasoning behind the statement ‘holier than thou’; I do not understand why some use it as an excuse to not do things they have every right to do, e.g. ."I don’t pray the Rosary before Mass because I do not want to come off as ‘holier than thou’.

Why is there this "holier than thou’ fear amongst a lot of Christians? In the example I gave, do you think the 'holier than thou’ fear is justified? Why or why not?
 
I can’t say I come across that attitude amongst fellow Catholics in any parish I’ve been in. Nor have I ever heard any Catholic friends or acquaintances saying that or anything like it. Perhaps it’s a cultural issue somewhere…?

However it’s probably a misunderstanding of what humility is…and a misunderstanding of what holiness actually is…and that noone can judge regarding anyone else’s holiness, or even our own, but God alone.
 
Saint_Anonymous said:
Hello everyone,

While I understand the reasoning behind the statement ‘holier than thou’; I do not understand why some use it as an excuse to not do things they have every right to do, e.g. ."I don’t pray the Rosary before Mass because I do not want to come off as ‘holier than thou’.

Why is there this "holier than thou’ fear amongst a lot of Christians? In the example I gave, do you think the 'holier than thou’ fear is justified? Why or why not?
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Well, I’ll have a go at answering, although I think you answered it yourself when you said people use it as an excuse.

It would appear to me the real reason things are not done when they should be is, human pride. But the Devil does not tell you that human pride is the real reason, he finds something else so that the excuse becomes acceptable to you. Any way to try and deceive you to weaken your faith.

In your example, people pray in many different ways before Mass and they should be concentrating on their own prayers rather than casting judgement on others. So, no it is not a legitimate excuse in your example but moreso a case of someone worrying about what others will think or say about them, ie the sin of pride, or of vanity.
 
I’ve seen the “i don’t want to appear holier than thou” mentality more through neglecting to speak out against sin, especially directly to other people. I agree with Dragonslayer that this is mostly due to human pride – keeping our mouth shut so that people won’t think poorly of US.
 
It’s a sad day when praying the rosary before Mass would be considered holier than thou.

Holier than thou is more of an attitude displayed by a person when they compare themselves to another and consider themselves more spiritually elevated.
 
Not wanting to appear as holier than thou is just pride, pure and simple. Take it a bit further and you’ll have people say that they don’t go to church on Sunday so they don’t appear like some Jesus freak. They care more about how they appear to other people than how they appear to God.

If everyone prayed the rosary before mass, then there wouldn’t be anyone “holier than thou”. 😉
 
Actually, I think “I don’t want to appear holier than thou” is a bit silly for anyone to say. Presumably, whey they mean by “holier than thou” is someone who engages in extra religious forms for the sake of appearances. (I am assuming they don’t mean that they don’t actually want to be holier than anyone, but if they do, that is silly too, IMO.) But when someone refuses to engage in genuine religious behavior, so that they don’t look like someone who is acting for the sake of appearances, they are in fact acting for the sake of appearances.

Basically, what they are saying is, “I don’t want people to think I’m doing stuff because of what people think of me.” Instead of appearing to be motivated by appearances, they somehow think it is better actually to be motivated by appearances.

🤷

–Jen
 
I’m trying to figure out how praying a Rosary before Mass got to be so rare they think anyone would notice?

Pray. Inspire others to do the same.
 
To be honest, when I’m in a pew waiting for Mass to begin, I am in my own little world. The tabernacle is right there; if it isn’t, I know the altar - whereupon God is about to descend - is there, ever-present. In this space of imagination and reality, all other people just fade away from my concern or field of vision. Speaking to God in that total isolation, just me and Him, is completely easy. Isn’t that an interesting conversation? When I’m alone my thoughts wander in prayer, but when surrounded by others who are praying before Mass, I am alone with Him uninterrupted.
 
I would like to thank everyone for their responses. I always felt this fear of being thought of as ‘holier than thou’ was a false humility and could never understand why people use it as an excuse: yet, I always see it turn up when conversations about certain subjects come up like why some women don’t wear chapel veils, why some do not take communion on the tongue, and etc. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate people who are open and honest and give reasons for why they do what they do: however when I hear “It’s because I don’t want to look ‘holier than thou,” I just can’t help but think “who cares if someone thinks you’re acting ‘holier than thou”?
 
More often than not, when I hear that phrase, it’s used in a derogatory manner and directed toward someone who doesn’t deserve it.

We all have differing outwards signs of our faith.
 
I just can’t imagine anyone bothering to notice little me – I’m not important enough!

amsjj 🙂

+++
Jesus, God and man,
imprisoned by love in Thy most holy Sacrament,
have mercy upon us.
– Blessed John Henry Newman, December 22, 1851

Tú y yo sabemos por la fe que oculto en las especies sacramentales está Cristo,
ese Cristo con su Cuerpo, con su Sangre, con su Alma, y con su Divinidad,
prisonero de amor.
– San Josemaria Escriva, 1 junio 1974
 
One of the reasons I don’t kneel when recieving the Eucharist in my parish. I remember a friend of mine started doing it, and everybody - including me at the time when I was nominally Catholic years ago - started gossiping behind her back about it. Everybody was saying how she obviously thinks she’s special, trying to make a show, holier than thou, “we stopped that after Vatican II” , etc. So now I refrain from kneeling and receiving on the tongue. I know, I shouldn’t care about others opinion… but receiving on the hand is acceptable so I will do it until I get to an EF Mass where it’s the norm and I won’t stick out.
 
Saint_Anonymous said:
I always felt this fear of being thought of as ‘holier than thou’ was a false humility and could never understand why people use it as an excuse: yet, I always see it turn up when conversations about certain subjects come up like why some women don’t wear chapel veils, why some do not take communion on the tongue, and etc.

I just can’t help but think “who cares if someone thinks you’re acting ‘holier than thou”?
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Yes!!! 👍

I was about to mention this when I saw your post. I am convinced it is the case that a person doesn’t like something (chapel veils or COTT) and then they use the ‘holier than thou’ line. Thing is, they don’t have to justify themselves: chapel veils or COOT are not mandatory these days so people are free not to do that. This defensive attitude and accusing others of spiritual pride is a horrible thing. It just shows no respect for others and for some of the beautiful customs of our church.

(I can’t get rid of the underlined text above. Sorry!)
 
I pray a decade of the Rosary before Mass and receive Holy Communion kneeling and on the tongue. I don’t care what anybody thinks, I’m at Mass to interact with God and not with anybody else. 🙂
 
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