I don't want to be a trophy wife

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I didn’t read the entire conversation, but I agree that it’s harder to find people with the same values as you, but it’s very important that you do- don’t settle for any less!

You’re in the modeling industry, and the people you work with and interact with might be great people, but it would probably be incredibly difficult to find a quality individual that has deeply rooted sense of a Christian marriage. I was in the fashion manufacturing industry, and ran into a lot of creepy men. They were nice, smart and would give helpful advice, but definitely not the type for marriage.

I would suggest to you online dating, because you can easily weed out people you wouldn’t be interested in, like atheists, drug users, etc. (Be safe, though!!)

I actually found my fiance through okcupid.com. It sounds weird when you think about it, but we met and I knew his heart was made of the same material as mine just after a few months. He is a strong Catholic, he lifts me up and we’re already like one team. We pray together every night and it’s so nice to come home and talk about our faith and have a profound understanding of each other. The Catholic teachings of love is the most beautiful thing, and when two people strive to practice it- I can’t express in words how overwhelmingly powerful it is.
I don’t know you personally, but I just know God had made your man that will help build you up in all areas, spiritually, mentally and physically, too!!

Just open yourself up, and maybe an online dating site is the medium you should check out.
 
runwaymodel said:
Hello friends!
I guess I am seeking more prayers and gentle guidance. Dating is very hard as it is (for anyone!) let alone a vapid city like Los Angeles. You would think having a pretty face would make things easier, and in some ways it does I suppose, but it also adds another level of difficulty. I’m finding it hard to seek a suitable partner. Either men just want you as a trophy wife, are freaks, or aren’t Christian. They call it HollyWEIRD for a reason. I don’t want to be a trophy, there are plenty of other girls who have nothing else to offer who would happily take my place. I want an equal.

Being a moralistic Catholic girl doesn’t make things easier. I think some men see it as a challenge. As if they really can’t believe that I go to Church every Sunday, openly praise God, come from a good family, don’t do drugs, am actually kind and compassionate…basically the opposite of what someone in this industry should be or do. And they try to test those boundaries or make me ridiculous lucrative “offers” and gifts. As if you could buy off morals that easily…it’s very frustrating. But I’m trying to remain optimistic.

I just really want to settle down but I refuse to settle. So while I am very comfortable being alone I obviously want to start a family someday. I just don’t know if my expectations are too high. The men that do meet all my requirements, are respectful and actually admire my brain and not my beauty, have all surprisingly been divorced (I learned that after we had gone on some dates). And I refuse to date anyone in the industry because the vast majority are delusional and/or on drugs. It’s sad but true.

Anyway, I could really use some prayers. To strengthen my resolve. I feel kind of selfish praying for myself and to find love because life has always been very kind to me.
Bless you all.
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It is difficult to find a suitable person to marry and it takes a few years to get to know if a person is suitable too.

I wonder if you really mean trophy wife, which is (American definition) “a wife, often, specif., a second wife, who is attractive and younger than her usually wealthy husband and regarded as symbolizing his success”.

I am offering prayers for you.
 
I would look outside your industry then. Have you tried getting involved in your church or volunteer opportunities?
 
Serap said:
I haven’t read through all the posts.,…about 1/2 of them 🙂

So…my take. I am now 42, but when I was younger, I was also very beautiful and I attracted a lot of men…good ones, gross ones and rude ones. Often men think if a girl is beautiful, she’s on display or something and they have the right to judge you.

You live in L.A. and while yes, many people there are flakey, druggy and not marriage material, there ARE inevitably men there who will love you and cherish you for who you are…it’s just a matter of time before you meet him. You need to know exactly what you are looking for and put yourself out there. Through caution to the wind and give dating a chance. You may have to kiss 100 frogs before you find your prince, but kissing 100 frogs to find your true match is definitely worth it.

My girlfriend lives in L.A. She is a very reputable entertainment journalist who works at the Oscars and interviews A-list celebrities. She is also a movie critic. She knows L.A. and she understands the culture. BUT…she gave L.A. men a chance and threw caution to the wind. She ended up marrying a very successful producer who is like-minded and he’s an awesome guy!!! They have been married 13 years, have 2 beautiful daughters and are happy. It can happen in L.A.!!!

Just don’t be discouraged and pray that the right man comes a long. Sometimes God’s answer is “not yet” b/c He has a plan for us. He may have the right guy for you, but you won’t meet him until next year.

Keep busy, throw caution to the wind, date and don’t be discouraged.
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serap, good story, I like the advice! 🙂
 
I was a “trophy wife” to a “Christian” (annulled marriage), girlfriend for a decade, and a “date” (unbenonced to me!!) again and again before I gave up on any remnance of being an American in a normal society based on Christian Values. I had a Catholic man ask me, after 2 dates, to get a “hotel room” together and this person goes to daily Mass.

Also, (sorry I hope this does NOT come across wrong) I am white. I think that’s fine. But, finding a white catholic guy is virtually impossible.
 
My advice is— don’t let it get you down. I am also in Los Angeles. This is part of Hollywood Vanity that you have to daily reject.

If you don’t want to be a trophy wife, then REFUSE to be one. Say NO to 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999% of LA men.

There’s an infinitesimal portion of the population that is suitable for marriage and has not been brainwashed by these words:
  1. career (code word for “money”=greed)
  2. lust (porn/etc)
  3. “Education”
  4. women’s “liberation”
There’s no society, so there’s no “container” for good marriages. They are falling apart like rubber bands, and corruption has entered the Church.

I have faith though-- that there is at least one righteous Catholic Man in the city.
 
Aren’t women who use their body for a source of income and seduction naturally attracted to powerful men? And don’t powerful men typically lust after the type of woman that takes great pride in her physical appearance?

What’s the problem?
 
pessimist said:
Aren’t women who use their body for a source of income and seduction naturally attracted to powerful men? And don’t powerful men typically lust after the type of woman that takes great pride in her physical appearance?

What’s the problem?
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This is a joke, right?
 
. . . at this late date in American society, 2014, it’s hard to know what ANYBODY means by “powerful man.” What’s powerful to you, ain’t so much to someone else. I live in the midwest, and I just care not a whit about the entertainment industry of California.

I think what most people (women included) need in our time, confused time, is a life partner who is, deep down, essentially good, and recognizes that time on the planet is fleeting; the real purpose of our lives is to follow Jesus’ example and pray for the blessings of heaven!

Seriously.

What else can there be that really matters more than this?
 
stop judging this woman everybody, just because she put her gift on a table. so what if she’s beautiful, gorgeous, etc??? didn’t the LORD make it that way for HIS GLORY???
 
runwaymodel said:
And I refuse to date anyone in the industry because the vast majority are delusional and/or on drugs. It’s sad but true.
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Only because I’m speaking from experience, and because I live in Los Angeles (and with a husband who works in the industry) - I would suggest maybe relaxing this stipulation of yours somewhat. Yes, there are plenty of crazy people that work out here…but there are plenty of good people too. I was able to find a good man who worked in the entertainment industry.

I definitely understand the initial hesitation, but I think making a blanket statement that any guy who works in entertainment is not worth dating because he’s likely on drugs might be limiting your acceptability pool a bit too much.
 
AlTheCollegeGal said:
This is a joke, right?
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Is it?

Let me get this straight here. A ‘runway model’ is bemoaning the fact that men find her sexually appealing? Her body is her career is it not? That sounds like some Hooters waitress with a boob job saying: “why won’t guys look me in the eyes”?

Men are generally superficial creatures. They like big shiny things. Hot women, expensive cars, and (if he is American) guns.

Women generally are attracted to power. Money = Power. Male + Authority + Wealth = Powerful Man.

The tall blonde goddess hanging on the arms of the short, balding, music executive was probably more attracted to his power (social status and wealth) than his looks or personality. On the other hand, I doubt the “brains and morals” of the aforementioned blonde goddess was what attracted the music executive.

Yes, this may be a bit sexist and insensitive and idiotic to many of the women here, but I just call it like I see it.

(Yes there are exceptions but that is usually how it works)
 
Ok, I just read/skimmed through this entire thread.

RunwayModel - just curious, but what area of the city do you live in? Basing off the kinds of people that you mention meeting or knowing, I’m thinking that you probably live in the city, maybe in W. Hollywood, or Santa Monica, or someplace more “hip” and entertainment industry-centered.

If so, do you ever venture “over the hill” to the Valley? Or to the more suburban surrounding areas of L.A.? You might find it a nice change of pace. I live in the Burbank area and one of the main reasons my husband and I chose this area is because we felt it’s a little more representative of “normal” people, and not just your typical L.A. type. There really are a lot of decent people here, even Christians, who still work in entertainment, yet care about something greater. (I’m brand new to the Catholic faith, so I’m more familiar with the Protestant Christians that work in entertainment, but I sure there’s lot of Catholics too)

Also, as I think someone else mentioned to, be sure that you’re not passing over the “average” seeming guys either. I’ve found that there’s a lot of great guys out there, but because a higher-class women might see them as merely average, they never chance getting to know them. The women spend so much time looking for perfection in a man, that they don’t realize that there might be an amazing guy hidden right there under their noses.

Lastly, I don’t know what is permitted her on CAF (I’m a newer member), but one of the things that I’ve felt to be somewhat of a calling to me lately is similar in vein to this thread. It IS more difficult to find people in this city, and in this industry, who are interested in marriage and family values. I have always wanted to somehow provide a place for those of us with like-minds to support each other. Specifically, I’ve wanted to find a way to support marriages within the entertainment industry, as I think that there is very little societal support for marriage within this place.

I recently created a blog with which to share my experiences about maintaining a marriage and raising a family in this Hollywood world, and am defining the reach I want to have with it. I’d post the link to the blog here for you (or anyone else reading), but I don’t know if that’s allowed.

Either way, I’m thinking of you.
 
Find a fat nerdy guy with a kind personality and loving heart.
There. problem solved. 🤷

…Oh wait… thats not how this works, is it? :rolleyes:
 
pessimist said:
Is it?

Let me get this straight here. A ‘runway model’ is bemoaning the fact that men find her sexually appealing? Her body is her career is it not? That sounds like some Hooters waitress with a boob job saying: “why won’t guys look me in the eyes”?

Men are generally superficial creatures. They like big shiny things. Hot women, expensive cars, and (if he is American) guns.

Women generally are attracted to power. Money = Power. Male + Authority + Wealth = Powerful Man.

The tall blonde goddess hanging on the arms of the short, balding, music executive was probably more attracted to his power (social status and wealth) than his looks or personality. On the other hand, I doubt the “brains and morals” of the aforementioned blonde goddess was what attracted the music executive.

Yes, this may be a bit sexist and insensitive and idiotic to many of the women here, but I just call it like I see it.

(Yes there are exceptions but that is usually how it works)
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Um, no. Just no. To address your first point, runwaymodel is not bemoaning the fact that men think she is attractive; she is unhappy with the idea that she has not found men of substance in her immediate area who appreciate all aspects of her person. When we look at someone as a combination of body parts, we devalue them as an individual.

Secondly, a model is not just a “body” at work. A model could be modeling any number of things, but for runways, the model is there to show a designer’s work. The most famous models are such because of their “runway personalities,” the attitudes or expressions they are able to convey on the runway. Yes, one’s body is a part of one’s work, but would you say the same thing to a man who uses his body or strength for a manual labor job? If a man came on here unhappy with the fact that most people only value him for his body rather than his intelligence, would you tell him to suck it up simply because his line of work relies on his physical strength?

Plus, I think you are wrong in this case, because runwaymodel is not trying to find a “powerful” man, just a good Catholic man who values her for her entire person, rather than just her physical appearance. You mentioned in an earlier post about lust. Just FYI, most of us women are looking for more than a “lustful” relationship— we want an enduring relationship based upon mutual faith, interests, and yes, a modicum of attraction, but attraction is not simply just a physical response.
 
I hope you realize that I was speaking purely from the Hollywood POV, right? The post that you quoted of mine was specifically referencing the power-attraction dynamic in those industries. I was not talking about all men and women…just to be clear.

Anyway to your points:
runwaymodel is not bemoaning the fact that men think she is attractive
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That may be true but how would I know? I can only go by the post I read, which to me it sounded like: “why won’t people like me…for me. I’m more than just a pretty face…boo hoo”
secondly, a model is not just a “body” at work. A model could be modeling any number of things, but for runways, the model is there to show a designer’s work. The most famous models are such because of their “runway personalities,” the attitudes or expressions they are able to convey on the runway. Yes, one’s body is a part of one’s work, but would you say the same thing to a man who uses his body or strength for a manual labor job? If a man came on here unhappy with the fact that most people only value him for his body rather than his intelligence, would you tell him to suck it up simply because his line of work relies on his physical strength?
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You realize they are using their bodies to model the clothing, right? Look, I agree with what you’re saying. And to the women and homosexuals in that industry it is an art and a form of expression, something they’re probably very sentimental about - but you have to look at from the typical male point of view; she is a piece of flesh to them that scampers around on stage. They might think she’s too skinny, but the term ‘model’ has this certain appeal to them. Wealthy men love them, they love them back.
Plus, I think you are wrong in this case, because runwaymodel is not trying to find a “powerful” man, just a good Catholic man who values her for her entire person, rather than just her physical appearance
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Okay then. I already said there were exceptions.
You mentioned in an earlier post about lust. Just FYI, most of us women are looking for more than a “lustful” relationship
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Nah that wasn’t me. I did mentioned lust, but it was referring to men lusting after hot women.
but attraction is not simply just a physical response.
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Agree 100%. I think you are crediting me with a post that isn’t mine.
 
pessimist said:
I hope you realize that I was speaking purely from the Hollywood POV, right? The post that you quoted of mine was specifically referencing the power-attraction dynamic in those industries. I was not talking about all men and women…just to be clear.

Anyway to your points:

That may be true but how would I know? I can only go by the post I read, which to me it sounded like: “why won’t people like me…for me. I’m more than just a pretty face…boo hoo”

You realize they are using their bodies to model the clothing, right? Look, I agree with what you’re saying. And to the women and homosexuals in that industry it is an art and a form of expression, something they’re probably very sentimental about - but you have to look at from the typical male point of view; she is a piece of flesh to them that scampers around on stage. They might think she’s too skinny, but the term ‘model’ has this certain appeal to them. Wealthy men love them, they love them back.

Okay then. I already said there were exceptions.

Nah that wasn’t me. I did mentioned lust, but it was referring to men lusting after hot women.

Agree 100%. I think you are crediting me with a post that isn’t mine.
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This is from the OP:
"I’m finding it hard to seek a suitable partner. Either men just want you as a trophy wife, are freaks, or aren’t Christian. I want an equal. Being a moralistic Catholic girl doesn’t make things easier. I think some men see it as a challenge. As if they really can’t believe that I go to Church every Sunday, openly praise God, come from a good family, don’t do drugs, am actually kind and compassionate." Which part of that sounds “boo hoo, why won’t people like me” to you?

Secondly, modeling is a job. It is a job that requires a physical body, sure, but it also requires business acumen, intelligence, and other properties. In one of your first posts, you basically say that you are baffled why there is a problem if guys like her for only her body. There is a huge problem with this: she is looking for a moral, Catholic man who appreciates her for herself. She deserves to find a guy like this, and no one should be stuck in a position where people demean a person based on his or her job. It is no different than saying that a guy who works in manual labor (being paid for what his physical body can do) should be okay being valued for how he looks rather than who he is, which is patently ridiculous.
 
okay, you’re just looking at it from a defensive female point of view.

I’m sorry, but “i don’t want be a trophy wife” does heavily imply that she is fed up with guys only liking her for looks. The entire post came off whiny to me. That is just my opinion.

As for the modeling stuff - I AGREE WITH YOU. I am just saying from the average Joe perspective they’re walking sex objects.
 
maybe I should word this a little differently.

My posts came across as being hostile to the OP, but what I was attempting to do was point out how men view ‘models’. The term itself invokes this sort of sexual imagery in the male mind- it does have this sorta ‘trophy’ kind of appeal to it. For example, folks in the sports media habitually reference Gisele Bundchen when Tom Brady loses or has a bad game. They always say: “at the end of the day Tom Brady gets to go home to his SUPERMODEL wife and 3 Superbowl rings”. Now from that POV Gisele isn’t a person- she is a reward, a trophy, something Tom Brady ‘won’.

In Hollywood- models and ‘struggling actresses’ may take their jobs and art seriously but the rest of town or the entire country for that matter do not. They’re honestly viewed by men and women alike as pieces of flesh.

I’m just perplexed that a religious ‘runway model’ in an irreverent, homosexual, drug-fueled materialistic industry is left wondering why she can’t find a “nice catholic guy” and then go on to complain about being objectified.

Phone post
 
pessimist said:
… Now from that POV Gisele isn’t a person- she is a reward, a trophy, something Tom Brady ‘won’…
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I see the point about being objectified for beauty. A man may also objectified by a woman who values him mainly for success, social status, or wealth.

For trophy wife, there are numerous examples of attractive women in their mid-20s to mid-30s marrying a successful man more than 20 years older. Three years younger is a not significantly different to quality as a trophy wife which is “a wife, often, specif., a second wife, who is attractive and younger than her usually wealthy husband and regarded as symbolizing his success”.
 
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