I don't want to be poor and single anymore

[GusIsAGirl]

and unhealthy. My business (selling things online) is failing, I keep having health problems, and even though I am scraping by, I feel like I merely exist and I am tired of it. I don’t have any transportation other than limited use of a car a few days a week, so getting a real job, even if my heath permitted it, is out of the question. I pray, but obviously not enough, and I need to really ramp up my spiritual life so that my physical life doesn’t bother me as much. Mainly, I want to stop being envious of others, but it’s so hard when I am scrambling for every cent and I am hearing about everyone else’s things-they-do-with-money-because-they-married-well.

And before you suggest therapy for anything, I am IN therapy right now. Not for depression, though, as it turns out, I have low self esteem because I have always tried to please others while giving myself the short end of the stick.

I know I have blessings, because I am scraping by, but I just don’t get why this is the life God wants for me.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I don’t have a whole lot of good advice, but I will pray for you.

Can you pick up additional work-from-home work? Or part-time work at the same location a friend works, so you can get a reliable ride? As for your health, I hope you also have a good Dr or can get a recommendation from your therapist, so that you can begin to be treated for your physical issues as well.

 

[bsf]

GusIsAGirl,

I read through your post numerous times, trying to really understand what you are feeling. I am sorry you feel so burdened. I am glad you are able to come to this forum to share your troubles. Praying more always seems like a good idea, and is advice I need to follow myself. Our entire lives should be a prayer of sorts.

I understand laboring against envy. I was walking out of Friday evening Mass alone a month ago, and saw a young couple out jogging. I thought the female was very attractive, and my heart just dropped out of my chest. I was struck by the sadness I felt in response to seeing them, and recognized how pathetic it was of me to be sad when those two seemed so content, if not happy. You are not alone in your struggle against that sin.

I am not certain what God’s specific plan for you is. I do not know why you are not married; monetarily richer; or physically healthier. I will pray you are able to recognize and be grateful for that you do have. I will pray that you grow in charity; learn to truly be happy for the blessings others experience. If you could do the same for me I would be appreciative. Thanks.

 

[GusIsAGirl]

I don’t have a whole lot of good advice, but I will pray for you.

Can you pick up additional work-from-home work? Or part-time work at the same location a friend works, so you can get a reliable ride? As for your health, I hope you also have a good Dr or can get a recommendation from your therapist, so that you can begin to be treated for your physical issues as well.

I do have good health care (at least I have that advantage!), and I am getting my stuff worked on. It just always seems to be something.

Most of my friends live across the country, and no one I know here would be able to help me. I did get a temporary job a few years ago, but I had to quit because I could not work the shift to which I had a ride. I know, how stupid is that…they couldn’t just put me on a shift where I could get there?

I realize I sound kind of pathetic, like I can’t work and am dumb or something. I want to clarify that I have a degree and even went to graduate school too (no secondary degree, though). I just FEEL dumb, though.

 

[GusIsAGirl]

GusIsAGirl,

I will pray you are able to recognize and be grateful for that you do have. I will pray that you grow in charity; learn to truly be happy for the blessings others experience. If you could do the same for me I would be appreciative. Thanks.

I will pray for you!

 

[Linusthe2nd]

and unhealthy. My business (selling things online) is failing, I keep having health problems, and even though I am scraping by, I feel like I merely exist and I am tired of it. I don’t have any transportation other than limited use of a car a few days a week, so getting a real job, even if my heath permitted it, is out of the question. I pray, but obviously not enough, and I need to really ramp up my spiritual life so that my physical life doesn’t bother me as much. Mainly, I want to stop being envious of others, but it’s so hard when I am scrambling for every cent and I am hearing about everyone else’s things-they-do-with-money-because-they-married-well.

And before you suggest therapy for anything, I am IN therapy right now. Not for depression, though, as it turns out, I have low self esteem because I have always tried to please others while giving myself the short end of the stick.

I know I have blessings, because I am scraping by, but I just don’t get why this is the life God wants for me.

Praying for you. Remember many, perhaps most of the Saints were very poor - but you have to have a solid spiritual life. Don’t pay any attention to others, just consentrate on Jesus.

Linus2nd

 

[Coatimundi]

I don’t want to be poor and single anymore…and unhealthy. My business (selling things online) is failing, I keep having health problems, and even though I am scraping by, I feel like I merely exist and I am tired of it

I wish I could hug you and share a cup of coffee or tea. I remember a time in my life where I felt trapped by poverty, with no end to work toward. I was so lonely and miserable that it was hard for me to even to keep hoping for better. I could only pray, desperately, for change. But it was hard to fight off despair, and yes, envy of those with better lives.

Eventually, an educational opportunity fell into my lap. I wasn’t looking for it, nor was it even well-known. It was a temporary low cost program which allowed me a way to move forward. I see it as God’s rescue of me, and pray that he will show you a similar mercy. Some form of manna from heaven which appears when least expected.

I have no advice or wisdom, but I wanted to share that God does sometimes offer deliverance from suffering. May he grant you this, and the strength to move forward into a happier situation.

 

[Norm640]

I am in the same boat. I feel like I"m ‘merely existing’ also. You have to start praying for God’s grace to come into your life. You have to. I am alone and God is all I have. Trust in Him, keep praying, especially the DMC and the Rosary. These two prayers will help you out so much.

and unhealthy. My business (selling things online) is failing, I keep having health problems, and even though I am scraping by, I feel like I merely exist and I am tired of it. I don’t have any transportation other than limited use of a car a few days a week, so getting a real job, even if my heath permitted it, is out of the question. I pray, but obviously not enough, and I need to really ramp up my spiritual life so that my physical life doesn’t bother me as much. Mainly, I want to stop being envious of others, but it’s so hard when I am scrambling for every cent and I am hearing about everyone else’s things-they-do-with-money-because-they-married-well.

And before you suggest therapy for anything, I am IN therapy right now. Not for depression, though, as it turns out, I have low self esteem because I have always tried to please others while giving myself the short end of the stick.

I know I have blessings, because I am scraping by, but I just don’t get why this is the life God wants for me.

 

[LilyM]

Christ was poor, despised and single. You can be closer to Him than many who are rich and married (and how many are and still deeply deeply unhappy!).

Try to not make an idol of the things the world tells us are good - often they are not.

 

[EmeraldOak]

I pray that your life circumstances improve and that God strengthens you and gives you perseverance.

Our Father,
Who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name;
Thy kingdom come;
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Saint Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God
cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

 

[GusIsAGirl]

Try to not make an idol of the things the world tells us are good - often they are not.

But if they are not good, why does anyone good want them? Is it really wrong to want a car or a spouse? Does it make it harder to get into heaven? Not being facetious, everyone I know takes it for granted they will be given these things and they have been.

 

[GusIsAGirl]

And thank you, Emerald!

 

[LilyM]

But if they are not good, why does anyone good want them? Is it really wrong to want a car or a spouse? Does it make it harder to get into heaven? Not being facetious, everyone I know takes it for granted they will be given these things and they have been.

Because even good people are not perfect, and sometimes want the wrong things, or at least want things for the wrong reasons.

They may take the giving for granted, but they forget how easily these things are taken away as well. Look at poor Job - illness, natural disaster or financial mismanagement can very suddenly leave a person with nothing and having to start from scratch.

I’m not saying that it is wrong to want your necessities provided for, such as food, shelter and transport. Or to want more, such as an affectionate spouse. But bear in mind those who lack - Motter Teresa for example - and still have happy and fulfilling lives.

 

[GusIsAGirl]

Lily, I have to admit that I don’t know anyone like Mother Theresa. I understand being poor if you take a vow of poverty and live with others who have taken a vow of poverty, but almost all my family and friends are well to do and are married. I don’t mind the single part, so much as the poor and single. I don’t know why I have to have the burden of providing for myself when it’s nearly literally physically impossible to do any work, when I must. I think I assumed for too long that I would get married or I could be a successful business person. But I never thought I’d be such a failure.

 

[tawny]

and unhealthy. My business (selling things online) is failing, I keep having health problems, and even though I am scraping by, I feel like I merely exist and I am tired of it. I don’t have any transportation other than limited use of a car a few days a week, so getting a real job, even if my heath permitted it, is out of the question. I pray, but obviously not enough, and I need to really ramp up my spiritual life so that my physical life doesn’t bother me as much. Mainly, I want to stop being envious of others, but it’s so hard when I am scrambling for every cent and I am hearing about everyone else’s things-they-do-with-money-because-they-married-well.

And before you suggest therapy for anything, I am IN therapy right now. Not for depression, though, as it turns out, I have low self esteem because I have always tried to please others while giving myself the short end of the stick.

I know I have blessings, because I am scraping by, but I just don’t get why this is the life God wants for me.

Praying for you to find peace of mind and spirit. God bless.

 

[horselvr]

Oh my—your never a failure and everyone has worth—you just haven’t been able to tap into yours yet because you are stuck in a self loathing, “why me” mode (might be a bit strong term but I hope you know what I mean). I use to be one of those people you envy and now I am as poor as a church mouse—well almost. LOL. Honestly, I would NOT trade this for anything. Having all the bells and whistles, (big house, property, husband, money, trips) does not equal happiness. I know it looks that way from the street sometimes as you gaze at the fancy gates and the long drive. I can remember when friends would tell how lucky I was. I would think to myself—you have no idea. LOL.

Anyway, back to you. Have you thought of calling your church and asking if they have anyone there that might consider taking you shopping, to Dr’s appts, or anything to just get you out of the house, away from the computer and out in the real world. This would also help you to rebuild a friend group to talk with, laugh with, go to Mass with—a support system. From there you could start networking concerning employment. This helped me tremendously when I hit bottom financially, emotionally and physically.

I know it’s not easy for you I do understand. Do call the church and ask for their assistance and then get involved in others lives.

Also with your education background have you considered tutoring ?

 

[GusIsAGirl]

horselvr–I have transportation to do things like dr. appts, just not regularly enough to get a regular job. And I KNOW things don’t equal happiness, but I certainly know that everyone I know is happier than I and they have things.

And thank you everyone else, I really really could feel everyone’s prayers and I certainly feel much better about everything today.

 

[Sarcelle]

-]/-]

But if they are not good, why does anyone good want them? Is it really wrong to want a car or a spouse? Does it make it harder to get into heaven? Not being facetious, everyone I know takes it for granted they will be given these things and they have been.

You know envy is one sin I struggle with. I told a priest I know that I envied certain people in the parish for their happy family life, good job, nice home. I was single, unemployed at the time and felt like a loser. He told me what I perceive about others and what reality is could be different. You see he knew this people and he told me they were struggling with problems of their own.

I understand about people taking for granted about meeting a spouse which for me, barring a miracle, is an impossibility. I probably have more of a chance of going to Elfland and turning into a elf than in being a wife.

 

[3DOCTORS]

It is hard. I’m poor and single too. I’ve gotten past childbearing age and biological clock, and to a point of accepting my singlehood in a way I would never have dreamed possible. And I don’t 100% rule out marriage, but God might have to put a big neon sign pointing to the guy that reads “This one! Marry this one! ===>”

But I remember those years of yearning, of seeing couples and feeling that envy. It’s hard not to let it eat your soul. I’m glad you have been consoled by this thread and I just want to say I second the suggestion to try to meet people and make some close friends. I think back in the day I would’ve benefited by having more of a “girlfriend support network.” I have it now and life is a lot easier to bear.

As for the job problems, do you have any friends or your counselor or anyone who is very good at brainstorming? There may be something you’ve overlooked - I don’t know what your illness and physical restrictions are, but sometimes there are state vocational rehabilitation offices and places that could help with retraining and job placement, and while you’re in their programs they sometimes provide transportation and other support services. God bless and wishing you the best, Miss Gus! :curtsey: