I dont want to have more children

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manilenya22

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Hi all. I’m married and considering tubal ligation because I seriously dont want to have more children. My husband has left the decision to me. We have 1 child and I am pregnant again with our 2nd. My reasons for not wanting more children are: 1) for my mental health. My current pregnancy almost had me on the verge of an antenatal depression. I just cannot go through another pregnancy mentally anymore. I also experienced a miscarriage so technically this is my 3rd pregnancy and I cannot endure for a 4th time the mental toll being pregnant has given me.
  1. I am 37 years old. I feel old and tired physically.
  2. finances. We are not rich. Comfortable maybe yes, but not rich.
These are I suppose non life threatening issues but I truly feel that if I were to be pregnant again I might lose my mind.

Please give me insights. NFP has not been super reliable so maybe other advice would be great. Thank you.
 
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manilenya22 said:
These are I suppose non life threatening issues but I truly feel that if I were to be pregnant again I might lose my mind.
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If it’s that’s bad then you should to talk to your pastor. And then, maybe a doctor.

If you feel that your caregiving to your two children would be seriously comprised then I would say that you are approaching a serious situation. I don’t know why you’re using the term “life threatening”. But a dysfunctional family would certainly be a situation in which the term could be very much within reach. Especially when it involves one of the parents.
 
sterilization is definitive, you don’t know what can happened, so it the worst choice to do…

On the Catholic level, it is something that the Church strongly advise against.

Your options would be to more formation on NFP and on your own fertile profile, including maybe a switch of methods, or complete abstinence until you feel better.

I sympathise to your problems. They seem to be common problems, not exceptional.

Finances is a problem for many families. Few people are rich, and it is always the wealthiest people who have more children.

Antenatal and postnatal depression are also common for mothers. I encourage you to speak to your health care provider. Some practical supports and medical help can be offered to you, including psychological support.

If you have family to help you or friends that can support you, or are open to talk, don’t hesite to rely on your network or create you one.
 
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Abstinence, not #mandatory-sex?
Question mark means I don’t know, what does the rest of CAF know. Regardless, ask a Priest is the mantra this forum needs.
 
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If you don’t want to have more children why in the world would you think you have to!!!
 
Thank you for your comforting words. I will speak to my doctor about it. She is also Catholic so I’m hoping she can also help me. Our priest doesn’t seem to be very open and understanding but I’ll try to look for one who is.
 
It really is truly common. But still doesn’t make mothers less lonely. Thank you for your encouraging words.
 
In addition to what everyone else has said, I watched an episode of “I didn’t know I was pregnant” where a woman became pregnant after she got her tubes tied. Basically, even after the procedure a small percentage of women can still become pregnant. I’m not a doctor, but it is something to think about. Additionally, I strongly urge you to treat your mental health concerns regardless of your fertility concerns. Depression is an illness that has physical symptoms which, as you probably know, can really effect your ability to do day to day tasks. I hope you can find something that can help you with that. There are many different methods for treating depression out there that are not just medication and CBT therapy.

Also, I think the ava bracelet could work for you if you are not into traditional NFP. It tracks your temperature and other physical signs for you and helps you understand your fertility without as much effort as other methods. It also claims to provide warning of approaching ovulation. I don’t own one yet but its on my wish list. I hope you find health and happiness. Take care. 🙏
 
manilenya22 said:
Thank you for your comforting words. I will speak to my doctor about it. She is also Catholic so I’m hoping she can also help me. Our priest doesn’t seem to be very open and understanding but I’ll try to look for one who is.
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I’m curious what you mean by this?

You’ve talked to him already? And he is not open or understanding how?

Are you looking for a priest who will say its ok?
 
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You are so right to say that mothers with small children can feel very lonely! So much responsabilities, sometimes isolation and no one to speak or be here help…And at the same time decision are needed to take for the future of our families and can impact our own intimate life.

It is an hard that nobody can truly understand before live it…

Remember that we are not alone and we can pray for ourself and the others.

Prayers for you, @manilenya22.
 
At 37 it isn’t abstinence for your whole life. God is merciful and not rigid. His mercy will guide your marriage.
 
Daisy said:
Pray about your decision. This includes developing your interior life and your connection with Our Lady, and seriously taking a second look at why you are Catholic, what exactly Catholicism is.

For post-partum depression, (which also comes during pregnancy, too), look into NaPro technology:

https://popepaulvi.com/

https://www.naprotechnology.com/depression.htm
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I really do encourage you to call the number in my link here:

National Center for Women’s Health – Saint Paul VI Institute

popepaulvi.com popepaulvi.com

They can talk with you about how to treat your hormone levels and what methods are available. There is little help, otherwise, in mainstream women’s health for postpartum depression. In my experience, and others, their method is to put women on the pill or give em prozac. :roll_eyes: It is in my family, and as soon as my cousin and sister went on their program, it was night and day. Catholic technology has been developed with an understanding of hormone levels and cycles, and addresses the problem, not the symptoms. There is hope out there for this.
 
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Well I dont think there is any priest who will say yes it’s ok! But that doesn’t mean they should be dismissive, as my priest was. He just said, weeelll ligation is a sin and babies are gifts from God. And that was that. So to me he could have just said, too bad! Suck it up!

Which was not the insight I was looking for.
 
You know what I dont get though and what irks me, is that NFP is okay and other forms of contraception is not. But isnt NFP precisely to CONTROL conception? Who practices NFP and thinks, Im going to do this for the fun of it!!! People do NFP precisely to time their chances of conception. Which could be for OR against conception. Which is the same principle.

Sigh.
 
Well I’m not the one to talk to about trusting Priests as the “go to person”.

I’ve had my own contentions with them.

They dont seem to be a great source of orthodoxy with resources.

But I agree with those in the thread offering practical NFP advice
 
manilenya22 said:
is that NFP is okay and other forms of contraception is not.
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NFP is not contraception.
manilenya22 said:
But isnt NFP precisely to CONTROL conception?
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Birth control (the spacing/planning of children) is not immoral. Contraception is an immoral means of birth control. Abstinence is not.

NFP is information. It isn’t an action or an inaction. The choice is whether to have sexual relations on any given day or to abstain. The sin comes when one chooses to engage in sex and attempt to sterilize the act. There is no sin in abstaining, if by mutual agreement.
 
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