I drank diet coke after giving it up for lent

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urstormy

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Hi,
Could someone please let me know what I should do about this? I gave up diet coke for lent. The first couple of weeks I did really well. Then I started drinking them again. I looked it up after I first slipped up and noticed that it isn’t considered a sin. I know this sounds crazy, but I have been under a lot of stress lately. I’m the only one working and and it feels so wonderful when I drink a diet coke. Almost like a nerve pill I guess. I have been going to Stations of the Cross and say the rosary about 5 nights a week. I have been trying to do other things a little sacrifice here and there.

My husband who is a much more disciplined than I am noticed I started drinking diet cokes again. When we went up to pray the rosary, he told me he is trying to help me be a better Catholic and explained to me that it is wrong to drink the diet cokes.He said I can’t switch things around when I decide it’s too hard. I realize this. I listened to him and agreed with him but I told him I didn’t think it was a sin. I know it’s a good way to grow spiritually. He told me it has been a Catholic tradition and has always been taught. I just agreed with him but I got tired of hearing him repeat it. I told him I already felt guilty about it and I understand that he’s trying to help me be a better Catholic. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it anymore and I just wanted to say our Rosary. But he kept trying to tell me about even though it isn’t a sin, it isn’t a good thing either. He is a very by the book Catholic and I am so glad he can help me out, but I guess it just made me mad to keep talking about it. He said I shouldn’t take it personally. I told him I already felt bad about it and he didn’t need to keep telling me it was wrong.

Anyway…we ended up in a fight and he went to another room to say his rosary. I asked him if I could say it with him but he just kept saying it and ignored me.The reason for this is so he could concentrate better without me praying with him since he was upset. The rosary calms him down and he said he would be better in the morning. But as I heard him through the door praying the rosary it just made me more upset. Now it’s 1:00 AM and I feel angry and upset because I don’t feel like praying the rosary. I 'm to mad to pray it. I feel anger in my heart and I won’t be able to concentrate. That makes two nights skipped this week. I’m really upset right now and needed someone to talk to. I wish he would talk to me when we have a disagreement but he can’t. It makes him too upset and so he goes into another room. And I feel things are unresolved. I feel really angry at him now and I know it’s wrong! I am going to pray about this tonight. Sorry for rambling on and thanks for letting me vent!
 
Honey, go give your husband a hug and tell him you love him. It will be fine. 😃 Believe me, I know how you feel. I gave up coffee for Lent and it is tough.

It’s awesome that he is trying to help you in your spiritual life, but it’s not nice for him to lay a guilt trip on you for this. It is not a sin to “go back” on whatever you gave up for Lent. However, if you are that dependent on Diet Coke, it might be healthy for you to do it anyway. There’s nothing that says you can’t try giving it up again. We don’t do penances because they are easy…we do them precisely because they’re difficult. Focus on offering it up to God. Holy Week is coming up…might be a good chance to try again! God bless you.
 
If you’re wondering whether you’ve sinned or anything by breaking your Lenten penance then absolutely not - it’s entirely voluntary, so breaking out one or more times is not a problem. Just start the penance afresh and ask God’s help to stick to it.

You know EVERY Sunday of the year is a mini-Easter, so many people will take a break from whatever their Lenten fast is on Sundays. Consider doing that next time round. And as for your armchair critic - ask him if he could please give up criticising others for the rest of Lent.
 
Another way of looking at this …

I hate diet Coke, so for my penance, I probably should start drinking it during Lent. 😃

More seriously, there’s always time to begin again, to renew your sacrifice. :cool:

~~ the phoenix
 
It’s a private discipline, so don’t worry.

On the other hand, it could be sinful pride to be very proud of continuing your Lenten fast, even on Sundays, all through Lent.

It’s a discipline. If you fall, get back up.
 
I gave up facebook for Lent and I went on there twice. 😊

I just had to make sure there weren’t any important invitations on there… Then someone started talked to me on chat and saying " I thought you gave it up for Lent? Bad you!" It was quite comical… but I did feel really guilty, especially getting caught. I thought it was a sin…

But I remember years ago I went to confession during Lent and told the priest I had basically given up Lent for Lent. He said the fact that I was there in confession talking about it, Lent had affected me anyways. 🙂

Nobody is perfect.

Sorry you like Diet Coke so much… I think I have the same problem with coffee. Next time try to give up something not quite as addicting. Lots of people have trouble with chocolate.
 
urstormy said:
Anyway…we ended up in a fight and he went to another room to say his rosary. I asked him if I could say it with him but he just kept saying it and ignored me.The reason for this is so he could concentrate better without me praying with him since he was upset.
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Maybe you should explain to him he needs to be a better Catholic by not ignoring his wife. Sorry, I couldn’t resist 🤷.
 
Personally, I find giving up meat easier than giving up Diet Coke. I gave up meat for Lent; I still drink Diet Coke.
 
I gave up soda for Lent as well. And, I too have drank soda during Lent. I have never given up anything that was as hard to stick with as soda. So, I feel your pain. Keep trying – I try to forgive myself when I fail, but then start trying again right away. And I try to offer my failure for some cause – like all the pregnant mommies here or people I know who are sick. God uses whatever we give Him!

It sounds to me, however, that the real problem is with your husband, not with diet coke! When you are both calm, you should try to discuss how he upset you by continuing to discuss the Lenten issue after you had asked him to stop. You should also discuss how upset you feel when he shuts you out because he’s angry. These are common issues between men and women, btw. My husband usually “goes to his cave” when he’s upset, and I usually feel like he’s terribly angry with me because of this (he’s usually not – he just needs time to deal with things). But communication is key – so try to talk with him so you can both learn to talk to each other better!

Good luck with the rest of Lent. Keep praying (and trying to avoid diet coke). I’ll pray for you and your husband!
 
Man, now i’m craving diet Coke…and I don’t even drink sodas on a regular basis.

A couple’s job is to help each other prepare to eventually enter heaven. That is not accomplished by shaming the other person, making them feel guilty, or nagging them. A couple is to support each other during the Lenten journey.

Remember that Jesus stumbled on the road to Gomorrah. He had supporters to help Him back on His feet, and even to carry His cross for a time. That is our job during Lent, to help our spouse during his or her Lenten journey.

I attempted to do the ancient “black fast” as is traditional in the Eastern Catholic Rite; no meat, dairy or eggs throughout Lent. My health began to suffer. My husband, who is doing the black fast, encouraged me to adjust my fasting regime. He didn’t say I HAD to change, or HAD to keep doing the traditional fast, but he pointed out that I have suffered from nutritional deficiencies in the past, and that I am allergic to foods that normally would fill in for meat, dairy and eggs. I said that I had hoped to make it through Lent so that I could support him, and he said that he would rather I take care of myself, physically and mentally, and he would “carry the cross” during Lent.

So I am modifying my regime. At no time did my husband make me feel foolish for attempting to abstain from those foods, or weak for not being able to. Also, if he “slips” and has eggs during the fast, my job is to not point it out, but if he realizes it, to support him and point out how well he HAS been doing.

I guess my point is that it sounds like you’re turning back to a comfort food/drink during stress. That’s completely understandable. Even Jesus stumbled! Your husband’s reaction is the kind that turns non-Catholics right off Lent. He is not, in my humble opinion, being a loving supporter, but acting like a disciplinarian. Yes, you slipped. We all slip. We are human. Jesus knows this and loves us anyway.

Maybe once your husband is calmed down, and you are as well, you can explain to him that you have indeed stumbled on your Lenten journey. (By the way, giving something up for Lent is not required; all that is required is to abstain from meat on Fridays (or another penance) and to fast on the appropriate days. You can also explain that while you appreciate him pointing this out to you, that what you really need is his prayer and loving support, which you would give to him should he have difficulty during his Lenten journey.
 
Sina said:
I gave up facebook for Lent and I went on there twice. 😊

I just had to make sure there weren’t any important invitations on there… Then someone started talked to me on chat and saying " I thought you gave it up for Lent? Bad you!" It was quite comical… but I did feel really guilty, especially getting caught. I thought it was a sin…

But I remember years ago I went to confession during Lent and told the priest I had basically given up Lent for Lent. He said the fact that I was there in confession talking about it, Lent had affected me anyways. 🙂

Nobody is perfect.

Sorry you like Diet Coke so much… I think I have the same problem with coffee. Next time try to give up something not quite as addicting. Lots of people have trouble with chocolate.
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I thought the purpose was to give up something “addicting” (food or some other thing) that probably occupies a more important place in our minds and bodies than Jesus…so I purposely chose something that was pretty “addictive” for me.

Our priest suggested NOT telling what we chose to sacrifice for Lent pretty much for the reason that has happened here - other people know your “sacrifice” and they call you out on it if you are “breaking” your fast. I like his thinking - it is then more of a covenant between you and the Lord than a competition with others to see who is “more holy” or “more dedicated”.

Anyway - it is true --it is not a sin. So simply start over! Bless you and your husband – I know he is only trying to do what he thinks is right. I think you are BOTH very special for your dedication to the Rosary! 👍

P.S. I love Diet Coke AND coffee! hee hee 😃
 
I agree with those who have said that the problem is not the diet coke—or even your weakness for it—but your husband.

This may come across as harsh, but I think that his behavior is beyond shameful, and especially bad during Lent. Talk about following the letter but not the spirit! What good is saying a rosary when you are hurting your spouse by shutting her out?! That’s so wrong, on so many levels.

I grew up in a family where religion was used to control people, and it’s a very, very ugly thing. I freely admit I am reacting strongly to your post because of my own past bad experiences. But those bad experiences left such a horrible taste in my mouth that if I had not met my wonderful, loving, forgiving Catholic husband, I truly think I may have lost the faith altogether. I’m convinced that hypocrisy is one of the biggest scandals there is…it turns so many people away from the true faith.

And making your wife feel inferior for having a few diet cokes, and then self-righteously and piously praying a rosary while shutting her out reeks of control and hypocrisy.

Perhaps he is under stress, too, because he is unemployed? And perhaps he feels guilty all this stress has been placed on you as sole bread-winner and is taking it out on you? I’m trying to find a reason he might behave this way, because I am sure he’s not a monster. But he sure acted like one the night you posted.

If he doesn’t cut it out, I would highly recommend discussing this with a trusted priest. And perhaps seeking marriage counseling, if this is a pattern of behavior for him. Something like this can turn a marriage sour real quick.

Prayers are with you!

Lauren

P.S. You really think you are the only person who fails to maintain her lenten sacrifice 100%? Many of us do, but then we just pick ourselves up and start again. You can, too. And yes----Sundays don’t count, not in my book, anyway 🙂
 
The other day, I sheepishly told a priest that I had goofed up my Lenten penance - it was to read the Gospel nightly and two nights I forgot/was too tired. He told me that if you don’t screw up your Lenten penance at least once, it wasn’t difficult enough. 🙂

I agree with everyone else’s suggestions about counseling, discussing this with a priest, or perhaps discussing this with a long-married couple you know. It sounds like you indulging in the thing you gave up for Lent isn’t the only issue here.
 
I feel for you. I gave up soda too. :o

You said your husband does everything “by the book”. So he probably just doesn’t understand how you could slip up. It takes a lot of self discipline to give something up that you enjoy so much.

I haven’t slipped up yet, but I really didn’t drink soda everyday. Since I’ve given it up though, I’ve been craving it SO bad! I can’t wait until Easter!

I almost gave up chocolate. I know I wouldn’t have been able to make it.

I hope you husband can learn to understand that not everyone is perfect. I’m sure he meant well but it never feels good when a know-it-all points out your faults. It happens here on these forums alot. :rolleyes:
 
Dear everyone,

I can’t thank you enough for your understanding and support and prayers! How awesome! I feel like I can start fresh with giving up diet cokes again!
If my husband would have talked with me last night, I know we could have resolved it last night and it would have been ok. It’s just when he gets so mad he won’t talk to me then I slowly get angrier until it escalates. I ask St. Monica, and our Blessed Mother every day that I will be an understanding wife. But then I also sneak a prayer in to St. Joseph to pray for my husband to be an understanding husband. I know this will continue to help us. Thank you so much! It’s like having a councilor out there to help me out! If I feel the need to talk to someone I know I can come here. It helps alot. Thank you! And I’m saying a prayer for all of you who responded with excellent advice. God Bless:o
 
Razz(name removed by moderator) said:
Our priest suggested NOT telling what we chose to sacrifice for Lent pretty much for the reason that has happened here - other people know your “sacrifice” and they call you out on it if you are “breaking” your fast. I like his thinking - it is then more of a covenant between you and the Lord than a competition with others to see who is “more holy” or “more dedicated”.
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Where possible, I think it’s a good idea.

I gave up wine for Lent, and couldn’t hide that from my wife since she’ll notice I’m not having my two glasses a day. I’ve also told other people in certain situations where the need presented itself.

But I agree with you, it’s like praying in private- not where others can hear and see you.
 
Your sacrifice is just that - yours. His sacrifice is his. Maybe your giving up diet coke for as long as you can make it is more of a sacrifice than what he gave up.

Tell him this - one way to never break your Lenten sacrifice is to never make one or to do something super easy. Would that be better?

I broke mine tonight too, just a little. It doesn’t negate the whole 3 weeks I just went through.
 
Someone said that instead of going “cold turkey” on what you give up for Lent, try to limit whatever you are giving up. This is for those things which are not dangerous to the soul. I love diet coke. To give it up cold turkey might just make me think about it too much. It is still a penance to limit the intake - say one diet coke a day or whatever. It keeps one from being obsessed with it,and yet still denying yourself – learning how to say no to innocent desires and becoming stronger in saying no to things that are sinful.

God bless all of us as we journey through the rest of this holy season.
 
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