I
IvanHR
Guest
Hello guys! My 2nd post here. I feel like I’m using you guys by jumping straight to questions and stuff. 
I’m 17 by the way, and I’ll soon start my 4th grade of high school (last grade, of course!).
So, like most people here in Croatia I went to RE in school and I got confirmed and such, but was never really into faith. My mom is agnostic (she told me that a few weeks ago, she was Catholic before) and my father’s an atheist but he got baptized (maybe confirmed too) to marry with her in a church. My sister seems to be going their way, not taking God into any consideration.
I had my “metal” phase when I was just looking at myself and such, ignoring God (or any possibility that He might exist), and while I generally think about that period as my atheistic period, I honestly think I never REALLY thought there was no God deep inside me.
During my confirmation period and after it, I really changed from my roots. Like, seriously. I started praying, confessing, taking part in the Eucharist and such. And some 4 months ago (roughly, I think) I felt a calling. It was sudden. I can’t say on which day it happened, it just… happened. I talked to my priest after a few weeks and explained it to him. He’s a great person and there’s not a single other priest I trust as much as him. I also talked to a Dominican vocation guide (however you call those!) and explained my interest in their order.
I knew my parents wouldn’t take it well, but this was out of the roof. Basically, my father explained how I’m a person who hasn’t read many books, perfect to be brainwashed by the evil that is the Catholic church. He strictly forbade me to go to the Mass or be in a church, and that he’d do something to me no matter what happens to him. I was angry at him at first but now I just feel sorry for him rejecting God. I pray for them and for myself.
Of course, I talked to my priest about this and I continue to go to the Mass, it’s just difficult. I still make sure I don’t lie to my parents (I’m going to a friend’s place, stuff like that), and I go to my aunt’s flat to change my short pants to longer ones (it’s summer, of course). It’s hard but I’ll live. Also it’s a nice adrenaline injection (because my church is 50m from my flat, which is 50m away from my aunt’s flat).
One time my dad caught me when I came home in long pants, and told me that I’ve probably been in the church. Even though I promised myself to never deny stuff like this (because I’d in a way be denying God) I immediately said no. And it devastated me, but I remembered st. Peter and I know God will forgive me.
Another thing that bothers me a bit is this. Now, my mother is a doctor (she specialized family medicine), but I really hate hospitals and stuff. Well, for a year I’ve had this problem where my muscles tremor a bit (not much, a bit, depends which muscles though). It started in my fingers (I thought it was from my guitar playing, but even when I paused for a few days no change happened) and it slowly spread to most of my body. I also seem to have floaters in my eyes (or rather, eyesight) and it in a way got a bit worse.
What troubles me is, I know God would ensure that a person to which He gave the calling could (even physically)… accept the calling. So I’m wondering, will prayer and confidence in God solve this? Does He wait until I officially accept my presumed calling (by applying to the college and seminary) and then He’ll heal me?
Maybe it’s a strictly physical thing that’ll get healed in a hospital, and He wants me to talk to my mother? Maybe He wants me to talk to my mother about it, and then I’ll get healed so my family has me as a live testimony of God? There are millions of options really, and I’m just uncertain and a bit stressed about all of this.
If it’s not too selfish, please pray for me, and I shall do so for you too! May God bless you all!
Oh, and I’m still praying and “watching” whether I’m really called. If so, I’ll gladly accept God’s will.
EDIT: There’s quite a bit of text so if I typed something in an unclear fashion, please say so!
I’m 17 by the way, and I’ll soon start my 4th grade of high school (last grade, of course!).
So, like most people here in Croatia I went to RE in school and I got confirmed and such, but was never really into faith. My mom is agnostic (she told me that a few weeks ago, she was Catholic before) and my father’s an atheist but he got baptized (maybe confirmed too) to marry with her in a church. My sister seems to be going their way, not taking God into any consideration.
I had my “metal” phase when I was just looking at myself and such, ignoring God (or any possibility that He might exist), and while I generally think about that period as my atheistic period, I honestly think I never REALLY thought there was no God deep inside me.
During my confirmation period and after it, I really changed from my roots. Like, seriously. I started praying, confessing, taking part in the Eucharist and such. And some 4 months ago (roughly, I think) I felt a calling. It was sudden. I can’t say on which day it happened, it just… happened. I talked to my priest after a few weeks and explained it to him. He’s a great person and there’s not a single other priest I trust as much as him. I also talked to a Dominican vocation guide (however you call those!) and explained my interest in their order.
I knew my parents wouldn’t take it well, but this was out of the roof. Basically, my father explained how I’m a person who hasn’t read many books, perfect to be brainwashed by the evil that is the Catholic church. He strictly forbade me to go to the Mass or be in a church, and that he’d do something to me no matter what happens to him. I was angry at him at first but now I just feel sorry for him rejecting God. I pray for them and for myself.
Of course, I talked to my priest about this and I continue to go to the Mass, it’s just difficult. I still make sure I don’t lie to my parents (I’m going to a friend’s place, stuff like that), and I go to my aunt’s flat to change my short pants to longer ones (it’s summer, of course). It’s hard but I’ll live. Also it’s a nice adrenaline injection (because my church is 50m from my flat, which is 50m away from my aunt’s flat).
One time my dad caught me when I came home in long pants, and told me that I’ve probably been in the church. Even though I promised myself to never deny stuff like this (because I’d in a way be denying God) I immediately said no. And it devastated me, but I remembered st. Peter and I know God will forgive me.
Another thing that bothers me a bit is this. Now, my mother is a doctor (she specialized family medicine), but I really hate hospitals and stuff. Well, for a year I’ve had this problem where my muscles tremor a bit (not much, a bit, depends which muscles though). It started in my fingers (I thought it was from my guitar playing, but even when I paused for a few days no change happened) and it slowly spread to most of my body. I also seem to have floaters in my eyes (or rather, eyesight) and it in a way got a bit worse.
What troubles me is, I know God would ensure that a person to which He gave the calling could (even physically)… accept the calling. So I’m wondering, will prayer and confidence in God solve this? Does He wait until I officially accept my presumed calling (by applying to the college and seminary) and then He’ll heal me?
Maybe it’s a strictly physical thing that’ll get healed in a hospital, and He wants me to talk to my mother? Maybe He wants me to talk to my mother about it, and then I’ll get healed so my family has me as a live testimony of God? There are millions of options really, and I’m just uncertain and a bit stressed about all of this.
If it’s not too selfish, please pray for me, and I shall do so for you too! May God bless you all!
Oh, and I’m still praying and “watching” whether I’m really called. If so, I’ll gladly accept God’s will.
EDIT: There’s quite a bit of text so if I typed something in an unclear fashion, please say so!
And pray for me!