I feel awful and torn...what to do?

[Obsidion]

So I’ve been best friends with this one girl for almost 6 years now. We met in high school and are both now in college. I love this friend of mine to death, as she’s helped me through so many hard times in high school and has been such an angel to me in so many ways. She is also a very strong Christian, and I love her unending passion for Christ. She’s inspired me to grow in my walk with him, and one of the biggest reasons why my faith in God has grown.

However, lately I feel like I’m growing distant from her. She’s a Baptist Christian, and I am Catholic. For a long time, I only had a shallow idea of what Christianity was all about, and since most of my friends are Protestant, I agreed with them on a lot of issues like contraception, what constitutes as a legitimate church service, etc. since I hadn’t really looked into Catholicism and just didn’t agree with different aspects of it. But as I’ve been striving to learn more about my faith, I am starting to agree more with the Church’s teachings on these issues, and feel so convicted over not defending them before (and in some cases, just flat out disagreeing with Catholic beliefs and badmouthing some of our teachings). I feel like I’ve set such a bad example to my friend in not defending my own faith and just going along with her way of thinking.

Because I haven’t been faithful to what the Church teaches, it seems like she now thinks that I don’t take being Catholic seriously, and she’s been openly criticizing what we believe in and stating falsehoods about our faith. I’m trying to do a better job in defending our positions on different issues, but feel like I’m not getting my points across. Basically, she acts like her views are “superior” to mine, and it bothers me a lot. I don’t know how to defend myself without getting into an argument.

Like I said before, I love this dear friend of mine, and want to grow together throughout life. But I’m now not sure what to think, as I’m growing further in my studies of Catholicism and seeing all the differences between us and Protestantism. Do all of these differences really tear us apart? Why can’t we just get along as brothers and sisters in Christ?

What do you all think I should do next time I’m being challenged by my own best friend?

 

[Winter_Warlock_1]

Obsidion,

I am very happy that you are becoming closer to our faith, may God continue to guide you. As for your friends you could try to explain to them that you are all Christian, regardless if there are slight differences on how we worship, or what we should be allowed to do or not do. That they (your friends) should be happy that you have faith in God! Remind them that you are happy that they also have faith and that as a fellow Christian you would not badmouth anyone’s belief in God, and you cannot understand why they would.

There are some that are raised to believe that the way they believe is the only true way and anyone who does not believe as they – are not Christians. You could also point out that the Baptist church was first established by John Smyth 1605 from Holland, whereas the Catholic church was established by Simon, whom Jesus called Peter; the rock whom he would build His church upon.Even though this may cause some more tension.

I pray that God continues to grant you strength in Faith and peace.

Winter.

 

[captainmike]

when i became catholic, it destroyed a long-time friendship that i had had with a protestant.

if you want to save the friendship, you may just have to “agree to disagree.”

 

[tawny]

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.

 

[mebcb]

What can you do? You can lead by example rather than argument. Don’t give up your friendship. My mother said to never argue over religion or politics. There are a lot of good Baptist out there. Praying for you.

 

[1ke]

It is really more a function of the two individuals rather than their particular affiliation. I have lots of friends and acquaintances that are different denominations, different religions and no religion in fact, and we get along fine. But at the core we respect each other. We don’t agree with each other on everything, but we generally do not focus on our differences.

If your friend is one of those who cannot respect you and your choices, put aside her need to debate, and just accept you and be friends and not talk about religion-- then she may not be someone you can remain close with.

 

[ClearWater]

when i became catholic, it destroyed a long-time friendship that i had had with a protestant.

if you want to save the friendship, you may just have to “agree to disagree.”

I think so.

If you find you can no longer relate the same as you used, you would need to change your friendship to adapt to these changes or experience further tension.

I’d recommend have a “truce” and making religion off the topic until further notice, and talk about other things for the sake of preserving your friendship.

If not, I think the scenario described in the original post will likely continue and even possibly get worse, jeopardizing your friendship. I think the friendship might be able to be preserved, provided steps are taken, now.

If it turns out, the agreement isn’t being respected, to avoid the topic of religion, gently remind her…“Remember, we agreed we wouldn’t talk about religion?”

If that is tried a few times, and it keeps being a problem, then you might need to distance yourself from her. However, try to keep the friendship if you at all can.

 

[Obsidion]

What can you do? You can lead by example rather than argument. Don’t give up your friendship. My mother said to never argue over religion or politics. There are a lot of good Baptist out there. Praying for you.

That’s just it. I don’t want to argue about it but I can’t just stand by and let her badmouth what I believe in either. I’m not even starting these arguments. I’ve never badmouthed her church, so I don’t see why she feels the need to talk down on what Catholicism teaches. I do blame myself for not defending my beliefs better earlier on and causing her to maybe think that I don’t take the Catholic Church seriously. But my views have changed now, and now want to know how to react to her criticisms and explain my new positions on different issues that align with what Catholicism teaches.

 

[Book_Worm]

Don’t wait for her to make critical remarks about your faith. Be proactive and find a quiet time when you can bring the subject up. Tell her what you’ve told us here - that you love her and treasure your friendship. Tell her that as you’ve learned more about Catholicism, you’ve found that you agree with it’s teachings and that it upsets you to hear her disparage them. Ask her if she can limit her comments on religious to respectful discussions or else agree not to discuss religion at all.

If she cares about you and your friendship, she’ll help you resolve the problem. If not, you might feel differently about continuing the friendship n

 

[St_Francis]

I think you should tell her exactly what you have told us here, and apologize for having been lax in your faith before and not giving good witness. I think you need to explain to her how you feel about her negative comments about your Church and how much they hurt you.

Don’t argue with her, but be willing to explain the Catholic point of view. If she starts in about birth control, for example, say, hey! You know it hurts me when you talk like that! do you want to know why the Catholic Church teaches this or would you prefer to drop the subject?

If you have to, you might have to walk away from the conversation to show her you mean it.

She is being very disrespectful of your beliefs and that is not nice of her, so don’t feel like the bad guy in this.

I think *Home Sweet Rome *by Scott and Kimberley Hahn would be very helpful to you. It explains a lot of differences between Catholicism and Protestantism very clearly and in an easily understandable way.

 

[underacloud]

Some protestants believe that Catholics are not Christians and try to evangelise to us. Knowing what they believe in this regard it is easy to see how they look down on out faith and that their attempts to argue against it are actually attempts to win us for Christ and save our souls.

Many other protestants see Catholicism as another Christian denomination, and thus have no need to try to save us.

I have encountered plenty of both such attitudes in my time. It is very difficult to try to stay friends with protestants who hold the first attitude above, as your friendship will always remain secondary to their need to save your soul. It is relatively easy, on the other hand, to stay friends with protestants who hold the second attitude above.

It’s disappointing when a genuine friendship begins to fail, for any reason. But such is life. I’ve had friends come and go in my life, and there are some that have been upsetting to see end, or more typically dwindle into nothingness. You should hope that this friendship will last, but be prepared for it not to.

As for how to handle this friend, I’d just avoid discussing any religious issues for now, especially until your own Catholic faith is more developed and you can give a good account of it. If the friendship is genuine, she will respect this and you can relate in other ways. If she does not respect this, it’s a sign that she wants to convert you and I’d suggest it’s a turning point that signals the inevitable decline in your friendship.