I feel completely shut off from confession

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Butaperson

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I do struggle with scrupulosity, it’s true. And one of the biggest problems resulting from this is that it always leaves me in doubt of the validity of my confessions. I’ve been steadily going to confession less and less often because I will always find some problem that invalidates my confession and prevents me from going.
Some scrupulous people go to confession “too much”. I wish I had that problem, because in addition to being scrupulous I’m also an insufferable hypochondriac. I’m always absolutely certain that I’m dying, but I still can’t go to confession because I feel like it will only sink me deeper into mortal sin. So I’m pretty much damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Literally.
I know I should go see a priest about this. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to talk to a priest about this, but I haven’t been getting anywhere - I find it hard to believe that I’m the only one who has difficulty talking a lot to strangers, especially about sensitive issues like this. One of you must be able to relate to this. What do I do?
 
I don’t have any experience with what you are dealing with. However, I would say that talking to your confessor outside of confession and/or find a spiritual director.
 
I can’t say I know where you’re coming from, but I think you’ve already said your answer: talk to a priest about it. Having social anxiety is incredibly difficult to deal with, but working past that difficulty may be what God has planned for you; just keep trying to work out how to be more comfortable in social situations, and be on the lookout for times that God might be signaling you to practice this.
If it helps, do some internet research on how to be less socially anxious. I don’t know how it feels from experience, but I can tell you that if you can work up the courage to talk to a priest, not only will you have more guidance in terms of getting the Confession issue sorted out, but you’ll also be one step closer to being more able to talk in social situations.
Best of luck in your journey, and God bless you! 😃
 
Butaperson said:
I do struggle with scrupulosity, it’s true. And one of the biggest problems resulting from this is that it always leaves me in doubt of the validity of my confessions. I’ve been steadily going to confession less and less often because I will always find some problem that invalidates my confession and prevents me from going.
Some scrupulous people go to confession “too much”. I wish I had that problem, because in addition to being scrupulous I’m also an insufferable hypochondriac. I’m always absolutely certain that I’m dying, but I still can’t go to confession because I feel like it will only sink me deeper into mortal sin. So I’m pretty much damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Literally.
I know I should go see a priest about this. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to talk to a priest about this, but I haven’t been getting anywhere - I find it hard to believe that I’m the only one who has difficulty talking a lot to strangers, especially about sensitive issues like this. One of you must be able to relate to this. What do I do?
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I can’t relate to the scrupulosity personally, but I can completely relate to the social anxiety. I once passed up on a paycheck from a two-week, temporary job because I was too terrified to ask for it. I’ve come a long way, but I remember.

Your anxiety won’t just go away, at least not now. If you’re waiting until you’re comfortable going up to a priest and talking to him, it won’t happen. You have to force yourself through these feelings and do what is necessary in spite of them. In time, the anxiety might lessen, particularly if you can get to know a priest better. Until I had a regular confessor, I used to stand in line for confession, praying for the grace to stay there. I was so terrified - not of confession itself so much, but of talking to a stranger. I no longer dread confession as I once did, because instead of a stranger, I am confessing to a beloved Father, who knows me and understands me, and wants to heal me. I look forward to it. If I find myself in need of confessing to someone else every once in a while, the old anxiety comes back and I have to force myself again.
 
Hi,

I struggle with scrupulosity and have social anxiety too, though it’s improved a lot recently. My suggestion is try to contact a priest either through email or letter explaining your situation about your scrupulosity and how social anxiety makes it difficult for you to speak to him face to face. Perhaps ask if you can meet in the confessional where you won’t have to directly see each other until you are more comfortable. Of course, you should leave info so that he can contact you somehow. BTW, some priests don’t check their parish emails so sending or leaving a letter at the parish office might be better [my own experience].

And… You probably don’t need me to say this as it’s likely you’ve been given or read this advice before, but have you tried getting help from a therapist or counselor? Since you mentioned hypochondria and social anxiety, there’s a chance your scrupulosity is tied to these, so therapy might be necessary as much as spiritual direction.

Best wishes and prayers.
 
Butaperson said:
What do I do?
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Others have mentioned spiritual direction. The thing about that is that spiritual direction is not necessarily there to solve problems, so much as it is there to help a person reflect on what the Holy Spirit is telling them. In order to solve problems, a person usually has to consult with a psychologist.

You’re on the right track: you seem to simply want to have someone here to talk about all of this with, but you are also aware of the need to consult with a priest. For a scrupulous person, it is essential that they begin to *submit *to a particular, orthodox confessor, and that they are *obedient *to his judgments. Even when feelings tell them one thing, they should strive to have confidence that their confessor has the authority to bind them morally to his decisions. IMHO, the only way to overcome scrupulosity is via this form of obedience. It would be a good idea to do some digging to find a priest who has sufficient experience with dealing with this sort of thing. Perhaps someone whom you know might be able to help with that, if it’s a problem to contact folks and try to get information from them.

However, beyond this, you may also want to consult with Father insofar as psychological counseling is concerned. Perhaps he has some connections that he could put you in contact with. Don’t forget that grace builds on nature; and it is important to find natural as well as supernatural solutions to our bodily and spiritual problems.
 
Butaperson said:
I do struggle with scrupulosity, it’s true. And one of the biggest problems resulting from this is that it always leaves me in doubt of the validity of my confessions. I’ve been steadily going to confession less and less often because I will always find some problem that invalidates my confession and prevents me from going.
Some scrupulous people go to confession “too much”. I wish I had that problem, because in addition to being scrupulous I’m also an insufferable hypochondriac. I’m always absolutely certain that I’m dying, but I still can’t go to confession because I feel like it will only sink me deeper into mortal sin. So I’m pretty much damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Literally.
I know I should go see a priest about this. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to talk to a priest about this, but I haven’t been getting anywhere - I find it hard to believe that I’m the only one who has difficulty talking a lot to strangers, especially about sensitive issues like this. One of you must be able to relate to this. What do I do?
Click to expand...
Hi, I’m scrupulous too, so I understand how painful it can be. If you can find a therapist or a counselor that can help you get past your social anxiety, that would be real good.

Also, don’t be afraid to talk to a priest. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Even God needed help when he carried his cross. Be not afraid.

Also, about finding something that would invalidate the confession… be careful not to be too scrupulous in confession (I know it’s easier said than done). That is my advice. If you can find a priest that you can trust, do so. Or maybe after Mass, ask Father if he knows any good priest-psychologists. God bless.
 
I will re-post another older post of mine (general information regarding scrupulosity over the years I have had the occasion to encounter many who struggle with this here - and a number have confided in me - so I came up with this short little post that can help get one directed in the right direction)

A person struggles with scruples - what ought they do?

A person with scrupulosity --ought to have a* “regular confessor” who can direct them --and even give them some general principles* to follow -to apply (principles for them due to their particular scruples -they are usually not for those with a normal conscience).

Thus with their direction they can “dismiss scruples” (in the older language despise them) - “act against them” (agere contra).

Scruples are to be dismissed ~ not argued with.

To borrow and image from a Carthusian from centuries ago: Scruples *are like a barking dog or a hissing goose -one does not stop to argue with a barking dog or a hissing goose does one? * No one keeps walking.

Such* ‘obedience*’ to a regular confessor who knows of ones scruples (except in what is manifest sin - such as if he told them it was ok to murder someone or something certain like that) is key. Such is the age old practice.

Also counseling -(especially if one also has OCD) could be helpful depending on the case -but one would want to look for a counselor who can assist one in following the Churches Teachings - not go contrary to them (I have heard CA staff mention catholictherapists.com/)

Here was a not too long ago post from Jimmy Akin of CA that I saw in the Register and saved for those who struggle with such.

ncregister.com/blog/jimmy-akin/6-tools-for-the-scrupulous
Do not allow scruples to keep you from confession. Find that regular confessor and work with him. Put yourself into his hands. Thus act against the fear of an invalid confession under his guidance. (PS Once he becomes your regular confessor -seeing him every week - he will not be a stranger …)

Feel free to PM me if I can address anything specific.
 
I have the opposite problem like you mentioned. I go all the time, is used to go multiple times a week but thanks to the help of my spiritual director I’m down to 1-2 a week (better than 4-5). But, I also have tendencies like that, I will go to confession and then leave and feel like I must have invalidated it some how. I sometimes feel afraid to go to confession because sometimes I take long or I am afraid of the priest. What really helped me was a spiritual director who took time to help me out. It seems like you are planning on it but I would make sure you do. In order to get over this you need help, I didn’t think I needed it but I really did. It is reassuring to have someone to tell you that you don’t need to go to confession every day or in your case, you need to go more often. Talking about some of your feelings of why you think your confession is invalid would be a good idea. Misconceptions to a scrupulous mind can not be very beneficial. So I would be frank about your feelings and seek the truth. In regards to dying, funny story, I also feel like that and it actually compells me to go to confession. It really comes down to pushing yourself and just taking that leap of faith. Jesus wants to meet you in the tribunal of mercy! Don’t be afraid, walk in the light to the God who loves you! 🙂
 
I pray for Butaperson, that
he will be able to fight the
scrupulosity of his actions
and find a good spiritual
director.

Hail Mary, full of grace,
blessed are you among women,
blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
Butaperson said:
I do struggle with scrupulosity, it’s true. And one of the biggest problems resulting from this is that it always leaves me in doubt of the validity of my confessions. I’ve been steadily going to confession less and less often because I will always find some problem that invalidates my confession and prevents me from going.
Some scrupulous people go to confession “too much”. I wish I had that problem, because in addition to being scrupulous I’m also an insufferable hypochondriac. I’m always absolutely certain that I’m dying, but I still can’t go to confession because I feel like it will only sink me deeper into mortal sin. So I’m pretty much damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Literally.
I know I should go see a priest about this. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to talk to a priest about this, but I haven’t been getting anywhere - I find it hard to believe that I’m the only one who has difficulty talking a lot to strangers, especially about sensitive issues like this. One of you must be able to relate to this. What do I do?
Click to expand...
It may help you to read “The Story of A Soul” an autobiography of St. Therese. She describes how as a child she suffered with scruples and how her older sister helped her to over come this. It may help you to write down every scruple and then choose, let’s say, five of them to confess. Burn the paper and let that go to God. This might give you an emotional release of all the things that torment you. And no you are not damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Our merciful God understands. Trust in His Mercy.
 
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