I feel guilty when I pray for myself

Roselander · Apr 18, 2007

When I’m praying for something for myself, for example healing or relief from pain, I start to think about all the other people in the world who are worse off than I am, and then I start to feel that I don’t deserve to have my prayer answered. Any advice?

MelanieAnne · Apr 18, 2007

If you feel guilty praying for yourself, then don’t. Pray for others. All of them. Pray for the Whole World. The Divine Mercy Chaplet/Novena is a great place to start. And I believe you will feel an amazing uplifting from the experience, and perhaps even a relief from your own problems and pains, without even mentioning them.

And if, at some future time, you ever feel the urge to pray for yourself, perhaps you could begin by praying for the Lord’s blessing on you to help you to understand how precious you are to Him, so that you will perhaps, eventually, feel worthy of His care and concern. Because God loves you and thinks of you as a precious gift of His creation. Even if you don’t see yourself that way.

Love, Melanie

LilyM · Apr 18, 2007

Well, if you feel uncomfortable praying specifically for yourself, then turn it into a more general prayer for everyone who has the same needs or problems that you do.

And remind yourself of those around you who would benefit from you being well or resolving whatever problem - your family, friends, work colleagues. In a very real sense when you pray about your problems you’re praying for those people as well.

InLight247 · Apr 18, 2007

There is nothing wrong to pray for self when there is a need. It is natural to bring our concerns to our loving Father. As long as we are not only praying for ourselves, we have no reason to feel guilty.

I used to have a similar question. I don’t pray for myself much, but I pray for my children a lot. I have questioned if this is selfish that I say more prayers for my children than for other people. Then I thought it is my primary duty as a mother to lift up my children’s needs to Father God. I once consulted with my SD, he said we cannot quantify prayers. So I think it is fine to pray more for my children, as long as I also intercede for many other people, such as friends, relatives, our Pope, all the clergy, our pastor, our church, our nation, our troops, victims of tragedy in the news, etc…

However, on top of prayers of petition and intercession, it is important to pray the prayers of praise, thanksgiving, and repentance.

jrnami · Apr 18, 2007

Maybe, if you feel so guilty, you should pray for other people instead. Then you won’t feel guilty

puzzleannie · Apr 18, 2007

the attitude is understandable, and shows compassion for others, but it also limits God, as if He is only capable of answering one prayer at a time, or helping one person at a time, or as if his grace and mercy have limits. It also poses a problem of wondering when we are worthy to have our prayers answered, to be helped, to be healed and forgiven. The answer of course is never, we are never worthy, because all he does for us is a free gift, and only he can make us worthy.

ncjohn · Apr 19, 2007

I have personally always felt uncomfortable praying in a way that seems to be asking God to “change His mind” or provide special favors. It seems to me that we are called to trust that God is in charge and that His plan will ultimately prevail, even if pain and suffering is part of the plan to help us understand His love and mercy.

Because of this, most of my prayers are along the lines of asking God to provide strength, understanding, and comfort to those who are suffering, that they might trust in His compassion. We are indeed told to ask for our needs, and to be persistent in doing so, so part of that prayer becomes a plea that we might recognize what those “needs” truly are.

That being said, I do still pray very hard for relief for those who are suffering, especially those closest to me. And that often includes an offer to take on the suffering myself rather than see someone I love having to suffer. It’s a fine line, and maybe inconsistent on my part, but I see it as part of the “no greater love is there than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” And much as Solomon was granted wisdom because God was pleased that he did not ask for something for himself, I think God will provide the relief He sees as a “need”, either for the person or to show His own glory.

Peace,

Em_in_FL · Apr 19, 2007

OH GOSH I could have written this post… I’ve just never really thought about it before.

Really, the only prayer I’ve been able to say for myself is by reading this verse from Jeremiah 29:11-14

I read that and I ask God to “take me to where YOU want me to be”…
That’s about the only way I’ve ever been able to focus prayer on myself…

Other than that I just focus on others…

InLight247 · Apr 19, 2007

When I pray the petition prayers, I don’t have the intention of changing God’s mind or wrestling with Him. I only want God’s will be done.

I don’t know if my petitions are in line with his will.
Nevertheless, I have to specifically express my desire. If my petition and God’s will are one, then it will surely be granted. Yet not because it is God’s will anyway so I don’t have to pray. I still have to pray for it to come through. That is what God wants us to do. God respects our free will so much, even it is a good gift if we don’t ask for it, we may not get it. In that case, God’s will is not done because we fail to pray for it.

If my petition is not God’s will, then I trust God is in control and his “NO” is best for me.

To grant our petition or not is up to God, to ask is up to us. That’s why Jesus said “Ask, and you will receive.”

AngelRose81 · Apr 19, 2007

That is probably my favorite verse and I never thought to use it as a prayer! What a wonderful idea!!

ncjohn · Apr 19, 2007

I understand what you are saying, and have no quarrel with it at all. And I hope what I said was not taken as a “put down” of petition prayers.

I think it is just a personality trait that makes it difficult for me to think of “asking favors”, even though I recognize that God told us to do exactly that. I will most often do something myself rather than “impose” on someone else to ask for help. It is probably part of the same difficulty I have in understanding when I receive compliments. Just one of my many little “quirks”, which I can only pray the God does indeed understand.

kayla · Apr 19, 2007

I do think it’s okay to pray and ask God to relieve your suffering or pain, espically if it’s effecting your life in a profound way.
One way is to ask him…if it be your will Lord,please help me with this.
The other way is to perhaps offer up your pain or suffering in union with his on the cross. I often ask the Blessed Virgin Mary to intercede for me or you may ask any Saint to help you. BUT…remember others too!

The Chaplet of Divine Mercy is a good prayer for all.

Donna_P · Apr 19, 2007

Dear Roselander,

May God be with you!

Keep praying for yourself! Asking God for help is EXACTLY what He wants to hear from us! If I didn’t pray for myself, how could I expect to mature in my faith?

Our very Faith is a gift from God. So ask Him. It’s what He’s there for!!

God bless you!

puzzleannie · Apr 19, 2007

another thing I have a problem with when praying for other people, and also for myself, is giving God precise directions on what I think He ought to be doing for that person, or for me. Instead of Dear God, please comfort and support Joe in his illness and bring your healing grace to him, I tend to make a diagnosis and treatment plan and tell God to make it happen.

InLight247 · Apr 19, 2007

When Jesus was on earth, he preached, he taught and he healed people. When Jesus saw people suffered the pain of sickness, he always healed them. He has never refused anyone. When Jesus died on the Cross, his precious blood saved us from sins and from diseases. The Bible says “by His stripes, we are healed.”

God does not send disease to us. Disease and sickness could be one’s own neglect of taking care of self, a natural consequence of mal-nutrition, pollution, improper eating habit, carelessness, lack of exercise, bitterness, unforgiving heart, stress, bad gene, etc… Sickness could also come from the attack of the evil one.

When a person is sick, he goes to doctor, seeking for cure. Doctors are sent by God. Not everyone can be a medical doctor. Only certain people who have the attributes and the call may become doctors. If God wants us to remain sick, then there should be no doctor in the world. We see doctors because we want to be well. Doctors are only instruments of God. The real healer is God. Therefore, we ought to pray for healing; otherwise we are only giving glory to man(doctor), not to God…

Of course one can choose to remain sick, endure the pain and suffering. God will respect that and allow it als

ne can refuse to take any treatment and let the pain and suffering wear the entire family down. But is that God’s will?

While we suffer, it is good to offer them up, but we ought to pray for pain to be lifted up. If God has a higher purpose in mind and does not lift up the pain, then God’s will be done.

Steve_M · Apr 19, 2007

I find this useful. It’s from the Big Book of Alcoholic’s Anonymous.

"We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn’t work. You can easily see why. "

Keep in mind that it also says that alcoholics are basically selfish and self-centered people.

The program was originally very Biblical. They even used to read the Bible before they had the book. It’s a bit different now. I don’t go to meetings anymore, but this is one thing I did take from the program that I still try to practice.

Chrystal · Apr 19, 2007

That’s how I feel at times, and not just with prayer. I feel this way when I buy myself like a new pair of jeans or something like that. If I pray for myself, etc, it makes me feel so self-indulgent, and I feel like a jerk.

Isa1983 · Apr 19, 2007

Dear Roselander,

Maybe you feel like that when you pray for your own intentions because you feel a little “selfish”, and you think that there are many others with problems and sufferings more complicated and painful than yours. Certaintly, it is good to remember others’ problems in your prayers, and even if at first you can’t see inmediate effects, I can tell you that every prayer is like a drop of water, and many of them can refresh even the driest ground.

Nevertheless, I do think that this disposition of the heart has to have a limit: When you pray for your own intentions, problems, desires, it is very important that you do it recognizing that there isn’t another solution out of God, He is the only one you can really count on and the only one you can trust in, because nobody loves you like He does. In that act, you say to Him: “I know I am not perfect, and I don’t deserve your help, but who else could I turn to? Who else loves me and controls my destiny the way you do?”. And then you’ll find peace.

Our culture teaches us to look for solutions by ourselves, that we alone can do anything, but hidden in that kind of attitude is pride. In my opinion, of course all sins separates us from God, but pride is one of the most effective, so it’s important to ask for discernment so we can tell if many of our “good dispositions” have a hint of pride in them. And of them could be trying to resolve our own problems by ourselves, without asking direction and help from the one that is in charge.

So don’t feel bad when you pray for youself, because that way you recognize the power of the Lord in you life and the others you pray for. But also, when we ask for something, it is important to have an open attitude, and that maybe the solution we have made up isn’t the same God has thought to resolve the situations. After you expose all your prayers before Him, for you and for others, be open to accept His will in all those issues, and when you open your heart with that, He will provide peace to your soul and you’ll see His hand moving in your life.

Many blessings!!
Isa.

Spirithound · Apr 20, 2007

First and foremost, you do deserve to have your prayers answered! You are a Daughter of God.
A priest gave a talk at my LifeTeen group a little while ago, saying that we don’t need to pray for ourselves, because there are thousands of priests and religious around the world whose vocations it is to pray the Liturgy of the Hours for us. What we need to do is to pray for others, and pray just to get closer to God. Also, something that has been rather helpful to me is to offer up the suffering to Jesus for some intention, someone you know, or the Holy Souls, etc. So, you’d be suffering for a purpose

Spirithound · Apr 20, 2007

First and foremost, you do deserve to have your prayers answered! You are a Daughter of God.
A priest gave a talk at my LifeTeen group a little while ago, saying that we don’t need to pray for ourselves, because there are thousands of priests and religious around the world whose vocations it is to pray the Liturgy of the Hours for us. What we need to do is to pray for others, and pray just to get closer to God. Also, something that has been rather helpful to me is to offer up the suffering to Jesus for some intention, someone you know, or the Holy Souls, etc. So, you’d be suffering for a purpose

I feel guilty when I pray for myself

Roselander

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