I feel as I am getting older like I am becoming more mean or angry. I cuss a lot more about people (usually where no one can hear me,.like road rage or if a friend bothers me), I get annoyed a lot easier, etc. I used to work with this lady who was I think in her 40s and not married, and she just was so mean and used to always talk mean about other people. I fear that I will one day become like her. I want to be married, and I have a guy I like right now but we are not dating ,. At least not yet. I am hoping we will, because I like him so much. But, I am scared that if he’s not the one I might never meet anyone and I’ll end up alone and mean and bitter at the world. I don’t want to be a mean person but feel I sometimes am, and possibly could be if I get older and not married. Please pray for me to meet my future spouse and also that I stay kind hearted always.
Thank you and God Bless!
I would support the advice to pray for people when they give you cause to be mean or when you feel inclined to be mean with a good cause. Just make sure you remain respectful in the prayer and remember you’re talking to God, not just doing some exercise to destress.
Regarding ‘the guy’, don’t be scared and don’t put unfair pressure on either him or yourself. Both of you can be at your best for a short time-frame, a ‘burst’, so to say, and you can also sustain a focused long-term effort, but you can’t be at your best 24/7 or consistently act like you’re a better person than you really are without exception. At the end of the day there’s going to have to be an element of acceptance and trust. On both sides actually.
Next, there’s not enough evidence to conclude that there is such a thing as ‘the one’. It’s more reasonable to think that while our pool is limited if we have high standards and high hopes of compatibility of character, personality etc., we’re still looking for the best candidate within the time available, where it’s not always clear which one person out of, say, five, is the best. We discern whether the current focus of our attention is a good prospect or perhaps there is a better alternative, we don’t really discern where the other half of the apple is hiding right now. Plus, choosing wisely is important, but it really is making a choice about our future as opposed to solving a task someone designed in the past (such as a mathematical equation).
Finally, if you’re not inclined to be mean out of your own choice but are simply concerned about your reactions to some people and events not turning out as kind as you would have wanted them to be, then there may be a stress-management issue or something to do with serotonin levels (‘happiness hormone’) falling because of a bunch of possible factors such as lack of sleep. It’s also difficult to be kind to others when you’re beating your own self over something (constantly especially, as that puts a heavy tax on one’s mental reserves and self-control). Getting help with whatever problems are nagging you would be a good idea. This much you can do. You can’t magically change you reactions (and training them works only to a certain extent), but you can solve problems, enlist help etc.
