I feel like asking for a day out is wrong

[NoGreaterLove]

Hi everyone.

I am 20 years old. I am a future college student, I start in August and I want to major in communications so I can work in Ministry and work with the Catholic Church. Please pray for me.

I am extremely lonely. Extreeeeemely. I have no friends at all. I have a bird, but…lol…he’s a bird.

I graduated 3 years ago from HS. In that time, I have been caring for my now 5 year old sister. Doing house duties like cleaning, sometimes cooking. I worked for some time but had to quit due to my asthma. I am hypersensitive. I am home all the time except when we go to the grocery store or the rare occasion where I go to a concert with my sister. I don’t get a long with my dad that well. He disrespected my family due to his drinking probkem, which thank God it is slowly changing. But he did something totally disrespectful. (Nothing physical to us but disgusting either way)

I am home 90 percent of the time. Even when others are home, I still have to worry about our home responsibilities and caring for my little sister. If I don’t no one really will. Parents are working, big sis works, two other teens don’t do much. My dad is rarely home, he is working, then he hangs out with the men in the family, drinks, on days off…same thing. Never gave an apology. I realize I dont HAVE to do this. But I CHOOSE to. It was a huge step even signing up for college full time.

I feel like it’s wrong to ask for a day out. Get a cup of coffee, relax somewhere, read. Because I am always home, how can I ask for a day off from home lol. I love my family, but I need some alone time. My mother encourages me to go and relax but I just cant. I feel like I a do alot for the family, I feel like a second mom…it’s pressure when I have my own issues and choices to sort out first. Why does it feel so wrong to ask for a day off? I feel like I’m doing something wrong to my little sister, I don’t want God to “punish” me because I don’t want to be home always and something bad happens to her. I get paranoid. Today I finally told my dad I am going out. He was already out with his nephew all day long wathing soccer and eating etc. I know it’s his day off but he does that all the time. I am sure he can afford to spen an afternoon with my little sister so I can leave the house for a bit. I might have ruined his usual drink with buddies and hang out till 10pm fun but I need a break. I feel guilty either way. I don’t go to nasty clubs or anything. I’d like to have some time to do photography and film, but I rarely can. Am I wrong to ask for a break?
It feels wrong. I don’t want anything bad to happen to my family. It’s not their fault. I just want a little alone time

 

[Linybaby]

No, your not wrong at all…in fact you are taking the role of a housewife plus mother to your sister. That’s a lot for someone your age, you should be in college, having fun with friends, shopping.

It sounds like your mom is very nice, I would have a heart to heart conversation with her. I am sure she has time off just like your dad. Maybe she can take your sister and you can go out. Maybe there could be more of a balance, even though you choose to do the work and care for your sister, it’s not all your responsibilty.

Good luck and pray to Jesus about it.

 

[Xantippe]

Work out a schedule for yourself for the hours when you’re home alone with your sister and in charge. I have a toddler at home as well as two school kids, and I try to get out every single morning with the toddler. Aside from you getting cabin fever, it’s not great for your sister to be home all the time. Figure out what’s going on around town within reach (library or bookstore story time, pet shop, playground, children’s museum, a walk, a duck pond, etc.) and get yourself and sister there once you’ve handled your morning chores.

If you don’t have a driver’s license, now is a really good time to work on that.

You’re going off to college soon, so it’s for the best if you teach your family how to cope without you. I hope your sister is going to school in the fall?

Depending on your family’s schedule, you should probably be able to take off after dinner cleanup. By that time, everybody will be fed and the kitchen will be cleaned up and you can slip off and do hobbies for the rest of the evening. If you’ve done a good job on your chores throughout the day, your mom should be able to take it from there. (At my house, unless there’s something unusual going on, I often hand over the kids to my husband right after dinner and slip off to the bath with a book for an hour.)

On top of that, you should be able to plan one day off a week or half a day. Talk to your mom about it.

 

[AussieTrish]

To use an analogy to prove the point that of course you are entitled to time out.

God gave us a day of rest, Sunday. Why should you not have a day off if God and the Church approves?

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c1a3.htm

*"A day of grace and rest from work

2184 Just as God "rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had done,"121 human life has a rhythm of work and rest. The institution of the Lord’s Day helps everyone enjoy adequate rest and leisure to cultivate their familial, cultural, social, and religious lives.122 *

Enjoy your time out.

 

[Brigid34]

Have you thought about AL-ANON. It’s for families of alcoholics. That may be part of the reason for your feelings of worthlessness.

 

[St_Francis]

Have you thought about AL-ANON. It’s for families of alcoholics. That may be part of the reason for your feelings of worthlessness.

I too recommend Al-Anon. You will find out about boundaries and how to set them, and be able to ask people what is normal.

 

[Sereta]

Can you ask your dad to take you and your sister to an amusement park?
It sounds like your dad needs to get more involved and interested in his children rather than hang out with friends.

 

[ClearWater]

Hi everyone.

I am 20 years old. I am a future college student, I start in August and I want to major in communications so I can work in Ministry and work with the Catholic Church. Please pray for me.

I am extremely lonely. Extreeeeemely. I have no friends at all. I have a bird, but…lol…he’s a bird.

I graduated 3 years ago from HS. In that time, I have been caring for my now 5 year old sister. Doing house duties like cleaning, sometimes cooking. I worked for some time but had to quit due to my asthma. I am hypersensitive. I am home all the time except when we go to the grocery store or the rare occasion where I go to a concert with my sister. I don’t get a long with my dad that well. He disrespected my family due to his drinking probkem, which thank God it is slowly changing. But he did something totally disrespectful. (Nothing physical to us but disgusting either way)

I am home 90 percent of the time. Even when others are home, I still have to worry about our home responsibilities and caring for my little sister. If I don’t no one really will. Parents are working, big sis works, two other teens don’t do much. My dad is rarely home, he is working, then he hangs out with the men in the family, drinks, on days off…same thing. Never gave an apology. I realize I dont HAVE to do this. But I CHOOSE to. It was a huge step even signing up for college full time.

I feel like it’s wrong to ask for a day out. Get a cup of coffee, relax somewhere, read. Because I am always home, how can I ask for a day off from home lol. I love my family, but I need some alone time. My mother encourages me to go and relax but I just cant. I feel like I a do alot for the family, I feel like a second mom…it’s pressure when I have my own issues and choices to sort out first. Why does it feel so wrong to ask for a day off? I feel like I’m doing something wrong to my little sister, I don’t want God to “punish” me because I don’t want to be home always and something bad happens to her. I get paranoid. Today I finally told my dad I am going out. He was already out with his nephew all day long wathing soccer and eating etc. I know it’s his day off but he does that all the time. I am sure he can afford to spen an afternoon with my little sister so I can leave the house for a bit. I might have ruined his usual drink with buddies and hang out till 10pm fun but I need a break. I feel guilty either way. I don’t go to nasty clubs or anything. I’d like to have some time to do photography and film, but I rarely can. Am I wrong to ask for a break?
It feels wrong. I don’t want anything bad to happen to my family. It’s not their fault. I just want a little alone time

If you are a child of an alcoholic, you may have a higher risk of being codependent.

Do you know anything about codependency? Well, when one is with an alcoholic, one learns to adapt in a very unhealthy way.

Some will keep giving, giving, giving till they burn themselves out and can about kill themselves by tending to everyone else’s needs and ignoring their own.

A lot of times, it’s a sad thing, but sometimes the only thing that works is to allow the alcoholic families to experience some consequences. Often, they actually have to hit rock bottom before they are willing to change. Generally, little else will work.

As long as you are there, always stepping in to help, nothing will ever change. You might be “enabling” this pattern to continue.

As long as you will take care of everything, nobody will change. Why would they want to? They have you.

I know you find it hard to get away, but I’d strongly encourage you to take an evening/day to get yourself to an Alanon meeting. Alanon helps people who live with an alcoholic, acts as a support.

If you absolutely feel you can’t even get away to a meeting, then at least call Alanon up and talk to someone. Tell them you don’t even feel like you can leave the house, not to go for a cup of coffee, not to even get to a meeting, that you have to be there every free moment to help support your family and father, with his drinking problem.

See what they respond.

Now, one of the first things Alanon or Codependents Anonymous helps with is in setting healthy boundaries. Also, they are both 12-step programs. They have the group as your support, so that you aren’t ever actually alone.

You need a day off once in a while. Something needs to be arranged so that you get some time off so that you don’t burn out.

Let me include the information for both Alanon and CA.

al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings

onlinecoda.net/

PS …NoGreaterLove…Awesome name!